Johnny's perfect woman.
A test created by Raiden®. Editors: The Elder Gods. For the protectors and champions of Earthrealm.
Answers are given by the one and only, world-renowned actor, who does his own stunts, JOHNNY CAGE!
Important Questions.
1. Are you single?
□ – Sure I am, baby. *wink*
■ – I'm in an open relationship with my ex-wife, Sonya.
□ – Sorry, I'm taken.
2. Do you like women?
■ – Duuh, what a stupid question?
□ – Women, men.. as long as there's fun I'm there!
3. Which of the following MK female fighters would you bang?
□ – All of them.
□ – Sindel, Sheeva, Mileena, Reptile. I'm into kinky stuff.
/Note from the Editors: Reptile is a male representative
of the Saurian race./
/Johnny: Reptile's a man?! Whoops, excuse me,
I have some photos to delete from my phone…/
■ – My eyes /and other parts/ are only set on General Sonya Blade.
Them Looks, Guurl.
4. What are your perfect's woman measurements?
□ – 90 – 60 – 90. Actors + models = the perfect combination.
■ – An hourglass figure. A man has to have something to touch!
□ – Her triceps should be twice the size of mine.
5. What's her height?
□ – Don't know, don't care.
■ – Above 5'9 (175 cm).
□ – 5'2/5'7 (160/170cm).
6. What is the color of her hair?
■ – Blonde like me!
□ – She's bald.
□ – Her hair is like the galaxy – an explosion of colors.
7. What is her usual hairstyle?
■ – A ponytail or a braid.
□ – A messy bun.
□ – Short, punk-like.
8. What color are her eyes? /up to two answers/
□ – You mean her eyes… or her EYES? *wink*
/Editor's note: We are not familiar with a species
that possess more than one pair of eyes./
/Johnny: You guys are retarded. I was talking about BOOBS!/
■ – Blue.
■ – Blue.
■ – Blue.
■ – Blue.
□ – Or were Sonya's eyes green?
9. What is her skin color?
■ –Fair.
□ – Tanned.
□ – She is a Revenant. So I guess gray?
10. What kind of lips does she have?
■ – I kissed a girl and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick. *singing Katy Perry*
□ – Plain.
■ – Seductive.
'I like you for your personality'.
11. What are her hobbies? /up to four answers/
□ – Spending all my money in the mall.
■ – Stalking Kano. I have the feeling she's kinda into him.
■ – Verbally abusing me.
■ – Ignoring me in favor of her job she's so obsessed with.
□ – Playing strategic games.
□ – Cooking.
/Johnny: Phahahaha, I have NEVER seen Sonya cook. Not even once!
Omg, this test is so hilarious./
□ – I have no idea.
12. What is her personality like? /up to two answers/
■ – She can be a real pain in the ass. But I love her!
□ – Self-centered, vain and stupid.
□ – Gullible and weak.
□ – A bit reckless, always risking her life.
■ – Pfff, who cares about personality?! Have you seen her boobs, though?
13. How old is she, ya creep?
□ – If her age is on the clock, she's not ready for the cock.
□ – Wait, you think I'm Pedobear or something?! Ruuuude.
■ – Just a little bit younger.
□ – I swear, police officer, I thought she's 18!
14. What is her occupation?
■ – Don't even get me started on this one. Her JOB is her LIFE. And her LIFE is her JOB. That's why we're divorced…
□ – An actress, like me. /Johnny: Ya, I wish./
□ – She's a wrestler.
□ – Jobless but she doesn't care.
■ – The boss of the OIA.
15. What's her catchphrase?
■ – 'Shut your mouth, Johnny!'
□ – 'FOR THE SHOKAN!'
□ – I dunno.
16. From 1 to 10 how much does she love you?
□ – 0, she hates my guts.
□ – 1 to 4, meh.
□ – 4 to 7, she can put up with me.
□ – 7 to 10, she won't try to kill me.
■ – 10 to 15, she might've liked me at some point.
/Johnny: Yeah, I mean, we have a kid and so on…
We were married. That counts, right?/
17. And how much do YOU love her?
□ – More than anything in the world.
■ – Well, a little bit more than myself, I guess.
□ –I'd hit that again.
Your affair.
18. Where would you take her on your first date? /two answers/
■ – To see one of my movies.
□ – An expensive restaurant is always the right answer.
■ – If she is just a one-night stand – to my flat.
□ – The question is where SHE would take me on our first date.
19. She seems to be upset.
What would you do if she runs away or starts crying? /two answers/
□ – Oh oh, I fucked up. Better run!
■ – Tell her lame jokes.
■ – Touch her boobs.
□ – I don't want to be around when that happens.
20. The most beautiful woman in the world comes to you and says she loves you.
Your reaction will be…
■ – 'Sonya, you okay? Are you drunk?'
□ – 'I love you too!'
□ – Is this a dream?
□ – Duuh, who doesn't love Johnny Cage, best actor EVER!
21. What is your favorite thing about sex?
■ – All positions, all night long!
/Johnny: I hope Cassie never finds about this…/
□ – Threesome with twins.
□ – Something spiritual and enlightening.
□ – BDSM.
/Johnny: That escalated quickly./
22. You are going to be a father…
■ – I already have Cass, so why would I need another baby?
□ – F*ck! I should've checked the expiration date on the condoms…
□ – Ha-ha-ha, no thanks. Never again.
The Test Ends Here.
According to your answers, the perfect woman for you is … General Sonya Blade!
But since you fucked up once, you ain't getting her back anytime soon. *insert forever alone meme here*
This test was brought to you by your friendly Earthrealm protector Raiden, The Thunder God. Thank you for participating.
- Johnny: WHAT? I fucked up?! Ok, Sonya, it's time to reveal yourself! Stop blaming everyone else for YOUR mistakes!
- Sonya: Well, that was fun. You're so pathetic, Cage.
- Johnny: If you didn't love me you wouldn't make this test! Admit it! You're craaazy about meee!
- Sonya: Whatever, Johnny.
- Johnny: Aww, she called me Johnny! I knew you love me!