Thank you all so much for your attention and interaction.
Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion that it would be better to spend the foreseeable future dead.
Fuck you very much.
I have left the above as an explanation for the feedback received on this story. To those first responders – thank you very much! (I honestly didn't think anyone was actually reading anything I wrote – so it wouldn't really matter what I posted.)
I didn't mean to imply that I intended to 'off' myself. Perhaps the oblique reference to the content of the story was too subtle – or just plain fatuous. (I haven't actually enjoyed being alive for a very long time – but that doesn't equate to wanting to die. As a motorcyclist, I had near-death experiences three or four times a week. (Motorbikes are invisible to other road users.) As a patient, due to the misdiagnosis of various GP's, I have hovered on the brink of extinction several times, and remain deeply grateful to the surgeons that saved my life on those occasions.)
I'm afraid that – as well as being a drama queen – I'm a bit of a manic depressive. (Not entirely sure which bit, but there you go.) When the isolation and pointless futility of existence gets the better of me, sometimes I just give up for a while, but I ain't gonna 'end it all.' Sorry if I alarmed anyone. (I was just planning to suck my thumb and feel sorry for myself for a couple of months.)
But! Having people acknowledge that I actually exist has been a real boost in the arm! Thank you again!
Hopefully I will be replacing this with an actual chapter in the near future.