After a night of fitful sleep, the next morning dawned, cool and crisp. Looking out of my window, I felt sure that this was my favourite season yet out here in the valley. There was such a warmth emanating from the palette of reds, oranges, browns, and golds. It underscored the love I still felt for my parents, as well as the loneliness I felt out here in the valley. I really should put more of an effort into making friends, I thought, chewing on the inside of my cheek. Speaking of loneliness…
A sigh escaped me as I pulled myself out of bed, and memories of yesterday's trip to the city flooded back to the forefront of my mind. They had been all I could think about last night and it became clear that they would consume me today as well. Over and over they played as I scoured and studied them, trying to ascertain what I had said, what I had done to create the rift between me and Sebastian.
I came up with nothing, at least nothing concrete. Sure, we had had differing opinions on some comics and books in the past, and there had been those awkward miscues and missteps bound to crop up in any relationship. But there had also been those insecurities on both our parts that had created those misunderstandings. Those were the only things I could remotely, possibly attribute to the sudden coldness between us. Perhaps my annoying tics had become apparent to him after we had spent all day together yesterday. Perhaps he had grown tired of me. Perhaps whatever affliction had plagued my previous friendships had finally caught up with this one. It could have been anything, everything, and nothing.
Stepping outside, I filled my lungs with the fresh, cool air, shivering with unprecedented exhilaration. This was so much better than the stifling hot of summer. I pet Dog as he ran by, tongue hanging out, panting hard. At least this aspect of my life felt like it wasn't falling apart.
Truth be told, my farm was flourishing. I had gotten a barn built recently and had even bought my first cow – I had had the foresight to name her Cow 1, Wunnie for short. Now that I had fresh milk at my disposal, I had the option of making cheese, which was a nice revenue booster. Along with the mayonnaise made from the eggs of my now four chickens, I was able to consistently make close to a thousand gold a day on animal products alone. On top of my crop yields, I was making a pretty penny for myself, which only opened up the paths to upgrading my coop and barn, which in turn would bring in more profit. It was a pleasant surprise just how lucrative farming could be.
It's almost as much as you'd be making as an intermediate programmer at Joja, that voice in my head reminded me. I didn't want to think about the city today, and so stifled that thought.
As I tended to my crops and then my animals, my thoughts spun back, the mindlessness of the tasks allowing my worries to creep back in. I wondered if maybe I had imagined that coolness, that bite beneath his words. Perhaps I had misunderstood his discomfort and tone of voice. Maybe I was being paranoid.
I checked the time. It was still quite early in the morning, and Sebastian wouldn't be up yet. This gave me some time to forage and fish by the river before I could even think about confronting him. I felt slightly ill thinking about seeing him today, but I knew that I should. I felt as though I hadn't properly thanked him yesterday for providing my transportation free of charge. He had also endured my parents, which was big, to me at least. Patting Dog on the head one more time, I trudged south to the edge of my property.
I took my time meandering through Cindersap Forest, whacking at trees with my axe as I went, never quite hitting them enough times to yield any lumber. The solid force of the hit was grounding, and its reverberation through me kept my mind off of everything else. I let myself be pulled off the path by mushrooms, hazelnuts, and wild plums begging to be plucked off the ground. Too soon I was at the river, fishing rod clutched in my hands, and I thought of how many minutes I had taken to get here.
Not enough, I thought sadly as I shuffled into position. I baited my hook and took a moment to breathe.
Casting my line, I espied the wizard's tower in my periphery, the dark, silent giant hovering just at the edge of the woods. From most angles it was obscured by the canopy of trees, but from here the path was less treed and I had a startlingly good view of it. Tearing my gaze away from it, an idea bubbled into being at the back of my mind. The weight of my money was suddenly very noticeable in my pocket. My palms became clammy and I clamped my lips together, trying to contain the thought that was slowly but surely pressing its way forward. But I needed to know, I needed to try.
Tucking my fishing rod away, I locked my gaze on Rasmodius's tower and began walking. My steps felt heavy, but I pulled my shoulders back and made my way up the steps with some semblance of confidence in my posture.
I raised my hand to knock on the front door, but before my knuckles even brushed the wood, it opened, leaving my hand suspended. I felt my resolve falter for a second. Steeling myself, I pushed my way inside.
"Hey Rasmodius," I murmured, shutting the door behind myself. My gaze fell on the wizard, who stood over his cauldron, expression clouded by concentration.
"Ah, yes, you." His eyes snapped to focus and he unleashed a glittering, sage smile on me. "I've been—"
"You've been expecting me, yes, I'm sure." Waving a dismissive hand, I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Surely this was not the time to tease at provoking the wizard. "So do you know why I'm here?"
His grin widened. "I have an inkling."
"Cool," I said through gritted teeth, and made my way to the stairs at the back of the room without giving him another glance. Haughtily, I strode down the stairs, a lightness affecting my stride as I approached the mirror. I stopped.
It was unchanged from when I last saw it, but this time I detected a strange energy from it that beckoned and called to me. Now that the mirror was right here in front of me, a cold sweat broke out all over my body and a sense of unease permeated my mind. What was I doing? Was this a good idea? Would this work? How much would this change me? I swallowed audibly as Rasmodius's footsteps approached behind me.
"Is there a problem?" he intoned, his words taking on a dark, insidious pleasantness.
"No," I growled, "there's no problem."
"I'm surprised actually," he said, and he began to circle around me, his long robes swishing as he went. "I'm surprised you resisted for so long."
"I am just full of surprises."
"And so how does it feel now, hm? How does it feel to present yourself to the myriad opportunities my friendship offers you?"
"It feels wrong," I spat, swelling with a false confidence. "All of this feels wrong. This isn't natural."
"This is magic," Rasmodius said simply, pausing in his pacing, and an ominous tickle began just behind my ear. "Rich, ancient, unrestrained, electric magic. And it is the most natural thing in the world." There was something more to his words, something grave and deadly that seemed to cut clean through me despite being intangible.
A shiver escaped my grasp and lapped down my spine, making me feel as though ice was being injected into my back. As my gaze returned to the mirror in front of me, I drew in a breath and that strange interface cast across my mind's eye once more. My heart thumped with the thrill of possibility. There was a series of options to change so many aspects of my appearance, from the details of my face to my clothes.
"How do I even use this thing?" I muttered, pressing my fingers to the glass.
"Not by touch," Rasmodius said testily. I felt the sudden urge to remove my hand from the cold, smooth surface. "Try using your mind. This is a deep, arcane magic that plays off the desires of the soul, the mind, and the heart."
Once more, I swallowed noisily, the sensation catching in my dry throat. My reflection stared back at me with fear and nervousness. Hesitantly, I tried imagining myself with purple hair.
I swore lightly under my breath as my eyes focused on my reflection in front of me – except it wasn't quite my reflection returning my stare. Gaping back at me was me, but with violently purple locks of hair sprouting from my scalp, contrasting luridly against my sun-kissed skin. Well, that wouldn't do, I thought boldly. Thinking back to the interface of options, I carefully imagined myself with pale, alabaster skin – the skin of someone who didn't spend time in the sun working the land. A wave of disbelief strummed through me as my reflection updated to reflect my new look. I looked down at myself and gulped down the internal screaming that streamed through my head. The changes weren't just to my reflection.
I noticed Rasmodius once more, lurking just outside my line of sight. He was strangely quiet, maybe even contemplative.
"What?" I demanded, feeling a heat rise to my cheeks. He wasn't looking at me appraisingly, as I had expected, but his eyes relayed a specific brand of sadness that I could not discern. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the reasoning behind it or not.
"Hm?" Rasmodius surfaced from his reverie. "Oh, it's nothing. You just… resemble someone else now, someone I vaguely know, someone in town."
Shame cascaded down and around me. I knew exactly who he meant, which meant that my changes had achieved my original intentions. I should have felt pleased, but I only managed to feel a lukewarm response to my progress so far. My stomach churned as I thought about Sebastian.
"I'm not done yet," I said, peeved.
"Oh, I'm sure," he said, offering me a toothy grin that subsided rather quickly. He seemed aged since when I had first entered his tower.
Making an indistinct noise in my throat, I resumed this strange mental exercise of choosing my new look. The sense that I was an imposter or cheat rose up within me multiple times, but each time it did, I tamped it back down and reminded myself that this was the right decision, this was going to help me talk to Sebastian, and maybe we could move forward and get past all of these misunderstandings. In the end, I settled on vibrant purple hair, green eyes, pale skin, and full, red lips. I also picked out a new outfit for myself that was black and sleek. Gone was my boring brown hair, my plain brown eyes. Gone were my dirt-covered jeans and grubby, old t-shirt. I was a new person now.
Or maybe you're just a copy of Abigail, my inner voice taunted.
I studied my new self nervously. I couldn't deny that this look was much better suited to Sebastian, just based on pure aesthetics alone. I sucked in a breath. Perhaps now he would want me, and that damage I had done would be reversed. The insistent tug of hope lurked at the edge of my consciousness.
"Okay," I breathed, letting out a breath. "I'm done."
Rasmodius said nothing as he circled me one last time, though I thought a sigh slipped free from him as his eyes took in my new eyes and hair. Finally he nodded and spoke, "That'll be 500g."