"Just so we're clear," Sam said loudly, his eyes wide and wild, "you are not moving away, right?" He raised an eyebrow and stared at Sebastian with a somewhat unfocused, unhinged look.

Sebastian and I looked at each other, an unspoken communication passing between us. "That's right," he said evenly, returning his gaze to Sam. I had already known his answer before he spoke it, but my chest felt so very full as he said it anyway. I allowed myself a small, happy sigh.

"Okay, good," Sam said, his relief nearly palpable. "We need to put in some dedicated practice time if we're going to even have a shot at securing this gig."

"Just a thought, but I think you need to include your actual drummer in these practices," I said, gesturing at the synth. "The drum machine on this is rad, but it's not the same as the real thing."

Sebastian nodded.

Sam sighed, a defeat slumping his shoulders. "You're right," he mumbled, worry creasing his brow. "It's been a workable stand-in while Abigail's been helping her dad out, but yeah, you're right. I think we should double – no, triple – our band practices." He turned to me, his expression thoughtful and passably apologetic. "You'll probably be too busy to make it to all of them, and they might be more productive without you."

"By all means, don't let my schedule dictate any of this. Feel free to practice as much as you'd like." I smiled brightly at Sebastian who suddenly had a very pinched expression. Sucker. "But I think you'd better figure out a schedule that works with Sebastian's work load."

"Oh, right," Sam said, blinking rapidly. "I always forget."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but I didn't miss the thankful smile he tossed my way.

"Anyway," I hopped down from my spot atop Sam's dresser, "I think you guys sound good. I'm looking forward to hearing you guys with a real drummer."

Sam nodded and chewed his lip. "Yeah, I think there are some things to tighten up, but we're getting there."

"For sure," I bobbed my head in agreeance. "So, are we dismissed?"

"Oh, yeah, totally." Sam waved at us absently, his mind already elsewhere. "I guess I'll see you guys at the fair tomorrow."

I glanced at Sebastian, who gave me a single, small nod. "Yes, we'll be there."

"Cool."

"We'll see ourselves out." I was already out of his room, lingering just long enough for Sebastian to extricate himself from behind the synth and join me.

As the front door shut behind us, his hand slipped into mine. It was a small step and a simple gesture, but my heart thumped erratically all the same. I had told Sebastian that we could take it slow – neither of us had much experience with being in a relationship – and so we had agreed to stick to whatever felt comfortable.

Sunset was arriving noticeably earlier and earlier with each passing day, and by the time we had walked from Sam's house to the northern edge of town, only the merest swaths of lavender-pink still bruised the sky. It was distinctly chillier now than when I had first left the house for Sam's and I pressed closer to Sebastian in an effort to make up for not bringing a jacket.

"Hey, so," Sebastian began as we started our trek up the mountain.

I squeezed his hand and waited for him to continue.

"Are you sure you're okay with Abigail coming to practice?" His brow furrowed and he traced a pattern onto the back of my hand with his thumb. A trickle of warmth sliced down my spine.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine." I cleared my throat. "I mean, I believe you when you say that you don't like her, at least not like this." I pressed my free hand to my chest, vaguely over my heart. "And I think you guys need to have her there. Remember, I'm the one that suggested it even." I gave him a reassuring smile.

He remained pensive, though some of the tension in his brow evaporated. "That's true. I just want you to tell me if you start to feel weird about it."

I hesitated. "I can't deny that I do feel a little bit weird about it, but," I rushed to say, "I can be cool with it. This is for Sam. And you don't have to tell me now, but I want to know more about your friendship with her, eventually."

He exhaled loudly through his nose. "Alright," he said, though concern continued to tinge his tone.

We were at his front door now and I stood awkwardly as I let go of his hand and he opened the door. It had been three days since we'd become official and we hadn't quite found our new rhythm. Before, it would have been obvious that now was my cue to leave and head back to my farm, but since Friday, things had been less clear in terms of our new daily routine. On Saturday we had hung out at Sam's and gone our separate ways afterwards, but on Sunday we had lounged by the lake and I had left for home alone after nearly falling asleep.

He stepped over the threshold and his expression softened as he looked back at me standing there with a furious blush. "You're welcome to hang out in my room. You can leave whenever you need to."

I nodded and followed after him, thankful that his family wasn't around to see us.

"How's work?" I asked, as we stepped into his room. He flicked on the lights and my eyes took in the space. I felt a comfort in the familiarity of it all – the posters, the books, the games, the whir of the computers as they booted up.

He shrugged. "Nothing really exciting has come up. I've got a client who wants a new reporting framework built, but he has to give me some more requirements before I can start."

"That's cool," I said and flopped onto his bed. "Man, sometimes I miss doing that kind of work; I miss having to think like that."

"You still have to think when you plot out how you're planting seeds and when you plan where things will go on your farm," he reasoned, and threw himself onto the bed as well. "My mom says your layout seems pretty reasonable." We stared up at the ceiling.

"You have a point," I said, rubbing my chin with my hand.

"And budgeting."

"That would be valid if I knew how to budget."

He snickered softly. "You don't give yourself enough credit. You must know how to do some budgeting if you've managed to make it out here this long."

I shrugged. "It's surprising how little work I have to put into making the farm succeed in that sense. Though I may be inflating that success with money I make from mining and fishing."

"Regardless, you and the farm are a success. You should be proud."

"You're right. I should," I sighed. "It's just not in my character."

He nodded slowly, the friction of his hair against the blanket creating a quiet rustling. "That's valid. That's part of the reason why I like you."

He sounded so matter-of-fact. My pulse raced and my cheeks burned fiercely. I said nothing as I watched him push himself up into a seated position, a king in his own kingdom. He turned and looked at me, his lips turned upwards beneath a blush that rivalled my own.

"So," I cleared my throat, "was there anything in particular you wanted to do this evening? I'm okay with whatever. I can keep myself busy reading some of your comics if you've got something you want to do on your own."

He got off the bed and went over to his shelf. "We could watch a movie."

"Sure," I said and pushed myself up into a sitting position.

It took him no time at all to pick a movie and pop it into the DVD player hooked up to the TV at the foot of his bed, and I wondered if he had had this in mind for some time.

He kicked off his boots and sat at the top of his bed, lifting the edge of his covers. I stared at him, slightly agog as I realized what his posture implied. "Come here," he said, his voice soft, husky. His face grew redder and redder as I stared at him. Finally, I steadied my pulse enough to follow his lead.

I undid my laces and shucked off my sneakers. I hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and scrambling to join him. My senses were inflamed, hyper-aware of the closeness of our bodies as he pulled the blankets tighter over us. I barely even noticed that the movie had started until Sebastian's arm inexplicably wound its way around me.

I let myself lean into him, and I found myself fighting against the desires that kept cropping up in my mind. I resisted the urge to run my fingers over his jawline, to taste the softness of his lips. I wanted to crawl onto his lap and feel his cheek against mine as we breathed and melted into one. The sweet, torturous touch of his arm against my back made my body clench, and finally he spoke.

"You're tense," he murmured against my ear. "Relax. I promise not to distract you."

"You're already failing miserably at that," I hissed, unable to keep the dolor out of my voice.

He snickered but gave me a one-armed hug before his arm returned to his side. As much as it was easier to breathe now that his arm was no longer around me, every one of my physical urges screamed in rage. I had to respect his boundaries, no matter what the lonely hollowness within me demanded. Why hadn't I just gone with it? Would I ever be able to accept this intimacy as my new normal?

As my emotions simmered, I let myself become absorbed in the movie. Somewhere in the last quarter of it, I dozed off amidst the sounds of lasers and flashing lights.

Sebastian gently nudged me awake some time afterwards, and with a quick embrace, we set off for my farm.

Barely awake, I toddled back onto my property, half-hanging off of Sebastian's arm under the cover of midnight. The last thing I remembered before drifting back into slumber was the steady snoring of Dog, who was curled up beside my bed.

I should not have been as disappointed as I was to wake up the next morning in my own bed and not Sebastian's, but I was, even though I woke up wrapped in his hoodie. Burying my nose in it, I inhaled the scent of him. It was liberating being honest with myself about my feelings, but I had to keep myself in check. An untenable irritation suffused my actions as I went about my daily chores. The fair was today, and thankfully wasn't due to start until 9AM, which left me with three hours in which I could tackle the farm's daily upkeep and find some peace in the noise warring inside my head.

The routine of caring for my animals and crops sobered me some, and by the time 9 o'clock rolled around, I had become fully entrenched in the rhythm of farmwork.

Waving farewell to my cows – Wunnie and Toonie – and chickens, I rushed off towards town with Dog hot on my heels up until the edge of my property. He barked a cheerful good-bye and I cast him a smile.

Although I had been able to see activity in the town from my front porch, I was still shocked as I entered town by just how busy it was with all the tourists and carnies around. There was a life and freneticism permeating the air that was foreign and familiar.

As I entered the town square, I took in all the tents. There seemed to be mini-games set up and a separate both to get prizes. I took a peek at what I could win and promptly decided that I wanted to win everything. Some of last night's disgruntlement manifested as aggression and I realized that I was looking forward to trying my hand at the games.

I walked through, making mental notes for myself on strategies for the games I passed by. My neighbours smiled and gave knowing nods to me as I ran into them, and a sense of belonging settled itself in me. Looking around at the buildings behind the stalls and booths, I felt a sublime annoyance – so many people here, so many tourists, and yet none of them really knew or cared about the town. They'd be gone by 3pm today, whisked back to their homes in the city. It was clear to me that they were from the city – I could hear it in their comments, their affected ways of speaking. The town was quaint and beneath them, and a flash of shame seared my memory before dissipating into nothingness as I thought back to the smiles I had received today. I was of here, they accepted me. I had a loyalty to this place.

I stalked past them all, ignoring mayor Lewis's attempts to call me over, and longed for some free space to breathe and that acute sense of relief that came from finding friends in a crowd. At last, I found them – some space apart from the madding crowd and the one person who was able to set my planet back on its axis. With him was that asshole who styled himself as my friend, but I couldn't fault him too much. He had, after all, supported mine and Sebastian's relationship.

"Taking some time off from rehearsal?" I asked as I pulled in close to Sebastian and slipped my hand into his free one. With his occupied hand, he held a cigarette that looked freshly lit. He grimaced at my words, but gave my hand a quick squeeze.

Sam nodded, his face paler than usual. "Yeah, it's hard to hear ourselves with so many people here anyway. I can hear the carnival music from in my room." He glanced nervously around, his eyes darting back and forth.

Sebastian shuddered involuntarily. "So many people," he muttered.

"So much time away from rehearsal," Sam added quietly, his brow puckering momentarily. "Hey," he said, blinking suddenly as his eyes met mine, "this is your first fair, right?"

I nodded. "It is. For once, you are right."

He smirked and rolled his eyes. "Ha-ha, very funny."

"You should go and play some of the games," Sebastian said, and I appreciated the effort he put into trying to sound encouraging.

My brow furrowed and I gave him a searching look, but he merely shrugged as his face betrayed nothing.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," he continued. "There's plenty for me and Sam to talk about that doesn't involve rehearsal. We'll just chill here."

"If you're sure," I said, chewing my bottom lip.

There was a firmness in the set of his jaw and my heart throbbed as his voice deliciously coated his next words with a dire finality. "I'm sure."

I breathed a light sigh of relief, thinking back to all of the mini-games I had seen. "Alright, then." I let go of his hand and cracked my knuckles. "It's time to kick all of these sorry losers' butts."

He smiled at me as I turned to leave, but not before I noticed his gaze slide briefly away from me. It wasn't until after I had waved at them and headed back into the thick of it that I realized that Abigail had been wandering around near us, some steps behind me.

I looked back over my shoulder at Sebastian, but his thoughts and gaze were far, far away.