The air was heavy at the Healers' Ward. Despite Kerchen's protests, they were treating everyone including the brutes in the same room, and as soon as the Healers let him go, he made his way past the busy Healers and guards to stand by Dieder, looking on morosely as a Healer and a Healer-Trainee examined the boy from head to toe. Alys rocked on her heels as she waited next to him. Occasionally she glanced at Jedeth, who threw glances back in their direction when he wasn't being interrogated by Heralds and other semi-important looking people. Alberich was farther away, surrounded by more Heralds and guards. He hadn't checked in on them yet save a few thrown looks, but he was clearly busy.

The Healer moved her hands from Dieder and turned to them. Her voice was gentle, especially when she looked at Kerchen. "He'll be fine. His head is injured, so we will see how he's doing later to make sure there are no complications, but no lasting damage has been done."

"Thank you," Alys said. Kerchen bit his lip.

"Also tell him to drink less."

"Oh he can't afford that all the time anyway," Alys assured. The Healer raised an eyebrow, then shook her head. The two Healers left, leaving Alys and Kerchen with Dieder. Dieder was sound asleep, though occasionally he let out a groan that caused Kerchen to flinch.

Alys spoke up. "I'm glad you came." Kerchen didn't even look at her. "How did you find us?"

"Farsight. I had found you before you ran into Jedeth." His hands tightened. "I didn't know if I was going to reach you in time. I was afraid that...I was afraid."

Alys imagined Kerchen running down the streets of Exile's Gate, still too far to do anything as she and Dieder escaped down the alley to run into Rahlen and his goons instead. "I'm sorry."

Then suddenly, "Why did you go to Exile's Gate?"

Alys was taken aback by the accusation in his voice. "Huh? I-I didn't know we were going to run into those guys!"

"If it was not them, it would be something else." Kerchen faced her with red eyes in an ashen face. "Everyone makes mistakes, but you chose to make this one. You work at a tavern. We have heard stories of that quarter. You act like you don't think, but I know true it is not. You are sensible, Alys. When you were at the orphanage, when you found me with my arm-I saw it. You have the ability to see clearly, but you act like there is nothing in your head. You should have known better. Why do you play a fool?"

Alys opened her mouth, but nothing came out. His words echoed in her head. You play a fool...like there is nothing in your head. A fool...

He was right. Kerchen had seen right through her. Days that had passed like a blur came back with a vengeance, scrutinized through Kerchen's eyes, through Elyssa's. She could never have been what Elyssa wanted her to be, but would she have acted so carefree at the orphanage as she had at the Collegium, as she had tonight? Couldn't she try as hard in her classes as she did at her job and at home? Alys studied her feet, but Kerchen didn't speak again or move. He seemed to be waiting for her answer.

It was hard to admit, but the answer to those questions was no. She had been careless. There was a corner of her mind that had always been aware, but it was easy to pretend like it wasn't there, to forget and move onto something else, because that was her nature. It was easier to more of what she was than to be something she just really, really wasn't, and what she wasn't was someone gifted like Elyssa or Kerchen, someone who used Mindspeech and would soon ride gracefully in Whites.

Alys began, slowly, as though speaking for the first time. "If I play a bigger fool, and everyone believes that, then at least it's not true." Kerchen stared, not understanding. Alys felt a hint of bitterness. Kerchen couldn't understand because he was so naturally spectacular.

...No. She shook the thought from her head. If he were so perfect, would he be so angered or so hurt?

"I made a bad decision," she said instead. "I'm sorry. I really am. You can yell at me later. But Ker', you've been acting strange for awhile. What's going on? What else is bothering you?"

Kerchen flinched but didn't respond. Whatever it was, he must have felt that he couldn't speak to her about it. Alys swallowed the beginning lump of hurt and jealousy before adding, "I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but maybe you can talk it over with Alvira."

Again, no response. It didn't look like he was in the middle of Mindspeech either; it just looked like he was staring into an abyss through the floor that only he could see. Alys was going to suggest something else when Kerchen spoke, and he did it in a whisper.

"She won't talk to me."

Alys stared at him. "Huh?"

"She won't talk to me," he repeated, and a tremor shivered his words. "She said I was wrong. She said I don't understand anything here. She said she thinks-" His breath hitched, and he covered his eyes with a hand. "-she said she thinks she Chose wrong."

Whatever Alys had been expecting, it wasn't this. "What? Why?"

His hand tightened to a fist, and he flared. "Because I did what was right," Kerchen said heatedly, "but if my enemies smell of money, she wants me to roll over like a dog. Because I fought fire with fire. Because if others threaten to throw me into the river then they should not be punished, but if I seek justice then I am a killer!" The anger dissolved as quickly as it came, leaving behind tears that he still tried to hold back. "The Blues...I did threaten them. I hurt them. They touched me. They-it was humiliating. I was so angry, I might have killed them. If even Alvira thinks so, then..." A sob escaped his throat. "Then I am a killer, am I not? I'm still a-"

"No, that's ridiculous!" Alys exploded. Kerchen turned to her, and wetness around his eyes galvanized her even more. "You're a good person! You're one of the nicest people I know. The Blues deserved it!" She jabbed a finger in the direction of Jedeth who stared back in confusion. "You're definitely not a cold-blooded killer or whatever it is!"

Kerchen's expression fell to disbelieving. "That is not what you said."

Alys had the fleeting recollection of defending Rahlen and Kerchen stumbling back at her words. Oh. "Well...you were going a bit too far, you were a bit scary..." Kerchen stiffened, and Alys flailed and continued. "But you only did that because Dieder was in trouble! Everyone gets angry when someone hurts their friends, that's normal, you're just trying to help! And it's not that just because you hurt other people, you're automatically a bad person. I mean, I bet Vanyel was very scary to his enemies, too! And he killed the evil mage uh, uh, Larry? He killed Larry but nobody calls Vanyel a murderer, he's a hero! Not that Rahlen is Larry but, but the logic holds."

For a stretched moment, Kerchen stared at her, his dark eyes unblinking and bright with tears. Then he looked away to wipe his eyes. "I...did not think I ever would be glad to be compared to Vanyel the Demon-Rider," he joked through a sniff.

"You're just like Vanyel," Alys insisted. "Kerchen the Demon-Rider!"

Kerchen winced. "Maybe...do not say that."

They watched Dieder snore for a bit. Kerchen had just revealed a lot of disturbing things Alys wanted to comment on, but, but she wanted his thoughts to linger on his friends and not the Blues, or Alvira who was going to get a stern word as soon as Alys found Lani. Instead she just put her arms around Kerchen, who didn't resist.

"Alys," he began. His shoulders tensed. She thought she could feel his heart flutter with anxiety beneath her arms. "I'm sorry for what I said. It was wrong of me. Something came over me, and I...I shouldn't have. You are also always trying to help. I am grateful for you."

Alys squeezed him tightly, feeling warm in her gut, and maybe also something in her eyes. "That's okay! Hey, let's get Dieder in this hug, too." Kerchen surprised her a little by obliging, and they each put an arm around their unconscious friend.

A moment passed. "He still smells like beer," said Kerchen.

"He reeks," Alys agreed.