Author's Note: Takes place around Chapter 20
Byakuya barely resisted the urge to sigh as he tipped back a cup of sake. He didn't even know why he'd agreed to yet another one of Eiji's 'Get Byakuya to Socialize More' schemes. He glanced towards the front of the bar where Eiji was currently describing his latest mission to a captivated audience and wondered if it'd be rude to escape the bar when his cousin's back was turned. It wasn't like he hadn't tried—it was just, after the first five minutes of suffering through the obligatory 'I-It's an h-honor t-to have y-you here, K-K-Kuchiki-fukutaicho's, Byakuya had decided it was better for everyone involved if he left the group and sat by himself.
He wished Hisana was here.
"I'm tellin' ya, I've got it all planned out!" The shinigami next to him was exclaiming drunkenly to the man on his left. "I've been makin' visits to the Fourth all week, so she knows I'm interested. I'll get her flowers—what girl can resist flowers?—take her to a nice bar, loosen her up with some drinks -" A leer crossed his face and Byakuya turned away in disgust, hoping that whatever girl he was talking about was smart enough to refuse. "—and if the night goes well, we'll head over to my place, if ya know what I mean."
"I'm surprised. She don't seem your usual type, Ogidou-san," his conversation partner drawled. Ogidou shrugged.
"Well, yeah. She's pretty small, but that just means I don't have ta pay for as much sake to get her all relaxed, ya know? Also ain't got much of a chest on her, but man, I bet she's a tiger in bed." He shook his head admiringly. "It's always the quiet ones that are the most wild, ya know? I mean, sure, she's kinda scary but in a really hot way—she can order me around anytime. And with the whole nurse thing, whew-" He shook his head admiringly. "They're all about makin' ya feel better, right? Well, I got more than a few ideas about how Yukimura can help with that."
Crack.
Byakuya barely registered the pain as his cup shattered in his hand, slicing thinly through skin. Standing up abruptly, he shoved the pathetic excuse for a man—Ogidou—forward into the table.
"Oi! What are you doin', you bas-" His companion's voice trailed off as he registered Byakuya's features. The blood drained from his face. "K-Kuchiki-fukutaicho. M-My apologies. I didn't realize it was you." Beneath Byakuya's hand, Ogidou stilled.
"I couldn't help but overhear part of your conversation." Byakuya's voice was calm, quiet; a stark contrast to the icy fury that seemed to have consumed every part of his body. "And I would just like to remind you that the purpose of the Fourth is not to cater to your disgusting fantasies. For your sake, I would advise you to stay away from Yukimura Hisana from now on. Speak of her in such a disrespectful manner again and not even Unohana will not be able to save you. Have I made myself clear?" Ogidou nodded frantically and Byakuya released him with a noise of contempt before stalking back to his seat, ignoring the way Ogidou and his friend were all but stumbling over themselves in their haste to leave. He grimaced when he found a familiar black cat waiting for him.
"That was about as subtle as a rampaging hollow, Byakuya-bou," Yoruichi said mildly.
"What are you doing here?" He asked grumpily, swallowing another mouthful of sake.
"Well, it's not every day that I see you of all people enter a bar. I was curious." She tilted her head to the side. "Granted, I wasn't going to show myself since I figured I should at least give you the opportunity to make some new friends—not that it was doing you any good, given the fact that you seemed content to just sulk in a corner—but then you had to go throw your jealous hissy fit."
"It was not a 'jealous hissy fit,'" Byakuya said crossly. "I was simply looking out for her."
"Oh?" Yoruichi asked, raising an eyebrow. "Looking out for her, huh? You do know that Hisana would be perfectly capable of handling that idiot herself."
"Of course. Doesn't mean that she should have to." His hands clenched. "Did you hear the way he was speaking about her? The nerve of him, thinking that he's good enough—why, that perverted cretin doesn't deserve to be in the same room as her."
"Mmm. So the fact that he wants her in his bed has nothing to do with your anger, just the fact that you think she deserves better," Yoruichi said skeptically.
"That's correct," Byakuya said stiffly. She huffed a laugh.
"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that last part, but it makes me wonder…what kind of man do you think would deserve her, Byakuya-bou? You can't go chasing off any potential suitors forever."
Byakuya swallowed. The thought of Hisana being with someone…of some nameless, faceless man making her laugh, kissing her, touching her…it made his skin crawl, made something heavy settle in his gut, like every part of his body was rebelling against the very idea. But that wasn't fair to Hisana, was it? She…she deserved someone to make her happy.
"He…he has to respect her, first of all. She needs someone who'll take her seriously, who won't just dismiss her because she's from the Rukongai," Byakuya began haltingly, feeling slightly sick. He knew he shouldn't have drank so much alcohol. "And…and Hisana's so smart, and she's frighteningly creative at times, so someone intelligent enough to keep up with her. And when she sets a goal for herself, she'll do anything to attain it, so he'll need to be able to pull her back too, or at least make sure she doesn't forget to eat and sleep. He also needs to be someone who understands her enough to not feel threatened by her devotion to her sister, who knows how to deal with her when she's in one of her moods, who knows how to comfort her but not push. He'll need to be strong too—I'd say at least fifth seat level, so that she doesn't have to worry too much about him. He also has to fight well enough to be able to protect her. Financial security would be a bonus as well—money's never really mattered to Hisana, but she deserves someone who'll spoil her, because god knows she'll never spoil herself. More than all of that though, he needs to make her happy," Byakuya finished softly.
There was a strange look in Yoruichi's eyes. "So basically, in order to receive your approval, he needs to be rich, a strong fighter, intelligent, respectful, understanding, protective, and oh, he needs to be completely and utterly dedicated to worshiping her and making her happy. Is that about right?" She asked flatly.
"He still wouldn't deserve her," Byakuya said grudgingly. "And I'd need to…test out how strong he was, but if he was truly who she wanted, I suppose I could…learn to tolerate him."
"You might want to add 'high emotional intelligence' and 'acceptable self-awareness' to your list," Yoruichi muttered, looking like she was fighting off a headache. Without another word, she promptly tipped Byakuya's sake bottle into his lap. He swore.
"What was that for?" He glared at her.
"For being an idiot," she said, nimbly jumping off the table and walking away. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find Kukaku. I'm not nearly drunk enough to listen to this."