Disclaimer: I do not receive any profit for my fanfictions, nor do I own Supernatural or Sam and Dean Winchester.
Title: Lose Yourself
Chapter Title: Chapter Four
Set After: Sometime after 'Nightmare', but 'The Benders' quotes and memories will be mixed in later (after it airs next week).
Summary: Dean tried to tell Sam that it wasn't his fault, that he had no part in Jess or their mom dying… Sam didn't believe him. Now the guilt is causing him to go down a road that Dean might not be able to bring him back from. His depression is hitting the brothers fast and hard, and Sam can only be pushed so far before losing himself completely.
Warnings: torture; intended rape; probably a few typos here and there...
Sam opened his eyes slowly, groaning in pain when he felt like his head was going to split open. He immediately closed his eyes again, wincing in pain.
"Sammy? You alright?"
Sam took a few deep breaths, calming down as he heard the familiar voice. "Yeah, I'm fine… What happened?" He then realized that he was tied up, and he opened his eyes quickly, ignoring the pain shooting through his head. He looked around, noticing that he was in a room of some kind. A bedroom. His eyes then landed on Dean, who was chained to the wall. Looking down at himself, and behind him as best as he could, he found that he was tied up to a metal pole of a desk, his legs tied up tightly to his chest.
"We stepped into the alley way of Gary's Bar and Grill. A log came down on your head, knocking you out," Dean explained, nodding slightly. "I tried to kill the bitch, but she knocked me out, too. Next thing I know I wake up here and you're over there still unconscious."
"How long have you been awake?" Sam asked, tugging at the rope.
"A little while," Dean said, nodding.
"God, Dean, what have you been doing the whole time?" Sam asked, chuckling slightly.
"Making sure you were still breathing," Dean said, shrugging as best he could.
"Oh. Well… thanks," Sam said lamely, looking a little shocked.
"Oh, so you're awake now?"
Sam looked over at the doorway where a woman was standing. But she looked… like Jessica? "What the hell?"
"That's exactly where I am," the demon said, walking towards Sam slowly. "And it's all your fault."
"Sam, don't listen to her! It's the demon!" Dean yelled, struggling against his chains. He looked over at his little brother, who had a look of guilt on his face. "Sam!"
"You know it's true," the demon said, kneeling down in front of Sam. "You should have told me the truth. You should have saved me. I died because of you! I died because I knew you! It's all your fault, Sam!"
"It's… It is," Sam said, nodding slowly. "I'm sorry, Jess."
"Sam! God Damnit!" Dean yelled. "Don't listen to her! It's not your fault!"
The demon turned to Mary, slowly walking towards Dean now. "What? You don't blame him for my death? You don't blame him each and every day because you don't have your mother with you anymore?"
"No, I don't," Dean growled, glaring at the demon. "It wasn't his fault."
"Deep down you know it was," the demon said softly, placing a hand on Dean's cheek. "You know that if your brother had never been born that I'd still be alive. You'd be normal, your father would be normal… We'd have the perfect family, Dean. It's Sam's fault we don't. The demon wanted him, so it attacked. If he hadn't been born it would have left our family alone."
"How dare you," Dean hissed, struggling against his chains. "How dare you even speak his name."
"Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam." The demon smirked at Dean, crossing her arms.
"You bitch!" Dean yelled, attempting to hit or kick her. But he couldn't; both his wrists and ankles were chained against the wall. So he spit on her.
The demon gasped, wiping the spit away from her face. She laughed slightly. "Bad idea." She turned around, turning into Dean.
"No," Dean whispered, shaking his head. "Don't. Please."
The demon walked towards Sam slowly. "It's all your fault, Sam. You know it is. And I just can't wait for the day when you finally break down completely and manage to kill yourself. I'll be free from the burden that you are."
"Shut up!" Dean yelled, now making plenty of noise trying to get out of his chains.
"It's your fault Mom's dead. She should have just let the demon take you," the demon spat, glaring at Sam as he kneeled down next to him. "It's your fault Dad made us spent our lives hunting. It's all your fault, Sam. I could have had a normal childhood. But I couldn't. Why? Because of you."
"Please stop," Sam whispered, swallowing hard. He looked as if he was trying to back up a bit, and his breathing was irregular. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry."
"Sam, no!" Dean yelled, his eyes going wide. He was panicking, and he was worried. Why was Sam buying into this shit?
"You caused me so much pain over the years, Sam. Since I was four years old and I had to carry you out of that house," the demon said, reaching for something on the desk. "I never wanted a little brother. I always hated you, hoping that one day you'd be killed on a hunt. I hope you die and burn in hell." He then pulled back a knife before stabbing Sam in the arm.
"NO!" Dean yelled as he heard his brother scream out in pain. "Stop it, you motherfucking stupid bitch!"
The demon turned to Dean, smirking slightly. "You were thinking the exact same thing."
"I would never think that about Sam," Dean growled, glaring at the demon. "Leave him alone."
"Sorry, can't," the demon said, shrugging slightly. Finally she changed back to herself. She had long red hair and freckles. She was thin and tall, and one would've guessed that she was as innocent as can be at a first glance. "I'm a special kind of demon. One who feeds on the pain of those who are depressed."
"Sammy's not depressed," Dean growled, trying to convince himself more than the demon.
"Then why was I called to him?" she asked, walking towards Dean slowly. "I wouldn't have been if he was healthy. You're brother's depressed, Dean. And I'm feeding off of it."
"You bitch," Dean spat. "When I get out of here I'm going to --"
"To what? Drag your brother's lifeless body away?" She laughed before turning back to Sam. "I think I'll save your father for later… Torture sounds more fun right now."
"Please, no," Dean whispered, his eyes pleading as she watched her walk over to the fireplace, where a metal stick was laying in the fire, the end of it red hot. There were a few more in there, and Dean didn't want to think about what she was going to do with them. "Please don't hurt him."
The demon put on gloves before pulling out a metal stick. She walked over to Sam, grabbing the collar of his shirt and ripping it, exposing his bare chest.
"Don't!" Dean yelled, his breath quickening. "Stop it!"
The demon looked at him for a moment, smirking, before turning back to Sam, poking his chest with the hott end. He screamed in pain, and Dean thought that he was going die at the sound. He couldn't stand it. Especially when she repeatedly stuck Sam, who kept screaming.
"STOP IT!" Dean screamed, tears coming to his eyes. "Stop hurting him, please."
"What do you say, Sam?" the demon asked, turning to the youngest Winchester. "Should I stop and torture Dean for a while, or should I continue with you?"
Sam took a few deep breaths, his eyes closed tightly in pain. After a few moments he opened them, locking eyes with Dean. He swallowed hard. "Don't hurt him."
"Sorry, Dean, but the jury has reached a verdict," the demon said, shrugging. "I'll be back." She then left the room, closing the door behind her.
"Sammy, no," Dean whispered, tears coming to his eyes. "I can stand pain more than you can."
"I'm not going to let her hurt you because of me," Sam whispered.
Dean sighed slightly, shaking his head. "I'm the older brother. I'm supposed to protect you. Let me do that."
Sam shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Oh, yeah, you sounded real fine when you were screaming in pain," Dean said, rolling his eyes. He sighed, shaking his head. "Sam, about what she said to you --"
"What happened to 'no Chick Flick Moments'?" Sam asked, slightly amused.
Dean ignored his brother, continuing. "None of it was true. Don't you believe that for a second, do you understand me?"
Sam sighed slightly, nodding. "Yeah. I understand you."
"Aw, how touching," the demon said, walking back into the room slowly. "Too bad it's not going to last long." She pulled an athame out from behind her back. "Sam, you don't mind being my sacrifice, do you?"
Sam swallowed hard. "Sacrifice for what?"
"For my cult," the demon said, shrugging slightly. "Of course, I'll have to give you a special kind of lap dance before I do."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean asked coldly, glaring at her as she walked between the two.
"Let's just say that it's fun," the demon said, shrugging. She walked over to Sam and smirked down at him. She set the athame down on the desk top and grabbed a needle, the kind that doctors used to give injections.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked quickly, watching her every move without blinking an eye.
The demon looked over at him, smirking evilly. Her eyes lingered on his for a moment before she turned back to Sam. Putting a hand on his arm, she stuck the needle in, quickly and roughly injecting the drug into his system. "Shouldn't take long at all," she said, standing up.
"What did you do to him?" Dean growled. "What the hell did you just put in him?"
"Something that will make him easier to handle. I'll be back." She then left the room.
"Sammy?" Dean asked, swallowing hard.
"It's Sam," Sam said quietly, his eyes closing slowly.
"Sammy, c'mon. Stay awake," Dean pleaded, looking around the room. How were they going to get out of this mess?
"It's… so… hard…" Sam whispered, his head falling on his shoulder.
"I know it is," Dean said, nodding. "I know, Sam. But you have to." When Sam shook his head, Dean sighed slightly. He had to think of something quick. "Tell me about Jess."
Sam smiled, opening his eyes slightly as he looked over at Dean, his words slow. "She was great. An angel. She was so kind, and funny… So loving and compassionate. She also reminded me of you in a way."
"Yeah?" Dean asked, willing to do or say anything that would keep his brother awake. "How?"
"She was really sarcastic," Sam said, chuckling slightly. "A good sarcastic. And she loved me for me. She didn't try to make me into anything I'm not."
"And how does that remind you of me?" Dean asked, his voice soft. That didn't sound like him at all.
"Dad was the one who pushed," Sam said, his words still slow. "You didn't push… You just kept me safe."
Dean smirked slightly, nodding. "That's what big brothers do." When he noticed Sam's eyes droop a bit, he cleared his throat. "Tell me more about Jess."
Sam opened his eyes again, straightening up in a way that Dean knew must be uncomfortable. "I loved her… I wanted to marry her. I had actually checked around for engagement rings the day before you came…" Tears came to his eyes. "Whether or not the interview went well I was gonna propose to her."
"Sam…" Dean said softly, his eyes sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
"You didn't know," Sam said, shaking his head. "It's okay."
"I'm back," the demon sing songed, walking into the room again. She looked over at Sam, who was struggling to stay awake. "Aw, that's no fun. I'll just have to wake you up some." She knelt down in front of him, untying his legs from his body. She then grabbed the athame, slowly cutting an upside down pentagram on Sam's chest.
Dean knew it was hurting Sam like hell, but the younger Winchester wasn't making a sound, only closing his eyes tightly in pain. He knew it was partly because of him… because he didn't want Dean to worry. But, hell, Dean was worrying.
After the demon was finished she set the athame on the desk, running her hands down Sam's chest, then stomache, until her fingers collided with the hem of his pants. She smirked, slowly unbuttoning them, then unzipping them.
"No, stop it!" Dean yelled, his eyes going wide when he realized she had every intention of raping his little brother. "Leave him the fuck alone!" When she started to pull Sam's pants down Dean struggled against his chains, pulling at them. "You bitch! Stop putting your hands on my brother! STOP IT!"
The demon looked up at Dean. "God, you're annoying." She waved her hand at Dean then turned back to Sam.
Dean tried to yell at her again but… he couldn't. He couldn't even breathe.
Dean: You little--
Haley: Ah, ah, ah. No time to argue with me right now. It's late. I gotta go!
Dean: But the next chapter --
Haley: You can yell at me all you want. As long as you do me one favor.
Dean: What's that?
Haley: In Life Changes you called Anna a 'blonde monster'… I know it's my fault, but it made her sad. I was talking to her over MSN Messenger and she was sad Nawd.
Dean: Rolls eyes. Anna, you're not a blonde monster. You're actually very attractive, and I'm sorry for calling you names. Turns to Haley. Happy?
Haley: Yup! Thanks! Anyway, stay tuned, guys!