Disclaimer: I do not receive any profit for my fanfictions, nor do I own Supernatural or Sam and Dean Winchester.
Title: Lose Yourself
Chapter Title: Chapter Four
Set After: Sometime after 'Nightmare', but 'The Benders' quotes and memories will be mixed in later (after it airs next week).
Summary: Dean tried to tell Sam that it wasn't his fault, that he had no part in Jess or their mom dying… Sam didn't believe him. Now the guilt is causing him to go down a road that Dean might not be able to bring him back from. His depression is hitting the brothers fast and hard, and Sam can only be pushed so far before losing himself completely.
Warnings: torture; intended rape; probably a few typos here and there...
"There, he won't bother us anymore," the demon said, smirking as she looked back at Sam. She then frowned, realizing that Sam's eyes were open in fear as he watched his brother struggling. Sighing, she looked back at Dean for a moment. "Sam, honey, you'll do whatever I ask if I stop killing your brother, right?" She looked back at Sam, a smug look on her appearance.
Sam nodded quickly. "What-Whatever you want. Anything... Just... Just please stop." He looked back at Dean, who was shaking his head fercly. "Please."
The demon sighed. "Curse my good heart." She looked over at Dean and waved a hand, satisfied as she watched him breath.
"Then again, I'd rather kill you," Sam said before kicking at her, which was hard, since his pants were a quarter of the way down his legs. He kicked her one more time, but this time in the head, knocking her out.
"Sam, are you okay?" Dean asked, looking down at the unconscious demon. "What'd she do to you?"
"Dean, you were right there. You know what she did to me," Sam said, rolling his eyes. He started slowly turning around, causing the bar to burn his skin slightly. When he was at the right angle, below the desk, squatting, he kicked the desk a few times until the athame fell down, right next to his arm.
"Careful!" Dean said quickly. "Yeah, I was right here. But she was blocking part of my vision. Did she... you know... touch you?"
"Touch me?" Sam asked, looking up at his older brother like he was insane.
Dean swallowed hard, nodding. "Yeah. Did she touch you?"
"Gee, I don't know, Dean," Sam said sarcastically. "I don't think I'd be tied down if she hadn't touched me."
"Damnit, Sam!" Dean yelled, rolling his eyes. "You know what I mean. Did she... molest you?"
Sam smirked slightly. "Not the way you're questioning." He then moved around the bar again, slowly moving the athame towards his hands with his legs.
"Good," Dean said quietly, nodding. "How's your chest?"
"Fine," Sam said, wincing as the athame cut his leg slightly. He finally maneuvered the athame close enough to where he could reach it, and slowly started sawing at the rope.
"Be careful," Dean warned, watching his brother closely. "Don't cut yourself."
"I think cutting myself is the least of my problems at the moment," Sam said, letting out a pained chuckle. Finally the rope gave way and he sighed in relief, rubbing his wrists. Quickly standing up, he looked around. "Dean, you were awake longer than I was. Did you see a key anywhere?"
"Yeah," Dean said, nodding. "Second drawer to the left."
Sam immediately opened the drawer, shifting through its contents. After a few moments he held up a key, then ran over to Dean, unlocking the chains around his feet. "Did she hurt you?"
"Not really, no," Dean said, shaking his head as he watched it brother. "She didn't whisper any curses over there, did she? Foreign tongue or any of that voodoo crap?"
Sam shook his head, unlocking the chains around Dean's wrists. "No, why?"
"Good," Dean said, eyeing the pentagram on Sam's chest. "Because I really don't feel like warding off curses at the moment just to save your ass." He walked over to the demon and knelt down next to her. "Give me the athame."
"Dean --"
"Give it to me!"
Sam hesitated for a moment, then walked back over to the desk, grabbing the athame. He handed it to his brother, who looked it over for a second before sticking it under the demon's chin.
The demon opened her eyes slowly, then gasped. "No, please, don't."
"Wow, starting to sound like me," Dean growled. "You hurt my brother. You wanted to rape him. You actually think I'm just going to let you go?"
"The ritual... the sacrifice!" the demon pleaded, tears coming to her eyes. "Please don't kill me. Please!"
"Right, the sacrifice," Dean said, nodding slightly. "Well, how about we just sacrifice you instead? See, cause, if I let my brother die my dad's not gonna be happy. And I really don't want to listen to him yelling at me when I'm twenty seven."
"I won't hurt him again. I promise," the demon pleaded, a couple tears falling. "Just don't kill me. I'm sorry." She looked over at Sam, straining her eyes a bit since she couldn't move her head. "I'm sorry!"
Sam felt a bit uneasy, shifting his weight from side the side. "Dean --"
"We are not letting her go," Dean growled, not bothering to look up at his brother. His eyes were filled with hatred as he looked at the female demon, and if it wasn't for him enjoying her suffering he would've killed her already. "Any last words?"
"Actually, yes," the demon said, looking up at Dean. She then started speaking in Latin, her voice growing louder with each word.
Dean gave her a disgusted expression, then pulled back the athame, stabbing her in the heart. "I know you didn't just try to sacrifice my brother." He stood up, and kicked her. "Bitch." He looked over at Sam, taking in his wounds. Numerous burn marks on his chest; the pentagram etched into his torso; a cut on his leg from the athame, which was sporting a nice trail of blood; and the stab wound in his arm. "Damn, Sammy, we need to get you to the hospital."
"It's Sam. And how the hell are we going to explain the pentagram?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows slightly. He watched his brother open his mouth, then close it quickly, looking stumped. "I'm fine. It's nothing some good first aid won't fix."
Dean looked hesitant, but nodded, walking over to his brother. "Alright. If you say so. But if you start bleeding to death in the middle of the night I'll kill you. I really don't want to have to explain to another motel manager why there's red stains on the sheets."
Sam smirked slightly, nodding. "I'll be fine. Unless there's some cult hospital out there --"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Dean said, rolling his eyes. He looked around the room and, upon not seeing anything in the form of a jacket or sweater, took off his own leather jacket, handing it to his brother.
"Dean, the blood --"
"It's freezing out there. Besides, I'd rather the blood get on the jacket than my car." Walking out of the room, Dean grabbed his brother, dragging him along with him.
Dean woke up in the middle of the night, immediately looking over at his little brother's bed. Oh no, Sam wasn't there. Not a good sign. Dean looked over at the bathroom, finding light coming from under the door. Another bad sign.
Dean jumped out of bed and ran over to the bathroom, kicking it open, where Sam was standing over the sink... washing his hands.
Sam raised his eyebrows at his brother. "Can't a guy go to the bathroom in peace?"
Dean swallowed hard, looking embarrassed. He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Um... sorry. I just thought that... that you..."
"That I was trying to kill myself again?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows. He walked past Dean into the room, sitting down on his bed.
"Well, it happened while I was sleeping before, Sam. Can you blame me?" Dean asked, walking after his brother. He turned on the light, sitting down on his own bed. "And then with all those things the demon said... hell, I'm just happy she didn't move on to Dad."
Sam smiled weakly, nodding. "I won't lie to you Dean, it's not like I wasn't thinking about it. I mean --"
"Sam --"
"What she said made sense... But that's only because that was exactly what I was thinking," Sam said, nodding slowly.
"What?" Dean asked, looking a bit surprised.
"She didn't create those ideas out of thin air, Dean. Those were my exact thoughts. She just made them... a little more believable," Sam said, nodding slightly. He shrugged. "It's no big deal."
"'No big deal?' Sam, she told you that I thought you were a burden!" Dean said, standing up quickly. His eyes were sad, and worried. He couldn't believe his little brother would think those things. His baby brother. "That I hated you! That I..." He took a few deep breaths. "How could you think that I actually think that?"
Sam looked down at the floor, shrugging. "I don't know, I mean... I... All my life you've had to look out for me." Sam looked back up at his brother, tears in his eyes. "Dad yelling at you when something happened to me, or... or you being the one who had to find me when I ran off... I just realized that those are burden qualities."
"Sammy," Dean said softly. He sat down next to his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're not a burden, you're my baby brother. Sure, looking after you is hard sometimes, but... but it's worth it."
"Yeah?" Sam asked, looking into his brother's eyes.
"Yeah," Dean whispered, nodding. "God, Sam, no wonder you wanted to kill yourself. With all those thoughts swimming throughout your head. That I blame you, that Jess blames you... that even Mom blames you. You need to start opening up more when I say we need to talk. Do you understand me?"
Sam nodded slightly, looking down at the ground.
"Sam, you answer me with your voice or I swear I'm gonna smack you," Dean said, narrowing his eyes at his brother.
Sam smiled slightly, nodding. He looked up at Dean. "I understand you."
"Good," Dean said, nodding. Standing up he turned off the light. As he watched Sam crawl under his covers he leaned over him, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "Good night, Sammy."
"Night, Dean," Sam said, closing his eyes. He listened to his brother climb into his bed, then thought for a moment, biting him bottom lip. "Hey, Dean?"
"What?" Dean asked, already sounding on the verge of sleep.
"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"
Dean groaned slightly. "Yeah, fine. Get your five year old ass over here and don't bleed on me."
Sam smiled slightly, then walked over to his brother's bed, climbing in. He rested his head on the pillow, closing his eyes. "Night, Dean."
Dean swung a protective arm around Sam, closing his own eyes. "Good night, Sammy."
Haley: You're crazy if you think that's the end. I still have to work in one more character, plus something that happens with Sam, and a couple more things! We still have at least four chapters left! But it would've made a cute ending, huh? Heh...
Dean: 'Something that happens with Sam?' Like what?
Haley: Sorry, can't tell you.
Sam: I think I probably know what it is.
Dean: How can you know and I can't?
Sam: Gee, Dean, I don't know. Maybe because it has to deal with me? I know how my mind works better than you.
Dean: Oh, c'mon! I don't want to be left out in the dark here!
Haley: Ugh, fine. Leans over and whispers something in Dean's ear.
Dean: Wide eyed. I'll kill you!
Haley: You'll have to catch me first! Runs away!
Dean: You think you can outrun me? Ha! Runs after Haley!
Sam: Since Haley and Dean are out acting like children and playing tag I guess I'll wrap this one up. Which I don't mind, cause if you haven't noticed it's always 'Haley and Dean' this, 'Haley and Dean' that. I'm barely ever showed in these 'end of the chapter' things! Oh, and Ghostwriter? Haley says I'm all yours for the next couple days (while she writes out chapter 6) for a lovely donation of at least a dollar into her 'I need a job' fundraiser! Anyway, stay tuned! What Haley has in store will be a tear jerker, I can promise you that much! Bye!