Sooooo... umm... hi?
It's been a crazy long time since I've updated this story, and for that I'm just so so sorry guys. I know I said I'd have this chapter up quickly and I know it's been, like, a month and a half or so? So yeah, I suck. I got a few messages from people concerned that I'd abandoned this story; you're all so sweet and caring, and thank you so much for your support. Apparently I lie about when an update will happen, but I promise promise promise that I will finish this story. It'll happen guys, just give me time.
Big shout out today to fandomlove17 for being the nudges/gentle shoves I needed to complete this chapter. You, my friend, are definitely the reason this update happened.
I googled the medical stuff needed for this chapter. I'm a sleep-deprived law student, it's probably terribly wrong. I apologize sincerely for that, but I hope it at least blends in with the context enough to be somewhat ignored.
Anyho, I won't ramble. Long chapter (wow guys, this is the longest chapter I've ever written and I'm actually super like, whoah), hope it somewhat lives up to the wait :)
...
Chapter four:
The instant they're pushed out of Kara's hospital room, J'onn moves. Vaguely, he's aware of Maggie following him, taking the time to stop and reassure the few that were waiting that yes, Kara is conscious and relatively alright but no, Hamilton probably wouldn't let anyone else in to see her.
Probably for the best, J'onn thinks, because after seeing Kara himself, after hearing her story, there's anger running like fire through his veins, as strong as he hasn't felt in years.
He'd promised Jeremiah Danvers all that time ago that he'd look after his two daughters. Alex; with her fire and absolute independence and fierce determination to look after her sister. And Kara, who'd witnessed the explosion of her planet, felt the shockwaves that came with the realization that, apart from her infant cousin, she was all alone in the universe.
And there were times where he'd failed- after all, far be it for him to decide how Alex and Kara wanted to live their lives.
But he'd never failed quite this spectacularly.
Because this is something more. Something dark, horrible and twisted and-
He doesn't know how to fix it. Doesn't really know what to do at all, if he's being honest. Which, quite frankly, is unacceptable for the Director of an intelligence agency.
He should be able to start with making sure that the people responsible were punished, but that was one of the biggest problems.
"Give me the latest update on the Montgomery's," he orders, striding into the control room. At this late hour, there's only a handful of agents that are still here, and even these few appear pale-faced and drawn, their eyes glazed in the light from the computers.
One steps forward, apparently equal parts brave and foolish enough to deliver the bad news J'onn guesses is coming. "There's nothing new to report, sir. No sightings on our systems, no reports either from the police or Bureau's scans. All media regarding K'nex is silent."
J'onn's hands clench where they hang at his side, but he remains silent, reigning in the anger pulsing through his veins. These agents aren't who should bear the brunt of his frustration. No, that he'll save for when he gets his hands on the two men responsible for all this chaos.
Which he will. Once he figures out how Christian and Carter Montgomery have seemingly fallen right off the face of the earth.
It's a good thing then, he supposes, that J'onn has far more experience with the worlds beyond this one, too.
These are the things that Kara knows:
She's in pain. A horrifying, debilitating pain, the likes of which she hasn't felt before. But it's funny, though, because even as she's thinking this and even as her veins burn like fire, her mind's somehow separate.
Maybe that's because of the drugs the woman she'd distantly recognized as Dr. Hamilton had injected into her veins. Maybe it's because she's Kryptonian, and so the pain meds aren't affecting her like they'd expected. Maybe-
Maybe it's because her mind's just that conflicted, that torn apart.
Regardless, while her body is ravaged by a pain she seemingly can't even comprehend, weakened is a way she's never experienced before, the memories return. Were they always this horrible? Or have they been somehow worsened by her injuries; exaggerated by the drugs that are spreading through her system?
She doesn't know.
But there's one thing, like she'd told Maggie, she's sure of:
She's to blame for this. For all of it.
(It's like she's back in the Phantom Zone, with the echoing recesses of silence just going on and on and on.
Kara still has a firm grip on Alex's arm, and she can feel the steely tension in her sister's muscles, the perfect readiness for a fight, but Christian Montgomery and his son remain a fair distance away, close enough to the elevator that she and Alex would have to physically brush past them if they wanted to exit that way.
"My son always questioned me in reinforcing the security of this lab with Kryptonite," Christian says, looking somewhat triumphant, "but I always said- didn't I always say?!- that something like this would happen. They'd never let us hide forever." He says those final words with eyes only for his son, but Carter looks like he barely registers them; he's just still staring at Kara, his strange eyes wide and unblinking.
"You're Supergirl?" Carter breathes, so quietly that Kara almost doesn't hear him over the drumming of her heart in her ears.
A wave of panic washes over her, the kind that always comes when she's fumbled with her cover. And she doesn't know exactly how to respond; whether to deny it entirely, claim to be another surviving Kryptonian, rather than from the infamous House of El, or to nod her head and hope that her reputation is enough to make them sufficiently cautious.
And this is the part she's always hated; the lying, the constant need to check herself before she speaks, lest there's something that could potentially give her away in her words. Kal-El had told her a long time ago, with a sympathetic smile and eyes that couldn't fully understand, that she'd grow used to it. Eliza and Jeremiah had nudged her gently with a pair of glasses and a new last name and Alex, Alex would always remind her that not everyone in the universe was as understanding as her family.
Which irked her a bit, honestly, because of course she knew that the world wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Just because she chose to see the good in people didn't mean she wasn't aware of the bad.
She just hadn't expected to see it so readily in Christian and Carter Montgomery.
She opens her mouth, but doesn't have the chance to say anything before Christian Montgomery cuts across her. "It doesn't matter now," he says, his eyes scanning rapidly over the many things in the room, and Kara feels Alex take a step closer in readiness when he makes his way over to one of the tables pushed against the side wall and retrieves a small, silver case, a few inches larger than his hand.
It's also lead-lined, making it impossible for Kara to make out what's inside.
"Grab whatever you need," he says over his shoulder, "we're getting out of here."
Carter hesitates for a second, before doing as his father had asked, sparing them one last look before grabbing the nearest laptop and shoving it, along with several stacks of paper, into a black satchel. It's curious though, because as he's doing so Carter keeps throwing these minute glances to various points around the room. Kara follows his gaze and, with a blink of her x-ray vision, manages to make out about what he's seemingly subconsciously looking towards; about half a dozen small boxes, around the size of her fist, spread evenly along the four walls of the bunker.
A cool feeling of dread settles in Kara's bones as she sees- or rather, doesn't see- that they're infused with lead, just like the case Christian had grabbed just before. It's almost like they've prepared this lab for a siege- a siege from Kryptonians very specifically. But surely that can't be right, because the exact abilities and weaknesses of her and Kal-El's bodies are a blacklisted military secret.
So maybe it's just a coincidence, a precautionary safety measure.
But that didn't explain why Carter was paying them such particular attention now.
She wants to say something, to bring it to Alex's attention, but her sister speaks before she has the chance to. "Okay, look," Alex says firmly, her voice cold and even, fully back into the persona of the steely DEO agent, "you know something about us. And the fact that you know and have possession of Kryptonite means there's more to you too. So why don't you just let us get out of here, and we'll both forget about each other, okay?"
"No, no," Christian says immediately, his towering form thrumming with a frantic energy, "because if she is Supergirl," he spits out the word like curse, jerking his head towards where Kara's standing, doubled over slightly, "then she works for some big, unknown government agency. They won't stop looking for us now, they'll never stop looking for us."
"That's not true," Kara pipes up, groaning as she forces herself to stand tall. She can't tell where or how much Kryptonite is in the room around them, and despite the tolerance she's somewhat developed Kara can't control the shakiness to her knees and stiffness to her breath. "I know what it's like to be hunted, and I know what it's like to always be looking over your shoulder. That's not a life I would wish on anyone."
"You think this is something that I want?! For myself, for my son?!"
"You're thinking like you only have one choice," Alex takes a step forward, her hands extended slightly like she's placating a spooked animal, "when you don't. You haven't done anything yet. So just leave, make the right decision and we'll both forget what happened down here."
That's when Carter intervenes, disbelief colouring his voice, "the only people that speak like that are the ones who've always had a choice," he forces out a strained laugh, "when look at the one you've forced us into," he gestures to the lab, "leave all this behind. Again," he looks to his father. "I'm just so sick of it all, I don't want to run anymore."
Kara looks up. "Anymore?"
But the elder Montgomery merely laughs, and it's a horrible, broken sound; a strange juxtaposition too, as he runs a hand through his greying hair, against the clean-cut and put-together man they'd first been introduced to earlier. "My son has had more experience with the way the world really is, more than I'd ever have liked," he holds out his hands, palms up like he's asking for salvation, "there is no justice, unless we make it for ourselves."
Alex's voice is like steel and Kara feels, rather than sees, how her hands have curled slightly into fists. "Turn around. And leave. Forget what's happened here, and we'll do the same. Last chance."
And it's then that Christian Montgomery looks directly at Alex, dead in the eye, and says simply, "no."
And then, with a sickening feeling of dread, they watch as with a soft click he releases the latches on the small, silver case he'd retrieved before.
That's when Alex starts to say something, tugging at Kara's shoulder. "Kara-"
She never does find out what her sister was about to ask for.
Because then they finally learn what's in the case. And her heartrate skyrockets.
Everything had already spiraled out of control enough without a gun in the mix.
It's nowhere near the first time a gun's been pointed her way. And it definitely won't be the last. She's so used to it now that there's actually a part of her that almost wants to laugh. And yeah, maybe that's what Alex and Eliza mean when they tell her she's sometimes too cocky and that there'll come a time where her confidence will come back to haunt her.
Surely she could've learnt that lesson without putting Alex at risk too.
Carter releases a startled breath. "Dad-"
"Carter. Get over here now."
"But you can't seriously-"
"Carter." The elder Montgomery's voice is firm and unyielding, leaving no room for argument, and it's obvious from the way that Carter slowly makes his way to his father's side that he'll offer no more in the way of resistance. Kara's struck suddenly with the memory of how, only hours ago, he'd stood in front of a crowd full of unbelieving reporters, impassive in the face of their scrutiny. She'd respected him in that moment. She doesn't know how she feels now; the only thing Kara's fully aware of is the way the Kryptonite is burning through her veins and the gun now held in Christian's hands.
There's a split second where it's like the word's fallen still- or maybe just fallen away completely, and they're left with the endless, infinite space and time and then-
Christian spins around, impossibly fast. Was that his movements that seemed so inhumanly quick? Or was it the Kryptonite slowing down her reactions, reducing her perception?
She doesn't have the chance to decide, because then he fires two shots.
The first, Kara pushes herself forward, thrusting her arm up and deflecting the bullet towards the side.
The second, grazes just below Kara's arm, and her skin is still unbreakable enough with these plain bullets that it ricochets slightly; no longer directly at them, but downwards.
And Kara flails slightly, seeing its target, but not fast enough to stop it from burying into Alex's leg and she can hear it pierce the skin, practically feel the minute vibrations as it tears through muscle and it's close- too close- to her sister's femoral artery.
Alex yells out, falling to the ground, and the sound absolutely cuts through Kara.
She can hear Christian Montgomery moving back to the elevator, his grip firm on Carter's shoulder, but it pales in comparison to the fear she feels.
"Alex? Alex-" Kara drops down beside her sister, taking the time to drag them both behind the nearest table, out of the direct line of fire. Her breaths are catching in her throat, her lungs heaving, but she groans out again, "Alex?"
"I'm okay. It's- it's okay, Kara."
But there's dark blood absolutely streaming from Alex's leg, despite the weak hand she has pressed against the wound, and a red pool of blood that's rapidly expanding towards Kara's knees.
She'd seen how the bullet had skimmed her sister's artery, the damage that had been done as it tore through her leg and she knows that despite whatever Alex tries to say, there's nothing here that's okay.
Kara looks up at the sound of the elevator doors shuddering closed, just in time to see Christian Montgomery steer his son back into the elevator door with a firm hand on his shoulder.
And it's then, as the doors trundle to a close, that Kara sees him draw out his phone, tapping away at it for a few moments, before looking up. Their eyes meet. "Goodbye, daughter of Krypton," Christian says quietly, "the universe owed us both better."
The doors close, and then the silence is back, the limitless, never-ending silence.
Broken only by one sound- something that sends a new wave of panic rolling through her.
A steady, rhythmic beep.
The undeniable sound of a timer ticking down.)
"Okay, but what does that mean?" there's no shortage of frustration in Maggie's tone, but she can't honestly bring herself to care. Exhaustion has settled in a dull haze around her brain ever since she'd been forced out of Kara's room, and the technical theories of Alex's head doctor is the last thing she wants to deal with.
The doctor- Richards? Had he first introduced himself as?- frowns, shifting impatiently on his feet, as if explaining his patient's status with a lowly detective was the last thing he'd like to deal with. "We've been taking hourly blood samples to analyze the amount of drugs in her blood. We've found there's been a notable decrease in the foreign substance-"
Maggie's ears prick, but she forces her face to remain impassive as he continues seemingly obliviously.
"- which I've noted here in her file. I've also sent a sample to the lab to be analyzed. But without knowing anything about this drug, I'm hesitant to introduce any more into her system less it react with what's already there."
Maggie nods. She's been trained as a first responder, after all. She knows the basic principles of first aid.
"What we've noticed though, is that she's becoming increasingly restless. There's been a marked increase in her core temperature, and it's having quite the effect on her awareness."
Her gaze cuts back to the doctor. "The hell does that mean?" she demands.
Richards blinks, opening his mouth in what she hopes to God isn't an argument, before seeming to think again and instead handing her the tablet in his hands. There's very little there she actually understands, but one of the things Maggie does pick up is a small line graph showing- surely enough- a slow but steady increase in Alex's temperature, hovering now, it seemed, at 100.4.
There'd been a time, a few months ago now, where Alex had come down with what she'd adamantly argued as being allergies. Kara had rolled her eyes instantly, disappearing for a few minutes before returning with her sister's favourite tea, her warmest sweater, and advice for Maggie on what she'd already suspected; Alex wouldn't admit to being sick. She'd only stop when exhaustion left her with little other option.
How long ago that seems now.
"It means," Richards continues, his voice as soft now as it's ever been during their conversation, and that alone makes Maggie want to punch him in the face, "that there's something more malicious here working through her system. As of yet, I'm not overly concerned about it. The fact that the drug levels in her blood are dropping means that the fever is probably her body's way of dealing with that decrease. Which is familiar grounds"
Maggie looks up. "Familiar in what way."
"They're similar symptoms to what we'd see in withdrawal patients."
Her gaze drops again as the word echoes through her head.
Withdrawal patients. Withdrawal. It's an ugly, horrible word, filled with all sorts of implications. How many times has she seen it's effects? Seen people caught in its reach? You don't rise from a beat cop to detective without seeing the shit in the world, but this was… this was different. This was painful and disgusting and unbearable in a whole new way. And there was only one way Maggie could see forward.
"Can I see her?"
Maybe this is what insanity feels like.
Or maybe it's just a dream.
The thing is, she can't tell the difference any more. Her fevered dreams are just as horrifying as reality, Alex is learning.
When her eyes drift closed, there's Kara, bloody and scared and looking at her like she can't even recognize her own sister.
She's there too, when Alex opens her eyes. But she's not Kara here either.
She's leaning against the far wall now, dressed in the Supergirl uniform Alex had last seen her in. But she's not covered in blood now, instead she stands tall and strong and… bored, almost.
"Kara," Alex pleads, her chapped lips stinging, "Kara, talk to me."
Her sister looks up from where she'd been analyzing her nails. "What do you want me to say?"
Swallowing is physically painful, but her throat feels like it's burning. "Something… anything… tell me what I can do to fix this?"
"Fix this?" Kara pushes herself off the wall, striding towards Alex's bed. Her blue eyes, normally so alight with kindness and strength, burn with a different sort of intensity. "What if you can't fix this, Alex?"
"I can still try."
"Can you? Look at yourself. You're broken. And you know what the worst thing is?" she leans in close, so strands of her long hair brush against Alex's cheek, "you did this to yourself," she laughs cruelly, shaking her head, "actually no; even worse, you did this to me." Something else falls on her face, and when Kara leans back, Alex's heart's in her throat at the sight of blood absolutely streaming down her sister's face.
Kara stumbles back, doubled over in pain that seems to grip her insides, and coughs up scarlet, bloody mucus to the floor. Alex struggles to get to her, but now there's a heavy weight pinning her to the bed.
"Alex? Alex, please-"
"Kara?! Kara!" Her sister, she has to get to her sister-
"Alex! Alex, calm down, what's wrong-?"
She cringes away from the voice and a furious beeping sound that falls like gunshots to her ears and screws her eyes shut against the sight of her sister in such pain- pain that she's caused.
"Alex!"
And somewhere, deep in her consciousness, the voice registers, and her eyes blink open again. "Maggie?"
Her girlfriend's familiar form swims into focus, eyes shadowed by purple smudges and hair hastily pulled back in a messy bun, the way Maggie always has it when she's exhausted and on edge and can't deal with anything anymore. "Hey," she says softly.
"Maggie?," she repeats, glancing around the room. But there's no sign that Kara was ever there, only the rapid beat of her heartbeat sounding on the monitor.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. Just me, alright? There's no one else here."
If Alex had the breath for it, she'd scoff. Of course there's no one else, because this is one of the DEO's most secure cells, the ones that very few have clearance to access. And yet-
And yet surely the whispers are real.
Maggie's hands are shoved deep in her pockets and a frown contorts her face. "Your doctor's saying that you're having a hard time with reality at the moment. I thought he seemed like a bit of a condescending jackass, but then…" she drifts off, but it's simple enough to fill in the blanks. Alex can feel the sweat beading along her forehead and the shakiness to her hands, while shadowy edges play at the edge of her vision.
"How's Kara?" Alex asks, her voice cracking.
"Hamilton says she'll be fine," Maggie replies immediately, and a small knot loosens slightly in Alex's chest, "she- she solar flared, so it'll take her a while to heal. But she'll be fine. She was asking for you."
Alex snorts, then coughs wretchedly as the desert in her throat protests. Of course Kara was asking after her. Of course her sister was worried about her far more than she should be. Because as much as she thought she was being reassuring, there's so many unsaid things in Maggie's words.
She'll be fine, meaning Kara's not fine now, that she's in pain.
She solar flared, so she'll be even more disoriented and exhausted than her injuries would normally allow, so there's no way she'll bounce back like they're all so used to.
But Alex doesn't bother asking if she can see her. She's not entirely sure she has the strength to. And anyway, what would she say? Any apology would be so insubstantial, so ridiculous in the face of her failures.
Maggie shifts on her feet, one of her hands coming up to rub at her eyes. Her exhaustion is evident in every little way, from how she sways slightly on her feet to how her shoulders are slumped, listless underneath the jacket that suddenly seems far too large. If Alex wasn't restrained- and if she actually had the strength- she'd lift up a hand to brush away the frown lines cutting across Maggie's forehead.
I did this, Alex thinks, the words tumbling through her skull. I did this I did this I did this.
"Do they know?"
Maggie visible startles. "Not all of it. Not Yet."
"But Kara- you said she'd woken up?"
"She did, babe, but she- she didn't say everything."
There's more hidden meaning there; didn't and couldn't are interchangeable in this context.
Alex's eyes flick upwards, to the corner of the room where the security camera's red light blinks steadily. "Did J'onn send you then? To find out what happened?"
Maggie frowns once again, chancing a step closer to the bed. "You really think that's why I'm here? You think I'm that single-minded? God Alex, I'm here because I want to make sure you're alright-"
"But you also want to know what happened."
There's a slight pause there, and Alex watches as Maggie's jaw clenches. "I know you're feeling like shit right now, but that doesn't give you the right to push me away."
Alex lets out a breath, long and slow, between her teeth. It does nothing to reduce the tightness to her lungs.
And the red light of the camera just blinks, blinks, blinks.
"Hey," Maggie's hand brushes against her own, so warm and full of strength as she closes around Alex's limp fingers. It's her dominant hand, the one that has the bruise darkening her knuckles, and Maggie's thumb is feather soft as it ghosts over the ugly smudges of purple. "We'll work it out, okay? Whatever happened, whatever will happen, we'll make it work."
God, how Alex wants to believe her, what she wouldn't give to let herself fall into the comfort of her girlfriend's words. But she can't give herself that luxury, she doesn't deserve it- well, really, when had she ever deserved Maggie?
And yet…
Maybe she can give herself just this one moment, before the whole world comes crashing down with the weight of her actions. She owes that much to the people she cares about.
Maggie… Kara… J'onn…
Slowly, her voice cracking, with sweat beading along her forehead and just the slightest glaze of tears in her eyes, Alex begins to talk.
And the whole time, Maggie's hand doesn't move from around her own.
(Alex wasn't a boastful person by nature, but there was one thing that she'd readily admit to: she was a damn good agent. And a big part of that, more than almost anything else. Was her ability to react when a situation went sideways.
And this, Alex reckoned, was the ultimate example of things turning to absolute shit.
She vaguely registers that Christian and Carter Montgomery have just left in the elevator, and she can hear that steady, ominous beep that honestly can't mean anything good, and she knows that they should really, really get moving-
But for the love of fucking fuck, her leg.
Context comes back to her in flashes of red hot pain. First is the sound of her sister's voice, desperately calling her name.
"Alex? Alex, come on, come on, Alex!"
Next is the feel of Kara's hands on her leg, one putting pressure on the entry wound, the other cinching tight around the top of her thigh the belt Kara had been wearing. Despite her arguments that it was Alex's area of expertise, Kara had taken remarkably well to the basic first aid lessons J'onn had insisted upon a few months ago, and Alex had never been so grateful for it.
"Alex?!"
"Yeah… it's okay… I'm alright. It's okay."
"You're not okay. You are so not okay. So don't you even say-"
"Kara."
The single word is enough to effectively stop Kara in her descent to panic. "You hear the timer too?" she asks instead.
Alex nods. "We shouldn't hang around to see what happens when it stops." There's a vague dizziness as she sits up but Alex pushes past it. She knows the medicinal implications; none of that will help them now. "What's the damage?"
"Its…" Kara bites her lip, looking down at where she's still holding pressure, "it didn't sever your artery, but you're still losing a lot of blood."
"Did it break the bone?"
Kara shakes her head, and Alex nods hers once, twice. "Okay. Okay, that's good then." A pained shudder suddenly wracks through Kara's frame, bowing her head as releases a slightly stuttered breah. Alex eyes her closely. "How's the Kryptonite?"
"It's fine, I can deal with-"
"That's not what I asked. I need to know if we're gonna make a plan, Kara."
Her sister lets out a low, exasperated breath. "It's strong," Kara answers reluctantly, "Must be reinforced in the walls, near the elevator too."
"How much?"
"Enough."
Kara's monosyllabic response is answer enough. She's gotten good at hiding and dealing with the effects that Kryptonite has, but it's clear that this is harming her to an extent past even that. The only thing that Alex can hope for is that despite this, it's not quite strong enough or that Kara's not exposed for much longer so as to knock out her powers.
Alex holds out her hand for her sister to grab. "Come on, lift me up."
"Alex…" Kara's voice is low and desperate, completely giving away how against causing any more pain she is.
"We've got to get out of here Kara, can you think of any other way?" God, how she wished that she could. But it's clear from the way Kara bites her lip that she's stuck too.
"Okay," Kara says, "okay, ready? I'm gonna lift you, so don't you dare try do anything by yourself."
Alex nods, forcing herself to take steady, deep breaths, knowing that the next few seconds are going to be absolutely hell.
Kara's hands are gentle as they grip underneath her shoulders, pulling her upright and shouldering most of her weight in one smooth motion. For a moment, Alex almost thinks that it'll work, that Kara can carry them both out of here despite the rivers of sickening green still flowing beneath the Kryptonian's skin, sapping at her strength.
And then Alex shifts just the barest amount of weight to her leg and-
Her knees buckle, a cry ripping itself from her lips. If it wasn't for Kara's steady grip she would've fallen straight back onto the unforgiving tiled floor. She writhes against the fire licking against her leg, fully convinced she's about to burn alive.
"Shh, okay, I'm sorry," Kara's voice is as soothing as the hand she brushes against Alex's forehead, pushing back the stands of hair slick with sweat, "I'm sorry, we won't move anymore, I'm sorry."
Alex has been shot before, but there's very little you can do to prepare yourself for the stabbing pain that comes with it, like barb wire's being pulled through her skin. And adrenaline is a helpful thing, but even that won't allow her the ability of ignoring the horrific wound enough to put even a lick of pressure on her leg.
She needs something else.
"Okay," Alex grits out, propping her body up onto her elbows. "New plan. This is a chemical lab, there must be something here that can help."
"Right," Kara says, immediately pushing herself to her feet and staggering over to the nearest bench. "Okay… Okay…" Her fingers dance over the small shelf stacked full of small vials of marked chemicals and drugs. Kara's eyes scan fast, but still Alex can't bear just watching.
"Pass some here."
Kara does as she's told, handing over a small silver, box- not entirely unalike what Christian had stored his gun in. "There's a few in there," Kara explains, before stumbling back over to the side table.
Alex runs her hands over the box Kara had given her, unlatching the clasps at the side and lifting the lid. Inside there's actually very little, only five small vials of clear chemicals, separated by a firm foam inlay. Gingerly, she picks up the first one, bringing it closer so her eyes can make out the tiny print on the label. "What does yours say?" she asks Kara, "read them out to me."
"Um…" Kara's head tilts slightly as she reads, "accolate, galsulfase, epinephrine-"
"No, that's adrenaline, it'll only make me lose blood faster. Next one."
Kara's eyes scan quickly. "Um, okay, I can only recognize a handful of these things-"
"What are the things that you can?" Alex says distractedly. She isn't having much luck with her own; the labels on each vial are covered in chemicals that even she can't recognize. She swears roughly. This is taking far too long. If it is a bomb that's about go off they don't have the time to waste. They need to get out now, get as far away as possible, call J'onn, then find the Montgomery's.
But she can't move. Can barely stand. How the fuck is this supposed to work?
And then she picks up the vial in the middle.
Because there it is, sitting in her hand.
"Kara," she says, and just that one word is enough to bring her sister back to her side instantly.
"What's wrong?" then she sees what Alex is holding, "you found something!? Is it a painkiller?"
"Yeah, Fentanyl, see?"
Kara peers at the words, her blue eyes filled with desperate hope. "Yeah… what are the other things though?"
Alex doesn't answer, but she closes her fingers slightly around the vial, pulling back her hand. "It'll be fine," she says, deliberately keeping her voice even, "find a needle."
"Alex, what-? No. I'm not going to let you inject yourself with something when we're not fully sure of what it is. No way."
"Fuck, there's no other option, okay? We need to do this. Find me a needle."
She can't focus on Kara's arguments, despite the fact that her sister had immediately picked up on the issue here. Because although Fentanyl- one of the most potent painkillers, especially used to treat gunshot wounds- was the first name listed on the label, there were still about nine chemicals that came afterwards. And honestly? Like what Kara had said earlier; Alex could only recognize about half of them.
And she knew- she knew- how stupid it was to inject herself with a foreign substance. She should be listening to Kara. She shouldn't be at all willing to resort to this. But then the words come back to her, of the conversation she'd had with Maggie that morning- God, only that morning?!.
I swear to always try my hardest, to stay safe, and to come back to you.
She'd promised Maggie. How could she break that? She couldn't, she wouldn't.
And Kara- Alex couldn't let Kara die like this, buried underground so far from the sun.
She doesn't have time to overthink her actions. Without a painkiller to dull the horrific wound to her leg, she won't be able to stand. And then they won't be able to get out. And Alex wouldn't insult her sister by even attempting to ask Kara to leave without her.
This is the only way.
This is the only way, Alex repeats to herself, as she spies a box of packaged syringe in an open cupboard just outside of her reach.
This will help, she tells herself, reaching out, pushing against the horrible strain in her leg.
"It'll be fine," she says aloud, ignoring the look of horror on Kara's face, loading the syringe in one practiced action and curling her left hand into a fist so that the veins in her elbow stand out in sharp relief. And then she pushes the needle into her skin.
(I promise to come back to you.)
For a second, nothing happens, where all she can feel is an odd heat spreading through her veins, emanating from the spot where the needle entered her skin.
"Alex?" Kara asks, worry absolutely saturating her words.
She opens her mouth to answer, to reassure her, but then something changes; something shifts deep in her veins, a heat that's spreading slowly through her blood. It doesn't hurt, in fact as it makes it way to her leg, it's like it burns through her injury- not healing it by any means, but giving her the strength to ignore it.
Fentanyl. She could almost laugh at its sweet relief.
She knows Kara is watching her, can feel her sister's anxious eyes boring into her, but then-
But then-
The drug reaches her chest, her heart-
And her body absolutely burns.
Alex cries out, her body tipping sideways and onto the ground, and then Kara's hands are fluttering over her writhing form, gripping her shoulders.
"Alex! What's wrong- tell me what's wrong!"
Her heart thunders in her chest, a beat so strong she's sure the whole room should be shaking with its force.
"Alex!"
Distantly, she registers the feel of Kara's hands and the sound of her voice but it's lost in the sudden blaze of details that suddenly assault her.
The hammering of her heartbeat.
The steely, unmistakable tang of blood.
And most importantly, the beep of the timer, falling to her ears like gunshots.
"I'm-" she breathes past the flames, "I'm fine… let's go- Kara-"
There's a sharp pang from her leg as Alex pulls herself upright, but it's drowned out almost immediately, lost in whatever haze is flooding her veins. Focus, focus, she has to focus.
Timer. Out. Now.
Kara staggers at her side, and Alex grabs at her, doesn't know how roughly, and hauls her closer, turning towards the exit.
Timer. Kryptonite. Out. Now.
Her thumb stabs at the elevator button, and then an instant later she's dragging at the doors, shoving them open so that they slam against their tracks- strong, too strong, much stronger than usual.
Timer. Out. Now.
She drags them into the elevator. Alex can hear the beeping now, the ticking down of the timer that'll trigger whatever explosives are set up around lab. She can hear it, and yet there's an eternity within each moment, between each consecutive second down.
In the first, the doors shudder closed and she punches at the elevator buttons until she feels the shuddering beneath her feet, until the floor trembles with all the force of a quake. Or is that her that's shaking?
In the second, Kara groans in her arms, doubling over slightly and vomiting over the floor, barely missing their shoes. Oh right. Kryptonite. Kryptonite in the walls and the floors and her father's voice in her ear saying, "it's one of the few things that'll hurt her, Alex, its radiation damages a Kryptonian's cells. But there's none on earth; we don't have to worry about that. She'll be safe."
Another lie. Another half-truth. Another thing she'd failed at.
Timer. Kryptonite. Out. Now.
"Come on!" Alex yells, "Come on, come on, come on!"
"Alex…" Kara moans.
She blinks, and then in the next instant the elevator jerks to a stop. The doors aren't opening fast enough though, so she whips her hand out and pushes with all her might and she only briefly registers the sight of the doors crumpling slightly beneath her grip before she jerks out of the lift, dragging Kara at her side.
The distance of the foyer seems to fold in on itself, and in an instant they're passing through the metal detectors- the guards are gone now, and there's no one to stop them as the machines angrily protest at the metal they're carrying (the phone in her bag, obviously, and J'onn's voice saying, "call me if you need anything Alex, anything"-)
And then they're out the door, bursting out into the carpark, blinded by the light that absolutely burns her eyes. Kara shudders slightly, and Alex pulls her closer, jerking her slightly so she knows to keep walking, as far away as possible.
She can't think about where the Montgomery's might be. She can only think about getting them away and safe and-
Kara shifts in her grip, her muscles tightening. "The timer stopped-" she says quickly.
And then all Alex can register is how Kara grabs her by the shoulders and propels them both forward with whatever Kryptonian strength she has remaining-
As the warehouse behind them explodes with a sudden burst of light and heat.)
It's quiet. So very, very quiet.
Alex swallows once, twice, against the fire in her throat. A sudden beep from one of the monitors at her side- probably in protest of the short, labored breaths she's now taking- makes them both jump. They wait a few moments, but no one comes in.
There's a part of Alex that wishes someone would; at least then she wouldn't be caught under the weight of her girlfriend's gaze. The cool, slightly fearful treatment from the doctors is far more expected than the cautious concern and eyes that just care far too more than they should.
She hears Maggie take in a quick, stuttered breath. "Alright Danvers," she says, and the authoritative tone is enough for Alex to meet her gaze, "I know you. You're blaming yourself for this. And you know what? While you're doing that, Kara's out there blaming herself too."
Jerking slightly, Alex says, "what? It's not her fault- none of this is her fault. How can she think that?"
"Probably for the same reason you believe about yourself."
Alex pauses for a few moments, and when she next speaks her words are a broken murmur. "She should hate me."
"That girl isn't capable of hating anyone- especially you, Alex. She loves you so much."
And look what it caused her, a bitter voice in Alex's head says, look what happened to her because of it.
And Alex had considered herself a reasonable person. Before. Now, all sense of reason seems to have fled her. And in its place is something dark and twisted.
"Just go."
Maggie jerks slightly, but then frowns, reaching out a hand to-
-Touch her
Comfort her
(Hurt her)-
"Don't" Alex's voice is ice- cold, sharp and unyielding. "Just- just go.
Maggie leans back, her hand dropping, but her face falls into an expression of stubbornness Alex is acutely familiar with. "I'm not going anywhere."
Her vision swirls in a nauseating blur of colours, and it's all Alex can do not to groan aloud as Maggie's words echo in her ears.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not anywhere.
Then there's Kara's voice, whispering cold words in her ear. "You promised me that once, too."
Alex jerks, pushing against the restraints. "Fuck, just get the hell out of here. I don't want you here. Get the hell away from me." Maggie? Or Kara?
Maggie takes a step back, almost subconsciously, but her face hardens. "Tough luck, Danvers. I'm staying."
Her head falls back to the pillow in defeat. The grey paneling of the roof swims in and out of focus dizzyingly, and she knows that Maggie's gaze, where it bores into her skull, is filled with an overwhelming amount of concern that Alex can't even begin to deal with.
She needs… (Well, Alex knows what she needs, but she can't she can't-)
"You promised."
Maggie jerks back like she's been burned, something close to horror on her face as her eyes widen and Alex realizes how her words would've sounded.
"No- no- that's not what I-" I didn't mean it like that, Maggie, please, it's my fault not yours, never yours- "please, I just-" her vision swims out of focus for a few moments, "I need to know that Kara's being taken care of."
"But I…" Maggie trails off. Alex can count on one hand the number of times she's seen her girlfriend caught off guard, speechless, and it's just as disconcerting as it always has been. "I want to be here for you," Maggie finishes softly, "I need to be here to help you."
The words, I don't deserve your help, almost fall off her lips, but Alex catches herself, shaking her head as much as she can. "Go," there's no desperation behind her words anymore, just a resigned exhaustion. "Look after yourself and look after Kara."
Maggie's gaze is intense as she analyzes her face. It's clear what she's looking for; a sign that Alex is lying, something that says she really wants the opposite. But Alex has had a lifetime of keeping up a façade and this is no exception.
"Fine," Maggie allows, "I'll go look after her. But I'll be back in a couple of hours, you hear?"
Alex nods immediately, and even this movement makes the room spin nauseously. Her head falls back to the pillow, her eyes closing as Alex focuses on deepening the breaths she swears aren't making it to her lungs.
She doesn't see, but she can hear that Maggie hesitates slightly, standing there for a beat longer, before stepping away.
It's habit, the way the words form on her tongue. It's instinct, that there's something she feels needs to be said as Maggie leaves. And the instant the words, "love you," falls from her lips she regrets it.
Not because it's a lie. God, nothing like that. But how can she invoke something so inherently sacred in circumstances like this?
Her breath catches in her throat, her eyes fluttering open as she searches for an explanation, a way to take back the words she's just let slip. "Maggie-" she gets out, before realizing that the room is already empty, that the door's already closed, that her girlfriend hadn't even heard her whispered profession (was she ever even there?)
It's a strange mix of relief and sadness that floats through her again.
But it's alright. It's justified. It's easier this way.
And as Alex lets her eyes close once again, her mind giving in to the feverish haze, she floats away too.
Alrighty, super long chapter, so much happening. I think I'm actually a bit overwhelmed and not to sure about the pace and dialogue within this, but I really did just wanna get it out there. Thank you all so much for the continuous support (all of the comments are amazing to read).
Also, you may have noticed there were some creative liberties taken with regards to the Kryptonite. I don't really think they address it too much in the show compared to, for example, in the Superman films. I don't really want to try align those though, but maybe it gives more explanation as to why Kara's so affected by it?
I have my final exams over the next few weeks (please send help), but I'll try get out the next chapter soon.
Thank you, once again :)
-F