Disclaimer: I do not receive any profit for my fanfictions, nor do I own Supernatural or Sam and Dean Winchester.

Title: Lose Yourself

Chapter Title: Chapter Ten

Set After: I'm basically saying that it's after 'Shadow' now.

Summary: Dean tried to tell Sam that it wasn't his fault, that he had no part in Jess or their mom dying… Sam didn't believe him. Now the guilt is causing him to go down a road that Dean might not be able to bring him back from. His depression is hitting the brothers fast and hard, and Sam can only be pushed so far before losing himself completely.

Warnings: probably a few typos here and there...

"So, Sam, I noticed some tension between Ryan and yourself as you two stepped into the waiting room this morning."

Sam was back in Dr. Williamson's office the next day, and, unfortunately, she was right. Ever since the brothers' little conversation the night before they hadn't gotten along too well, and were barely talking to each other. Sam blamed himself for this, and wasn't upset in the least bit that Dean was being a bit moody. But, really, Dean needed to learn how to let go. How was he ever supposed to get anywhere in life if he always depend on living with the soul purpose of protecting his little brother? It was flattering, yes, but unhealthy. And, Sam noticed as he thought back on Dean watching out for him while he was at Stanford, strangely stalker-ish.

Sam shrugged, sitting down in the chair opposite the young woman. "Yeah, a bit." He had to remember that it was the small details that she needed. This was probably her plan all along. Get the brothers to separate so she could kill them off on the spot. "It's nothing, though."

"Tell me what happened," Dr. Williamson said, looking interested. Well, of course she was interested. The more information she got out of Sam the better, right? The more information she got from him was just more ammo that she could use against the brothers in the long run.

"He's just mad that I got to pick out last night's dinner, that's all," Sam lied, shrugging. But, as she looked at him with those brown, searching eyes, he wondered if she knew that what he said wasn't the truth. He could feel her probing into his mind, and willed himself to block her off.

"Sam, you look tired."

Sam thought for a moment, staring at her like she was crazy. What? He wasn't tired. What, was this some game to get him to crack? Because it wasn't working. It... Well... actually... Now that he thought about it he was a bit tired... Sam stifled a yawn, and shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Williamson got up from her seat and walked over to Sam slowly, as his eyes started to droop ever so slightly. She smiled softly and gently touched Sam's cheek, rubbing it soothingly with her thumb. "You need to relax, you know? How are we going to have an effective session if you don't know how to stress down a bit?"

Sam shook his head, his eyes close to closing. "No, I'm fine. Really. I... I..." Sam wasn't able to finish his sentence. His world soon went black.

"So, Sam, how was the session?" Dean asked as the two made their way back to the car. While he was sitting in the waiting room, reading an article on some famous guy's car, he had started to hear soft moans coming from Dr. Williamson's office. At first he started thinking that they were getting hot and sweaty in that little room, but reminded himself that Sam wouldn't do that. Until he realized that getting hot and sweaty with a demon was exactly how to get on her good side. Really, who could kill somebody they just slept with? Wait… He wasn't one to talk about who not to sleep with, was he?

"Fine," Sam said, shrugging. He seemed a little tense, and that fact just caused Dean to worry. Weren't psych visits supposed to help you relax and let go of your problems? Since when did they add to them? Then again, a psych visit with a normal psychiatrist was probably a lot different than one with a demon.

"Really? Do anything... fun?" Dean asked in an off-handed tone. He opened up his car door and slipped inside. When Sam didn't answer him right away, Dean became curious. He waited until his brother's door was closed, and raised his eyebrows. "Sammy?"

"What?" Sam asked, looking over at his brother. He acted as if he hadn't even heard the previous question. Oh god. Did that mean that Dean's baby brother actually did sleep with the demon?

"Didn't we have this chat before? You're supposed to go after the non-evil bitches if you want to get laid." Dean shook his head and started the car, slowly pulling out of the parking spot. Sam stared at him with a confused expression. Yeah, whatever, Sam, Dean thought to himself, mentally rolling his eyes. No need to play dumb with me. It's my specialty. Wait... Did I just call myself dumb in my own head? Dean shook his head slightly and looked over at his brother for a second, who still looked confused. "You didn't sleep with her?"

Sam raised his eyebrows slightly, then shook his head. "No. Should I have?"

"Well, it would've been a good way to get her off your case. 'Don't worry; you were a good fuck so I won't get revenge on you for murdering my sister.' I would've done it." Dean grinned and glanced at his brother, who was just shaking his head in disgust. Dean shrugged, looking back at the road. Okay, so first Sam just took 'Sammy', without even a word against it. Acted like it was totally normal. And there was also the whole 'tension' thing. And now he didn't have a witty comeback? "Sam, what really happened in there?"

Sam shrugged, looking out his widow. "Nothing." Well, at least the whole 'I'm not telling you jack shit' was still the same. Dean could always count on that coming from his brother. Actually, he would've preferred that be one of the things that he didn't always have to deal with, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

"Oh-kay, then," Dean said, raising his eyebrows slightly. What the hell was up with Sam, anyway? Hadn't they agreed before that it was best to talk about stuff now? Ever since Sam had tried to kill himself? Dean didn't want that to happen again. God, he didn't know what he'd do if he lost Sam. He'd lose it. He knew he would. He'd just break down and… Well, the point was, the two had agreed to talk more from now on. "Fine" "What" and "Nothing" didn't really count as talking. One word sentences, gotta love 'em.

Dean reached over and turned on the cassette player, ACDC blasting through the speakers. He looked over at his little brother to see if he cared or not. To see if he would shout out an annoyed remark. "Dean, turn that so-called music off" or "Dean, does it have to be so loud" or "Dean, can't we just listen to the radio for once?" But nothing came. Nothing at all. Alright, that was it.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam's eyes were curious and worried as Dean pulled over to the side of the road. It was time to figure out what was going on in Sam's head. No games, no distractions, no psycho demon shrinks. Just the two brothers, the Impala, and the lovely little ditch right off to their right.

"Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?" Dean asked, never one for subtly. Sam looked surprised at his words, and Dean just rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of this. Sam seemed just fine before the appointment. "What the hell happened in that office?"

"Nothing!" Sam said, looking honest-to-god annoyed that Dean kept asking the same question over and over. Yeah, well, he was gonna keep on asking until he got a real answer. So Sam would just have to deal until then.

"Yes, something did happen!" Dean yelled, his hand closing into a tight fist. God, why couldn't Sam just tell him the truth? Why did he always feel like he had to hide stuff from his older brother? His visions, his guilt about Jessica, the whole 'trying to kill himself' thing, and now whatever the hell happened at the shrink. Dean was getting fucking tired of it all. Dean took a slight deep breath, shaking his head as he tried to calm himself down. "You're not acting like yourself. So, unless you're not my brother, there's seriously something fucked up with you."

Sam was silent for a moment, and Dean looked at him curiously. Sam's eyes. Why hadn't he noticed Sam's eyes before? His brother always had a certain look in his eyes. Dean could never place it exactly, and had finally dubbed it 'The Sammy Look' when the older of the two was about seventeen. But… this Sam didn't have that look in his eyes. Sam then smirked, shrugging slightly. "Guilty as charged."

Dean narrowed his eyes, panic settling over his entire being. But he wouldn't let it show; he couldn't. Sam's life depended on Dean being strong and getting to the bottom of this. Well… he wasn't certain that Sam's life depended on it, but figuring that the shrink was a demon and the man in front of him now was in fact not Sam, he could guestimate that Sam was in danger. "Where the fuck is my brother?"

Sam smirked slightly, shrugging. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Oh, that son of a bitch!

"Yeah, actually, I would." Dean knew he shouldn't have let Sam go in that office alone. Yesterday the proposal had seemed wise; if Sam was going to get better he had to learn not to lean on Dean. Plus, without Dean there, he could talk freely about his negative feelings towards his older brother without feeling guilty afterwards. But since they had found out that the shrink was a demon, it hadn't seemed like such a wise idea. Even though they had been mad at each other, Dean still argued with Sam about this. But, yet, Sam didn't let Dean in the room with him… Dean knew something bad was gonna happen. He felt it. So why the hell hadn't he acted on it?

Sam seemed to think about Dean's words for a minute. God, if this creep wasn't the answer to Sam's whereabouts Dean would've already had his hands around his neck, strangling the goddamn piece of shit to death. The irony of it all. "Fine, I'll take you to see him."

Dean was caught off guard by this one. Wait, nothing in life was that easy. What the goddamn hell? What was the catch? There had to be a catch. Demons weren't just nice for no reason. They always had a hidden agenda. They always had a reason for what they did. Well, the nice things that they did, at least. "What's in it for you?"

The smirk that crossed Sam's face sent chills down Dean's spine. It was in that moment that his brother intuition kicked in, and he really knew that Sam was in danger. That something was not right with his baby brother. The smirk was one of evil… but not an evil that Dean had faced before, actually. This evil was hateful, wanting revenge. It was the smirk of the psychiatrist if she had shown her evil side to the brothers in the office.

"I get to kill two birds with one stone," Sam said, his smirk still in place. "Almost literally." Dean was about to shoot a wise ass remark back at the demon, but couldn't. Sam raised his hand, and closed it in a tight fist. Before the Winchester knew it, he couldn't breathe. The demon was cutting his air supply off. And, rather sooner than later, his world went black.

Haley: Oh 'em gee, guys, I'm am so sorry for the wait! I had a major writer's block with this chapter. Like, I knew what I wanted to happen, but I didn't know how it was gonna happen, you know? Anyway, I figure that there are only a couple to a few more chapters left... Not many, though! Yes, if you haven't guessed it, this is a WIP. I post 'em as I write 'em... But I generally know what's gonna happen... Only... I have no effing clue what the ending is going to be. I'm really sick and tired of happy endings, so I don't know if this story is going to have one. Maybe, though! .

Dean: Wait. No happy ending?

Haley: Maybe not. I'm not sure yet. I'm still deciding.

Sam: Would something happen to me or to Dean?

Haley: Well, either Dean will give up his life to stop Sam's guilt, which, really, doesn't make any sense. Or Sam will finally kill himself. Both are really effed up. So, I dunno. I guess you guys will just have to wait and see, huh?

Dean: You know, you're more evil than most of the bastards we fight.

Haley: Yeah, I know. But that's part of the reason you love meh!

Dean: ...

Haley: Heh... Dean?

Dean: ...

Haley: Deany Weany Bo Beany?

Sam & Dean: O.o

Dean: Who said I love you?

Haley: Gaspeh! I'm so hurt!

Dean: Good.

Haley: Sniffle sniffle.

Sam: Dean, go buy some Midol or something.

Dean: Shut up.

Sam: Jerk.

Dean: Bitch.

Haley: Wow, you guys are really unoriginal. Anyway... Turns to readers Please review, cause ya'll know you love meh! Even if Dean doesn't... Sob Until next time!