Chapter 7

"Ok cards on the table, you said earlier that you didn't have anyone you trusted enough in your life to make that sort of commitment with and it stung Donna. I know I have a million issues so I guess it shouldn't bother me that you feel that way but it does. You accused me once of being jealous of Louis because you worked for him, Stephen accused me of being jealous of your relationship and Paula, she saw it too but I didn't; instead I acted out to prove them all wrong. So look, I heard you when you said you didn't feel anything and I respect that but to literally be dismissed as an option, when you asked me if I'd ever considered having a child with Paula-and I haven't- but that doesn't mean I hadn't thought about what it would be like with anyone else…you're the only person I've ever thought of and maybe I should apologise for that but I'm not sure I'm sorry and this is why I didn't want to do this with you but you once told me I'm afraid to risk anything and I wasn't afraid to risk anything but yeah I was afraid to risk losing what we had and dammit I still am but if I can't be honest with you then I suppose I don't deserve it anyway"

"Harvey what are you saying? We've been down that road too many times and you've never wanted…and now just because I'm looking elsewhere you can't just say these things and open this up again, you wanted things back to normal, you wanted this. I never meant I don't trust you, Harvey I trust you with my life, I said I don't have anyone in my life that would want this that I trusted, can you honestly tell me you do because I don't think you understand what it would do to me if you said yes and took it back"

"Donna if you're asking me right now do I want a child, I can't say yes to that, but you said yourself you don't even know if it's what you want. That cuts both ways, if I said yes and you decided not to go through with it. But if you're asking me how I feel about you then that I can answer now. I can tell you that if I did want a family, that I would want it with you because you're the most amazing woman I've ever known, you're literally the women of my dreams, for such a long time now you have been, and I've been closed to what that means but however you feel now I want you to know that I love you, because the last time I had the chance to say it I screwed up and I damaged us, so now I'm not gonna do that anymore. And I can tell you that if I missed my chance and you really feel nothing for me then if you did decide you wanted a child and didn't want to do it anonymously then you do have a friend who would be willing to do it for you because you have sacrificed more for him than he is ever going to be able to repay and I just want you to know that. Whatever you want Donna, but whatever call you make I'm not taking it back and I'm not running away again"

Who was this assertive, confident articulate and emotional man? It crossed her mind fleetingly that maybe he'd been cloned or that she'd stepped into a mirror universe except not in the evil Terran Empire kind of way. She really knew more star trek than was good for anyone. Her random thought allowed a brief respite from the palpitations in her heart because she had no idea how to process this or where it had come from. It was beautiful and it was terrifying. Her eyes filled with tears which by some heavenly miracle she managed to contain. She kept opening her mouth to speak but changing her mind. "What am I supposed to say to that?" She asked honestly.

"You don't need to say anything but Donna I need you in my life so whatever happens I just don't want things to be awkward again."

She just shook her head and pulled him to her gripping him tightly.

"We're ok?"

"Just give me a minute" she asked.

He just nodded his head into the crook of her neck, relieved that it was out there, grateful she was still there and drained from his own declarations.

She sniffed to fight back the ever threatening moisture trying to spill from her eyes and sat back to look at him. Staring across at him with a look of thoughtful perplexion she ran her fingers through his hair and smiled lovingly at him. "They are the most beautiful words anyone has every said to me, so we're more than ok. After Stu offered me the job", he cringed at the memory, "I went to see Paula. What you did hurt me and I knew I deserved your anger but I felt so betrayed." She knew this would hurt him and his demeanour indicated she was more than correct, this was to be his answer. At this point the tears came and she faltered slightly. They had moved on but they had never really dealt with this after he tore up her letter. "I'd apologised to you, but I hadn't shown enough respect for what you two had and I wanted to tell her I was sorry. She was willing to accept my apology but with one condition" he understandably looked shocked at this revelation. "She asked me to promise nothing would ever happen between us again and I should have been able to look her in the eye and make that promise. I was angry, I was hurt, I was about to lose everything and I could't do it. And that's when I knew she was right, what I felt for you wasn't platonic and if I stayed I was going to have to watch you and her together and I couldn't do it to myself. I was wrong when I said it didn't mean anything, I wasn't lying to you, not really I had been lying to myself when I said it was just a kiss. When the doctor asked if I had anybody in mind to be the father, you were all I could think of. When I said there wasn't anybody I would want to do this with I was lying, I'm sorry" she looked into his eyes affirming her regret and sincerity.

He felt a hope spring and gather momentum as she spoke of her meeting with Paula. As she recounted her pain at his actions he wished to God he could take that back and as she spoke of her consideration of him as a potential father to her child he felt joy. It was not a sensation he was over familiar with but it was unmistakable all the same.

"So, are you saying?"

"I did feel something when I kissed you yes, I mean I'm human too" she smiled suggestively.

"Ok you wanna maybe expand on what exactly you felt"

"I could, but I have another suggestion"

"I am open to negotiation" he grinned at the woman in front of him, his breathing starting to become heavier.

"So maybe we could repeat the experiment and see how we both feel in this moment"

"I can live with that compromise" he said as he leaned in to her.