I tried to make this a little more reader friendly by making the conversations between Hannah and Christine bold and italicized. Hope it helps. I did do some research into "Broken Heart Syndrome" so I hope that I got that right. Please enjoy and review.
Home for the Holidays
Chapter 2-Christmas Past
Hannah and Christine walked through the snow on a busy city street. It was dirty and nasty. Hannah could hear the El and knew she was in inner city Chicago, where she was born. They were following a tall man who was a younger version of her dad. He walked into an apartment building and up a crowded stairway. They passed a woman with a young boy, a drunk man and an elderly woman that her dad helped up the steps.
"What is this place, Mom? Can they hear us?"
"No. This is the apartment we lived in when you were born. It was not a nice place but it was all your dad and I could afford."
"That was a roach I just saw."
"Yeah. It was a constant fight that they didn't end up in your crib."
"You brought a baby home to this place?"
"Yeah. Your Nana and Papa Slattery lived in Virginia and we couldn't afford to live in a different apartment. We were happy though. Watch this."
Hannah stood back and watched her dad unlock the door and then knock on it. He had a grocery bag in his hand. He was wearing a suit and had a gun on his right hip. He had been a cop back then.
"Hey, Christine, undo the chain. It's me."
Hannah and Christine followed her dad through the door and Hannah was shocked how homey the little studio apartment was. It smelled like lemon cleaner and there was baby paraphernalia everywhere. Hannah looked at her younger self in the swing. It seemed surreal.
"I got the milk and diapers you asked for. We have to make it last until Monday though, babe. We have three dollars in the checking account. Rent is due Monday too but I talked to the landlord. He'll hold the check til Tuesday. How'd Hannah's doctor appointment go?"
Hannah watched her parents kiss and her dad pick her baby self out of the swing. Her mom also looked younger and her dad was making funny faces at the baby. She watched him kiss her and cradle her close. She was only about six weeks old at that point.
"It went okay. She's developing well. He gave me a prescription for her but I held off on getting it because I knew we were low on money. It's for her ears."
"I'll call McGowan; see if he needs a bartender or bouncer. She needs the medicine. If I bartend, I'll have tips and you can get the medicine. I'd rather do that then ask your mom or dad or mine for money."
"You're already pulling overtime; you'll be exhausted and not effective out there. You could get hurt."
"I'll be fine. I talked to that recruiter for the Navy again. It's enticing. They think with my experience as a police officer, I might be able to get into the Academy. Become an officer. Would take care of a lot of bills."
"You could be gone for months at a time. You'd miss a lot with Hannah."
"Yes, but paying for things like diapers and ear medicine wouldn't be so rough."
The sixteen year old Hannah was crying watching them. Her mom's sweater was threadbare and her dad's suit was pretty rough looking too. They had sit down on the couch and were cuddling with each other and the baby. Hannah stood back and watched them with her angel mom.
"He joined the Navy to provide for us?"
"Yeah. He loved being a cop. But money was really tight and they were offering a signing bonus. There were also a housing allowances and medical benefits that helped. It was not an easy decision. Your dad obviously loves you and he hated the idea of being gone for long periods of time. We're done here."
Hannah felt like she was floating again and they were walking up to a small cottage style house on a street with about fifteen other houses just like it. She remembered the house and neighborhood. It was the house they lived in when her dad was based in Florida. She had been about eight when they moved.
"I remember this house."
"Yeah, it was great here. I loved being able to take you kids to the beach so much. It's the house I brought Emma home to. Now watch." They followed her dad into the house. There were Christmas decorations everywhere and dollies on the floor. They watched as he took his combat boots off and walked into the kitchen. He snuck up behind her mom and grabbed her. She could hear them laughing and they were kissing. Eight year old Hannah and three year old Emma were jumping around happily while their parents kissed. Lucas was in his high chair getting strained peaches everywhere.
"Mike, why didn't you call? I would have picked you up at the dock."
"Didn't want you to have to get the kids out. You said it's a hassle with three kids." Sixteen year old Hannah watched as her dad picked Emma up and kissed both Lucas and her eight year old self.
"I see. Well Christmas cookies are almost done. You made it home for Christmas!"
"Yeah, I didn't want to miss it. Hannah, I am sorry I missed your birthday, come here and give me a kiss." Sixteen year old Hannah watched as her eight year old self jumped into Mike's arms.
"I missed you, Daddy!"
"I missed you too, Hannah. So much! Sorry I missed your big day."
"It's okay, Daddy! You were out there making the bad guys go away."
Sixteen year old Hannah looked at her angel mom and just shook her head. She had remembered the birthday and remembered crying because her dad wasn't there. But she also remembered that Christmas and how happy they all were.
"It was a great Christmas that year. We need to go to another Christmas but it's not one of your memories. One of your dad's and it isn't nearly so happy."
"Can you tell me how he's doing?"
"He's dying from a broken heart. But enough about that."
"Can't you take me to him? I will fix it; tell him how much I love him."
"You're not ready for that and besides when we do go; he won't be able to hear it."
"He must know."
"No, he thinks you hate him and want him to die."
"I don't."
"Hannah, from day one, your dad has sacrificed so much to better care for you. He adores you. If he does survive, he will still love you because that is how he operates. But the hurt will never go away."
"It will destroy our relationship?"
"It could if you let it. We need to go."
Again, it felt like they were floating and the next thing, Hannah knew she was sitting in an office area. It appeared that they were on the Nathan James and she saw her dad sitting on a couch with his head in his hands and he was sobbing loudly.
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's on the Nathan James. It's Christmas and the private investigator just told him to give up trying to find us. He's having a rough time."
Hannah heard a knock on the door and saw her dad drying his tears and telling the person to enter. Andrea Garnett walked in and sit down beside her dad and rubbed his shoulder.
"Alicia told me what the investigator said. Is there anything I can do? I can't imagine getting news like that on Christmas Eve."
"I know it's stupid but I keep hanging on to hope that they might be alive. What kind of God would take my family like that? Christine, Hannah, and Emma? As bad as it hurts with Lucas, I know he's at peace but with my wife and girls? I don't know."
"Losing Lily and Bill was hard but I know they're okay now. You have the same peace where Lucas is concerned. Christine and the girls, not so much. It's a hell I don't want to imagine."
"I know the crew is gathering for dinner and I am supposed to be there but I just can't."
"They understand. You'll be okay?"
"I'll try."
Sixteen year old Hannah watched Andrea get up and leave and her dad stand up and walk to his desk. He'd picked up a picture of their family and collapsed onto his desk, crying again. It made her want to go to him and pull him into a hug. It was heartbreaking watching it.
"He was hurting so bad. He missed you kids especially."
"He had his crew."
"Yeah, but it's not the same. We need to go now. Happier memory this time."
"Can I give him a hug?"
"No, remember you hate him."
"I don't."
"That's what he thinks."
"Can I go to the hospital? I'll tell him."
"No, you aren't ready. He isn't either."
They began floating away and Hannah realized that they were at the house in St. Louis. There were Christmas decorations everywhere and she saw Mallory in the kitchen fixing lunch.
"Mike, girls? Lunch is ready.
Hannah watched as her fourteen year old self and Emma ran down the stairs. Her dad followed more slowly. He had only had surgery a couple weeks prior to that. He had donated skin off his back to be put on her back to cover up a scar. He had a lot of problems recovering from it.
"Mike, how's the back?"
"Sore but okay."
"Daddy, I am really sorry it's hurting you so bad. I hate that you're going through that for me."
"You're worth it. Every day and anytime."
Hannah watched as her dad gave her fourteen year old self a kiss on the forehead. She loved it when he did that and wondered if it would ever happen again. She hoped so. '
"You ready to go to the hospital?"
"Yes!"
"Don't be so excited. You won't like it."
"Why?"
"You'll see, but you need to hang onto this memory."
"Why?"
"Because things at the hospital are not going well. Your dad has something called Takotsubo cardiomyopathy."
"Mallory is the doctor, not me."
"Check the attitude, young lady. Your dad has Broken Heart Syndrome. You created such a stressor that there is significant damage to his left ventricle. Before tonight, your dad was perfectly healthy. Now, his heart may fail, and if he does survive, he may have trouble with low blood pressure. Do you know when you were diagnosed with your heart problems and then again, when you developed the thyroid disorder, he beat himself up because he was perfectly healthy, while the daughter that he loved so much was not? He hated the fact that he was so healthy. Now, he's not. He may have to retire, and for what? A daughter that hates him?"
"I don't hate him. Isn't there some sort of surgery that can fix it?"
"No. It might repair itself, or it might not. If he has lost his will to live then all bets are off."
"Okay, aside from me, he has a lot of people that love him a lot. Mallory, Emma, Sailor, Tommy? Uncle Tom?"
"Yep. And all that love will be outweighed by him thinking that his daughter hates him."
"Emma told him once that she hated him."
"She did. And it hurt him but there were mitigating circumstances. She was just a traumatized little girl who lashed out. And you see how they've repaired their relationship? But you? No trauma and you are old enough to understand the ramifications of what you said. You're getting a healthy dose of reality."
"So, if he does survive, what happens?"
"You decide. Not your dad or Mallory. He loves you. And he will continue to love you despite the fact that you have broken his heart literally and crushed his spirit."
"I've never seen Mallory so mad. She may not let me anywhere near him."
"She's a good wife. A lot better than I ever was to him. You have to understand with Mallory, until your dad came along, every one hurt her. Her mother, her father, her first husband. She's terrified that she is going to lose the one person who will never hurt her and will always believe in her. So, yeah, she's defensive. She loves you exactly the same way I do but you hurt her soulmate, her best friend, the father of her children, her lover, her advocate and her biggest cheerleader. She will forsake you and the love she has for you to protect her person."
"I really don't want to hear about the lover thing…gross, Mom."
"Doesn't make it any less true. As much as Mallory loves you…"
"She loves Dad more."
"Not more, differently."
"Dad won't let her throw me out."
"He may not have the energy to fight it. He knows Mallory will only do what's best for the family. He'll go along with it. He'll make sure you're provided for, for his own peace of mind and he will never stop loving you. But he has to survive first. We need to stop talking and go to the hospital."
"Okay, but Mom? Dad still loves you and misses you. He would tell you, you were an amazing wife to him."
"I appreciate that but the love he has for Mallory is different and more mature. Had I lived, we would have ended up divorced and hating one another. It's best that I died."
"I don't think so."
"I know so. Our marriage would not have survived losing Lucas. I've accepted it. I prefer the fact that I died still loving your dad and that he still loved me. You want a fairy tale romance; look at your dad and Mallory's. Your dad and I were not compatible and the honest to goodness truth is, we would not have gotten married if I hadn't gotten pregnant with you. Now, yes, we did love each other and yes, we had Emma and Lucas. Your dad wanted to do the right thing by me and you. To him, that was marrying me."
"But you seemed so happy."
"It was a façade and the façade was cracking before he went to the Arctic. We had stayed in the marriage because of you kids."
"But at the apartment and the house in Florida?"
"There were moments of happiness. But they weren't enough to smooth over the long deployments, missed holidays and birthdays, and the constant fear of losing the father of my children."
"I didn't realize…"
"Nope and we didn't want you to. Now it's time to go. No more talking right now."
Hannah looked back at the happy family scene before her angel mom pulled her away. She wanted to memorize it. She again felt like she was floating away. She was ready for this nightmare to end.