Home for the Holidays
Chapter 3-Christmas Present
Hannah and Christine were standing in a hospital exam room. There were doctors and nurses everywhere. Hannah got closer to the hospital bed and realized they were doing some sort of test on her dad's heart. They had a scope running through a vein or artery in his leg up into his heart. Hannah had had a similar procedure done before. He had an oxygen mask on but looked so pale. His skin had a grayish tint to it. Hannah looked at Christine with a pained look.
"I know what this test is."
"They're checking the damage to his heart. The bright side is he is breathing on his own. Let's listen to the doctors and nurses."
"Definitely Broken Heart Syndrome. Anyone know what the stressor was?"
"He heard his sixteen year old daughter say that she hated him and that it would be easier if he just died. He's the Secretary of the Navy and he missed her birthday because he was touring a fleet. He's Mallory Slattery's husband."
"Oh, I know him now. I treated his daughter. Ungrateful girl. He has sit next to her hospital bed many times. He loves her a lot."
"He's so physically fit. It's odd that he would be having heart problems."
"His heart was completely healthy."
"Any chance he'll recover?"
"Keep that ungrateful daughter away from him and maybe. I am going to order that she not visit him. I can't say what will happen if he goes home, but I can while he's in the hospital."
"Mallory won't let her near him."
"Good. I'm still putting it in his chart though."
Hannah listened to the doctor and nurse talking. It was heartbreaking knowing she wouldn't even be allowed to visit her dad. She remembered all the times that her dad had taken off work, had spent nights in uncomfortable chairs and held her hand when she was sick. He wouldn't leave her side.
"We need to leave."
"I want to stay. I'm not going to be able to visit physically. I want to at least be here in spirit. Can I go to him?"
"Yes, but only for a minute. And you can speak to him. No one will see you or hear you."
"Will he?"
"Maybe."
Hannah leaned down over her dad's very still form. She touched his hand and kissed his forehead. The oxygen mask was on and his eyes popped open and he looked around. She could see the sadness in his eyes. It was almost palpable.
"Daddy, I don't know if you can see me or hear me but please don't die. I don't know why I said that I hated you. I don't. I love you, so, so, so much. I don't know how to fix this but please don't die. Please?"
"Hannah, it's time to go."
"I don't want to. Can't I stay here? He needs me here."
"No. He has all that he needs."
"Where are we going?"
"We need to check in on those kids."
They were back at the house in Tommy's nursery. He was crying uncontrollably. Hannah could see herself trying to console him but he was crying so hard that his little face was red. She had never seen him like that.
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's missing his mommy. Wants to nurse."
"Mallory pumps extra milk."
"It's not the same. Your dad gave him a bottle before he went to sleep but he wants his mommy now. But she is at the hospital with your dad."
"He can't keep crying like that. Can he hurt himself?"
"Nah."
"Can I do something to help him?"
"Nope. But let me try. Mother's touch."
Hannah watched Christine lean down over Tommy and kiss his forehead. The baby instantly calmed and started looking around in wonder. Christine tickled his cheek which brought a smile. She wiped the tears off his face and let him wrap his little hand around her index finger. Hannah watched her mom with him but then realized Christine was standing next to her. She was confused.
"A version of me is staying with you and him until Mallory gets back. I'll still be with you too."
"Does he see you?"
"Yes, actually he does. But not you. I have visited Tommy many times. Everyone has a guardian angel and I'm his."
"Will he always see you?"
"No, as he gets older, he'll stop seeing me but I will still be there with him. We need to check on Emma and Sailor."
They walked into the younger girl's bedroom. They were fortunately both still sound asleep. Christine kissed Emma's forehead and tucked the blanket around Sailor, running her hand through her hair. Hannah wasn't sure what the point was in visiting their room since they were both obviously okay.
"Why are we here?"
"I wanted to visit them. And you needed to be reminded of them. If your dad dies, it's not just you that will be affected. Tommy will never have a chance to really know his daddy and Emma and Sailor will be so, so sad. Yet another person in Sailor's life will leave her."
"Okay, Okay. I get it. I screwed up royally. So what now?"
"We go back to the hospital. You need to see how Mallory and your Uncle Tom are faring."
"They'll be okay here?"
"Yeah. For now."
Hannah found herself back at the hospital. Mallory was sitting in the waiting room with her head in her hands. Tom was rubbing her shoulder and looked equally as distressed.
"I have no idea what I'll do if I lose him, Tom."
"You'll get through it. That's what he would want."
"I don't want to imagine this world without him in it. And the kids? What do I do about them?"
"You will just have to do your best. And I don't want to imagine this world without him either. He's closer than my own brother."
"I know. What should be done about Hannah?"
"We let Mike decide. She's his daughter. He'll love her no matter what. She is really beating herself up."
"She should be. My question is what if he dies? What then?"
"Emma, Sailor and Tommy will need their sister. I would say that living with the fact that she killed her own father will be a huge punishment. I don't think taking her own family away from her is a good idea. More for the younger kids then her. If it was only her, I would agree. I do agree she doesn't need to be around him right now."
"Unless he asks for her. He may."
"He probably will. It's that unconditional love thing. One of us will just monitor it."
Hannah looked at Christine and instantly started crying. Christine drew her close and just hugged her. The idea that she had possibly killed her father was too much. It did feel good to have her mom hug her.
"Can I go back to Daddy?"
"For just a minute. Then we have to go to his funeral."
"He died?"
"Maybe. You need to see what will happen if he does."
They were back in the hospital and Hannah was sitting next to her dad's bedside. His skin had a gray tone to it. The nurse was monitoring him closely and there were all kinds of monitors hooked up to him. Hannah was beginning to understand what he had felt like all the times she had been in the hospital. Hannah touched his hand and kissed him again. His skin had a clammy feeling to it. He know just had a nasal cannula on and had woke up slightly.
"Water?"
Hannah wanted to give him the drink he needed but the nurse did it before she could. He made a coughing sound and the nurse patted his shoulder.
"Where's my wife? I want my daughter here."
"Which daughter, sir?"
"Hannah. I want Hannah. Can you tell my wife to go get her? I want Hannah."
"Sir, your doctor has put an order that she is not to visit you. She was the stressor that caused this."
"I want my daughter here. I don't care about the doctor's order. I just want Hannah."
Hannah looked over at Christine. She knew it was almost time to go but she wanted to stay. Her dad was very agitated and the nurse called for Mallory to come in. Hannah watched Mallory and Tom walk in and Mallory tried comforting him.
"Mal, can you go get Hannah? I want her here. I want Hannah."
"Mike, settle down, brother. I'll go get her. But she caused all this. You still want her here?"
"I need to fix it. She can hate me but she needs to know how much I love her. I need her."
"Tom, I'll go. I'll need to borrow your truck though. Tommy hates the bottle and he's probably causing a stink wanting me. I'll go get her, take Emma and Sailor to Sasha and I'll bring Hannah and Tommy with me. It's not ideal but Mike is getting too agitated. It may be better to chance her visiting to decrease his agitation. It isn't good for his heart. Just hope she keeps her mouth shut. Can you stay with him and call Sasha and make sure it's okay?"
"You bet."
"Mike, I'll go get her but you have to stick around. It'll take me a bit because I need to nurse Tommy and get the girls woke up and settled back over at Tom's. Just settle down. Hannah will be here when you wake up, I promise. I love you."
"What if she doesn't want to? I just want to see my baby girl. I need to tell her I love her. I love you too."
"She'll want to. Nurse, can you give him something for the agitation? Help him relax a bit?"
"He's at the maximum. Doctor Elliott has put in an order that his daughter is not to visit but given his agitation, it may be best if she does. If she starts causing any problems though, I will have her escorted out."
"Don't worry; I'll throw her out myself if she does."
Hannah watched Mallory lean over and kiss her dad. There were tears running down his cheeks and he was breathing pretty heavily. Hannah was worried sick about him and Christine was pulling on her hand.
"I know it's time to go. Just let me give him another kiss."
"Okay, but we need to hurry."
Mallory was leaving and Hannah took her spot, leaning over to give Mike a kiss on the cheek. She wiped the tears off his face and touched his hand. Christine pulled her away and then she was in a church. There were hundreds of people there. Some of them wearing suits and some in dress whites. At the front there was a flag covered coffin. The lid was open and Hannah could see her dad laying in it. Tom was behind the pulpit, trying to hold it together to give a eulogy and Mallory, Emma, and Sailor were in the front pew. Mallory was holding Tommy. Everyone looked so sad.
"Mom, where am I? I should be here sitting with my family."
"Mallory was serious. You killed her husband, just as surely as if you had shot or stabbed him. She wouldn't let you come to his funeral."
"But he's my dad."
"Yes, he was. And you should have thought of that before you said you hated him. Now let's listen to what Tom has to say."
"The last couple years, everyone says that it was Dr. Scott and I that saved the world. The reality is, it was Mike Slattery. His drive to simply get home and to find his daughters and wife kept us going. Once we got here and he couldn't find them, it was his drive that helped build this country back stronger. He is survived by his second wife, Mallory, daughters Emma and Anna and son, Tommy. Mike was the best husband and father I ever met. He loved unconditionally. His loss will be felt for years to come."
"What about me? Uncle Tom didn't mention me."
"No, Mallory asked him not to. She wants you erased from their lives."
"But what about Emma and Sailor, Tommy?"
"Tommy won't remember you and Emma and Sailor will only know you as the sister that killed their father. They won't want you in their lives."
"So what happens to me?"
"That will be shown in your future Christmas's."
"No hint then?"
"Nope."
"Can I walk up to the casket?"
"Yes. I'll go with you."
They walked up to the casket. Inside the casket lid, there were pictures of her dad with Emma, Sailor, Tommy and Lucas. But not of her. She put her hand on his chest over his heart, wishing she could feel it beat. Hannah leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and looked over at Mallory and the kids. Mallory looked completely heartbroken, Emma's eyes were red rimmed and Sailor looked miserable. The only one that seemed remotely happy was Tommy. He was smiling at her mom.
"They don't know we're here?"
"Except Tommy. He sees me."
"He's smiling at you."
"He doesn't understand what is going on."
"Can I touch them?"
"I suppose."
Hannah knelt in front of them. She patted Sailor's shoulder; wiped Emma's tear stained face and kissed Mallory's cheek. She let Tommy grab her finger and she kissed the top of his head. She looked out at the crowd in the church. Sasha, Master Chief, Danny, Kara, Wolf and his wife, Becky, Captain Meylan, Andrea Garnett. President Oliver and his wife, Maggie. Literally hundreds of people who all loved her dad. There were no dry eyes. Even the most seasoned operators like her dad had been, were crying.
"Okay, it's time to go again."
"Where to now?"
"Back to the hospital. We need to be there when you and Mallory get there."
Hannah saw herself back in the hospital room. Tom was sitting next to her dad's bed holding his hand. Her dad was blissfully asleep. Hannah sat down on the edge of the bed and waited. Christine stayed in the corner and Hannah could hear Tommy crying in the hallway. It was enough to wake her dad up and he looked around disorientated. Mallory was outside the door with the baby and she could hear her talking.
"Hannah, I can't bring Tommy in there. But I swear to God, if you do anything at all to upset your father, I will personally throw you out. Clear?"
"Yes."
"I'm serious."
Hannah watched as she walked in. Her dad reached a hand out but the real life Hannah crossed her arms over her chest and stayed at the end of the bed. Tom was still in the room and had put a hand on her dad's shoulder. Real life Hannah was chewing on her bottom lip and looking at her feet.
"Why aren't I talking? Telling him that I love him, that I need him. That I don't want him to die?"
"You aren't ready yet and your dad needs to be heard. He does have an opinion in the matter. It's not only about you. You've broken his heart, crushed his spirit, and shattered his soul…"
"Okay, I get it."
"No, you don't. You have taken him for granted. He has stayed with you for days in the hospital. He missed Emma's tenth birthday so he could stay with you. You didn't hear her throwing a fit. She accepted it."
"And I will make up for all that. But I need to tell him how much I love him. And why is Tom still here?"
"They don't trust you. Mallory can't be in here because of the baby so Tom is."
"I won't hurt him."
"Don't be so sure of that. Let's watch."
"Hannah, I have no idea what brought on what you said. It seems to go further than simply missing your birthday. And I am sorry for that. You have a choice to make. If you choose not to stay, you need to know, I will still love you. I will make sure you have a place to stay so you aren't homeless again and you'll have your medicine. But you will not be welcome in my home ever again. Mallory will not allow for it, no matter how badly I want you there. I love you, but I also love Mallory, Emma, Sailor and Tommy. You will make things miserable for them and I cannot allow that. I will pay for your living expenses, your medicine and if you choose to go to college, I will pay your tuition. You will have to work. If you choose to stay, things will go on and we will try and forget all this. Heal from it. You seem to like your freedom and I don't know who that guy is, but he doesn't have a good influence on you. You quit the basketball team and you haven't been to a violin practice in two months. So, what choice are you going to make? I'm not giving you time to think about it. I need the answer now. I will love you either way but I am making you make a choice between that guy and your family."
"He's making me choose?"
"The fact that you're even considering that punk is terrible. You have a loving family, beautiful home and a bright future. You want to trade that in for a pothead?"
"Charlie doesn't…"
"Remember I see everything. Maybe not around you, he hasn't yet. But it'll happen. And the thing is, with your health issues, you will not survive an addiction. Your dad will lose you anyway. And it will destroy him, even more so then he already is."
"Why am I not talking?"
"Because you are still considering, Charlie? Is that his name?"
"Hannah, seriously? Your dad wants the answer now. It seems like an easy choice to me. Ashley has told me about Charlie. He's not worth it. Your family? Your dad? They're worth it."
Hannah watched the real life version of herself shrug her shoulders, turn around and walk out the door. Mallory walked in with the baby. Mike was just staring up at the ceiling, not really reacting until he saw Tommy. He reached for the baby and Mallory carefully put Tommy in his arms. Mike cuddled the baby close to him and kissed him on top of the head. There were tears in his eyes but he seemed to be concentrating on the baby.
"This can't be right."
"You made your choice. The only thing keeping your dad from dying now is that baby. Thank God he's here. He's reminding your dad that he's still needed."
"Of course he's still needed. I need him too."
"No, you just reiterated that you hate him. Your dad loves being needed by his kids. That's why he said he would pay for your living expenses, medicine and college. You communicated that you didn't emotionally want him, but because of his love for you; he's making sure you are still taken care of. He needs to know that he can do that."
"Please tell me this isn't how this ends? I want my dad."
"You want him to what? Pay your way? Give you what you want? Keep a roof over your head? Food? Medication?"
"No, I want him. This can't end like this."
"It could."
"Is there a way to change my mind?"
"Maybe. He can forgive you but forgetting that you rejected him? Not so easy."
"Where did I go? Why isn't Tom or Mallory following me?"
"They are more concerned about your dad."
"Am I still at the hospital?"
"Yes. When Tom found you and Emma, Doc Rios insisted that your dad took a breather. He went for a walk. At that point, your dad had all but lost his faith but he found himself in the hospital chapel. You're following his footsteps. We need to watch this."
"Mike, do you want me to find her? Try and talk her back?"
"Up to you. Unless she has a different mindset, I don't want her back in here. I can't watch her walk away again."
"Babe, any idea where she might have gone? I should have stopped her. I was just worried about you."
"I don't know. It's not your fault."
"I'd better go try and find her." Tom squeezed Mike's shoulder and headed out. He didn't have the first clue as to where to start looking or what to say if he did find her. He checked all the waiting rooms on that floor and decided since it was early morning to check the cafeteria. As he was walking towards it, he glanced into the chapel. He didn't expect to see Hannah in there but had immediately noticed a small young woman with dark hair sitting in one of the pews. Tom honestly didn't think it was Hannah but decided to check. As he got closer, he realized it was her. He'd found her, but now he had to figure out what to say.
"Hannah?"
"Leave me alone." Tom could hear the tears in her voice and decided to disregard her request and walked in and sit down beside her, wrapping an arm around her. Thankfully she didn't pull away or stand up.
"Why are you in the chapel?"
"Where else do I have to go? I can't go home and I don't have my cellphone. I also don't have my heavy coat."
"I see. Well then, you're going to listen to me."
"I don't have a choice?"
"You have a choice once I'm done talking. For now, you're staying here and you are going to listen to everything I say."
"Well since I don't have a choice and no money to call a cab…"
"It's hitting you, the ramifications of walking away from your dad, huh?"
"I have no money, no cellphone, and no ride."
"It goes a lot further than that. I have sit next to your dad for the last several hours, watched him sob over what you said, and trying desperately to figure out how to fix it. I've seen him shot, stabbed and beaten in the past, but all of that is mild compared to what I've seen tonight. If you hate your dad so much, why did you help Mallory with CPR?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I know. You don't hate him. And you don't want him to die."
"IF, IF that is the case, there is no going back now."
"Don't be so sure of that."
"He won't want me."
"You know, he told you that if you choose to leave, you wouldn't be welcome in his home anymore. I don't think he can do that. He will always worry about you. He told me that if you didn't have a different mindset, then he didn't want you back there; he couldn't watch you walk away again. But, I think you have a different mindset. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."
"I can see that but Mallory?"
"She will accept it. She is protective of your dad and she will not allow him to be hurt again. He's already forgiven you and if you choose to go back, he'll forget it because he loves you. She will follow his lead, but I promise, if you don't toe the line, you will not like the outcome. I'm going to step out and let you make your decision. If you decide not to go back, don't count on me giving you money or a cellphone to make a call. Your dad promised that he would take care of you but Mallory, Sasha, Danny, Kara and I will circle the wagons, so to speak, and you will not be allowed to contact him. You will have no way of getting whatever he wants to provide. So you have two choices, you can either walk away and lose your family, or you can come back to that hospital room with me and let the chips fall. It won't be easy but the other alternative isn't a pleasant one. I know what my decision would be. I wouldn't walk, I'd run back to that hospital room."
Tom stood up and walked away, leaving Hannah to make her decision. He wasn't the praying sort, but he was praying that she choose to go back to the room. He knew that Mike would welcome her back with open arms and despite everything that Mallory had said, she would too. He stood just outside the doorframe and watched her. After standing there for about five minutes, he noticed her standing.
Christine and Hannah had made their way into the chapel and was watching real life Hannah. She had her head in her hands and seemed to be praying and crying.
"So what now?"
"Just have to see what happens."
"I hope I choose to go to the hospital room. That's where I want to be."
"That's where your dad wants you too."
"Tom said that he would welcome me with open arms, is that true?"
"It's your dad, so what do you think? Now, we need to go. We have to see future Christmas's for both you and your dad before you know what has been decided. And just a word of warning, you won't like it to begin with."
"I can't stay and see what I decide?"
"Nope. Let's go."
Again they were floating away. All Hannah could do was pray that she would make the correct decision. She was terrified of what the future might hold if real life Hannah chose to not go back to the hospital room.