Chapter 4: Comfort

=== WARNING: SELF - HARM (Someone Requested it). SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU WOULD RATHER NOT READ IT. ===

Alex had come and picked her up from Cat Co, quickly taking her home. Kara told her that she wanted to be alone, relieved when Alex understood, letting her have space. Alex hugged Kara before leaving the apartment, but not before making Kara promise to take the day off tomorrow. Kara reluctantly agreed, but agreed nonetheless.

A few minutes after Kara heard Alex leave the building, she donned her Supergirl outfit and flew out towards the Fortress of Solitude. There was something that she needed to get, something that would make her feel better, at least she hoped it would. On her way there, she kept having flashbacks of Krypton, the deaths of her family members, all of the horrible ways that her friends died in the thoughts projected into her when she was being attacked by PSI. She was finding it difficult to fly completely straight, as her mind kept flinching with every sudden sound and image exploding into her conscience. She just wanted it to stop. And she needed some way to let it out.

Kara entered the Fortress of Solitude, quickly locating what she was looking for, and then leaving as quickly as she could, just in case Superman were to come for whatever reason. Kara harboured the small, led infused box close to her chest as she flew back to her apartment, a guilty look plastered onto her face.

Kara flew through the window and closed it behind her. It only took her a second to change from her costume to her everyday clothes, which were both more comfortable and helped her detach herself from what happened with the attack. Sheepishly she went and sat on the floor in front of her sofa, taking a deep breath in, and then a deep breath out. Kara thought that maybe, just maybe, inflicting physical scars would take away from the pain that her mental scars brought constantly with them.

Kara opened the box and immediately felt herself weaken, the black glowing kryptonite knife humming with power. Black Kryptonite, a new sort of kryptonite that Kal'el found after a Daximite ship crashed during the huge attack on National City. It had the same effect that normal kryptonite had, apart from the fact that even once away from it, the wounds that the Black Kryptonite inflicted wouldn't heal super fast, like a normal cut would. It would be as if you were human. It would leave scars.

Once Kara got started, she couldn't stop. She started with small lines, along her upper arm, which then grew to longer, deeper slashes as Kara became more and more upset. She had finished cutting at the entirety of her left arm when the door bell sounded. Kara used her X-ray vision and saw that it was Lena, standing rather awkwardly outside. This was bad. There was blood all over the floor, and Kara's arm was continuing to leak. Kara had to do something. Using her superspeed, she put the knife into its box, then hid it under the bathroom sink. She used multiple towels to clean the blood of the floor, and then found the first aid kit that she always kept in her kitchen. She bandaged around her arm three times before breaking it off and tying a knot near her elbow. After this three second clean up, she pulled the sleeve of her jumper down, concealing her arm and walked at a normal pace towards her door.

As Kara opened it, Lena immediately pulled her into a hug. Kara winced as Lena put pressure on her bandaged arm. After what seemed like an eternity, Lena let Kara go and stepped back again.

"I'm sorry, I was just… just so worried about you Kara. I had no idea that you were going through something like this, I should have been there for you." Kara motioned for Lena to actually come into the apartment rather than standing outside, and Lena did, closing the door behind her."

"Uh going through what exactly?" Kara said suddenly flustered, suddenly worried that maybe Winn or James told Lena about the encounter with PSI, the truth about her.

"Going through these panic attacks of course. James told me about how you've had them before and I, I never knew that anything like this was happening. You're my best friend, and I just feel bad that I might have made you feel as if you couldn't tell me about it." On one hand Kara was relieved that it wasn't what she had feared, but on the other hand she felt guilty, guilty that Lena felt that it was her fault.

"Lena, it's okay. It wasn't you at all. I just, they aren't too bad, and I didn't want you to worry…"

"Not too bad?! You fucking collapsed Kara, I thought you might've had a stroke or something! Don't lie to me and tell me that you're okay when you're obviously not. As your best friend, I'm here to help you Kara, to support you. And I'm not leaving until I do just that." Following her sudden outburst, Lena dropped her bag near the door and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. Kara sighed, there was no getting out of this. She sat down on the stool next to Lena, her hands clasped as she waited for the questions that were about to follow.

"Kara, how long has this been happening?" Lena hoped that Kara would be honest, hoped that Kara would let her in and let her help. She was scared when Kara had fallen to the floor, and she never wanted to feel that afraid for someone so close to her again. She wanted to understand what Kara was going through, and what to do to help her if it were to ever repeat.

"For quite a long time. I've had them throughout my life, just part of my personality I guess." That was a lie. Lena could have picked it up from a mile away. Kara wasn't gifted when it came to keeping secrets from her. Kara continued to speak.

"But in the past few days, they've gotten worse." Now that was true. But Kara didn't seem to want to say why. Lena decided not to push it too far.

"Why didn't you ever tell me Kara?"

"I… I don't know." Lena couldn't tell if it was a lie or not, but she subconsciously rubbed Kara's back, knowing that her friend was hurting badly inside. Lena was taken by surprise as she both heard and felt a small sob escape from Kara which then was followed by more, tears flowing freely down Kara's face. Lena wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't like Kara cry, not like this. She held Kara close and stayed like that for a while longer, letting Kara cry her pain out.

After a few more hours of talking to Kara, managing to cheer her up a bit, Lena suggested that they should have a girls night with Alex, Maggie, Sam, herself and of course Kara, to have some well earned and well needed fun and a break from life and it's problems. Kara agreed and even offered to host it, which was completely fine with Lena. They chatted for a little longer, before Lena had to leave. Kara smiled at Lena as she walked away down the hallway. Kara shut the door and leant back against it, looking forward to Friday night next week. Thank Rao that she had Lena.