Meeting II

Two weeks later
South Washington
In a café
Four people were sitting around a corner table, a bit out of sight and hearing of other customers.
Two of them were Lacey and Harm, the other two father and son Pachner. It was the long expected and dreaded first meeting between father and daughter and tension was palpable. Jeffery was speaking.
"Whatever you can and will say to me, I already said it to myself. In that one moment of sheer stupidity I took your mother's youth, her sense of safety, her dreams, her future. From that moment on, I not only had to live with the knowledge I was capable of rape, that I actually raped a girl, but I also destroyed a lifetime friendship."
And at Lacey's surprised look "Yes, we had been friends from day-care."
"But why?" the girl whispered, shocked by the man's outburst.
"Because I thought she wanted it, too."
When Lacey was ready to flare up, he raised his hand once more.
"I know. Now I know. But back then … you have to know we dated. We made out. We made out that night. Making love was the only step we hadn't taken and that night I had one to many. Not an excuse, I know, but that's how it was. When I was sober the next day …" he shook his head. "It took a while to realise she was avoiding me, then some longer to see what had happened. What I had done. I wanted to beg for forgiveness, but she didn't want to see me, not ever again and I couldn't blame her. It didn't take long before my parents realized something was wrong and even less to find out what. They were ready to inform Diane's parents, but she was adamant she didn't want that. She wanted to forget and was terrified anyone would know."
"So your folks knew she was pregnant before my grandparents knew?"
"No, my parents knew I assaulted her before your grandparents knew. They only learned about the pregnancy when the Schonkes found out. That's when they came to my parents. Despite being willing to take the baby in, as were Mr and Mrs Schonke, our respective parents decided that they would go along with Diane's wish give the baby up for adoption. My parents decided to pay for all her counselling and medical bills. In return my name would be on the birth certificate. You must know that. You found us."
Now Harm stepped in. "On the copies of the papers Lacy had, your and Diana's name were blacked out. Only the name of the lawyers firm was visible, but since there was no indication in what state the adoption was arranged Lacey had very little to go on."
"But how did she find you?" a flabbergasted Jeffrey wanted to know.
"My fiancé Mac is a spitting image of Diane and as you can see, Lacey takes very much after her mother. A friend of Lacey's is in the military, too, and she saw Mac once. She found out who Mac was and directed Lacey to her. We knew Mac hadn't had any children and a DNA test confirmed Lacey was not Mac's daughter. It was then that I contacted Mr and Mrs Schonke."
Jeffrey nodded shortly. Now his father had something to say.
"Of course we were very shocked when we learned what had happened. It not only destroyed the friendship between Jeffrey and Diane, also our friendship with Ted and Caryn Schonke was very strained from that moment on. A few months later the company I worked for needed someone to move to Missouri and I volunteered. Ted kept in touch during the pregnancy and informed us it was a girl. He sent a copy of the birth certificate to prove your name," he nodded at his son, "was on it. We exchanged some Christmas cards, but over the years the contact faded. There is one thing I want to say in defence of my son, though. Not to excuse his behaviour that night, but when he realized what he had done, he tried to make amends. He tried to speak to your mother and ask for forgiveness. I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to him, but he tried. You might know your grandparents were struggling financially at that time. As Jeffrey already told you, we paid for your mother's counselling and medical bills, but Jeffrey did as well. Back then he had a part-time job at a shop. Half of his money went into his college fund, half of it was his, to do with as he pleased. After we knew of your pregnancy that half was used to pay the bills, too."
He heaved a sigh. "I know your mum's decision not to press charges had more to do with herself than with my son, but I'm forever grateful she didn't go to the police. He can live a decent life and is not on the sex-offenders list."
Harm nodded neutrally, but there was something in his eyes that had the father on alert.
"You already knew. You did a back ground search on my son!"
"Yes," Harm confirmed.
For a second it looked like Mr Pachner was about to get angry, but then he sank back in his chair.
"I guess I would have done the same thing," he admitted. "Would you have agreed on a meeting, had my son turned up in your search?"
"Depends on what he had done. But yeah, if he had turned up in relation to a sex crime, I would have recommended strongly against it."
"Jeffrey is a good kid," his father proclaimed. "He made a terrible mistake back then, but since then he did us proud."
Lacey changed the subject.
"Can you tell me a bit about your life and your family?" she requested.
Jeffrey looked pleasantly surprised.
"I am thirty-seven now. After we moved I finished high school and went to college. It was then that my parents moved back north, to Ohio. I studied engineering and now I have job in a technical firm as a planner. I met my wife Petra on a job and married her almost eleven years ago. We live in a suburb of Portage Lakes, only a few blocks from my parent's house and we have two children. Timothy is nine and Diane is seven."
Lacey gasped.
"Yes, I called her after Diane. Somehow I felt I owed her that."
"Do they know I exist?"
"Petra does. I told her a few weeks before I proposed. I wanted her to know what she was in for, had you ever decided to go and look for your birthparents. She also knows about your search and this meeting. The kids don't. We'll tell them when you decide you want to meet them, or when they are old enough to understand. We don't want to tell them I raped Diane, not if we don't have to. I hope you will understand?" He looked pleadingly at Lacey.
'Did your daughter ever ask why she is called Diane?"
"She did and I told her she was named after a childhood friend of mine. She doesn't think anything of it. Timothy isn't a family name either."
The waitress came with a second round of coffee.
"The children go to school and are doing well. Tim likes baseball and is in Little League. Diane loves to play outside. She is a bit of a tomboy, likes to get dirty and climb trees and so. I built her a treehouse and she is frequently in there with her friends. Petra loves to cook, especially outdoors. We live more or less in the garden during summer, weather permitting that is. I like to work on bikes and you could call me the unofficial neighbourhood's bike mechanic. I also repair toys, especially mechanical ones. I collect them, too."
He looked whether she wanted him to go on, but she concentrated on stirring her coffee. The conversation faded for a while. Finally she looked up again.
"If you and my mum had … in a normal way?"
"You mean, if you had been conceived during consensual sex?"
"Yes. Would you … what had happened then?"
Jeffrey blew out a breath, puffing out his cheeks.
"I asked myself that question, too. I think we would have been in shock, first doing nothing and hoping it wasn't true or was going away, you know, the typical adolescent reaction. It would have taken us a while to come clean to our parents. But I knew they would have helped us. I don't think they would have agreed in having Diane and me marrying, after all we were only fifteen and seventeen years old. But they would have made sure we both felt responsible for you. I guess either I would have moved in with the Schonkes or Diane with us so we could take care of you together."
"And your relationschip?"
"Do you mean, would our relationship have sustained?"
"Yes.
"I don't know. As I said, we were very young and lots of teenager relations don't hold. But I would always have been your dad."
He drained his now cold coffee and placed his cup back on the saucer with a clunk.
"Our, Diane's and my baby, you …" He hesitated, not sure how to formulate this.
"We are talking about you and me, my parents and your grandparents. But you have two sets of grandparents, the Schonkes and the Pachners. Like Mr and Mrs Schonke, my parents were prepared to raise you as their own and like them, and me, they always wondered what had become of you. You're their flesh and blood, too."
After his outburst it was silent. Harm and Mr Pachner didn't know what to say neither. Luckily the waitress came to collect the empty cups and asked whether they needed anything more.
Harm thanked her and looked at the others.
"What do you think? Shall we end this meeting?"
By now Lacey looked like she was ready to call it a day, but Jeffrey had one bombshell more to drop. He reached for his inner pocket and produced an envelope.
"Did you know there are agencies that bring adopted children and their birthparents together?" he asked.
"No, I didn't."
"A child or a parent can give their name and contact information and as many details regarding the adoption as they know. Those agencies don't go out and search actively, but as soon there is a match both child and parent or parents are notified."
"I didn't know they existed. So all I should have done is leave my details and pay the fee?"
"Yes. But there are several agencies and they don't share information. And both child and parent have to subscribe. About five years ago Diane sent me this. It came out of the blue and it had no return address on it so I couldn't answer. I also don't know how she knew my address. I think you should read it."
With trembling fingers Lacey pulled the letter out of the envelope.
"Hallo Jeffrey," the letter started. "Lately I thought a lot about the child I gave up for adoption, your and my daughter. She is fourteen now and at an age she might want to go looking for her birthparents. This is to inform you I subscribed to several agencies which help adopted children find their birthparents. I gave my name and contact data and yours. This letter is to notify you so you will be prepared in case she contacts you. The agencies are …" There was a list of six websites.
Lacey read the short note over and over. Finally she looked up. "She wanted me to find her," she whispered, her eyes full of tears. "She wanted me to find her."
"Yes," Jeffrey confirmed. "She wanted you to find her. And I am so sorry it wasn't to be."
Abruptly Lacey stood and almost ran out of the restaurant. With a quick glance at the other men Harm followed her.
He found her at the far end of the parking lot, the letter clutched to her chest, her shoulders shaking. Tentatively he approached her, not knowing for sure what to do. But when Lacey was aware of his presence, she turned around and flung herself into his arms and he knew nothing better than to hold the sobbing girl close.
It took her a while to calm down, but then she pulled back, a bit embarrassed.
Harm thought it best not to comment; instead he asked "Want to come back inside?" Lacey nodded and followed him back in. In the hallway she spotted the ladies restroom and with an apologising look at Harm she slipped in. Harm walked back to their table
"How is she?" Mr Pachner wanted to know.
"Shaken. It's a lot to take in."
Both men nodded.
"I know, " Jeffrey said. "I don't know if she wants to talk to us anymore, but if not, will you tell her we understand this is an emotional and stressful meeting for her and that we accept she needs time to process this. We hope she will contact us again, but we will wait till she is ready."
By now Lacey walked into the room again. A bit shy she neared, embarrassed about her behaviour. Mr Pachner gave her warm and reassuring smile.
"Don't feel bad. We just told Harm we understand this is an emotional and stressful meeting for you and you need time to process this."
Biting her lower lip Lacey nodded.
"I think we should end this meeting," the older man went on. "Unless you have still something to tell or ask us, of course."
Silently Lacey shook her head.
"We hope you will stay in touch, but that's all up to you. You know where to find us," Jeffrey stated.
A short nod was her response. She reached out to give him the letter back, but he shook his head. "You can keep it. It means a lot to you and I don't need it anymore. Anyway, I made a copy. Shall I notify those agencies their services are no longer required?"
"Yes, please," Lacey said in small voice.
"I like to have a word with you, Harm, if that's possible," Mr Pachner said.
Seeing the girl was at the end of her endurance, Harm suggested "Why don't you sit in the car? I won't be long." He handed her the keys and after shaking hands she all but fled the room.
"I want to tell you how very grateful I am, how very grateful we are you and your wife took care of our granddaughter. Over the years we thought a lot about her. We don't know if Lacey wants to stay in touch, but …"
"I think she will, but give her some time," Harm interrupted.
Mr Pachner smiled. "That's good to hear, that you think she will. But I wanted to ask you, can you keep us informed? Without breaking any confidence, of course. Just to let us know she is all right. This meeting was hard on her, I am worried …"
"Me and my wife will keep an eye on her and so will her grandparents. But I will let you know, just the basics."
"Thanks." The man heaved a sigh of relief. Now they said their goodbyes and Harm hastened to his car.

As expected, Lacey was very silent during the trip back to her grandparents' home. It was only when he drove into the driveway and stopped, she seemed to realize where she was. Harm stepped out of the car and helped her out as well. He walked her to the door where her concerned grandparents were already waiting and gave them a reassuring smile.
"The meeting went well and I'm sure Lacey will tell you about it one of these days. She is just very tired now."
Mrs Schonke wrapped an arm around her granddaughter and took her inside. In the meantime
Mr Schonke expressed his gratitude for going with his granddaughter at this for her so important meeting.

"You don't need to thank me. In a way I feel I owe it to Diane. I wasn't there for her when she was alive and …"
"Do not go there," Mr Schonke ordered him "You were there for her, when she was alive. We have her letters to prove it. It's not your fault she never came to tell you she had a daughter. You and Mac have been so helpful, nice and caring to Lacey; she couldn't have wished for better. And neither could we. Do not blame yourself, not for anything, do you understand me!"
"Yes, Sir." Harm rolled his shoulders; it had been a long day for him, too.
"You better go home now, to your girlfriend," Mr Schonke told him. "We'll stay in touch and we'll see you at the wedding."
Harm couldn't supress a smile at the thought of that upcoming event.
"Yes," he said. "Mac or I'll call later this week to find out how Lacey is doing."
They shook hands once more and then Harm was off.