Elizabeth peered at her reflection. It could only have been for the third time, but at the moment it felt like a much larger, unmentionable number. Her dress was long, simple and black, with a revealing slit up the left leg; but, after the second look in the mirror, she'd begun to worry whether she was showing a little too much leg as well as the expanse of decolletage. But, she took comfort in Alison's assurance when she'd bought it that it was perfectly respectable for a woman of her age, the cheek. 'You're still on the right side of the divide between hot and provocative mom'.
Although this was a rare private evening out, she would still be visible and it wouldn't do for the Secretary of State to be seen to be on the wrong side of that divide; Elizabeth however? She stared at her reflection — had that been her aim this evening? To wear something a little more revealing than normal? Had she wanted to feel that risk of exposure? To see how Nadine would react?
Something between them had altered over the past week but she couldn't identify it. Was that where the colour in her cheeks had come from as she'd changed for the evening? Was that why the rhythm of her pulse had picked up the closer the evening got? She ran her hands through her hair and decided to leave it down, letting it fall over her exposed shoulders. She was perfectly respectably dressed for a night out with a —; with a what? What was Nadine? A member of staff, a colleague, an interesting person, a fascinating woman? Whoever she was, she was someone Elizabeth wanted to get to know better; someone she was realising she needed to know better.
Elizabeth had discovered that the constant shroud of mystery around her chief-of-staff had turned into her own personal cat nip, making her eager to discover more about her. But that didn't explain why she felt so nervous tonight; she didn't get nervous meeting world leaders so why tonight? But as she studied her reflection one last time, Elizabeth acknowledged that in those situations people were meeting the Secretary of State of the United States of America. Tonight, she'd simply be Elizabeth McCord. Yes, she'd still have the trappings of her job — a security detail outside the box, a cavalcade of secret service vehicles — but inside the box, with Nadine, she'd be Elizabeth. It had been a long time since she'd been just Elizabeth with anyone but her family — and recently even that had been limited. She wanted to be seen. She wanted Nadine to see her — Elizabeth. Not the Secretary, not the boss, not the wife or mother. She wanted Nadine to see the person, the woman. She realised this feeling had been growing, and she couldn't remember a time when she'd longed so much to be truly seen for who she was, not what she was.
Despite Elizabeth's trepidation, they chatted easily on their journey from the office to the Kennedy Centre. It wasn't far, but it was enough time for Elizabeth to enjoy listening to Nadine's passionate views on dance. It was an entirely unfamiliar side Elizabeth was seeing of her chief-of-staff. The established, guarded persona Elizabeth saw every day in the office had been discarded and was replaced with a creative, sensitive, charming and delightful woman. Despite her lack of recent practice, Elizabeth was finding it easier than expected to relax into the creative bubble that Nadine was creating around her.
When they pulled up to the Kennedy Centre, they were met by Amelia's assistant who led them to their box where they were greeted by an exuberant Amelia.
"Ladies, welcome." She greeted each of them with a kiss on each cheek, a flute of champagne and a selection of canapés.
"Amelia, this is wonderful." Nadine said, squeezing Amelia's arm gently.
"Nothing's too good for you, my darling." Elizabeth was surprised to see colour rise in Nadine's cheeks, and in that moment Elizabeth found that she couldn't agree with Amelia more.
To save Nadine from any embarrassment she may have felt in front of her, Elizabeth, picked up the conversation. "Ms Rostoff, thank you for the invitation." Elizabeth turned to Nadine. "And thank you Nadine for allowing me to tag along and share this with you." Elizabeth clinked her glass against Nadine's and held her gaze, finding an unexpected depth of emotion still lingering from Amelia's words.
"Nonsense." Amelia waved her hand. "It's my pleasure. How often does a girl get to entertain two beautiful women at one time." Elizabeth bowed her head in acknowledgement of the compliment, "And please, call me Amelia."
"Oh Amelia," Nadine chuckled at her old friend's comment, "as outrageous as always my darling."
"C'est vrai, but you would be disappointed if I changed." Amelia winked and raised her glass first to Nadine and then to Elizabeth. "Now ladies, I'm afraid I must leave you. I have a rather temperamental principal dancer who needs her nerves settled and ego stroked before curtain up, and I appear to be the only one who can — shall we say — distract her." Nadine groaned in mock despair at her friends blatant innuendo.
Amelia left the box blowing kisses to its occupants, and leaving Nadine laughing. "She's incorrigible," she said.
"She's a breath of fresh air." Elizabeth replied. "You're clearly very close. How long have you known each other?"
As they took their seats, Nadine topped up their glasses. "As much as I'm loath to admit it, I've known Amelia for thirty years. I was twenty-one, and had just arrived in Paris. Amelia was already there and well established but she still took a shy, gauche ingénue under her wing and she's been in my life ever since." The clear and unembarrassed affection that was evident when Nadine spoke of Amelia warmed Elizabeth's heart; she was pleased that Nadine had someone in her life who was a constant, who cared for her and protected her. But, she found herself feeling unexpectedly envious of Amelia. She knew it was irrational, but she'd learned over the years not to dismiss her feelings, even if she didn't understand them; she figured them out eventually. Trusting herself had saved her life and others on more than one occasion. The more time she was spending with her mysterious chief-of-staff, the more she wanted to solve the puzzle; put a strategic crack in the wall that Nadine used to protect herself. Perhaps some honesty would be a start.
"Nadine, you're a marvel." She said. "You're a constant source of surprises, and it's not often that I'm surprised. Listen, I know you like to keep your private life private, but I'm enjoying getting to know this alternate you. Thank you for letting me."
Before Nadine could respond, the house lights flashed a warning that the performance was about to begin and both women reached for their programme.
"I wonder if Amelia has managed to calm her leading lady's nerves?" Elizabeth asked with a conspiratorial smile and a raised eyebrow.
"Oh I'm sure she has." Nadine said. "Amelia is very good at distraction and making us forget anything but her." Just as the lights went down, Elizabeth smothered a triumphant smile as she watched realisation dawn on Nadine's face. Her inscrutable chief-of-staff had finally let slip something that she hadn't intended to, and Elizabeth found herself wanting to know a lot more.
The performance was exquisite, although Elizabeth found herself distracted by the pre-performance events. Nadine and Amelia's familiarity and closeness was apparent, and Elizabeth had enjoyed listening to their to-and-fro. The intimacy in their exchanges was undeniable; there was depth to their relationship. Elizabeth knew she had to figure out how to get Nadine to open up, or she'd just have to wait for her to make another slip.
Amelia had popped into the box during the first act, topped up their glasses and watched a few moments of the performance crouched between them, her hand resting on Nadine's shoulder. Elizabeth had heard her whispering something which made Nadine laugh quietly and slap Amelia's hand. Amelia had kissed Nadine's cheek, given them both a quick wave and hurried out of the box.
When the auditorium lights came up at the interval, Elizabeth sat back and watched while Nadine took a deep breath and sighed, almost as if she was bringing herself out of a meditative state. "That was wonderful. She really is a magnificent choreographer." Nadine turned to Elizabeth. "Did you enjoy it Ma'am?
"I loved it — it was beautiful and I'm looking forward to the second act." Nadine was about to stand when Elizabeth reached across, placing her hand on Nadine's leg. "Nadine — we're in this lovely box, looking fabulous, drinking expensive champagne and watching a beautiful performance — I don't want to be your boss tonight; I hope I'm your friend." Elizabeth squeezed Nadine's leg to emphasise her point. "So it's Elizabeth, not Ma'am, or Madam Secretary." Elizabeth held Nadine's gaze. "Agreed?" Nadine nodded, placing her hand on top of Elizabeth's.
"It's a deal," Nadine squeezed before letting go. "Come on Elizabeth, we've been summoned by our hostess for a little interval libation — not that I think I need any more, but Amelia doesn't really understand the concept of not getting what she wants."
Amelia's make-shift office contained a dozen or so people chatting animatedly to each other and their hostess. There was a brief appearance from the principal dancer who swept in to a round of applause, gave an elegant courtesy, kissed Amelia less than chastely and then swept out again. Nadine shook her head and grinned. "As I said, Amelia can make her leading ladies forget everything apart from her."
"Were you ever one of those leading ladies?" The words were out before Elizabeth could stop them, but she asked the question softly so only Nadine could hear it under the chatter around them. Nadine froze momentarily, her glass of scotch half way to her lips, but she recovered quickly and took a sip.
"I was never talented enough to be a leading lady Elizabeth." She smiled self-deprecatingly over the top of her glass. They held each others gaze, both acutely aware that the question hadn't been answered. Unusually, Elizabeth backed off first, just as Amelia joined them.
"Are you two enjoying yourselves?" she said, encircling an arm around each of her guests.
"We're having a lovely time." Elizabeth said.
"And is Nadine looking after you and being on her best behaviour?" Amelia teased.
"She's being thoroughly charming." Elizabeth smiled at her companion.
"Yes, our Nadine can indeed be charming when she puts her mind to it." Amelia kissed Nadine's cheek. "I won't see you after the performance I'm afraid. I have to flatter the sponsors over dinner. It's been a pleasure meeting you Madam Secretary — I hope that I'll meet you again before too long." Amelia shook Elizabeth's hand then took Nadine's hands in hers. "Bonne nuit mon cherie. Dinner tomorrow after the show?" Nadine nodded her agreement. "Till then darling," she said leaning in and kissing Nadine on the lips before disappearing into the centre of the group of people nearby.
"Shall we head back to our box?" Nadine said, aware that after tonight Elizabeth would likely have more questions than she had when Nadine had told her she'd had an affair with her predecessor. The question was, would she ask them or leave them unspoken. How serious was Elizabeth about becoming her friend?
Elizabeth found herself more distracted during the second act than she had been during the first. Interspersed with the on stage love story, she was having flashbacks of the principal dancer kissing Amelia and of Amelia kissing Nadine. While the second kiss was chaste in comparison to the first, it spoke of an intimacy that came with a history.
Elizabeth didn't interfere in her staffs' lives unless she had to. This was different though; she didn't want to interfere, but she did want to know more. She wanted to know what lay beneath the professional, always prepared facade of her chief-of-staff. Elizabeth reminded herself that she was an ex-CIA analyst and currently her country's top diplomat. She had more than enough game to get what she wanted. She was going to get to know Nadine Tolliver: Friend.