Nadine sprinkled the chopped coriander over the vegetable curry while she and Amelia chatted. It was rare that she got to cook these days and she'd thoroughly enjoyed it, almost as much as the conversation. Spending time with Amelia was one of her favourite things to do and this was exactly why. They were comfortable together. They'd been lovers for just over a year, followed by decades of friendship. Nothing of significance had happened to either of them that the other wasn't aware of; they'd offered counsel and support to each other at all the significant times in each others lives. Amelia was the person holding Nadine's hand and who'd cut the cord when she'd given birth to Roman. They were connected in a way that Nadine had never been to any other person and she was positive that Amelia felt the same.
As she moved around the kitchen preparing the plates, she was aware of Amelia watching her.
"It's been a long time since we've cooked together." Amelia said.
Nadine laughed. "We've never cooked together Amelia. I'm the one who always cooks while you sit around watching, trying your best to look alluring, sipping a glass of wine."
"Details, details. You know what I mean." Amelia said, dismissing Nadine's teasing.
"Did you and the captivating Madam Secretary enjoy your evening yesterday?"
"We really did Amelia. Thank you again. I hadn't realised Elizabeth was such a fan of dance and theatre, but then, as she said, she rarely gets a chance to go out, and I can certainly relate when she says that the appeal diminishes when you have to go on your own. She asked me to pass on her thanks again to you this evening."
Nadine's final meeting of the day had been with Elizabeth and the assistant secretary for East Asia. After the meeting and when they were alone, she'd been pleasantly surprised when Elizabeth had begun chatting about the previous evening. Nadine had watched with interest as the mantel of Secretary of State was shed and the Elizabeth that Nadine had got to experience the night before was revealed. Elizabeth had been interested in what Nadine and Amelia's plans were for the evening and Nadine had explained that she was cooking for them both at her apartment. Nadine had watched curiously as a flicker of some nameless emotion passed across Elizabeth's face before it disappeared and Elizabeth began peppering her with questions about what she intended to cook. When she'd left the office half an hour later, she was already running late if she hoped to get to the store and be home before Amelia arrived. The informal time that she'd spent with Elizabeth had been as unexpected as it was exciting.
They'd made tentative inroads into areas of their lives that were personal rather than professional. Elizabeth had even confessed that when she was five she'd declared to her parents that she wanted to be a dancer. "Really?" Nadine had tried to keep the incredulity out of her voice. Having watched Elizabeth in action over the last three years, nothing about her had screamed 'When I was a little girl I wanted to be ballerina'.
"You may mock," Elizabeth had said, "but my mom told me I had talent —I blame Mrs Sylvester." Nadine had looked quizzically at Elizabeth who'd clarified, "she was my ballet teacher. She told me that if I was serious about becoming a ballerina then I'd have to stop climbing trees and riding horses." Elizabeth had laughed, but Nadine had sensed a bittersweetness to it and guessed it was due to the memory of her mother. "I'd put money on my mom having fed her the lines. She knew those were the two things that I'd never give up; the riding because I loved it and climbing trees because I could escape from my brother who was terrible at climbing trees."
"But why would she want you to stop?" Nadine had asked.
"Let's just say that I think Mrs Sylvester and my mom both agreed that my skills lay more in riding, climbing trees…and well, in almost anything other than dancing." They'd laughed, and then eased into an easy silence; Elizabeth lost in her memories and Nadine trying, but failing, to imagine a young Elizabeth in tutu and tights. Imaging young Elizabeth as a tomboy, riding around and climbing trees however took no effort. Without warning though, a vision of Elizabeth as Nadine had seen her last year at the farm had appeared. Nadine had had to go and collect her for an emergency meeting at the White House. When the car had pulled up to the farmhouse, the agent at the door had explained that the Secretary wasn't in the house and he'd pointed to the adjacent field; and there she'd been, riding towards her on her favourite horse, hair mussed from the wind, face glowing and carrying the biggest smile Nadine had seen. She looked like she hadn't a care in the world and the memory was dazzling.
Nadine had then found herself losing herself in the real Elizabeth's eyes, warm and bright from laughing at the memory of her young self. God, but she's beautiful was the last thought Nadine had before she'd begun extricating herself with the excuse that she needed to get going if Amelia wasn't going to starve. At that moment, however, Nadine couldn't have cared less if Amelia had starved so long as she could have spent just a little more time with with Elizabeth; which was exactly the reason she'd left as soon as she could.
But even now, pottering around her kitchen, she couldn't shake the warm ache that had settled in her chest when she'd been with Elizabeth earlier.
"She sent me a lovely handwritten note thanking me for the evening. She's witty and charming, even on paper." Amelia said.
"Really?" Nadine said. "She didn't mention it, although I'm not surprised; but usually I'd arrange that for her."
"I think this was from the woman rather than the office — it was on her personal stationary. There wasn't an official seal in sight."
"Oh." Nadine tried to ignore the edge that had creeped into her tone. She wasn't sure what she was snippy about, but she was. "Well, that was kind of her."
Amelia chuckled. "Jealous?" Nadine turned away from Amelia to put the empty pan in the sink. "Not at all, I just forgot that yesterday wasn't a professional event." Nadine collected the plates and walked over to the dining table, Amelia following behind her.
"And did you enjoy socialising with such a beautiful woman?" Amelia asked after savouring her first bite. "Your last paramour certainly wasn't in her league. I never quite understood what you saw in the man." Amelia jumped as Nadine slammed her cutlery against her plate.
"Amelia, we've been over this. The man's dead and it turns out I was a fool. End of story. Elizabeth McCord is not my paramour, as you so quaintly put it, and she never will be. I'm not making that mistake again." There was silence as Nadine picked up her cutlery and they continued eating.
"Well, I suppose it would look like you're a label queen if you decided to have an affair with every Secretary of State who waltzed through the door." A raised eyebrow and withering look was the only response Amelia got.
"Blake, can you find Nadine for me please. I want to go over the schedule for the trip to the United Kingdom."
"Yes Ma'am, I'll ferret her out." Elizabeth saw a slight frown cross Blake's face before he turned to leave.
"Is something wrong Blake?" Elizabeth's fears were allayed when Blake turned around and she saw him grinning.
"She said she's just tired Ma'am." Blake said, using finger quotations to emphasise the 'tired'. Elizabeth was surprised. In all the time she'd worked with Nadine, she'd never seen her hungover, which is what she was if she'd interpreted Blake's finger charade correctly. This could be fun.
Hearing a brief knock on her office door, Nadine lifted her head from where it was slumped in her hands and looked up from her desk. She stood up when the Secretary walked in, grimacing slightly at the throbbing the movement caused in her head. "Ma'am, how can I help you."
She watched silently as Elizabeth poured a glass of water and sat on the sofa. "You can start by coming over here, sitting down and taking these." Nadine smiled as she looked at the two advil that lay on her boss's proffered palm.
"Blake," was all Nadine said as she made her way to the sofa, resigned to the fact that she was hungover and her boss knew it. She took the pills and swallowed them down with the water and then proceeded to finish the glass.
"De-hydrated much?" Elizabeth chuckled at the sideways glare Nadine directed her way. She liked that Nadine wasn't standing on ceremony.
"I'm a petite woman who can't drink as much as I used to, and I sometimes forget that detail when Amelia's around. She's a bad influence on me."
Elizabeth laughed at Nadine grimace. "You had a good night then?" Elizabeth was intrigued about their evening — she may even have thought about it a time or twenty last night as she'd worked late alone in her office, missing knowing that Nadine was just along the corridor.
"We did," Nadine couldn't help smiling at the memory of the evening despite the hangover. "I cooked dinner and we spent the evening, and what felt like the early hours of the morning, catching up. It's rare that we get this amount of time together so we tend to cram in as much as we can, when we can."
"Friendships like that are rare. You're a lucky woman." The wistfulness in Elizabeth's voice wasn't missed by either of them.
"Ma'am, I apologise for not being at my best today." Nadine was stopped from continuing by Elizabeth grasping her hand.
Turning and looking directly at Nadine, Elizabeth said, "Nadine, it's fine. We're all human — even you. We'll cope without you being at your peak." Elizabeth smiled, enjoying the feeling of Nadine's hand in hers. "I think I'll even enjoy the illusion of being the boss for a couple of hours and getting to look after you for a change."
Elizabeth relaxed back into the sofa again. The silence that enveloped them was comfortable, as was the warmth that each found in the touch of the other where their hands rested on the sofa between them. Nadine knew she was in danger of letting her feelings for the woman sitting next to her to race out of control. She also knew that she should disengage her hand from Elizabeth's grasp; but while she resolved to watch her step, she wasn't willing to deny herself this moment of peace.
When Blake came to find his errant boss sometime later, Nadine was surprised when Elizabeth didn't disengage their hands. She held onto it until Blake made it clear that she really needed to get back to her own office. With one final squeeze, Elizabeth reluctantly rose from Nadine's sofa, smoothing down the wrinkles on the front of her skirt. Looking down at her weary looking chief-of-staff she smiled. "Look after yourself and take it easy today."
"Yes Ma'am." Nadine sketched a mock salute in response. Elizabeth smirked as she turned to walk through the door being held open by an impatient Blake. "And don't forget to hydrate." She said as the door swung shut behind her.
Nadine smiled and placed her head gently against the back of the sofa. She hadn't moved her hand from where it had sat cradled in Elizabeth's. She could still feel the strength and warmth radiating around it. She tried to analyse the last few minutes; why had Elizabeth sat and held her hand? Why had she sounded to wistful discussing Nadine and Amelia's friendship? She must have experienced a similar friendship in her life Nadine thought, but then again, a life in the CIA probably wasn't one that encouraged close friendships, and then she'd been burned by the one friend she did have.
When she thought of the loneliness Elizabeth's career must have brought her, it made Nadine's heart ache; and it wasn't just her time with the CIA. Life as the Secretary of State didn't exactly allow the time or the possibility of developing friendships. But Elizabeth had made the overture to become her friend, and Nadine couldn't help but find the prospect thrilling.
As Elizabeth was ushered back to her office by a clearly agitated Blake, she was aware of the tingling in the palm of her hand which, until a few moments ago, had held Nadine's. She rubbed it gently with the tips of her fingers as she approached her desk. What had possessed her to hold onto it for as long as she had. She hoped that Nadine hadn't been freaked out by it, but when she thought about it logically, she knew she hadn't been. They'd shared a rare moment of peace and contentment together and Elizabeth knew it wouldn't have existed if Nadine had felt uncomfortable with the physical contact. Elizabeth realised that she could quite happily have remained in that exact position all day; contentment wasn't something she'd experienced in a while.
Her smile dissolved as thoughts of Henry pierced through her contented bubble. It wasn't surprising that thoughts of him had appeared given the contrast of what she'd just experienced with how she felt more and more when she was around him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd shared space with Henry and felt relaxed. Their relationship was disintegrating; they'd become strangers over the last six months as her job had taken up most of her energies and his work with the NSA and CIA had made him obsessive, distant and angry. The Henry that she'd fallen in love with and who she'd raised three amazing children with was no longer to be found in the man she was married to. Even the kids had begun to notice the difference. She was lonely, but she couldn't help the smile that appeared at the certain knowledge that her growing friendship with Nadine was beginning to fill the holes left by that loneliness.