Daniel leaned his head back and closed his eyes to block out the hovering holographic text. He needed a break from the Book of Ashora.
He was once again using the computer in Nara's quarters to do research on Ashoran culture, since he remained unable to contribute much to the escape plan. Sam and Ifefal had succeeded in deactivating Jack's Collar, but they couldn't yet do the same for Lagash or himself because their Collars were plugged in to the Official System. So Daniel was still confined to Ashasti's estate. He hated that! Even if it was true that Jack didn't have much freedom of movement, either. Jack had to spend most of his time hiding at the safe house, but he'd been able to come to Ashasti's estate for the big meeting….
It was wonderful to see Jack's face again. Especially wearing that lopsided smile. "Good to see you, Daniel," he said. They were everyday words, spoken in an almost-ordinary tone, but Jack's dark eyes shone with the most extraordinary warmth.
When Jack stepped forward and gave him an awkward embrace, Daniel's eyes began to sting. "Good to see you, too, Jack," he managed to say.
Without opening his eyes, Daniel brought his mug of zifwa to his mouth and took a sip. There was no coffee on Ashora. The closest alternative was this orange herbal tea. It didn't taste like coffee, but at least it packed an equivalent caffeine punch.
He'd been on Ashora long enough to start getting used to the taste of zifwa. What he couldn't get used to was the enforced idleness, the sense that he was just waiting around while the other members of their little group prepared the great escape from Ashora. That was tremendously frustrating. And it gave him way too much time to think about the emotional rifts that had opened up in his life.
Being confined to Ashasti's estate wouldn't be so bad if he could feel he was making an intellectual contribution to the escape plan, but his particular expertise and perspective hadn't been very relevant so far. Except at that near-disastrous group meeting. His perspective had definitely been needed then, no matter what Jack thought.
As the meeting broke up, Daniel kept an eye on Jack, waiting for the opportunity to snatch a private word. Finally, he saw his opening. He approached Jack and spoke softly. "Jack, if the Ashorans had withdrawn their support, our plan for getting off this planet would have bitten the dust. You do realize that, don't you?"
"Yes, Daniel. I realize." Jack's voice lacked expression. His eyes were as opaque and uncommunicative as lumps of coal. After half a beat, Jack turned away.
It felt like having a door slammed in his face.
Daniel's hand tightened on the handle of his mug as he took an angry swallow of zifwa. The hell with Jack, he thought. He's being a prick.
Daniel was absolutely sure he'd done the right thing. Not only in terms of their effort to escape from Ashora, but also for Jack, on a personal level. Jack might not appreciate that, but it was true. So he refused to allow Jack's cold shoulder routine to make him doubt or regret his actions!
Daniel's anger dissipated as he remembered what Jack had been through on this planet. Being Jack, he'd said next to nothing about his experiences at the Arena. But given his temperament, and the fact the Arena was run by criminals, it was certain he'd been tortured. And given Ashoran attitudes toward the sexual exploitation of men, it was certain he'd been raped, too. Tough though he was, Daniel wasn't sure Jack was equipped to cope with that. Rape was such a horribly personal form of assault, and not the kind of thing a man like Jack would ever have expected to face. So was it any wonder he was being difficult?
With a sigh, Daniel set down his mug and returned his attention to the Book of Ashora. Yes, there it was: "A woman's love is not diminished by being given to more than one male, for women are the conduits of the Goddess's love; therefore, a woman's love is potentially boundless. The Redeemed male acknowledges this truth, and so is freed from the curse of egoistic male jealousy." The notorious lines were embedded in a long passage about male "corruption." Males became corrupt when they failed to recognize that the Goddess was the center of the universe, and that women were Her natural representatives. The "corrupt" male suffered from the sinful delusion that he was the center of the universe. Sexual jealousy in males was a sign of the "corrupt" male's desire to own and control women; which, of course, was symptomatic of an underlying desire to control everyone and everything. When his attempt to control women and the rest of the universe failed – as it inevitably would – the "corrupt" male turned to violence. In the end, he would choose to destroy what he could not control.
Holy cow, thought Daniel. Or should that be holy bull? To be sure, there were some valid spiritual insights mixed in with all the sexism and off-kilter conclusions. That was typical of the Book of Ashora. The part about how overweening pride led to sin was certainly taught by other spiritual traditions, including Christianity. But had the Founders really believed that only men were subject to such temptations? And the way that passage gave women permission to take multiple lovers, while simultaneously denying men permission to even feel any objection – that was awfully convenient, wasn't it? If you were a woman.
In patriarchal societies, the existence of polygamy or some other kind of sexual double standard was a symptom of the inferior status of women. It was obvious that on Ashora, the reverse was true.
Daniel sighed. He'd never been able to understand why the concept of equal rights for everyone should be so difficult to grasp, but the record of history indicated that it was. In many cultures, men had taken advantage of women's biological vulnerabilities to trample on their rights. Here on Ashora, women had used advanced technology to trample on men's rights instead. But could anyone really believe that was any better?
Daniel was trying to understand the mindset of the Founders. Had they really been the kind of fanatics who would betray their world to the Goa'uld for being "impure," as Nara suspected? They were certainly fanatical when it came to the "proper" relationship between men and women. But the Book of Ashora kept emphasizing that the reason men had to submit to women was to prevent violence. Men could not be trusted to participate in Government, or perform any job that might require the use of force – like the military or police – because they inevitably became "corrupted" and turned destructive. If the Founders had hated violence, how could they have been willing to bring about the annihilation of their home world of Keftu?
What really gave Daniel pause was the kind of Government the Founders had established. Aside from the huge caveat that men were excluded from the political process, Ashora was essentially a liberal democracy. It seemed to Daniel that if the Founders had been the sort of people who were willing to destroy a whole world for not being "good" enough, they would have set up a much more authoritarian Government on Ashora, because there did seem to be a link between the need to control and the willingness to destroy.
But it was so hard to understand how fanatics thought, or anticipate what they might be willing to do. Well, those sorts of fanatics, anyway. Daniel was aware some people would say he could be a little fanatical himself, a times.
Daniel's ponderings were interrupted by a double-tap behind him. He swiveled his chair around to find Nara at the door. She gave him a tentative smile, and he gave her a brief smile in return.
His estrangement from Nara was the other painful rift in his life right now. It was the reason he hadn't been sleeping well even before his troubles with Jack. Ever since their confrontation the day of Jack's rescue, he and Nara had been walking on eggshells around one another. They barely spoke.
"I have some news," said Nara. "I thought you'd like to know that I just purchased twelve more stun-guns. So now we have all forty!" Nara had been using her underground connections and Ashasti's money to acquire stun-guns on the Black Market, but they hadn't been easy to find.
"Fantastic!" cried Daniel. "Now we have everything we need!" He took a deep breath. "I can't believe we're finally ready for our great escape." He was elated. And yet, as he looked into Nara's lovely face, he also felt a deep pang at the thought of saying goodbye forever. Though any relationship between them seemed doomed by Nara's inability to overcome her cultural conditioning, letting go of his love for her was easier said than done.
"Sam still has to add manual interfaces to the last batch of stun-guns," Nara reminded him. "That might take another day or two." All Ashoran weapons were designed to be operated through a woman's neural implants, so all the stun-guns and three of the military-grade guns had to be altered to make it possible for the weapons to be used by men.
Daniel sighed. One more delay. But at least the escape plan was on track. For a while there, it had looked as if their little group of conspirators wasn't going to hold together…
###
"No," barked Jack. "I'm not promising any such thing." His dark eyes bored into Ashasti's, backed by the full force of his personality.
Ashasti flinched a little, and Daniel winced. He could just imagine how Jack must be coming across to Ashasti and the other Ashorans. At this moment, Jack was the perfect embodiment of the "aggressive male," the bogey-man of Ashoran culture.
Sure enough, Daniel watched Ashasti's expression harden. She squared her shoulders and said, "Then I'm afraid I won't be able to help you, after all. I will not be a party to murder." Neralo put his arm around Ashasti's shoulders and gave Jack a hostile glare.
"And I won't, either," said Nara. "I know you've been treated badly, but it doesn't give you the right to kill."
"Who are you to say?" snapped Jack. "You aren't the one who's been forced to sample Ashoran hospitality. You haven't been enslaved, or had your memory stolen. We have a perfect right to use force to free ourselves from this shit-hole planet."
Tactful as ever, thought Daniel.
"But that doesn't mean you have to kill anyone!" insisted Nara.
"Yes," agreed Ashasti. "Why can't you promise that you'll only stun your opponents? What need is there to kill?"
Jack looked close to truly losing his temper, which almost never happened. But then, Jack didn't seem quite himself. His emotions were closer to the surface than normal. With an obvious effort, Jack mastered his anger enough to speak in a reasonable, though cutting, tone. "Tell you what," he said. "If you're ever in the position of having to fight your way out through the center of Government of the world that's enslaved and tortured you, and you decide to make it a rule to not kill anybody no matter what, be my guest. But until it's your friends' lives on the line, don't presume to lecture me. Because you can be damn sure that your Government won't hesitate to kill us."
"He's right," said Sam, her voice cold. "This isn't a game. The Ashoran Government has already tried to kill Jack once."
A tense silence settled over Ashasti's office, where all eight members of their little counter-conspiracy had gathered together for the first time. The meeting had begun as a joyous reunion between Jack and himself, and a chance for the people who hadn't met before to get acquainted. Then the planning session had started, with Jack and Sam standing on either side of a holographic projection, taking turns explaining the tactical and technical aspects of their escape plan. But when Jack had begun talking about "taking out" the Trainers at the Arena facility, Ashasti had asked what he meant by that. Things had gone downhill from there.
I should have seen this coming, thought Daniel. It was to be expected that the Ashoran members of their group wouldn't want to see anybody get hurt. The aversion to violence in this culture wasn't entirely disingenuous. The Ashorans found Jack's vengeful streak deeply disturbing. As well they should. Revenge had never righted a single wrong. Sometimes, Jack needed to be protected from his own darker impulses.
Daniel saw that Ashasti, Nara, and Neralo had lined up against Jack and Sam. The two groups were staring at one another with set expressions. Meanwhile, over in the corner, Ifefal and Lagash were watching the argument warily. Since they wanted to leave Ashora, too, they had a bigger stake in the success of the escape attempt. But Daniel suspected they were about to jump in with their own reservations about the use of force. After all, they were Ashorans, too. Well, Ifefal really wasn't, but she had no conscious memory of her previous life.
Poor Ifefal. She looked downright scared. Considering what Sam had told him about the terrible memories buried in her subconscious, Daniel guessed that the tension in the room was triggering some very unpleasant feelings for her.
Daniel decided it was time to intervene. "Wait a minute," he said, speaking as soothingly as he could, "I think we're much closer to agreement than you realize."
Jack turned a freezing stare on him that made his stomach feel cold. He'd been prepared for Jack to start threatening to tear him a new one if he chimed in with the Ashorans, but this felt worse than their usual head-butting. There was a chilling intensity in his eyes that Daniel had never seen before – at least, not directed at him. He began to suspect that crossing Jack on this one might truly imperil their friendship.
Daniel's jaw clenched. Turning toward Ashasti, Nara, and Neralo, he said, "The trouble here is that none of you have any combat experience, so it's hard for you to imagine what's involved. Jack isn't saying that he wants to kill anyone." Daniel caught Jack's eyes, willing him not to disagree. "What Jack means," he continued quickly, "is that, in combat, you never know what will happen, so you can't limit your options. Even though we'll be armed with stun-guns, there's always a possibility we might have to resort to lethal force in self-defense." Jack opened his mouth to say God-only-knew-what, but Sam placed a restraining hand on his arm and, miraculously, he desisted.
"Ashasti," Daniel continued, "I know you might not be willing to kill even to save your own life, but would you really demand the same from us?"
"No," said Ashasti, sounding subdued.
"Killing in self-defense would be justified," put in Nara. "But," she added, looking at Jack, "I got the definite impression he wants revenge, which is something else altogether. I agree that the criminals at the Arena deserve to be punished. But to kill them for the sake of revenge would be wrong!"
"It's not about revenge," said Jack, his tone light. "It's about making the universe a better place."
The Ashorans looked taken aback. You're not helping, thought Daniel.
"I give my word," Daniel loudly declared, "that I won't use lethal force except to defend the lives of my teammates and myself. Jack, Sam – would you be willing to do the same?" Daniel caught Jack's eyes again, silently pleading with him to be reasonable. But Jack's eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian.
Then Sam's hand slid down to grip Jack's. He turned and looked into her face for a moment. When he looked away, his expression had softened. His gaze began to drift over the people seated around him – until it fell on Ifefal. Ifefal was a petite young woman with an innocent face and waif-like figure. Sam said she was twenty-five, but she looked younger. At the moment, huddled against Lagash with wide eyes, she looked about twelve. She looked like a scared little girl. And the focus of her fear seemed to be Jack.
Jack's gaze flicked downward, his lashes shielding whatever was in his eyes. Then he looked up at Ashasti. "All right," he said. "I give you my word I won't kill any women except in defense of our team."
"And I promise the same," said Sam.
Wait a minute, thought Daniel, why did Jack say "women" instead of "people?" Is he trying to pull something? But when Daniel looked around, he saw that the Ashorans seemed satisfied. So he said nothing more.
###
Nara continued to stand at the door, eyes fixed on Daniel. She shifting nervously from one foot to the other and opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again and looked away.
Daniel raised his eyebrows and waited. It wasn't like Nara to be hesitant.
Finally she looked at him and blurted, "Daniel, I want to go with you."
Daniel was stunned. "With me? You mean – to Earth?"
"Yes, of course to Earth. Was there some other planet you were planning to run off to?" Nara stalked over and sat down across from him, fingers clenched on the arms of her chair.
Daniel was afraid to believe what she seemed to be saying. "You mean… you'd be willing to move to another planet just to be with me?"
Nara laughed shrilly. "Me, an Ashoran woman, give up my whole world for a mere male? That would be ironic, wouldn't it?"
Daniel felt a spurt of anger. He was tired of having his heart yanked around. "So then why do you want to go to Earth?" he asked brusquely.
Nara's hysterical amusement crumbled suddenly into anguish. "Oh, Daniel!" she cried, her voice unsteady. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded! It's just I've been agonizing about this for days, going crazy trying to decide what to do, and then going more crazy trying to decide how to explain it to you. I was so afraid it wouldn't come out right." She gave a little gasping laugh. "And, obviously, I was right to be afraid! I'm making such a mess of this." Nara took a deep breath. "The problem is, I don't want you to feel that if I left Ashora, that would place an obligation on you. I don't want whatever might happen between us to have that kind of pressure on it. I'm not making this decision only because of what I feel for you. But that doesn't mean you're not important to me. You're very important." She gave him a tremulous smile and said, "I love you, you know."
Daniel tried to clamp down on his reaction to her words, but it was no use. It felt as if his spirit had decided to escape his body by shooting out through the top of his head, blowing his skull to smithereens in the process.
"I love you, too, Nara," he said. He suddenly felt wonderful He didn't miss his brain one bit.
"Oh, Daniel!" she cried. "Do you? Even after the way I've screwed everything up?"
Daniel went and knelt on the floor at Nara's feet. He didn't care if this position fulfilled Ashoran stereotypes. He only wanted to be closer to her. "No one can escape the influence of their culture. I should have been more understanding."
"No, Daniel. You had good reason to be upset. I couldn't even touch you." Suddenly setting her jaw in determination, she reached down and captured his hands in hers. Daniel felt another rush of giddy happiness. He smiled joyfully into her green eyes, and she smiled back.
"There," she said. "See? I can get better." She frowned. "Though I have to admit, it feels a lot easier now that I know Ashasti's attitudes have changed." She abruptly slid off her chair to sit beside him on the floor. "For years, I've devoted myself to the idea of a more gender-equal society. I've dreamed I could help create the conditions for a more genuinely loving relationship between women and men on Ashora." She gave him a wry smile. "I thought of myself as much more enlightened and liberated than other Ashorans. But the way I ended up behaving with you forced me realize I've been kidding myself. You asked me how I could treat you as nothing more than another woman's property. Well, I've been asking myself the same question."
Daniel shook his head. "I know that's not the way you really feel, Nara."
"No, you were right! That's exactly how I treated you! I don't believe in chattel-concubines, yet I couldn't bring myself to violate the rules about them. How stupid is that?"
"It's not stupid at all. All of us have certain reactions and behaviors ingrained in us as we grow up. They become almost instinctive. Many people find it very difficult to truly lose them, even after they've rejected the underlying ideas. But if you're determined, you can do it."
Some of the tension that had been in Nara's shoulders finally began to ease. "Thanks, Daniel. That makes me feel better."
Daniel looked down at their clasped hands, amazed and gratified by the sight of her slim white fingers entwined with his. But the elation he'd felt was fading. His brain was back online, remorselessly reminding him of certain facts. "You've made me feel a whole lot better too, Nara. I can't tell you how much this moment means to me. But as much as I hate the thought of being separated from you, I also love you too much not to point out the problems. First of all, there's no certainty we'll make it to Earth. Our escape attempt might fail, and you might end up dead or in prison. Second, Earth is much less technologically advanced than Ashora. I suspect you'd find the living conditions pretty primitive. And, frankly, it's not so long ago that my society was patriarchal, in many respects. There are plenty of lingering patriarchal attitudes, which I think you'd find quite unpleasant. Thirdly, if you come with us to Earth, you'll probably never be able to go back to Ashora. Have you really thought about how that would feel?"
Nara's green eyes flashed. "I believe you're displaying some of those lingering patriarchal attitudes you mentioned, Daniel. Do you really think I haven't already considered all that? Or is it that you don't think I have a right to decide for myself what risks I'm willing to take?"
Daniel found himself smiling in amused admiration. "Okay," he said. "Point taken." His smile faded. "But the truth is, I do feel responsible for your interest in leaving Ashora, so I would hate to think you're making a mistake. As much as I want to have you with me, I would never want to keep you from fulfilling your true destiny. And if you go to Earth, you lose the opportunity to make things better here on Ashora. Are you sure that isn't what you're meant to do?"
She gave him a pained smile. "Don't you see, Daniel? How can I free the minds of others when I can't even free my own?"
"I think you're underestimating yourself."
"It's kind of you to say that. But the truth is, though I've rejected the way of life I was raised with, I don't seem quite able to go on to the next stage. I'm stuck in some kind of limbo. That's why I've decided I want to leave Ashora and start over on Earth. I want to see how it feels to live in a world where men and women are treated as equals. I want to escape from limbo." She gave him a mischievous smile. "So don't think I'm doing this only to be with you. Because that would just be your male ego talking."
Then Nara looked down at their clasped hands, her expression turning poignant. Freeing one hand from Daniel's, Nara began to pull at a pink dangle on her data wristlet. "Then again," she said, "I would very much like for our relationship to escape from limbo, too."
Daniel watched her fiddling with the pink dangle and realized he'd seen her do that before – usually when things became intense between them. "What is that?" he asked sharply.
Nara gave him a questioning look.
"That pink dangle on your data-wristlet. That has some significance, doesn't it?"
A bright flush began to spread through Nara's fair complexion. Looking down again, she muttered, "That's just my Night Pendant."
"I see," said Daniel. "Well… uh, actually, I'm not quite sure I do. I have run across that term in my studies, but as something that Ashoran women use when they're courting Sons of Ashora. As I understand it, the Night Pendant gives temporary control over a Son of Ashora's Golden Collar. Provided that both the Son of Ashora and his Guardian consent, right?"
"Yes," said Nara. "But Night Pendants aren't used only for Sons of Ashora. If a woman is attracted to a chattel-male, but she isn't his Keeper, she uses her Night Pendant to gain temporary control of his Collar so she can have sex with him. Of course, she has to get permission from his Keeper. The Night Pendant won't work otherwise." Nara pressed her lips together for a moment, and then quickly added, "No Ashoran woman would have sex with a male unless she controlled his Collar."
There was a pause. Then Daniel said, "Are you trying to tell me that part of the reason you wouldn't get involved with me is because you don't control my Collar?"
Nara gave him a chagrined look and nodded. "I'm sorry, Daniel. It's just one of those gut reactions you were talking about. Actually, that's even more basic than the taboo about concubines." Nara hugged herself and looked at him. "I want to be perfectly honest with you, Daniel, so you understand what you're dealing with. I definitely want to have sex with you. I've been wanting that for a long time. But the idea of having sex with a man when I don't control his Collar… well, to tell you the truth, it scares me. And on Earth, you won't even be wearing a Collar."
Daniel was taken aback. She was looking into his eyes steadily, but he thought he did see fear there. He suddenly grasped just how big a step it was for Nara to be willing to leave Ashora and go to a world that was not controlled by women. After all, Ashoran culture was based on the belief that any such world would be one in which men behaved in cruel and violent ways and used their superior physical strength to oppress women. That was what Nara had been taught all her life. Was it any wonder she was scared?
He squeezed Nara's hands. "It's okay, Nara. We can make this work. Strange as it may seem to you, billions of couples make it work all over the galaxy. A great many men in a great many different cultures treat women with love and respect." He smiled. "It doesn't necessarily require a Collar."
Nara smiled back, but then looked down quickly. And Daniel suddenly felt he could read her mind: But aren't there an awful lot of men who don't?
And it was true. A great many women in a great many different cultures were brutalized or even killed by the men who were supposed to be closest to them – their sexual partners. Even in his own society, it was a statistical fact that a woman's most likely murderer was her husband or boyfriend. It was sobering to realize that Nara's fear wasn't entirely unreasonable.
Daniel had a sudden idea. Looking into Nara's eyes, he said, "If you had control over my Collar, then we could be together without it being scary for you. Right? And wouldn't Ashasti be willing to let you attach your Night Pendant to my Collar?"
Nara's mouth dropped open. "Goddess! I suppose she would, now that her views have changed. That would be fantastic! But… if you wore my Night Pendant, I'd have full control over your Collar. Would you really be willing to give me that kind of power over you?"
"Yes, I would. Because I trust you, Nara. I trust that you won't hurt me or force me to do things I don't want to do. And I figure it's only fair. Because for us to be together on Earth, you'll have to give me that same level of trust."
Daniel touched the Night Pendant dangling from Nara's data-wristlet, playfully stroking it with his forefinger. Smiling slowly into Nara's eyes, he said, "So, tell me – how do I get this on?"