Visser Three's Journal
by Sinister Shadow
Humor/General
Rated 14+
I don't own Animorphs.
A/N: Hey everyone! This, as you must all have figured by now, is the sequel to "Visser Three's Diary". I was amazed by the success of that first fic, so I decided to make a sequel. "Visser Three's Journal" is a lot like "Visser Three's Diary", except that the story follows itself a bit more. There's a bit more of a plotline in this one, too. Of course, though, the diaries will always be primarily humor. This one is just more serious than the first one, as the story is progressing.
In "Visser Three's Journal", those who liked the three main characters of "Visser Three's Diary" -- Visser Three, Visser One and Iniss 226 -- will be pleased to find them all in the Journal. Some other characters in the Diary will also be in the Journal, as well as some new characters (some in Animorphs, some OCs).
I hope you like my new fic! Read on, and enjoy!...
(Side note: This will only make sense after you read the chapter, but for your best interest while reading this trilogy I suggest that you pay attention to the dream in this chapter. I won't tell you why, just pay attention to it and don't forget it.)
Dedicated to my best friends Concrete Angel and Jess for being the best – and helping me out with some ideas for this fic… Thanks guys!Also, to Edriss (for being an awesome friend and being the author of "The Beginning of the End", my favorite fic on this website) and Kharina (for being so enthusiastic about this fic. You won't be disappointed:P).
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Visser Three's Journal
"It's a new melody but the same old song…"
Chapter1
It's Me, Visser Three!
... May 1st
Entry One
Dear Diary... No, Dear Journal,
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Finally! It's been almost a year since I've been able to write anything! Well... unless you count the stuff I scribbled on Iniss's spare toilet paper...
My Yeerk who's pretending to be my grandmother decided to not wait until my birthday to send me this… but still, she HAD to wait a BAZILLION FRICKING HOURS! Gah! Anyway, in any case… thank God! How else was I supposed to get another diary? She's the only one who knows I even have one! I guess she's got psychic powers, because she must have sensed I needed to write down my hidden thoughts and emotions... OF COURSE I have hidden thought and emotions! You're dumb, Journal.
I decided to call you, my new Diary, Journal. Because... well, I wouldn't want to get stuck saying 'Dear Diary Number Two'! Now that would just be irrelevantly stupid. I bet Iniss called his diary'Diary Number Two'. The fricking dapsen.
Oh, by the way, Iniss Two-Two-Six is my personal assistant. You know, the guy I drag along with me everywhere I go. Except to the bathroom... Eew. I don't think even Iniss would want to be in there...
You might be thinking: "WOW! A P.A.! Cool!", but if you are, you're a dapsen. See, Iniss is NOT 'cool', as you'd say. Actually, he's the contrary of cool. He looks like a fricking DORK. Especially when he wears those unimaginably large, round sunglasses. Uhh...! Find a happy place!
Some females think Iniss is cute. I think some females are humanized dapsens.
Actually, most females these days are humanized dapsens. And I do emphasize the 'most', though only very slightly. Seriously, there is only one female I can think of who's a serious Yeerk. Definitely not a humanized dapsen.
... Well, she's a dapsen, but she's not humanized! She used to be... I know her secrets... but not anymore.
Her name is Edriss Five-Six-Two. Her rank is Miss Dapsenish Devil. Now, if she ever finds this, my rank will be Dead, and you'll end up in Foster Care for Diaries.
No, actually... She's ranked higher than me. Snif... SNIF SNIF SNIF! Okay, I'm a retard... Anyway, her rank is Visser One, head of the Yeerk military. In other words, by legal actions, I must obey her if she gives me an order. But I've never really liked that rule, sooo...
Visser One is a seriously attractive Yeerk. All the males think so. Now, I'll admit (though I'll have to bolt this down with a sealer gun after I'm done) that even I think so. But that won't stop that evil freak from being a total dapsen. She can be a sweet little grub, but as soon as you get on her bad side, the whole world goes boom and suddenly everyone hates you. I'm telling you, in some ways, Visser One has more power than even the Emperor! That freaking she-devil can brainwash you in seconds if she wants to. She looks kind of innocent at first glance, but she's actually the evil Visser One with serious firepower and incredible good looks that will eventually drive you to insanity. Trust me, I know.
... Okay, okay, I'll admit it. We've had our moments... But NEVER AGAIN, thanks to my completely restored brain functions! There was a time when I was weird, and that time has passed.
... Almost.
Besides, Visser One and I parted ways a long while ago. It was a tearful goodbye... Oh geez I'm not good at lying... But she had other places to go. Like the Yeerk home world, where she can leave all the Vissers in the Empire Building just as awestruck as the ones here! Me not included! Heh...
... Well, actually... Never mind... No wait! ... Yeah, never mind.
Heh heh... I love playing around with people's worthless minds like that. Especially Iniss. You wouldn't think that someone as annoying as he is would be so much fun to annoy...
Oh yes, and have I mentioned that Iniss is NOT ONLY very annoying, but he also has a very annoying obsession (Fun life, eh?)? Yeah. Iniss is obsessed -- and I mean OBSESSED in very large bolded, underlined, italic, capital letters -- with Visser One. Although, who these days isn't obsessed with Visser One? NO ONE, OKAY! Except of course many of the other, more unimportant females, and hey, ME! Although that's no surprise, I'm always rejected from everything, since the other forty-six Vissers' lives just simply revolve around Visser One! And no, I didn't calculate that wrong: It is forty-six. Visser One's life revolves around her too.
Anyway, back to Iniss's futile obsession with Miss-Yeerk-Home-World-Eight-Years-Running. It's not only annoying, it's seriously ridiculous. You think I'm exaggerating? Shall I kill you? You should freaking SEE it! Okay, Iniss has like four hundred pictures of her stuck to the wall in his room. And that's only ONE WALL! And without counting all his unadvertised pictures of Visser One as her equally attractive Yeerk self. Trust me, even we Yeerks have standards on attractiveness.
I swear Iniss possesses at least... uh, let's see... FIFTY pictures of Visser One in every single host she's ever had! Including the time she was on serious oatmeal and infested some guy's six-year-old daughter to make him believe the kid was possessed by the devil... Long story. Though it worked. I swear that man killed himself... Well, Visser One is the devil, so it must not have been a very hard imitation.
Ahh Visser One! Where ARE you? I get so bored around here without you yelling my ears off… You know, it actually does seem like an eternity since I've last seen her. In many ways, that's a good thing. But for worst enemies like us, almost a year without arguing is a DAMN LONG TIME.
… And that's not the only thing it's been a long time for… Whoo… Do WE ever have loads of stuff to talk about. Hope you don't get bored easily! I don't, except of course of Iniss. Then again, who DOESN'T get bored of Iniss?
Just be glad you're my journal, and not that stupid moron's "diary number two". Lucky break for you, that one was.
Take this morning, for example. It was around three o'clock in the morning and I was sleeping soundly, like any SANE CREATURE should that fricking early! But then, I was awaken, quite abruptly, by a sobbing Iniss. You'll notice throughout this second recital of my phenomenally exciting life (and NO, I did NOT spin the freaking "wheel of adjectives" that those embarrassingly primitive humans have on that stupid "TV commercial") that Iniss tends to sob and cry and bawl and be a stupid idiot an awful lot. It's almost criminal, I tell you.
Aaaanyway. Back to the Iniss-waking-me-up-at-three-o'clock-in-the-god-damn-MORNING episode.
( Iniss, what do you want…? ) I snapped dangerously. You don't disturb me when I'm sleeping. You just don't.
And then, figure this: Iniss had yet another stupid ninny excuse for an excuse ready and waiting.
" VISSER!" he yelled, and then proceeded to talking SUPER FAST. Sigh… " I was sleeping and my telecom started ringing and I was scared so I wanted to make sure I was still safe and I came here and I'm not going back there because they won't stop calling and --"
( Oh, for the Emperor's sake… ) I rolled my eyes up in my head. Why me? ( ANSWER. THE DAMN. PHONE. It's not going to bite you or anything. Good lords. )
" But Visser I'm scared and I --"
( Iniss, it's three o'clock in the freaking morning. I could seriously NOT care less. Now get OUT of my room. )
He just kind of stood there, perplexed, and sniffling like his life depended on it.
I threw my arms in the air exasperatedly. ( NOW! )
" Y-Yes Visser!" Iniss squeaked, and ran out of the room.
Now, I'll bet you have at least a slight idea of what my everyday life is like. Not pretty, I know. But I live with it, you know? I mean, what else can I do? Well… I could always hang myself… But that would be a waste of a perfectly amazing creature! And I don't mean the Andalite!
It took me forever to get back to sleep after that, anyway. I kept remembering Visser One. I know, I'm completely retarded. I blame it on the lack of sleep (HUH, Iniss?).
Visser One had called me the day after she left for the Yeerk home world. We'd talked for hours, arguing mostly. As usual. I mean, why wouldn't we have spent the whole time arguing? We're worst enemies, are we not? In fact, if we hadn't been arguing the whole time, that's when I would have started worrying…
I remembered our conversation and replayed it in my mind over and over again. I think that's when I fell asleep after a while… I don't remember exactly at what point. But in any case, I fell asleep, and I dreamt.
I was dreaming of a large room, a waiting room of some sort. The walls were black all over. I remember looking around and seeing Ellie, my incredibly girly Yeerk of an intern, as if all of a sudden. She was sitting on a bench, a white bench, contrasting deeply with the darkness of the walls. She pushed away her red hair from her forehead, then saw me and smiled.
" Like, hello Visser!" she said in a typical, yet somehow faraway voice.
( Hi Ellie, ) Dream-Me replied.
Suddenly, Iniss appeared out of nowhere. He was wearing a colorful thinking cap and quite abruptly had buck teeth (Ask the dream, not me). He was crying. Wow, this could seriously be a representation of my reality.
( What's wrong, Iniss? ) I asked subconsciously. Duh, if it had been conscious I would never have been so nice!
" I can't find any water!" he sobbed.
( Water? ) I asked increduously.
" Yeah, I need water to fill up my bottle!" he exclaimed. Only then did I notice a transparent red, empty bottle in his right hand.
Haha, don't worry. It's not going to last very long anyway.
Huh? What was… Oh, wait a minute. That was Visser One's voice. Where was she? … I spun around in all directions, but didn't see her anywhere. The voice sounded far away, as if coming from another room altogether.
You're such an idiot, you know that?
( Yeah, I know. ) I muttered, my voice filled with undiluted hatred.
Ellie and Iniss both looked surprised, to say the least. I guess private thought-speech doesn't exist in dreams.
" Who are you talking to, Visser Three?" Ellie asked, for once without her usual "like".
I pointed to the wall, utterly confused. ( Visser One. Didn't you hear her? )
" Visser One?" Ellie repeated, as if lost.
It's not going to last very long…
" Visser!" Iniss pulled on my fur and repeated, " I need some water to fill up my bottle!"
I looked at him and saw Ellie, from the corner of my eye, eyeing me strangely. Her eyes glimmered red.
Then I woke up.
Well, that was weird. To tell you the truth, it was actually kind of freaky. And not the "AHH! It's a monster!" type of freaky. I mean, "Iniss abruptly had buck teeth" freaky. In any case, the freakiness of it all made me strongly consider never eating the human delicacy that is grilled cheese before going to bed again.
Anyway.
Visser One's voice… In the dream, she'd told me that it wouldn't last long. But what wouldn't last long?
… Ahh, it's all coming back to me now. Our telecom conversation. I'd told her I still had about five boxes of instant maple-and-ginger oatmeal left in my cupboard. Long live the Quaker.
She'd laughed. " Haha, don't worry. Knowing you Visser Three, it isn't going to last very long anyway."
( You'd be surprised how long I can make that stuff last when I want to! ) I'd exclaimed at her underestimation of my conservation abilities.
" You're such an idiot, you know that?"
( Yeah, I know. ) I yelled. ( And you're the biggest butt-ugly dapsen ever to exist! )
" You're a waste of flesh," she spat.
( You're a waste of brain cells, ) I snapped back. ( You don't use them, anyway! )
I laughed interiorly. The dream was pretty much a colorful, backgrounded replay of our conversation, except with Ellie and Iniss involved. The context may have been a bit disturbing, to say the least, and I still have no clue where that fricking water bottle came from… But it's really no wonder I dreamt about that.
I fell asleep thinking about it.
And I couldn't help but wonder, even now, if things would ever get back to normal.
Well, I said to myself, at least things are a bit more normal now…
I smiled in my mind's eye. Yeah. Things were back to normal, at least the pleasant part of normal…
I mean, I already have no clue how I survived all this time without a diary, or a journal, or WHATEVER you want to call it! All I know is, now I have one. Now, I have a valid excuse to stay away from Iniss!
… Thank the lords I'm back!
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
Gah! It sure does feel good to be back:P (After like two weeks, lol… at least I didn't have to wait almost a year!) Well, I know I'm not done Borders, but I was done this and nowhere near done part four of Borders, so here it is:P I know Kharina'll be happy.
I know… Drastically boring first chapter, but gee, aren't ALL first chapters drastically boring? ;) Please review, it DOES get much better from here. It really does! No wait! Come back!