Dedicated to XxaRchaNgLexX for making my DAY with her newCloset Fan story. To Quillian for also integrating CF in his 10th-year anniversary ficlet. Thanks guys:D
And to Ember Nickel, for ITs chapter dedication to me in "The Pursuit". Enjoy!
Visser Three's Journal
PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs.
Chapter 4: The Acts of Being Replaced
Continued from Chapter Three…… I looked at Visser One again, simply not believing it. My eyes were wide. My nose was wide. My nonexistant mouth was wide. Even my STOMACH was wide! But that, of course, was simply a side effect of Alloran's intestinal problems.
Visser One.
What have you done to your HAIR?
" Why are you gaping at me like Iniss, you dapsen?" she said in her ever-so-incomprehensibly-Yeerkish-accented voice, barely hiding a smirk. She flipped her hair back and I nearly closed my eyes in pain.
( Your HAIR! ) I nearly yelled in desperation. I reached out to touch the, uh… tufts. In moderate disbelief. ( Your… interestingly long hair! … What have you done to it? )
" I cut it, you dufus!" Visser One exclaimed snappishly. I looked again. She'd cut it alright! Even INISS could figure that out! You know, considering that her previously lower-back-length silky black hair now stopped to rest just over her curved shoulders.
( I can SEE that. ) I said, disappointed. If there was one thing I had loved about Visser One, it was that amazingly silky, long hair of hers! ( But WHY would you do such a thing? )
" Because I wanted to," she snapped, glaring at me. " Long hair is a nuisance for military business. Now what the hell are you DOING here?"
I frowned. ( … Unfortunately, ) I drawled. ( I got ASSIGNED here. By the Emperor. So unless you want your head chopped off, you're just going to have to put up with me! )
I smirked. Ohh, how fun it was to annoy her… Hehe.
Visser One just grimaced and gave me a slight fish-eye. " Right, Visser Three. Just stay away from me and we'll all be fine."
She started to walk away, returning to her training. Another Visser waved over at her to go join their group, and she marched off in their direction.
( I would not want to be anywhere near you, Visser One! ) I called back in frustration. ( You disgusting dapsen! )
… Why did I want to come back here again? Seriously. I had been here less than an hour, and already I could feel the incredible hatred seeping back into my blood, coursing through my veins…
Visser One tripped, probably on her own feet, and tumbled onto the ground. She rolled and landed on her back, winded for a moment. That guy from a while ago, the handsome one dressed in flamboyant training gear, ran over to help her up. He leaned down and touched the tip of her nose with his index finger. At my angle, I saw him smile at her, and the corners of her mouth lifted into an inevitable, shy grin. She looked up at him and he took her arm and lifted her up to her feet.
" You be careful now," with a not-so-sincere sternness he smirked again. " We don't want our Vissers getting hurt."
" I slipped," Visser One snapped icily as her smile faded. Bad move there mister… Visser One hates to be perceived as weak or clumsy. She thinks she is the most graceful think to ever have graced (forgive the pun) the universe.
… Pfft. Ohhh lords, Visser One can just crack you up like nothing else sometimes!
Training Gear laughed wholeheartedly, which of course made Visser One absolutely TWITCH in rage.
" You don't have to be so mean with me, Visser One," he said almost teasingly. " I was just trying to help. You don't like help?"
" Not from the likes of you, Councilor Two," Visser One sneered. " News flash: You AREN'T the best thing that ever happened to this species. And the reason I tripped is probably because you were sweating all over the floor."
Ouch. Burn. Sounds like something she would say to me.
… Wait.
It DID sound like something she would say to me!
… Councilor Two, huh?
( Now, now Visser One… ) I sneered, stepping up to the feuding pair. ( Just because you have the aim of an Earth bear with its eyes pierced out and have lost your touch, does not mean you have to take it out on respectful Councilors. Where have you learned your manners? )
" Not from you, that's for sure…" Visser One snapped.
( … Is it that time of the month again? ) I asked, just DRIPPING fake understanding.
" Actually, NO!" Visser One exclaimed, going red. What the hell was her problem today, anyway? She pushed me futilely toward the sidelines of the training gym. As if a human can move an Andalite warrior. But I went along with it, in hopes of asking her WHAT exactly had peed in her cornflakes this morning.
( Visser One, WHAT is your problem? ) I asked privately. ( Why must you always be so very unpleasant? )
" HE is my problem!" she raged. " He thinks he's the greatest, most amazing, most wonderful Yeerk male on the damn planet! He is so stuck-up it isn't even amusing!"
( Wait a second. ) I stopped her. ( You're saying he's your problem? As in, I'm not your problem? )
" AMAZINGLY, you are actually not as bad as he is right now!" Visser One snapped.
Hold it! Hooooooooold it, Visser One! Am I being replaced here? What the hell did Councilor Two think he was doing, being stuck-up with Visser One? I am her worst enemy! I have those special priviledges. And she only accepts that from ME! … Or does she?
… Come to think of it, who cares? Who needs her? She can burn in hell for all I care, and go and join her little mate-ee, Essam Two-Nine-Three, whom she so deeply looooooves… Blech. It sickens me that our top Visser has herself succumbed to a futile human emotion. Can you imagine lower Vissers? Sub-Vissers? … My twin brother? Heh, my twin brother is officially the lowest-ranking Yeerk in the Empire after he was caught performing so-called "experiments" on a Hork-Bajir-Controller, not to mention the VERY disturbing consuming of fellow Yeerks… The shame, the shame.
Makes you wonder what our Empire is coming to.
Visser One walked back to Councilor Two and right past him. He gave her a blazing look. Oh no… He didn't feel so fondly about her either, now did he? Well THIS is great. This is just the fricking PIE IN THE SKY, now isn't it?
… I need a day job. Maybe something not involving handsome, stuck-up Councilors and seeing my worst enemy's ugly face. Yeah, that'll work.
" Okay everyone!" Councilor Two called. Obviously, since the Emperor was nowhere in sight, he was the one in charge of this session. " Let's start combat. Pick a partner, and let's get started. Visser One? With me?"
" Pfft, you wish." Visser One said, raising an eyebrow. " I'm with…" she looked around at all the hopeful males. And the few snickering dorks in the corner.
She sighed.
" … Okay, so I'm with you," she conceded in defeat.
Councilor Two smirked. " I bet you suck at combat."
" Excuse me?" Visser One said, smirking back. " We'll just see about that, won't we now?"
Councilor Two whistled and everyone got into position on the mats. I watched as Visser One tied her newly-destroyed hair into a tiny ponytail and placed herself in front of Councilor Two. When he whistled again, indicating the start of the match, Visser One literally attacked him, blocking nimbly with her arms and using body strength techniques she'd picked up during her years as a Visser. Visser One was far from the best at combat (Dracon beam maneuvering was her true skill: I'd lied in saying she had a bad aim), but by watching his reaction, I could tell Councilor Two was at least mildly impressed. He dodged her blows easily in most parts, but she did manage to stump him a few times. Evidently though, Councilor Two was the better fighter. In the third minute, he winded her so hard with a blow from both his fists that she collapsed onto the ground and stayed there, her fists and eyes clenched tightly in pain.
At three minutes thirty seconds, Councilor Two whistled to indicate the end of the match. The Councilor had won, of course. As everyone headed to the benches for a break and a drink, Councilor Two stepped up to Visser One and held out his hand to help her up. She slapped his hand away in rage, being the incredible sore loser she is.
" I don't need your help!" she raged.
" That was a good fight, Visser One," Councilor Two advised in hishigh-and-mighty manner, ignoring her badly-intended remark. " But there are some techniques you could improve on. If you'd like, I could show them to you."
" No thanks," Visser One spat icily, getting up and clutching her injured stomach. " My stomach hurts. I think I'm going to go sleep it off."
She turned her back on him and stormed out of the room, still in her training suit and evidently not taking the time to change. My stalk eyes followed her with a hateful glare until she turned around the corner of the hallway and out of my field of vision.
" Wow. She is some jokran…" Councilor Two said to me.
I turned around and nodded at him. He UNDERSTOOD! ( Yes! She is! Welcome to my world! )
Councilor Two laughed. " I actually think it's kind of cute how you two hate each other so much."
( It is not CUTE, ) I said, offended. ( We are worst enemies! Visser One is a disgusting, pathetic creature, and apparently I am the only one who treats her how she deserves to be treated. And she deserves to be treated BADLY! )
I glared smoulderingly at Councilor Two, while really meaning the angry look for the image of Visser One, grossly cut hair and all, still in my mind. The Councilor just shrugged.
" Meh… I think Councilor Four has a crush on her."
( Pfft! ) I exclaimed. That was the biggest LOAD of tripe I had ever heard in my life! ( And what makes you say that? )
" I don't know, he's just on her side in EVERYTHING."
( Councilor Four is on everyone's side for everything. )
" … Not mine!"
I nodded curtly, beaming politely. ( And there is most definitely a reason for that. )
Thankfully, he did not understand exactly where I was going with that comment.
" How do you know Councilor Four, anyway?" he asked.
( Duh. He's only the most popular Yeerk male ever. He's friends with everyone, including me. And that's saying something. )
" Oops, wrong!" Councilor Two smiled with thousands of brilliant white teeth! (Okay… like twenty-nine… but still, SOMEONE uses "Crest WhiteStrips"…) " The most popular Yeerk male is actually… me!"
( Okay, pardon my Galard, ) I said, ( but stop god damn flattering yourself! )
" No, it's true!" Councilor Two nodded briskly. " Hehe… I rock."
And then… get this… he pulls out this month's edition of EMPIRE magazine! The Yeerk equivalent of "People"!
As I watched in hair-raising, agonizing disgust, Councilor Two turned snobbishly to page fifty-two and fifty-three, where lay two identical lists, one on each page. Leaning forward, I read the titles of both articles.
"Top Ten Most Popular Yeerk Males"
"Top Ten Most Popular Yeerk Females"
( … Is this some sort of non-humorous joke? ) I demanded.
" Of COURSE not!" Councilor Two exclaimed, seeming genuinely insulted. " This thing is SACRED! You must not offend thee!"
I laughed. Hey, he was trying to be funny, right? … At least I hope… God I hope… I mean, it wasn't exactly comedian material, but you have to be respectful of higher-ranking Empire personnel. Something Visser One has never fully understood.
" Go on, read it!" Councilor Two said, and I obeyed, almost against my freaking will…
"Top Ten Most Popular Yeerk Males:
1: Councilor Two (to the side, there was a picture of Councilor Two that would make any female squeal, and any sane male screaming for the hills) – This handsome Councilor has proved his popularity amongst the Yeerk community through various events, including VIP invites to every community event this cycle. Kind and social, Councilor Two knows how to have a good time in any situation."
( Oh god. ) I said. ( You have GOT to be kidding me. There actually IS a most popular Yeerk list? )
" Well YAH!" Councilor Two exclaimed.
( Oooookay… ) I said. I decided, after that, to simply keep my mouth shut around psycho people.
My eyes skimmed the list… Councilor Four was in second place. Visser Four, in fifth. I noticed him right away thanks to his screwed-up kablooey of a side picture. His eyes were just slightly bloodshot, and his hair was slicked back like nothing I'd ever seen.
I decided to NOT read the article… Good idea, Visser Three.
Instead, my eyes zoomed up the list and landed on number three…
OH.
OH LORDS NO.
It was… it was…
Blond hair. "I've-been-surfing-and-picking-up-females-all-day" smirk on his face. Nice and tanned, just the way Visser One likes it. And especially… especially that god damn shirt.
Councilor Eight.
I could not resist: I read it. I read it ALL!
"3: Councilor Eight – The hunk of the Council room, Councilor Eight has chosen a host perfectly apt for his flamboyant personality (how about we replace "flamboyant" with "voluptuous" here?): Young, charming and always smiling. Posters of him hang on walls everywhere."
( Well, that was disturbing… ) I commented to no one.
" What was disturbing?" Councilor Two asked, looking over my shoulder.
( The realization that Councilor Eight is actually third most popular Yeerk male in the Empire. )
Councilor Two laughed wholeheartedly. He has an irritating habit of doing that. " Hehe! That's my brother!"
( Hehehe… ) I started. Then it hit me. ( … Wait… WHAT? )
" What, what?" he snapped, losing his patience.
( COUNCILOR EIGHT is your BROTHER? ) I exclaimed. Oh lords… The world is over! This MUST be an omen. There was no other explanation!
" Uh… yeah?" Councilor Two suggested. " What is the problem?"
( Um, that Councilor Eight is your brother? ) I simply could not believe it. I couldn't!
So I wouldn't. Not for now, at least. Besides, I was getting awfully tired of handsome, Most-Popular Councilor Two for one day.
( You know what? ) I said, feeling just a bit sick. ( … I'm feeling a bit under the weather from the long trip. I think I'm going to go rest in my room for a bit. )
Councilor Two shrugged and smirked. " Suit yourself!"
I nodded and walked outside the training room, still not believing my own ears.
… But then again, maybe all this is just a dream. I mean, you never really know, do you?
You can only hope…
---
Too lazy to just take the drop shaft up to my room (if that makes ANY sense), I galloped up TWENTY FLOORS OF STAIRS. I know, I am terribly stupid. But let me tell you right now, when you finally GET to the twenty-first floor on stairs, the feeling is so much better!
… Plus, the stairs were closer.
The twenty-first floor of the Empire Building was dedicated to the top twenty Vissers. It was beautifully furnished and decorated to make for a lavish setting, very comfortable in which to live. The hallways were wide, the activity rooms were huge, and we even had our own private JET TUB saloon! Does that beat the mother ship or WHAT!
The floors of the corridors leading to room 003 (My room: they are numbered according to the Visser's rank) was soft and blue-carpeted, and the walls were of a smooth, orange metal. As I finally arrived at the deluxe Vissers-One-to-Five branch of the floor and turned around the corner, I realized with a bang that once again, Visser One and I would be next-door neighbors… since the rooms here are zigzagued, as in 001 on one side of the wall, then 002 facing 001, then 003 next to 001, 004 facing 003, etc., there was no escaping the fact that just like on the Empire ship, Visser One's and my rooms would be simply FAR too close for comfort…
It seems that nothing has changed after all.
Standing in front of door number three, I pressed in my new room code. The code was '53520'. Not so hard to remember, really… I would get used to it.
- Code correct, a computerized voice told me as the door slid open to allow my passage.
" VIIIIIIIIIIIIISSERRR!" Iniss yelled very suddenly, leaping toward me.
( YAAAAH! ) I exclaimed, surprised. I dodged away angrily, almost peeing myself.
I glared at Iniss, who immediately looked down to the ground.
( … IN! ) I practically screamed, pointing firmly to the door.
" But Visser, do you want some candy?" Iniss beamed, backing up in a quivering fashion toward the door. " Or some cheese quesidillas? Ellie is actually a PRO CHEF, Visser! And-and-and-and--"
( Just SPIT IT OUT already! ) I yelled.
" And-and we invited Visser One to try them, and-and-and-and she actually DID!"
( For the Emperor's sake Iniss, you sound like a cassette gone bonkers. ) I said disapprovingly. ( Learn to ARTICULATE before I attack you with a dictionary! … And please tell me you did not let Visser One lay her germs all over my things. )
" Oh no…" Iniss smiled. " I made sure to put a kleenex under her butt before she sat anywhere."
I glared at him for long moments… but concluding at last that he would never, EVER learn, I stepped nimbly across the threshold and into the room beyond.
Visser One was sitting on the couch, eating cheese quesidillas like there was no tomorrow.
I swear, it was almost as if she had never left!
" See, look!" Iniss said in a probably accidental stage whisper. " See the small white protrusion under her?" He squealed and snickered like a low-rank. " It's a KLEENEX!"
I rolled my eyes. ( Shut up and get to work on those dishes! )
" What dishes?" Iniss inquired. " We just got --"
( FIND some. )
" … Yes, Visser…" Iniss obeyed, hanging his head.
I glared at Visser One. She smirked and glared back.
" Yew dapshhen," she attempted to say with practically an entire quesidilla in her mouth.
… Okay. So I wasn't being replaced. Visser One obviously still thought of me as her worst enemy. I mean, why wouldn't she? I may not be as popular as Councilor Two, but I can be more irritating than him any day!
And what better day than today?
I walked up to Visser One and messed up her hair with my Andalite hand. She gave me an annoyed look.
( You should never have cut your hair. ) I taunted. ( Now you'll never hear the end of it. )
" Touch my hair again, and you'll never hear the end of your pathetic Andalite bones breaking!" she snapped.
( I guess we'll see, huh? ) I glared.
" I guess we'll see," she glared back.
Then I turned to Ellie. ( Hey, could I have one of those? )
" Like, sure Visser!" Ellie giggled.
And we both went back to our daily affairs: Visser One eating things like a madwoman, and me ordering people around.
And I guess none of it will ever change. None of it… But it can't hurt to dream, right?
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
Please review!