IMPORTANT A/N: "Hey, K. A.! I just have one question, but PLEASE answer my letter! Are there male or female Yeerks? Or is there three genders, because when three join, there could only be 3 or 1, right?
Thanks!
-Mike M."
"Hi, Mike:
Nope, Yeerks have only one gender. They are neither male nor female. Which is perhaps why they have invented neither the La-Z-Boy recliner nor the 25 off sale.
–KAA"
… Do you realize what this means? My Yeerk reproduction theory! My… pretty much EVERYTHING concerning Yeerks in the Diary or the Journal has been completely thrown into the trash when we over at The Animorphs FanFic Lounge discovered, officially, that the Yeerks are genderless.
At first I was shocked! Paralysed! Wondering what the HECK I would do with my fics! AND WITH CLOSET FAN!
:) … Here was my reply on AFFL: "... But really, it wouldn't matter would it? If the Yeerks are genderless, it would be perfectly normal for three Yeerks to have affection for each other without genders. There wouldn't be such a thing as gay people or slash either, since having the same gender for them is NORMAL! Basically, they just kind of choose their genders through their hosts... Hmm, it really does make sense and it could make sense with my stories. Still, my whole V3D-and-Controller reproduction theory has been pretty much thrown into the deep blue sea now. Still I can't remember if I ever EXPLAINED my theory in V3D... Well, I still think it's funner when they have genders, but they could be genderless in my fics while keeping the "male", "female" aspect since they simply choose their gender through their hosts..."
I thought I would have to rework every single one of my fics.
But then, I thought of THIS idea. :)
Hope you enjoy!
"Visser Three's Journal"
Chapter 5
... Genderless?
May 6th.
Dear Journal,
This morning, "celebrating" my third droning month – I mean wonderful DAY in the Empire Building, I woke up quite abruptly.
Actually, I woke up to Ellie practically whacking me with a frying pan, but that's… actually NOT beside the point.
" Like, VISSER. Wake. Up!" Ellie pretty much screamed into my ear.
I opened my eyes and saw her, her red hair in an indescribable mess, looking both scared and concerned.
( Ellie, it's ONLY… ) I shot a look at my clock and frowned again. ( … Noon! By the Kandrona itself, won't you let me SLEEP? )
For the umpteenth time this week, I seriously considered deadbolting my bedroom door.
And Ellie did not budge.
I sighed.
( Ellie, what do you want? ) I finally conceded.
Ellie grimaced. " Do Andalites have pimples?"
( Tell me you did not wake me up for the SOLE PURPOSE of asking me that. )
" Well…" Ellie considered. " Actually, I wanted to know if you wanted your eggs boiled or scrambled."
( NEITHER! ) I exclaimed. ( It's NOON! I want my OATMEAL! )
Ellie raised a tired eyebrow and strode outside into the hallway with an exasperated groan.
" By the way, Visser, the like, New Yeerk Times is here," Ellie called.
Gah. The New Yeerk Times. The Yeerk Empire's daily newspaper. Eeeeeveryone gets it. Trust me, if I COULD unsubscribe from the evil thing, I WOULD.
( That's… just great, ) I said, trying not to sound like an overtired ninety-year-old human on menopause.
But really. GAH. Who – well, besides Iniss… and Councilor Eight. And his gagworthy brother, Councilor Two. And Councilor Seven, and Visser Four, and – okay, why don't I just stop now before I prove my own point wrong?
Anyway, WHO wants to see Visser One's ugly, mushroom-shaped face in the newspaper EVERY DAY under headlines like "Visser One does it again" (forgive the pun, Councilor Eight), "Visser One finds second possible Class Five species", "Visser One has a Hork-Bajir nose" (Okay, so the last one was me… so what?)…
You get what I mean. Terrible things to depress a great but moody Visser such as myself. What about ME, New Yeerk Times? What have I ever done to YOU? … Where is the LOVE?
Ahem.
In fact, I was SO certain that Visser One would be, yet again, the star of the Times's front page, that I decided to impose a little deal on Ellie… Heh…
( Ellie, ) I droned. ( If I get this wrong, you don't have to do Iniss's laundry today. )
" And like, if you get it right?" Ellie asked, immediately sensing the trick.
Aha, such a smart Yeerk, this one. Unlike Iniss, who would simply have not fallen but JUMPED, LEAPED into the trap… ( If I get it right, you have to not only wash Iniss's laundry, but you also have to clean my room. ) Hey, it would save me the job, right? Mwaha, I am BAD! ( Deal? )
" Wait." Ellie said sternly. " You said I like, wouldn't have to wash Iniss's totally gross clothes?"
( If I get it wrong, ) I replied
I could almost see Ellie's face light up. " Like, TOTALLY DEAL!"
I smirked. ( Okay, here's the question: Is Visser One, or is Visser One not, featured on the front page of the New Yeerk Times today? )
" Like, wait a sec," Ellie giggled. " I'll go look."
I heard her footsteps as she stepped farther off into the hallway and into the kitchen. A few moments more… and then…
" Visser, it's not Visser One," said Ellie.
My eyes widened.
( You're LYING. ) I raged, there on the tip of the mountaintop between anger and hysterics. She had to be wrong. It was ALWAYS Visser One. ALWAYS.
" … Like, I wish I was, Visser," Ellie protested in an obvious lie.
( Well if it isn't that dapsen… ) I seethed, ( WHO IS IT? )
A moment passed as Ellie evidently re-consulted the paper. I expected her to say "Woops, like, so-RRY Visser, it is totally Visser One."… But unfortunately for me, and for Iniss's laundry, that was definitely not what escaped her lips next.
" Like, Visser, it's some random scientist named Eivan Six-Seven-Nine…" she replied in a curious way from the kitchen, seemingly enveloped in her reading of the article.
( Eivan Six-Seven-Nine? ) I exclaimed. Of course I knew him! ( As in, Visser Fourteen? )
" Like, I DUNNO," Ellie said indignantly. " I'm totally just an intern, Visser. You expect me to know aaaall the --"
( The question was RHETORICAL, Ellie. I know it's Visser Fourteen. )
" Oh."
( Now keep reading, I want to know what this is about. ) It definitely did strike me as odd that the Empire newspaper was featuring a scientist – Visser or not – on the title page instead of in the regular Science section.
" Like, it says…" Ellie called out before reading the title of the article aloud: " Well-Known Scientist Eivan 679 Makes Shocking Discovery."
Woooww… that told me just TONS of information.
( Keep reading, Ellie. )
She moved on to the subtitle. " Reproduction scientist Eivan 679 discovers early yesterday that…" she stopped.
Then she shrieked.
" Like, OH MY GOD!" she yelled in horror. " Like, NO WAY. This is TOTALLY A JOKE."
Desperately trying to figure out what it was that Ellie was so damn freaked out about, and yet remaining totally unaware, I spoke to her in an effort to calm her down -- so she could tell me what the HELL was going on!
( Ellie, what seems to be the problem? ) I exclaimed, covering over her screams.
" Like, Visser!" she wailed. " You have GOT to see this!"
I sighed, sensing the world was over already... ( You come here. )
She immediately obeyed, and I heard hurried footsteps rushing toward my room. When Ellie ran inside, newspaper clutched in her left hand, I swear to the lords she looked like she had just suffered an anxiety attack and fallen straight into the core of a tornado.
( Ellie. WHAT HAPPENED? ) I demanded.
" Visser, look at this!" Ellie yelled, half-angrily, half-disbelievingly, as she thrust the New Yeerk Times onto my bed.
I got up on my four knees on the bed and gazed down at the article, embellished with a picture of Eivan 679 in a lab coat, holding up what seemed to be… a Yeerk.
Definitely curious now, I read the article in its entity… Or at least I tried.
Well-Known Scientist Eivan 679 Makes Shocking Discovery
Reproduction scientist Eivan 679 discovers early yesterday that the Yeerk race is genderless!
My eyes, nose, tail, stomach… EVERYTHING went wide.
Oh God.
Ellie was right. This was definitely a really, really, REALLY bad joke.
( WHAT. THE. HELL. ) I exclaimed, unable to detach my eyes from the damn article.
" I kno-ho-ho-ho-hoooowww!" Ellie bawled. " Like, Visser, I am TOTALLY a girl!"
… Of course, I could not agree more with THAT one.
But let me tell you that I LEAPED out of that bed and ran for the door as fast as my legs would carry me.
" Like, Visser, where are you going?" Ellie inquired.
( Show this to Visser One! ) I yelled. As much as I could not get over this RANDOM news… which Visser One may have an explanation for… the apocalypse was definitely worth seeing Visser One's face when she – or rather ITfound out.
Heh… So I ran out into the Empire Building's hallway and followed it down the short distance to Visser One's room. Newspaper in hand, I rang the doorbell.
- Bzzzzt.
Oh. So the doorbells had THAT infernal noise again… Whoopti-do.
The door slid open suddenly, and yet I hadn't heard any footsteps… When I peered inside, I saw Visser One lounging on her couch, playing around with her computer console.
A few moments passed before she noticed me walk in dubiously. Looking up and noticing the dumbfounded expression on my face, she laughed.
" Automated door response, you dimwit," she explained calmly. " I have it on my console."
I just stared. Visser One shrugged and returned to her work.
( Hey Visser One, guess what? ) I loudly slapped the newspaper on the table in front of her. ( You're an IT. )
" I'm a what?" Visser One asked distractedly, glancing briefly at the paper.
( An IT, ) I repeated.
" Very funny, Visser Three," Visser One spat. " I am female and even YOU can see that!"
I pointed to the article. ( APPARENTLY NOT! … Read it! )
Finally, curiosity winning over animosity, she glared at me and leaned down to look at the newspaper. Her wide-set eyes skimmed the photo of Eivan, then the title… and finally the subtitle, which of course made her large eyes become even larger.
" … What the hell, Visser Three?" she exclaimed, looking back at me.
( That's exactly what I said! ) I shot back.
" This has to be some sort of --"
( … Joke. ) I finished for her, rolling my eyes. ( But really, you have no clue about this? You reproduction exp -- )
" Shut it…!" she warned. " … Beats me. I mean, never in the twenty-two years of my life did I ever once doubt that I was female!"
( SAME! … Except, you know, male. ) I blushed slightly. This was about the ONLY TIME I ever agreed with Visser One on anything. But then again, it IS the apocalypse…
" Seriously though," Visser One continued. " How can we be GENDERLESS if we didn't even KNOW we were genderless? It makes absolutely NO sense!"
( Well… ) I said. ( Shouldn't it explain in the article? )
" Maybe," Visser One replied, handing me the paper.
I pushed it back.
( I meant YOU read it, you dapsen! ) I said. ( Unless, of course, you are too stupid to know how to read. )
" Damn you!" Visser One fumed. But her curious eyes rested on the newspaper again. " It says… that since we're blind in our natural state, we would have no way of knowing. And when we enter hosts for training, we automatically assume we are of their gender."
I pondered the thought… It made surprising sense. My first host was male… And before that I didn't really have any self-awareness beside the fact that I was swimming… endlessly swimming.
And lords know, if EIVAN 679 had discovered this, it unfortunately had to be true.
" My first host was female," Visser One realized.
( Yeah. And mine was male. )
" Could this be true? Are we really all undisclosed ITs?"
( Apparently, ) I said glumly. ( But… )
" But what?"
( To avoid any confusion, which is sure to arise… can I just keep calling you SHE? )
" Yeah. I would rather."
( Okay. )
" Okay."
--
So the Yeerks are officially genderless… Really, I should have found out earlier, since I know Iniss, and sometimes it's hard to tell with him… But still, this is shocking news! I mean, even WE had no idea… and it's our species!
But the hardest and most annoying part, by far, of learning all this… was telling my personal assistant.
Sitting on a chair, Iniss's mouth was dropped open as if he had just found out… well, that we are genderless, yeah. My bad.
" But Visser," he squeaked. " Why?"
( I don't KNOW why, Iniss. Only Visser Fourteen does. ) I tried to explain in a calm, fatherly fashion.
Iniss didn't reply, but gazed longingly at my Visser One dartboard, not even noticing the gash across her neck from when I had decided to "impale" her.
" ... Fine, so I'm GAY." Iniss said. " I can live with that!"
( You are not GAY Iniss, ) I said, then thought about it for a minute. ( Well... maybe you are, but that's besides the point. NORMAL YEERKS aren't gay... we all have the same gender! So it's NORMAL to mate with someone of your gender, because there ARE no genders! ) Whooaaa… I was confusing even myself now!
" Well..." Iniss said, trying again. " So I'm un-sexed then!"
( ASEXUAL, you dufus. )
" Oh, Visser Three, that's a biiiiiggg wooooooord..."I rolled my eyes in irritation. Genders or not, Iniss will unfortunately always be Iniss…
I looked at my Visser One poster, and at the gash on her neck, and could not hold back a smirk.
Consider this a fair warning…
… If anyone ever calls me a she…
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
Well would you look at that... :P The Yeerks are genderless. And even THEY had no idea! Talk about a society in the dark!
lol well... I hoped you liked it, and please review!
Go to my bio for details on a Visser Three's Journal Contest for chapter six...