Congratulations to Kharina for her winning submission to the chapter six contest! I chose your submission because it was creative and funny, and it stuck best to the plot.

Kharina's submission is 885 words, and it ends in the sentence: I think you're going senile.

Kharina will have a character of her choice guest-starring in chapter 7, as well as her submission featuring as the beginning of this chapter. Congratulations, and thanks to everyone for their submissions!

Thanks also to Traycon3 and Ember Nickel, whose submissions ranked 2nd and 3rd place respectively.

Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs.

Visser Three's Journal

Chapter 6
Councilor Eight and an Unfortunate Visit

May 8th

Dear Journal,

Great. We're genderless. Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped Iniss from going on and on about Visser One. And Iniss, with his incredible lack of common sense and tact, decided to go and announce his undying love to her, yet again. Except this time, he managed to do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF Councilor Eight! I mean, how stupid can you get!

Well, the injuries when he came back were actually due to Visser One. Councilor Eight is used to males trying to flirt with his mate and all it does is make him smugger than ever. But Visser One is so fed up of Iniss she whacked him over the head with a chair. Several times. The woman… well, the IT… seriously needs help with anger management! But then, Iniss can be so annoying I can hardly blame her. One of the few things… in fact probably the only thing… that myself, Visser One and Councilor Eight all agree on is that Iniss is stupid and annoying. Second only to Visser One. Well, obviously only I say that. Visser One and Councilor Eight say he's second only to ME… I mean, come on, I'm not that annoying! I'm not, am I Journal? That's right, no. I didn't think so.

Anyway, so Iniss comes whining back to me. And all this fuss over Visser One makes Ellie jealous, so SHE starts getting upset and whining TOO. What did I do to deserve such stupid assistants! Oh yeah, Visser One gets a cool vegetarian Taxxon -- I get a Yeerk with as many legs as brain cells. So eventually I got so annoyed I stormed over to Visser One's room for a good argument, as I always do when I'm stressed. It's just so therapeutic!

( Visser One, how DARE you injure MY P.A.! ) I yelled once I got there.

She didn't even glance up from reading the paper -- in fact, the article about Yeerks being genderless. " I thought you didn't like Iniss," she said lazily.

( I don't, but when you do that he comes whining to me and totally spoils my day! )

" I had to get him to go away somehow. If you don't want that to happen, keep him away from me!"

( That's impossible, Visser One. It would be like trying to keep… well, any other male away from you. Except worse. )

She rolled her eyes. " Visser Three, did you actually come here for a REASON? Or just to argue with me?"

( That IS a reason! But I also wanted my paper back, ) I said as I snatched it.

" Visser Three, I was READING that!"

I was about to respond, when a knock came at the door.

" What!" Visser One snapped moodily in the general direction of the door.

" Bad time, Edriss?" Came Councilor Eight's voice from the other side of the door. I noticed that his tone of voice was… different… to how he normally sounded. But then, that's just what happens to most males (read: NOT me) when Visser One is around.

Visser One was silent for a second. " I, uh, didn't know it was you… sorry… come in," she said. Again in a tone she reserved for speaking to Councilor Eight. The annoyance had mostly vanished from her face.

Councilor Eight came in. I glared at him. Visser One smiled at him. For some reason that made me glare even more… I mean, why? Maybe it's just that anything Visser One likes I have to hate, and I already hate Councilor Eight, so I hate him doubly. Yeah, that must be the reason. Definitely.

He gave me a half-puzzled, half-angry look, but then turned to Visser One. " You're not going to like this, but the Council needs you to look through these." He dumped a large pile of papers on her desk. His tone was back to normal now he'd seen me.

She groaned. " Not MORE paperwork," she grumbled.

Visser One absolutely hates paperwork and forms. She really can't stand them, especially when there's a lot to do at once. That's why I steal them and hide them from her so she has to do them all at once, right before they need to be finished. Yes, I am a sadistic, horrible Yeerk. You must know that by now, surely?

" What's that dapsen doing here?" Councilor Eight asked, referring to me. I scowled at him.

" He came to annoy me, as usual," she replied.

( You hit my P.A. over the head with a CHAIR! ) I repeated.

" Well, make him stop following me around then. Go away, Visser Three," she snapped.

( Fine! ) I snapped back. At the door I turned to look at her. ( You have anger management problems, Visser One. )

" No, that's you," Councilor Eight said. "Go away."

I sighed and stormed back to my own room. Have I mentioned that I really HATE Councilor Eight? I mean, all those males to choose from and Visser One chooses the Empire's biggest dapsen (except for herself, obviously). Why! I mean, what's so SPECIAL about Councilor Eight?

Alloran, I am NOT jealous! Where do you get these weird ideas of yours? I think you're going senile.

( Heh, that's a joke… ) laughed Alloran. ( YOU, not jealous? Wow. And I thought Iniss was crazy. )

No joke, you dapsen. And for the last time, I am not CRAZY!

… How about we just block Alloran out now? He really isn't helping this entry move along. And I'm sure you, Journal, would rather not hear Alloran and I bickering pointlessly all day, and instead listen to the rest of the story.

Yes? That's what I thought. Bye bye, Alloran. Wave wave.

I walked back into my room just in time to hear my telecom ringing mercilessly.

" VISSER THREE, ANSWER YOUR LIKE, PHONE!" Ellie screamed from the shower.

Rolling my eyes, I set off in search of the telecom. But there was no sign of it! Anywhere! I looked behind the couch, under the doorframe, in the closet, on the table – Where the HELL was my telecom!

- Riiiiiiingggggg… Brrrrrriiiiiinggggg…

You would think they'd give up by now. For the Emperor's sake, the telecom had been RINGING for THREE MINUTES! You would think they would get the god damn point!

" Like, Visser Three, ANSWER YOUR PHONE!" Ellie shrieked.

( I CAN'T FIND THE PHONE! ) I yelled back in near-hysterics.

" It's like, on the sofa!" Ellie said. " Duuuuuuuhhh…"

( NO it's not, you creep. I WOULD have noticed if it was -- ) I looked at the sofa. Surely enough, there was my telecom! Ringing its nonexistant heart out!

HADN'T I JUST LOOKED UNDER THE DAMN SOFA?

No. No, it had to be on the sofa.

Stupid lords. Why must you pain me so?

Ellie came out of the bathroom and grinned at me. I glared and lifted my index finger.

( Don't you say a word, ) I spat.

I walked over to the couch, still fuming, and roughly picked up the telecom. I pressed the mind-link button.

( Visser Three speaking, ) I graciously held back a death scream.

" Dear brother," a familiar voice on the other end sneered. " Have you forgotten how to answer your telecom?"

I almost dropped the phone. Lords, are you kidding me?

( No, ) I spat. ( Have you forgotten how to HANG UP? The damn thing was ringing for five minutes! )

" Actually I haven't forgotten how to hang up," my evil twin said. " I could hang up now, if you'd like."

( Nice try. ) I said. ( What have you called me for? )

" What, a guy can't call his brother anymore?"

( Not you. You ALWAYS want something. And yet you live in a billionaire host! Typical. Now what is it that you want? )

I sighed, preparing for the worst.

This was more than typical of my twin brother, Esplin Nine-Four-Double-Six, the lesser – whom everyone just calls "the lesser", to NOT complicate things as much as possible. He always calls me to ask the stupidest questions, demand the wackiest favors, and talk about his gourmet menu. Which, by the way is US. Yeerks. How did I get stuck with a cannibal for a twin brother?

… Oh YEAH! I kicked him out of the pool! Right, so maybe that WASN'T the brightest decision.

Anyway.

" What would I want? …" the lesser pondered. " Oh yes, I remember now: I am in nearby space at the moment, and have decided to drop in for a visit."

My heart stopped.

The LESSER was coming for a VISIT?

No.

NOOOOOOO!

( But… WHY? ) I asking, trying NOT to sound absolutely disgusted. ( Since when are you in space? )

" Oh, I was just taking a stroll," he said merrily. " You know, getting in touch with my roots and such."

I snorted. A beautiful, empty landscape with nothing but stars and dust for miles… Some roots, alright! Actually quite fitting for him!

( You were taking a STROLL to the YEERK HOME WORLD? ) I exclaimed, practically hysterical. ( A bit more than a stroll now, don't you think? )

" Hey, it makes for loads of exercise!"

( You're sitting in a ship. )

" I meant for the ship, dummy."

I scowled interiorly. This could not be happening. This just could NOT be happening!

I would have to resort to some drastic measures…

Just as soon as I got off the telecom!

( When are you planning on arriving? ) I asked quickly, just dripping fake joy.

" Early tomorrow morning, actually," he replied. " I should be arriving around eight o'clock."

( Okay, great! ) I said. ( Well… I have to go, because Visser One is screaming at me to give her back her forms, ) – which she really wasn't – ( but I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Okay, bye. )

And before the lesser could make a vulgar comment about Visser One screaming, I hung up the telecom and sprinted like a madman out into the hallway and back to Visser One's room.

There, I rang the infernal doorbell about five thousand times.

- … Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt –

" Will you SHUT UP already?" Councilor Eight screeched from inside the room. Great. He was still there. " We're busy!"

( I'll bet you are, ) I snapped coolly. ( But I need help! SERIOUSLY! )

" And why would we want to help you?" Visser One replied snobbishly, icily, her words aiming to sting.

Which they didn't.

( Because – Because -- LOOK, just let me in and I'll tell you! ) I shrieked.

" Yeah right, Visser Three," Visser One sneered, evidently amused. " You're going to have to do better than that."

I inhaled deeply, trying to relax. Which, by the way, was pretty much impossible.

( Alright Visser One, you asked for it… ) I said. ( The lesser is dropping by for a visit tomorrow morning. )

There was a sudden, still, eerie silence all around. Not a word as I heard Visser One's footsteps pounding on the floor, as she ran closer. Then a small "click" as the door slid open slowly.

Visser One's face was contorted into a mixture of disgust, repulsion, and freaking out.

" The LESSER is coming HERE?" she exclaimed as Councilor Eight walked up to lace his arms around her waist from behind and place his head on her shoulder to look at me.

( Apparently so! ) I raged. ( Tomorrow morning! )

" What are we going to do?"

( I don't know, but you're right to use we, because I'm not putting up with him alone! )

" Uhh, did I miss something?" Councilor Eight asked lamely. " Who is this the lesser?"

( He's my twin brother. ) I replied simply.

" So? What's the problem with that?" he shrugged.

( He eats Yeerks. )

" Oh… WHAT?" Councilor Eight's eyes bulged suddenly.

" Come in, Visser Three, we need to talk this over," Visser One said, obviously knowing an emergency when she saw one.

I galloped into her room, behind her and the Councilor. I stood in the middle of the room, pacing. Visser One and Councilor Eight sat on the couch side by side, with Councilor Eight holding her close. He whispered something softly into her ear. Her worried gaze softened and she rested her head on his shoulder.

( Okay. All this lovey-dovey stuff is SWEET, ) I said sarcastically, ( but we have to figure something out about my brother! )

" Well, how long is he staying?" Visser One questioned.

( I don't know. He didn't say. But it better not be longer than three days… )

" BETTER not be!" Visser One exclaimed. " I'd rather starve than be eaten by him!"

( I'm sure you would… ) I said bitterly. ( Except that he says he'd "never dream of eating Visser One". Lucky sap. )

" This is all your fault, Visser Three," Visser One spat.

( How is it MY fault? ) I yelled.

" YOU answered your TELECOM!" she crossed her arms snobbishly.

( Yeah, then he would have showed up ANYWAY, and tomorrow morning we'd all be running for cover! ) I said. ( And besides, the telecom was ringing like a dapsen for five minutes, what did you expect me to do? )

Visser One looked pensive. " I almost forgot… My twin sister was on her way here too. She called me a few days ago. And she's bringing a few… friends… from the cafeteria where she works."

( Well, maybe if somehow she shows up at the same time as the lesser, he'll have some company that's NOT us, ) I beamed. This situation was looking up!

" … Or we could always just stick him with Iniss," Visser One laughed.

( You dapsen. He's too fricking big! )

She let out a chuckle. " Okay." She played with her fingers. " This won't be too bad."

Yeah. It wouldn't be too bad.

Or at least we hoped…

Until my return,

Esplin 9466