Disclaimer: I own twice as much as the difference of the square root of 36 minus the product of 2 and 3. Yep, it equals zero. Also, Fran's and Ashe's opinions of the movie Grindhouse featured in this chapter don't necessarily reflect mine, but… yeah. And please review! I only got 1 last chapter… discouraging…

Chapter 3

As a strange and epic battle unfolded at the residence of Reddas, Ashe and Fran were just leaving the Regal Theatre on the other side of the town, into a furious rain even thicker than before. "That film was atrocious! I would rather sit through more of Penelo's creative writing essays."

"And thoshe made my earsh bleed," commented Fran with an awful, awful lisp. "We should complain."

"Yes, I agree, my inferior friend." The self-absorbed royalty stepped into a nearby phone booth and dialed the theatre's number. After a few rings, she heard a chime, and a jovial voice saying, "Frank the goat appreciates your call." After that, a not-so-jovial, monotonous voice droned, "This is the Regal Theatre complaint hotline. What is your complaint."

"Yes, a friend and I have recently watched your film, Grindhouse, and we thought it was absolutely dreadful. We want a full refund."

Pause. "Well, then go get it."

"Where is it, then?"

Another pause. "It's up your ass."

"Wha, what?!" She was answered by a click, and a dial tone. "Ugh, what an annoyance. Come let's return to Reddas' house."

2 minutes earlier on the other side of town…

Dozens of Cid-bots were slowly swarming around the room and outside the holes in the walls and ceiling. The quick-talking Cid was floating in the middle of the room on his contraption, twitching with excitement. "Reddas, I demand to have your nethicite or else I shall incur the wrath of my newest invention! Heh heh heh heh…"

At this moment Basch burst through the door, and ran into the room. "Honey, I'm home! Uh… what is this?"

"It's an ambush," said Vaan in a bored tone. "Another one…"

"Wow, that sounds painful. Hmm… look! The Basch signal!" He pointed into the air, although he was only pointing at the ceiling. He ran for the door, but Balthier, who was standing next to the open door, kicked it shut just in time for Basch to run into it with his face. "There is no Basch signal!" he shouted in anger. "The joke is dead!" He pulled out, from an apparently invisible holster on his back, his prized Aldebaran. Then, in a very out-of-character southern accent, he shot a shell into the air and said, "Get 'er done!!!"

In response, the Cid-bots gathered around Balthier, shouting random sayings (obviously voiced over by the mad doctor himself) such as, "Clean your room!" and "Give your old dad a hug!"

"Hmm... have a taste of this!" he called, aiming at a robot and then firing, but all that came out was a little stick from which a cloth unveiled that read in big red lettters, 'BANG!!'.

"Ah, crap..." The robots began swarming closer to him, but with the help of the others, including Ashe and Fran who had just came back, he was able to overcome them.

After they had mowed down several waves of robots, the crazed, fast-talking scientist began to look uneasy. "Hmm… this is proving to be more difficult than I thought. Very well. Bring in the Destructor!" Suddenly the room violently shook and began to tip to one side. Then, through the wall marched a giant, eight-foot tall robot that looked like a woman with blonde and rather large, um… eyes. Cid laughed maniacally and commanded, "Destructor, activate!"

The stoic robot's eyes shone red, and it began to speak. "What would you like me to wear tonight, Ciddy-poo?"

"Uh, wrong mode," Cid said, blushing, fumbling with a remote control. "What? Don't look at me like that. I get very lonely in the lab and I… like tall women."

There was an awkward silence in which even the random Cid-bots were quiet. "Uh… Destructor, activate!" Cid pushed a red button on the remote, causing the Destructor to turn to the group, its fingers retracting and being replaced by electric-powered circular saws. It slowly backed them into a corner, as the room tilted more towards the ocean with every step. "I don't know if we can make it!" Penelo said. "Vaan, I just wanna say I've always sort of liked you!"

"Yeah, I kind of sort of liked you too. Also I used your Zodiac Spear to unclog my toilet."

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!"

(footage missing)

The next thing anyone knew, they were all standing on the porch of Reddas' house, which was safe on land, under an overhang as cover from the rain (yes it is still raining). They were all dancing and singing, wearing sombreros and vibrant Mexican vestments, drunken of Hi-potions from Larsa's limitless supply. "Wow, I still can't believe we drove Cid away," Basch said happily.

"Yeah, I know, that was awesome! I'll never forget what happened here," Penelo answered. "But I don't remember why Fran is wearing a clown nose."

The Viera quickly took off the red nose and put it in her pocket. "Don't judge me!" she said defensively.

"Yeah, and I don't remember Vaan getting beat up too hard but apparently he did," said Ashe, pointing to the poor boy who sat curled in the corner, beaten to a pulp.

"Yes, how did that happen indeed…" Penelo trailed off suspiciously.

"Well, I'm just glad that all the fighting is over with," Reddas said. Definitely no more fighting. Ever. Again. Especially not after I finish this sentence."

"Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!" called a young man from the distance. He had long blonde hair and he held a red sword in his hand. Next to him, another man the same age, slightly taller, and holding an odd-looking blue and white ball, looked at him strangely and said, "Cotton-pickin' what? Why don't you just stop talking. You're starting to creep me out a little, ya?"

"Hey, I told you, cotton-pickin' is the new cool word to say. Not like you would know."

Balthier raised an eyebrow as they all watched these people argue in the rain. The man holding the blue and white ball turned to the group and said, "We're here to take you down! You guys are rips-off of us original characters from Spira, ya?"

"Grr, I bet Cid had something to do with this," Ashe grumbled.

"Did not," said Cid, who was apparently standing there with them the whole time.

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Hey, look over there! The Basch signal!" Cid pointed to the sea, and amazingly enough, they all looked. When they realized nothing was there, and turned back, they saw him standing in front of the two men, accompanied by another man, three women, and a giant blue furry thingy with a spear.

"Oh no!" shouted Fran in horror. "It's… it's…"

Dum dum dum!!! Confused? Me too. Just go with it. Also the next chapter should be the last one I think. All reviews greatly appreciated! Speaking of which, I have only one policy about flames, and that is BRING IT! (as long as it's constructive lol)