A/N: WARNING, TO AVOID FURTHER TRAUMA: I thought that, to avoid anyone becoming scarred for life, I should tell you this BEFORE you read the chapter so that at least you have a chance to turn back: In this chapter, Visser Three will be very angry. So angry that he is going to throw things and traumatize Iniss by completely destroying his room. Also, you will notice a very repetitive use of the word "filthy" throughout part of the chapter (you guessed it, there's an ANDALITE!). And also, be warned! Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, behold! Visser THREE is going to CRY! Yes, real tears!
YOU WERE WARNED!
Dedicated to Kharina. Thanks, Kharina. :PAlso, to Concrete Angel – never thought I could impress you so much with a chapter of Visser Three's Journal, but I guess I finally did it! Thanks!
Visser Three's Journal
"There's a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart." – Diane Frolov and Andrew Shneider.
Chapter 14
The Message
June 16th
Dear Journal,
With all the things that have happened in my life, I'd have thought for sure I knew myself pretty well. But I guess even with quite a bit of days behind me, it only took one big surprise to convince me that I was wrong…
But let's back up and start at the beginning.
The main thing on my mind as we left the atmosphere of planet Leera and entered dark, black space was that Visser One was gone. Really gone. The Andalites had captured her – she was nowhere in sight, but unfortunately that did not mean she was out of mind… I couldn't help but to think of her, and I couldn't help but to feel lonely, despite myself, because we've always been most close, Visser One and me. You know the saying, "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer"? Well, that's kind of how it is with us. She'd been there for a very, very long time. And now she was gone, and it felt… kind of empty, you know?
As we sped into space, I found I was not alone in my loneliness – though Councilor Two expressed it in a much more obvious… and romantic… way. Now that he was conscious and only bleeding a LITTLE from the skull, his eyes would not meet anyone's, and whenever they did the look was broken, and whenever he spoke it was in a pensive whisper. He spent most of his time sitting with his back to the wall, staring out through his window at the passing stars.
I think everyone on the Bug fighter felt some degree of loneliness. Councilor Two was a speechless, motionless droid; the Hork-Bajir I "saved from intense peril" was constantly mourning his decapitated friend; and Visser Four… don't even get me started on Visser Four. The point is, we were all lonely in different ways, and in different degrees. But… at least they had a reason to be lonely. I didn't. And it bothered me, so I kept it to myself.
We flew on for what seemed like forever, and it was then that Councilor Two finally spoke.
" Visser Three," he said.
I spun around, surprised at his words after the lengthly silence. ( What? )
" Any sign of the ship?" he asked hopefully.
( I think I may have TOLD you, had I seen the ship, ) I sighed. ( No sign of it. )
Councilor Two's hope faded, but he didn't want to let me see that he was desperate. He tried to hold up conversation. " So, uh… what's with Visser Four?"
Now MAY be a good time to mention that Visser Four immediately retreated into the small side room (bathroom, actually) of the Bug fighter once we came inside. We hadn't seen her since. So basically, if we forgot to use the john before leaving, we were pretty much screwed.
( She's, um… hiding? How should I know? ) I said, rolling my eyes. ( All I know is she doesn't want to see me. )
" How come?" Councilor Two asked, now curious. I wasn't about to LIE to a Councilor. Still, I wished he would stop asking questions!
( Because I stopped her from saving someone she cared about. )
Councilor Two seemed a bit shocked, but raised an eyebrow and looked at me skeptically.
" And who would that be?" he asked me.
( Okay, Councilor Two, you want to know? ) I asked irritably. ( Fine. Here it is. Visser Four was in love with an Andalite. A male Andalite, which is no doubt why she switched hosts so abruptly. This Andalite was also captain of the ship Ascalin. )
Councilor Two looked at me dubiously for a long moment. " You mean War-Prince Samilin-Corrath-Gahar? One of our greatest opponents of ALL TIME? … Visser Three, what sort of cornflakes did you snort this morning?"
( He was an admirable person… before he surrendered to that FILTH. )
( Shut up Alloran! ) I spat. Then, I turned to Councilor Two. ( I did not snort, eat, drink or otherwise ANYTHING this morning, thank you very much. I speak only the truth. But I'm sure Visser Four didn't mean to fall for an Andalite… or did she? )
" I --" Councilor Two started skeptically.
" No, I didn't!" Visser Four yelled angrily from the bathroom, her voice echoing. " I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to and you know it!"
Councilor Two looked dumbstruck. He looked at me, then at the bathroom door, and suddenly, his expression changed into a very stern one.
" Esaren, come out here," he said in a tone that sounded betrayed.
Not about to disobey a Councilor either, it seemed (and probably afraid to hurt her best friend even more), Visser Four calmly walked out of the bathroom. She dragged herself up to our location, all will of living sucked out of her. Her eyes had gone puffy and red from crying.
She turned to Councilor Two, completely ignoring me. " You wanted to see me, Fen?"
" Yes, actually." The Councilor said guardedly. " Is what Visser Three says true, Esaren? Did you really fall in love with an Andalite?"
" Yes, Fen, I did." Visser Four said without hesitation. " And if it costs me my life, damn well, so be it!"
Councilor Two drew back slightly. " I cannot believe this. I cannot believe that of all people you would betray us like this."
It was true. Before all this shit happened, Visser Four had been completely and utterly "Pro-Empire", if you know what I mean. She was almost as obsessed with her duty to the Empire as Visser One is, and she obeyed the Warrior Code of Conduct like a religion.
" I didn't mean to," she said again.
" What do you mean, you didn't mean to?" Councilor Two practically screamed.
" That planet…" Visser Four said almost hauntedly, " it does things to you. I was secluded from my home, from my people. I didn't have many troops with me at first, and I was light-years away from the home planet. Nobody understood I could feel the way I did. But when I met Samilin, he felt exactly the same way. We understood each other. We both hated that planet and wanted to go home."
She looked out the window, hoping, I guess, to see a trace of planet Leera, left far behind as we zoomed onward.
" And now…" she choked. " And now, I don't want to leave. I feel like it is home to me now, and that I'm leaving it forever…"
Councilor Two looked at her for a long time. " But how did it happen? How did YOU LET IT happen?"
Visser Four thought about that for a moment. Then, she repeated a line she seems to be saying a lot lately…
" You can't choose who you fall in love with," she said again. " It just happens."
But nevertheless, she told us how it all happened. How they met, and the whole story afterward. It was kind of understandable, when you heard her side of the story, but still… it was a harsh thing to let yourself be brought into. Even after her long recital, I couldn't understand what it was she saw in Samilin.
She finally looked at me, after a long silence. Looked straight at me, with fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.
" And if it wasn't for you holding me back, he may still be alive!" she exclaimed. " You killed my mate!"
( Visser Four, he wasn't your mate. He was an Andalite. ) I said calmly. ( An ANDALITE. Do you not care that you have committed and are still committing the most horrible treason a Yeerk can imagine? )
" No, I don't!" she cried defiantly. " I don't care!"
And I didn't care, either, not really. I didn't answer her. I simply didn't care, about anything. I returned to my piloting, and continued my search for one of the most important people in the whole Yeerk Empire – my worst enemy, Visser One, whose life might be in terrible danger. Thanks to me.
Not that I cared, of course. But the Empire might if I didn't show back up with her.
So I powered on, hoping, praying that I, that we, would find her soon…
---
Unfortunately, my efforts to find Visser One quickly turned out to be all for nothing.
After seven long hours of searching, I figured we must have gone the wrong way, or simply that the Andalites had quicker engines that we did. And with Councilor Two and Visser Four sound asleep, I decided the best thing to do at this point would be to go back and tell the rest of the Empire what had happened. They could organize a proper search to find her.
When I parked the Bug fighter in the Empire Building's main hangar, it was already well into the night. I finally managed to wake Councilor Two up, after a few tries.
( Councilor Two! ) I said, shaking his shoulders. ( Councilor Two! )
His eyelids parted, at last.
" Whaaaaaat…?" he asked drowsily.
( We're back. Wake up. )
At those words, the Councilor was immediately awake and alert. " Did you find Edriss?"
I sighed. ( No. I looked for seven hours. We won't find her – we'll have to alert the rest of the Empire, and they can form a proper search party. )
Councilor Two frowned, depressed by the news. " Alright, will do. But if they don't find her tomorrow, SOMEONE in security can say goodbye to their job."
I VAGUELY felt bad for the someone in security. VAGUELY. Heck, it wasn't me, so why should I have a pity party? I simply watched as Councilor Two got up and walked away.
" Esaren, let's go!" he called to Visser Four, still in the bathroom.
No answer.
( Great, now what? ) I complained, walking to the bathroom.
" She's probably still sleeping," Councilor Two said, walking back up. " I'll get her."
He stepped up to the bathroom and swung open the door. There, Visser Four was sprawled over the toilet, seemingly sleeping or unconscious. There was a trail of something leaking from the corner of her mouth.
Councilor Two walked over to her and examined the scene.
" It's vomit," he said, looking back. Then he looked into the toilet. " Yeah. She must have had motion sickness."
( I don't think so… ) I said suddenly. ( I think it's more than that. She was sick over on planet Leera as well, remember? )
" Well, maybe she has a virus."
( Yeah, probably. That's what she told me, anyway… )
" Still, we should get her checked up. I'll carry her inside and bring her to the medical wing. Can I entrust you with contacting the Emperor about Visser One? Just tell him I asked you to."
( Yes, of course, ) I said immediately. For some reason, I wanted to be sure the Emperor knew of the situation as soon as possible.
" Great," Councilor Two said. He looked down at Visser Four. " I hope it's nothing serious."
( Yeah, ) I agreed half-heartedly. ( Well, I'd best be on my way. )
" Yes," the Councilor nodded. " Good luck, Esplin."
( Same to you, ) I said dully, then walked away.
---
It took longer than I thought to get upstairs. I think it's because I was thinking too much. Asking myself too many questions. Why was Visser Four sick? How would the Emperor, still on the home world, react to Visser One's abduction? And speaking of Visser One, how much of an old prune did she have to be to actually LET herself be captured by an Andalite fighter? I always knew she'd lost her touch…
Once I did get upstairs, the stupidest thing ever happened: So I was walking to my room on the Vissers' floor – floor twenty-one – and you know that HUGE garbage bin we use to recycle paperwork and other materials? Actually, you probably don't know… well, anyway, it's green, and it's there – smack at the end of the long hallway containing our rooms. I was walking past it, my hooves clop-clopping, and suddenly, the bin… it SPOKE.
" Visser!" it said in an echoey voice. " Visser, is that you?"
I recognized the voice somehow.
( It's Visser Three, ) I said murderously, unable to believe I was talking to a freaking GARBAGE BIN.
" VIIIISSER! Get me out of here!" the bin wailed.
This time, I DEFINITELY recognized the whining, irritating voice. ( Um… Iniss? )
" Yes, it's me!"
( Uhh… why are you in a bin? ) I asked stupidly.
" Because Councilor Three decided it may be a good idea to EXPERIMENT on me!" Iniss cried. " See how long I could stay in here! I've been here almost THREE DAYS!"
Oh, good lords… I sighed, rolled my eyes, and stepped up to the bin. I lifted the cover, expecting to have to sever a lock with my tail, but NO, it just SHOT RIGHT UP!
I looked down at Iniss with the utmost disdain on my face. ( You mean you've been here almost three days and not ONCE did you actually try to lift the cover? )
" Hehe… oops!" Iniss said sheepishly. " Well, I figured Councilor Three wouldn't be THAT stupid."
I sighed. ( I think Loud-And-Nasal figured YOU WOULD be that stupid. )
Iniss immediately looked sad.
( Come on! ) I exclaimed, yanking him out of the bin by his arm. ( I have important business to attend to. )
I dropped my P.A. to the ground and rushed to my room, at the end of the long hallway. My loneliness settled in again when I saw Visser One's room next to mine, dark and empty. We wouldn't have any arguments tonight.
But I had no time whatsoever to dwell on anything. I had been given orders from a VERY superior officer, and I had to carry them out.
I walked into my room and went to stand in front of my hologram emitter. The message was urgent, and in the Yeerk Empire, you're expected to take a hologram message over a telecom message.
I quickly punched in the code, with Iniss standing nearby, watching me curiously. It didn't take long to receive the signal. I immediately spoke.
( Hailing the Yeerk Emperor, ) I said. ( Urgent message from the home world. )
A moment passed, then the Emperor suddenly appeared on my hologram receiver. He was small and three dimensional, and half-transparent, but he was there.
" Visser Three," he said. " We are very busy. This better be good."
( I have a direct message from Councilor Two, ) I said. ( Visser One has been abducted by an Andalite fighter. We attempted to locate the ship, but failed. We need a full search party. )
The Emperor's tone softened. " Yes, we know all about Visser One. Thank you for letting us know in case, however… the Andalites have not been wasting any time. They've already sent us a ransom message. I will send it over, be sure Councilor Two receives it."
( Very well, ) I said.
He nodded, and soon enough, from the incoming folders slot came an enclosed brown folder. I picked it up, unattached it, and looked inside. Surely enough, there was a disk packaged in it – a copy of the ransom message copied onto a Yeerk disk. The original Andalite disk was obviously kept where the Emperor could have access to it.
( Thank you, your Excellence, ) I said, bowing my head. ( Rest assured that Councilor Two will be informed of this development. )
" Very good, Esplin," the Emperor said, seeming contented, but worried about Visser One's pending fate. He flicked off his emitter and suddenly disappeared, leaving me alone in the room. Well… along with Iniss, of course. But he and his MINUS TWENTY BRAIN CELLS don't count.
" Viiiisser!" he wailed pitifully. " We have to find Visser One! Life withour her would be so dull, so boring!"
( Speak for yourself! ) I spat. ( YOU go find her, if you care so much! )
Iniss immediately thought otherwise, it seemed – his eyes suddenly looked frightened.
He tried to change the subject.
" But --" he stuttered. " But why did it have to happen to Visser One? Why couldn't it have happened to some UGLY female?"
I rolled my eyes. " Wow, how shallow are YOU? … Look Iniss, contrary to your stupid, superficial belief, Visser One's fame and popularity are not based on the fact that she's gorgeous! Well, I mean, it HELPS, but it's mostly due to her RANK, you imbecile! Do you really think the Andalites CARE about how she looks? SHE'S VISSER ONE! They want her, because our entire military depends on her, and they KNOW we'll do whatever it takes to get her back alive and safe."
" You called Visser One gorgeous," Iniss snickered, smirking like a ninny.
( INISS! ) I yelled. ( YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE! )
" I'm only trying to bring up your spirits, Visser!" he squeaked, though he was doing EXACTLY the opposite.
I growled, gave him a dirty look, cursed the lords again for giving me HIM as a P.A., and walked out of the room.
Iniss followed close by.
( Iniss, will you LEAVE ME ALONE? ) I exclaimed angrily.
" Nooo, Visser!" he cried, clinging to me. " NOOOOO!"
What a baby, I thought, rolling my eyes.
I threw the ANNOYANCE off me. I had some business to attend to.
( Fine, come if you must, but not a WORD! ) I scolded. ( I have to deliver this to Councilor Two. Don't make a fool of yourself, or especially of ME, in front of the Council. )
Iniss nodded bleakly, and followed me. We took the shaft to the Council's floor (I know… it was only two floors. But I AM that lazy.), and it only took a few seconds before we were walking down the red-carpeted hallway. Once arrived at Councilor Two's door, I knocked repeatedly. No answer. I knocked again. Waited… waited…
Aw, shit, he must still be in the hospital wing with Visser Four! I exclaimed, berating myself for coming too early.
But just as I spun around to head back downstairs, the door opened, and Councilor Two stepped out into the hallway.
" Oh, Visser Three, it's you," he said. " Did you tell the Emperor?"
( Yeah, I did, ) I replied. ( He's going to organize a full emergency search. )
" Great!" he sighed in relief, then gestured to his room. " Come on in. I called Visser One's closest friends in to tell them the news first hand."
I nodded. ( Councilor Two, the Emperor sent me a copy of this. ) I held up the folder and took out the disk. ( The Andalites sent us a ransom message. I think her friends should see it… )
" You're right." Councilor Two said, biting his lip with emotion. " We need to know how she's being treated. Come in."
Iniss and I walked into the room. I nodded curtly to the Councilor's company, and proceeded to his computer console. I looked back at Councilor Two, and he gave me the go-ahead.
I plopped the small disc in the machine and clicked on the icon when it appeared. I was so ready, so ready I forgot to be prepared for the worst. I know it sounds ironic, but you know I guess my life has been pretty ironic so far.
An image popped up out of the icon. I waited the small moment it took to load, and then I stood silent, along with Councilors Two, Eight and Four, Visser Five, T.E. and of course Iniss, as Visser One's face came up on the holographic setting.
Seeing her like this disturbed me somehow. She wasn't the Visser One I knew and hated. She was a pitiful sight, her eyes red with tears and her body mangled, burned and broken. There was a filthy Andalite standing behind her, taunting her with his filthy tail blade, swerving it gently around, just almost touching her bare throat. She closed her eyes, trying to be brave, but apparently failing. You could just read the trauma and pain in her charcoal eyes as they burned with hatred. They were destroying her bright, flaming spirit, little by little.
" Oh, make it stop…" Councilor Eight moaned from the other side of the room, covering his face with one hand.
The scene shifted to the filthy Andalite. He smirked at us in that strange, filthy Andalite way.
( As you can very well see, Yeerk filth, we have captured and are currently in possession of your commander. We will return her if, and only if these conditions are met: surrender to the Andalite People, and agree to negotiate with us on terms of your species and its awful evolution pattern. We will attempt to come to an agreement with you. If you do not agree to this, and continue as you are doing now, she dies. If you attempt to sabotage us, she dies. You have a choice to make, and for your beloved Visser One's sake, let us hope you can be intelligent, for once. )
" Don't do it!" Visser One cried. " Don't agree to any --"
We saw Visser One get smacked across the head with the side of a tail blade and fall to the ground.
The screen went blank.
" EDRISS!" Councilor Eight cried. " EDRISS!"
I looked behind me. Councilor Two was hiding his face in his hands. Councilor Eight was choking back tears. Visser Five and T.E. looked like they got hit by a bus, and Councilor Four was just repeating "Oh, my lords" over and over again. What is this, a soap opera?
Before I knew it, and before I knew why, I was running out of the room. Iniss was yelling after me, but I outran him. I needed to be alone. I didn't need all those people around me. They made me dizzy, and I wanted out.
At my pace, I got to my room in no time. I walked in and slammed the door shut, locking Iniss outside. There, I morphed human. I don't know why. I guess I wanted to feel more strength than I had.
With my new human arms, I picked up a large vase and threw it across the room. It shattered into a million little pieces on the ground. I picked up a chair and threw it. The toaster. Bowls, utensils, plates, glasses, I trashed my entire kitchen. Then, when I was done, I sprawled onto the couch and let my eyes blur with long-delayed tears. My life was so SCREWED UP! WHY? Why did I care so much what happened to Visser One? I DIDN'T! SHE'S MY WORST ENEMY, GOD DAMN IT! I HATE HER! I HOPE SHE DIES! Tears fell onto the couch, moistening it. I lay my head on the small pillow. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep.
---
It was Ellie who woke me up, early this afternoon. I had slept a while, and somehow demorphed.
" Like, Visser…" she said, peering into my face. " I like, saw you last night… Were you… crying?"
( No, ) I lied, still feeling down.
Ellie giggled. " Like, okay Visser."
She went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I sat there, feeling, and probably looking like shit. Ellie peeked into the living room after a few minutes, looking curious.
" Like, Visser, are you okay?" she asked.
( Ellie, ) I sighed. ( Just please drop it, alright? )
Ellie walked over and… hugged me? I was so surprised, I didn't do a thing. I just kind of sat there in shock.
" Like, okay Visser," she laughed. Then, she clapped her hands together. " Ooh, I have an idea! Like, why don't we have lunch out today? It's totally on me."
I smiled. At least ELLIE hadn't changed a bit…
( Eh, sure, why not? ) I said. ( It'll be different… )
I got up and followed Ellie to the door. If there was one thing I HADN'T been expecting, it would have had to be having lunch with HER of all people… but right now, anything to take my mind off last night's outburst was well appreciated.
Anything, to stop me from thinking I was going insane.
… Or, at least, MORE insane.
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
---
9:35 at night, and a new chapter of Visser Three's Journal is FINISHED! I thought I would NEVER finish this… it was a toughie! Well, I hope you enjoyed, and remember… next chapter's The Hunt! Oh dear lord, am I ever excited:D
Till next time!