A/N: Here it is at last! The most anticipated Visser Diaries Trilogy chapter ever. We've been talking about this chapter since Visser Three's DIARY! What happens that's so important, you ask? Hehe. Read and find out. ;)
Dedicated to Kharina, of course. Thanks for all your support and good advice throughout the fic -- and for your flattering impatience when it came to this chapter. (: Hope you enjoy!!
Also, to Concrete Angel. Hun, it's HERE at last:D Best friends forever:3 And thanks for betaing.
To all the Closet Fans -- enjoy. This one's for all of you.
Visser Three's Journal
"When you want what you've never had, you must do what you've never done." – author unknown.
Chapter 18
Rainy Days and Rainy Nights
Still July 3rd.
Dear Journal,
Since we were stranded in the rain, we hurried up in order to get back to the Empire Building. As I looked over at Visser One I realized she was soaking wet. As was I.
" You poor… creepy… dapsen!" Visser One exclaimed, gasping from running so much.
" You poor… engineer… lover!" I shot back, smirking.
" Oh, you're… gonna GET IT!" she screamed, laughing.
She slapped my arm. Before she could bring her hand back down to her side, I took it and we ran hand in hand the last few feet.
At last we slowed down and came to a stop in front of the wall of the building. Visser One took back her hand to then press it against the wall, gasping for breath, her wet hair plastered on the sides of her head and a radiant smile on her face.
" That… was the most fun I've had in a… very long time," she said.
" Me… too," I replied.
We both fell silent then, too exhausted to say much else. I looked at her, looked deep into her soul, at the beast behind the beauty, at the Visser One I knew, not the one that everyone else thought they did.
" You know," I said, " As much as I hate to admit it, if you got killed I'd probably miss you."
She smirked. " If I got killed I'd probably miss me too."
I raised an eyebrow. Then I laughed. " Ha ha. Very funny." I smiled. " Typical you."
Then, suddenly enough, I leaned in and kissed her. I don't even know what made me do it. Probably just the sudden onslaught of affection I felt at the thought of losing her. My greatest rival. My one truest enemy.
In some ways my soul mate.
To my surprise, she kissed me back. And not just because she had to, like at Councilor Four's friends' gathering, long, long ago. No… not at all like that. This time she wanted it.
As did I. Like you really didn't guess that.
I clasped both my hands on the wall each side of her head. She had her hands on my chest, her eyes closed as our kisses became more passionate.
I touched her face with my hands. I didn't need to see her mouth to know she was smiling. Nor did I need to see her eyes to know she was crying.
She pulled away abruptly. " Esplin…" she whispered in desperation.
" Shut it," I said softly enough. " Don't worry yourself. No one has to know."
She pulled me roughly against her and the kissing continued. I picked her up and carried her through the rain, up to a side door leading into the Empire Building. There was a shaft right beyond the door which would lead us to the twenty-first floor: Vissers' rooms. I pulled the door open and ran to the shaft almost subconsciously, still clinging to Visser One for dear life.
Once the shaft was in motion, I slammed her against the wall in pure passion and let her down to her feet. She groaned (well, it hurt) and grabbed my arms, looking at me with something I couldn't quite place.
The shaft stopped. The door slid open. Twenty-first floor. Before Visser One could object, I hoisted her back up onto my shoulder and carried her out into the hallway. I stopped at her room.
" My room?" she inquired.
" Why not?" I gasped with desire.
She leaned over and pushed in her code hurriedly. She got it wrong the first time in her rush, got angry, and slammed her foot in frustration into my ribs. I let out a muffled "YOW!" and dropped her promptly. She banged her head against the wall.
" Thanks a lot!" she gasped.
" You kicked me in the ribs!" I yelled, appalled. " What was I supposed to DO?"
" Take it like the Visser you are!" she spat. " You pitiful excuse for a damn warrior, freaking Andalite arisths have more endurance than you do."
She entered her code again and this time, thankfully, got it right. Good. I didn't know how much more of this I could take.
As soon as the door slid open, I grabbed Visser One by the legs, threw her up over my shoulder and ran into the room like my life depended on it. She kissed me and stroked my face with her hands until I could no longer run in a straight line. But I didn't mind it. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders then as I ran across a final hall and reached her brilliantly maintained and vast bedroom. It was a magnificent room, containing her whirlpool hot tub, and of course her enormous, gold-covered bed. I walked over to same bed, and threw her down on it. She lay there on her back in her gold-and-black Visser uniform, and I knew that despite my hatred for her, she was the only Yeerk I could ever see myself with like this. I mean, what else is there? Ship slaves, scientists, and maybe a couple of Sub-Vissers. Visser One was really the only one I could relate to. And I really, really hated that fact…
Because I loved her now for different reasons than that.
" Edriss…" I whispered as I looked at her. It was the first time I had uttered her true name in longer than I could recall. We normally referred to each other by our titles, being enemies and all. But with the situation at hand I figured it wasn't necessary. It was a truly beautiful name. I thought about it and savoured it in my mind, beautiful and soft and exquisite. Edriss. Such an amazing name for a truly amazing Yeerk.
She got up, pulled down the covers and got in under them, fully dressed. She was really going to do this, I thought in sudden shock. We were really going to do this!
I rolled my eyes, more at myself than at her.
" What?" she demanded.
( I have to demorph, ) I said droningly. ( Wait a second. )
Edriss didn't object. She lay on her back under the sheets and stretched her arms out over her head, then left them there, relaxed. Shedding my outer clothes, I demorphed as quickly as I could, back to my Andalite form. I hate to admit it, but I was filled with anticipation. As soon as I was done, standing there with four hooves, blue fur, stalk eyes and a tail, Alloran piped up.
( Esplin. Oh for the lords' sake, no. ) he pleaded. ( Not this. Not my body! I'm MARRIED, you fool! )
I rolled my eyes interiorly. How embarrassing. ( Alloran. ONE, get out of my private life! And two, I'm not even using your body! I'm using a human morph! )
( I don't care! Her name is NOT Jahar! I do not think her name is Jahar! You cannot do this! )
( You've had plenty of fun with your little Jahar. For the Emperor's sake, let me have MY fun! )
( She's not even your mate, you retard! ) Alloran yelled hysterically. ( She hates your guts! How oh HOW did I get mixed up in such a screwed relationship…? )
( It is not screwed! ) I exclaimed. Then, because evidently I just love to humiliate myself, I had to add… ( It will be screwed soon though. )
( Esplin! ) Alloran protested, appalled. ( You are sick! And please, do not include me in this. I do NOT need to see what Yeerk Vissers do in bed, okay? I just DON'T! That's. Just. Gross. )
( Unfortunately, I cannot exclude you, ) I said, emphasizing the "unfortunately" part. ( You'll just have to ignore it. And please, PLEASE keep your damn comments to yourself! )
Alloran pouted, and I blocked him out as best I could as I reversed the morph back to human. I would have two hours before I would have to demorph again. That seemed like so little time… But it would have to do. There was no way I would become a nothlit.
As soon as my last human features appeared, I found I was slightly freezing my ass off wearing nothing but tight morphing shorts.
" Do you not have heating in this room?" I exclaimed dryly, my teeth chattering.
" Actually, yes," Visser One replied. " Do you not have clothes? Now get in!"
I looked at her. I never would have thought that out of the both of us, Visser One would actually be most eager. Not that I wasn't eager... ohh… are you stupid or something?!
Of course, I wasn't about to refuse her demands… I stepped to the bed, pulled up the covers and quickly got in. Visser One wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders and I kissed her passionately. This was happening. I still couldn't believe it was really happening…
The night of a lifetime.
I felt Visser One's soft hands on my chest, become dry again from the morphing. I was wearing nothing but the shorts, of course, and SHE was still fully clothed. How fair is that!
Without warning, I reached forward and pulled out her ponytail. I preferred her hair down, and it would no doubt be uncomfortable for her to lay on her back with a fricking scrunchie jabbing into the back of her head. Not that I cared or anything – I just didn't want her COMPLAINING the entire time. I watched her silky black hair fall, still damp, to the sides of her head.
Her hands massaged my ribs. It felt good. My own hands started to roam around as well as we pulled closer. Visser One leaned over and started to kiss my throat softly… Oh, the feeling, the feeling…
" Ooh…" I whispered. " Stop that…!"
" Why?" she teased.
" Because," I shoved her away, embarrassed. Then, microseconds later, I was back in her arms and kissing her soft face. She looked at me, and her black eyes glimmered with all the stars in the sky. I lifted her uniform top over her head, then a black tank top, and all that remained was a silk undershirt with a built-in bra. Visser One's host, for a human female, doesn't have much of a bosom. I think she is a "B-36", whatever that means, and she once told me I screamed so much like a female that I should be a "C". But in any case, her small bosom and narrow figure allows her to wear those little shirts and do them justice. The thing looked adorable on her.
" It's cute," I commented neutrally, poking her stomach to indicate the undershirt.
" I'm CUTE now, Esplin?" Visser One raised a skeptical eyebrow. " I never thought you'd be one to sweet talk…"
" NO, no the shirt, you retard! Not YOU!"
I gathered her affectionately into my arms and kissed her moist lips. She was wearing lip gloss, and I could still taste it, even now. As our kisses became more ardent, we found ourselves rolling around on the bed, our arms wrapped around one another. I was left laying on top of Visser One by the time our lips parted and we both gasped for breath.
I buried my face in her hair, the way I'd seen Councilor Eight do it so many times. It was calm and pleasing. Her hair smelled good… I was suddenly overcome with passion for her, finally able to consumate my fiery obsession with the person I still hated above all else. I quickly pulled off her undershirt and then took a bit more time with her uniform bottom, sliding it tentatively down and leaving her wearing nothing but tiny black underwear. She looked at me alarmed, surprised at my sudden aggressive reaction. I smirked at her. She smirked back and sat up to wrap her slender arms around my shoulders, and nibble my earlobe softly. I lied her down gently under me, pressing my already sweating chest against the smooth skin of her bare upper body.
I drew up the long, silky covers of her bed to warm us, for it was cold in the room despite the warmth and seduction of her body. I drew back and looked down at her. She let me gaze, but seemed… I don't know, a bit shy.
" You still want to do this?" I asked her seriously.
" … Yes. Do you?"
" … Yes."
" Well then," she smirked. " What are we waiting for?"
She reached up and pulled down my tight morphing shorts. Then, she gazed at me for a long time, with wide eyes. I didn't know what she was thinking, but she seemed a bit nervous.
" It's okay," I murmured, leaning forward to kiss her. Her skin was so soft and welcoming.
" Yeah." she agreed, nodding as if to convince herself. " Yeah."
I leaned down and kissed her stomach and her abdomen before slowly pulling off her underwear. We were both completely naked now, covered only by the warm covers of her bed.
Soon enough, Visser One and I were deep in the throes of an act we'd previously been repulsed at the thought of ever accomplishing together, willingly. During this experience, it became clear to me that Visser One and I, although in a most hateful way, were absolutely crazy about each other. We both held so much passion for each other that it almost frightened me. In a strange way, a way deeper than usual, I adored her. And despised her.
I was crazy, I realized. I was obsessed. Obsessed beyond all reason with my archenemy.
For a long time we lay in that bed, doing what we both felt we needed to do. We couldn't have resisted any longer, even if we'd tried.
" Esplin…" Visser One moaned softly as I finally pulled out of her and lay on my side, exhausted and drenched in sweat.
I gathered her into my arms and held her tightly. " Oh, Edriss…"
She closed her eyes and rested her head on the pillow, facing me. Her hair was wet, plastered to the sides of her head. I kissed her closed eyelids and drew her closer yet. I ran my hands through her hair as she caught her halting breath.
She separated from me then. Her black eyes looked through me and the lines of her face were drawn into an expression of seriousness.
" I can't believe it," she sighed.
" We finally did it," I said softly, awed. " After all that, after all those years, it finally happened."
" And you liked it didn't you, you big dapsen?" She smirked through her tears.
" Oh, and you didn't?" I smirked back. " I saw you a while ago, you know, jerking around and screaming and begging for mercy."
She frowned and slapped me. " I did not BEG FOR MERCY, you retard! If anyone was begging for mercy here, it was you!"
" So you do acknowledge that you did jerk around and scream." I smirked. " Well, at least that's a step further…"
Visser One punched me in the shoulder. I pushed her away. She shoved me. I frowned and shoved her right back.
She attempted to slap me, but I caught her hand, yanked her forward and kissed her passionately. She responded quickly, and rolled on top of me. My hands were immediately running their course along her slender back. She shivered and deepened our kiss.
Passionate once again, I suddenly threw her on her back and climbed onto her a second time. I thought I heard something fall, but I ignored it… after all, it was probably only me – knocked something over on the nightstand, no doubt. We continued, oblivious to everything but each other.
" Esplin…" Visser One mumbled from under me.
" Edriss!" I responded.
I heard a door open. What the hell! I spun around, and –
" EDRISS!" Councilor Eight yelled from the doorframe. " WHAT THE HELL!"
" Councilor Eight!" Edriss cried, throwing me off and shooting up like a board, covering herself with the now-loose bedsheets. " What are you doing here?"
" What am I doing here?" Councilor Eight raged, his face red from hurt and anger. " I'm your MATE! What is HE doing here? Furthermore, what is he doing in bed with YOU?"
Sensing a confrontation, I found my morphing shorts and quickly slipped them on.
" Councilor Eight, you don't understand!" Visser One panicked. " Just please, let me explain!"
" No, no Edriss, it's too late for that," Councilor Eight said bitterly. " I thought you loved me, and I guess I was proven wrong."
" Esplin and I have been through a lot together, lately," Visser One said, trying to keep her voice on a steady level. " Things have been very confusing for us. I didn't mean for this to happen, oh, please, forgive me!"
Tears came to her eyes and rolled down her red cheeks as she sat there, naked and humiliated, trying to convince her mate that she didn't mean to cheat on him, or on Councilor Two. It must not have looked very convincing.
" Edriss, I don't know if I can do that," Councilor Eight said. " See, you've betrayed me. You've broken my heart. I love you so much… how could you do this to me? How could you, considering all I've done for you? I've given you EVERYTHING, Edriss! How can you just throw it all away?"
" I didn't!" Visser One cried hysterically. " I didn't! I love you, please, don't do this!"
" What choice do I have, Edriss?" he choked, tears coming to his own eyes now. " I thought for sure you'd have realized who I am by now!"
She seemed taken aback by that. " What are you talking about?"
" It's ME, Edriss!" he yelled, gesturing to himself. " It's me, Essam! Essam Two-Nine-Three, remember me? I've been alive all this time! And I came back because despite myself, I still loved you! But now, all of that is for NOTHING! All my efforts to tell you earlier… all shot to hell now!"
WHAT? Councilor Eight was ESSAM? All this time… all this time, the annoying, macho Councilor act had only been exactly that, and he'd been Visser One's first mate, Essam, the entire time?
Visser One seemed winded. Her eyes were wide in shock, and she couldn't breathe.
" You don't love me anymore," Councilor Eight said softly, betrayed, tears leaking down his cheeks. " It's over, Edriss. You broke my heart, and I can't be with you anymore. Just know that I'll always love you, and that I'm sorry. But it's over."
Hurt and sobbing, he ran out of the room. That's when it really hit Visser One. All of it.
" OH MY GOD!" she screamed hysterically. " OH MY GOD! ESSAM! I'm SORRY! Please, please, please! Oh, Essam, COME BACK! LET ME EXPLAIN! Oh, oh, oh…!"
She sobbed loudly. I reached out to hold her, but she pushed me back.
" DON'T TOUCH ME!" she yelled angrily. " This is all your fault!"
I drew back and let her sulk alone. I knew better than anyone how much of a bitch Visser One could be when she felt hurt and angry, so I left her alone for a while. I even went to the bathroom to demorph and remorph in order to leave her some time to herself. Hey, I can be a sensitive guy when I want to be.
When I was back, and when she was through with wallowing in self-pity, she looked at me with huge, sad eyes and said, " Esplin, I didn't mean that. It's not all your fault. You know that, right?"
" Yeah," I said. " I know."
She came closer and let herself be cradled in my arms. I felt a now familiar longing for her, but ignored it. I looked at her, so beautiful, and kissed her burning forehead.
" You know…" I whispered in her ear, " I actually don't regret doing this with you to the point of brutal suicide. And I really am sorry about Councilor Eight."
" Me too," she said sadly. But then she laughed, in a bittersweet way. " And me neither, surprisingly enough."
I hugged her tightly. As strange as it seemed, it would actually be okay with me to stay like this forever, with my worst enemy in my arms, and the sweet smell of a burning candle nearby.
I never wanted to let her go. She was a part of me now. She'd always been a part of me…
… Not that I'd ever TELL her that, of course. DUH, Journal.
She crawled up to kiss my lips with her warm ones. I wrapped my arms around her, letting her body warm my own, gone cold from my trip to the bathroom. I gently stroked her silky black hair until she fell asleep just like that, on my chest, not bothering to get dressed again. I lay there for a long time just watching her sleep (she looks so cute when she's sleeping), but when my eyelids drooped so much I couldn't keep them open, I rolled her gently off me and tucked the covers over her shoulders. She didn't awaken.
" Good night, you dapsen," I whispered between a few soft kisses on her lips.
I demorphed, back to my Andalite form, pressed "off" on my alarm, and blew out the dim candlelight with my hand. Then, in the dark, I cuddled up close to Visser One, running my hands along her flawless body, then finally letting my arm rest around her waist. I rubbed my cheek against hers, remembering this night, and knowing I would forever. I closed my eyes, feeling and hearing the slow, steady sounds of her breathing against my collarbone, and like that I fell asleep.
And for the first time in a long while, I did not dream that horrid dream.
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
---
That is it, everyone. The long wait is finally over. :P
So. How was it? Questions, comments, concerns, complaints? (No flames though, but concrit is ENCOURAGED!) PLEASE don't forget to review! Love y'all!
Also, if you think this is too explicit to be rated T (I doubt it, but anyway), please, PLEASE tell me. I wouldn't want my story to be deleted!
Anyway, that was chapter 18, but the story's not over. Hehe. Not by FAR. This is only the beginning, kids, and we've still got six chapters and a whole fic to go. ;) Stay tuned... Till next time!