A/N: This A/N is mostly directed to MsTria – you'll notice that I didn't explain why V1 was crying in chapter 14 in this chapter. That's because this chapter originally had a much different setting (which I was blocked hardcore on), but I had writer's block so I decided to scrap the plan and write "from the heart". :P So yeah… this chapter just kind of happened. I promise I'll find room for it next chap:)
Dedicated to Birdie num num, whose update inspired me to write this new chapter. When I saw her update I said to myself, "Heck, Sinister, even BIRDIE'S updating! Time to get to work!" :P Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 19
Me and my Grumpy
Oh, screw the DATE, I'm not in the khaput napi MOOD.
Dear Journal,
" VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSERRRRRRRRR!!" Iniss cried shrilly, waking me from my belated slumber. I shot up like a board ( well – as well as an Andalite can anyway, which caused me to almost break my neck), then shot an angry look at the clock.
ONE THIRTY. PM.
Geez, Visser Three… might want to cut down on the oatmeal there buddy. That's late even for ME. And you all know me… I NEED my beauty sleep.
Not that I'm not already beautiful enough, of course.
( Iniss, what do you WANT? ) I yelled. ( I'm TRYING to sleep. Can you not go poke a stick up somebody else's nostril? Just for today? )
" But VIIIIIIIIIIIIISSERRRRR! What are you doing in VISSER ONE'S room?"
I raised an eyebrow at the image of Iniss in my mind. Visser One's room? Pfft. Why would I be in –
OH, SHIT!
It's all coming back to me now!
I looked over to the other side of the bed, and realized Visser One wasn't there. Rolling my eyes and sighing dramatically, I heaved myself along the mattress to peek down on the floor.
As expected, there was Visser One, slumped onto the ground with one of the blankets, clutching her pillow for dear life. The THING had fallen off the bed. Wonderful. And even better, she was still fast asleep.
How? How to hide her from Iniss? I mean, not to be "MEAN" or anything, but if Iniss was to figure out that I had spent the night in Visser One's room WITH Visser One… chances are the entire Empire would know the whole damn story, fake details included, by early next week. Stupid Iniss… he's like a freaking "P-Bay" guarantee: "My knowledge of Visser Three's NEW secret get-together: Please allow two business days for shipping."
I jumped off the bed in a hurry, what with Iniss still screaming "VIIIIISSEEEERRRR!!!!" like a god damn Elfangor wannabe, and practically LEAPED over to Visser One's side of the bed. I looked under the large piece of furniture and seriously considered shoving Visser One under it. But unfortunately, I was not dense enough not to realize big fat Edriss would NEVER fit.
( Stupid FLAKIES, ) I muttered to no one.
I was going to be the laughing chalk of the Yeerk Empire.
I know what you're thinking. "Visser Three, you stupid moron! Just leave him out there! He'll go away eventually."
Hahahaha… I wish, Journal. But had you and my stupid Diary actually LISTENED to my life so far, you would have realized that with Iniss, it just doesn't work that way.
… I knew the drama, romance, and wubby-dubby shit couldn't last forever. The return to complete insanity was just a pending fate.
Yes, wubby-dubby. WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?
" Visser!!! Why are you ABANDONING me?"
( Iniss! ) I sighed melodramatically, raising my stalk eyes to the ceiling. ( For shit sakes, I'm COMING! )
I was so angry I let go of Visser One, left her lying half-stuffed under the narrow space between the bed and the floor, and ran like the Chickens to the door.
When I opened it, I found myself standing face to face with, just as I suspected, Iniss, wearing bahama shorts and a red shirt that spelled out "SEXY" in neon green letters, and with a big bowl of creamy brown MUSH in his left hand, a strawberry Twinkie in his right (probably to lure Visser One), giant pink slippers on his feet and a pair of huge round glasses.
Man, I hate it when I'm right.
( Iniss, honestly, WHAT DO YOU WANT? ) I exclaimed, careful to only open the door as much as necessary. Iniss, being Iniss, wouldn't be smart enough to realize I was hiding something anyway.
" I want to know what you're dooooiiing!" Iniss whined.
GAH. In my anger at Iniss's incessant screaming, I had COMPLETELY forgotten to come up with a half-decent excuse for my being in Visser One's room! What to say, what to say?
( That's none of your business, ) I finally said sharply.
Iniss's eyes widened. " YOU DIDN'T."
… Okay, so maybe he's a bit smarter than I thought.
( NO! ) I lied. ( Iniss, I didn't do anything with Visser One. She's my WORST ENEMY! )
She WAS my worst enemy. It was all true.
So why had I…
… No time. No time to think about small issues.
" So, why are you HERE?" Iniss asked, trying, impossibly, to make a tough guy out of himself.
I decided to take the LAME EXCUSE approach. It was really all I had left.
( You see, Iniss, the reason why I'm in Visser One's room is because Visser One is not here, ) I said. ( In fact, she's… staying with Councilor Two for the weekend. )
" But Visser," Iniss whined. " That still doesn't explain why you're in Visser One's room."
( Hahaha, of course it doesn't, ) I laughed nervously, peeking back into the room.
The BLOOD almost DRAINED from my FACE. Why? Because STUPID VISSER ONE WAS NO LONGER ON THE FLOOR! Why lords? Why? Why always me?
I turned back to Iniss. ( Hehe. )
" Why, Visser? Why are you here? I WANTED TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN VISSER ONE'S ROOM!!"
( YOU? ) I practically screamed. ( Why? )
" Because I wanted to look through her bra drawer," Iniss smiled shrewly.
WHAT.
THE.
SEEROW.
… But hey, let's look on the bright side: Finally, I was driving him off the subject! I smiled inwardly. But just as I was starting to celebrate…
… Visser One poked her head through the door.
Why, that little BUGGER.
" You wanted to look through my WHAT?" Visser One exclaimed, red with anger.
I turned around. ( HeHEE! … Visser One! What a pleasant surprise! )
" Huh?" Visser One asked boredly, having apparently slipped on her gold bathrobe. " What are you talking about, you moron, I just -"
( Do you WANT Iniss to notify the whole Empire that we slept together? ) I exclaimed privately to Visser One. She seemed to have just noticed my stupid P.A. ( Just play along, you dapsen! )
Instantly Visser One had a huge, teethy smile on her cute little face.
" – I just came IN!" she practically yelled. " Visser Three, Iniss, what are you both doing in my room? You know there's a keypad outside. Iniss… did you steal my god damn code again?"
Iniss stared at Visser One, as he always seems to do. "Y-yes, Visser One, I did."
" Well, evidently you are just a stupid pervert," Visser One said snobbishly. " Now, if you'll excuse me… I have business to attend to."
She walked off like the stuck-up dapsen she is, but once she was clear behind Iniss's back, she turned around and gestured at me to come along.
I discreetly waved one of my stalk eyes. She rolled her black pupils, shook her head and walked off.
( Well Iniss, ) I said stupidly. ( It's been nice catching up! I am going back to my room, bye! )
And before he could say anything, in a flash, I was gone.
---
Of course, once I caught up to Visser One, it didn't take us long to run like lunatics all the way to my room. Because, as big and grand as Visser One's room is, it still doesn't take away the fact that my room is NEXT DOOR.
Once arrived, Ellie, who was cooking in the kitchen, didn't even notice Visser One and me running into the room, sliding the door shut at maximum power behind us, and laughing like a couple of idiots. Well… laughing like a couple of idiots until our expressions became all grim and murderous.
I was GRUMPY. Visser One was GRUMPY. And I could tell, just by hearing Ellie growl in the kitchen, that she was also GRUMPY.
So that's how, fifteen minutes later, we were all set up to spend a gruesomely boring day in my room.
Visser One walked into the kitchen as Ellie stirred her pot of some curiously green dish. I dipped my spoon morbidly into my bowl of soggy cornflakes. This REALLY wasn't my morning… I heard the water run as Visser One poured herself a glass, then used the liquid to gulp down a bright red pill of some sort. She then walked across the kitchen and into the living room, muttering. The only thing I caught out of the whole thing was "Ow, my pubic area!"
Don't think I want to know.
I watched Visser One, in her enormous bathrobe, slippers and stringy hair, flop down onto a couch. Then I turned to Ellie, who was screaming at her green slop.
" Like, JESUS!" she screeched. " Will you, like, THICKEN already?"
I sighed. What a stupid, stupid day. At least INISS wasn't here…
Just then, the doorbell rang.
" Is somebody going to get that?" I asked tentatively.
" Like, Visser, NOT NOW." I think you can guess who that was.
" Well, I'M not getting it!" I protested. " I'm COMFY!"
" Well, I'm TOTALLY not -" Ellie started.
- DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG!
" ELLIE, GET THE DAMN DOOR!" I exclaimed.
" Nooooooooo!" she wailed.
" YES!"
" NO!"
" Oh, for the Emperor's sake!" Visser One exclaimed, getting up off her couch and walking the short distance to the main entrance.
I heard her open the peephole – good move, I mean it was probably Iniss anyway. But then, to my moderate surprise, I heard the door slide open.
( Who is it? ) I snapped.
" It's Councilor Two and Visser Four," Visser One griped.
( Visser FOUR? ) I exclaimed, surprised.
But before I could expect a response from Visser One, she came grouchily back into the room, followed by an equally grumpy-looking Councilor Two and Visser Four.
Wow, this day just gets better and better.
" Like, WHAT THE HELL!!" Ellie exclaimed as the green mixture started bubbling and shooting burning chunks at her. She quickly slammed the cover down onto it, growling like a bear. A girly bear, of course.
Councilor Two took Visser One in his arms and sat down with her on his lap, stroking her hair.
" You look sick," he whispered softly to her. " Are you okay?"
" I'm fine!" Visser One shot grouchily.
" Ooooookay," Councilor Two laughed. " Sorry I asked."
I looked at Visser One. She didn't look sick, what was the great dapsen talking about? If anyone looked SICK in this room, it was Visser Four, sitting on the chair, looking aimlessly up at the ceiling with eyes weighed upon by heavy eyelids.
Visser Four hadn't been out of her room since the Andalite traitor, Samilin, a.k.a. Visser Four's secret lover, died on planet Leera. This was the first time I even saw her out of bed since we'd gotten back. She was pale and upsettingly thin. She also looked quite sad.
And very grumpy.
But that was nothing new around here today, as you may have noticed…
Suddenly, Visser Four turned around and looked at me. She gestured to me with her hand, unnoticed by the two LOVEBIRDS in the corner.
I nodded impatiently. Inaudibly, she mouthed something like, "I need to…"
" You need to WHAT with me?" I whispered from the kitchen table.
She rolled her eyes and held up her right hand in the shape of a phone.
" Oh, talk!" I whispered. I had definitely understood something else.
Visser Four nodded.
I shrugged and carefully mouthed, " About what?"
She shrugged to herself and blushed slightly. I began to have that feeling in my stomach. You know the one… that feeling where you know that if you poke your nose any further into something, it will turn around and bite you in the ass?
She blushed some more. And then she mouthed something else, very quickly.
Apparently I am not very good at lip-reading, because I understood "I'm crackhead", and knowing the egoist rampagist which is Visser Four, that is MOST DEFINITELY not what she said.
" What?" I whispered urgently.
" I'm a peg net!" Visser Four seemed to reply.
" Visser Four, what the hell are you trying to say?" I exclaimed.
She sighed deeply and mouthed it again.
" You're…?" I mouthed, confused.
" Oh, never mind." Visser Four suddenly said, out loud.
Councilor Two and Visser One looked at her, than me, strangely.
" Nothing, guys," Visser Four said. Then she slunk back into her chair.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Ellie was getting so angry that I figured it was best to move out of there…
" Like, UUGH!" she yelled, kicking the cabinet. " You STUPID, like…"
… So yeah, I decided to move into the living room with the others.
Visser One had moved off Councilor Two and was now sitting next to him in the middle of the couch. I sat on the free right-hand side.
" Gah." Visser One growled.
" Grr…" I added.
" Hmph." Visser Four said.
Councilor Two just laughed.
We were all grumpy. Even Councilor Two. He was just showing it less.
" What a stupid, stupid day," I commented.
" Tell me about it…" Visser Four.
But yet we didn't do anything but sit there, the whole day, until everyone left and I was able to concentrate on writing this lousy, grumpy entry…
I just hope ALL mornings-after aren't this bad.
Until my return,
Esplin 9466.
---
LOL. Okay, I had so much fun writing this. To me it felt like we're going "back to before" if you know what I mean. "Back to before" all the drama and angst of the past chapters:P
Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Till next time!