I'm putting on make-up. I'm beginning to care about my self image again. My face is looking a little pale but I can work with it. My eyes are a little red and there are lines under them. I haven't been sleeping that well.

I start with my old foundation. I push the creamy liquid out on my fingers and apply it to my forehead, my cheeks and around my nose. Next is the powder, I carefully wipe my face with it. Last is blush. I take a brush and quickly spread the pink around my cheekbone. Ok, ok not too bad.

I don't put any mascara on, too soon, I might have a minor breakdown and I don't want that black mess all over my face. I pull my hair back and into a ponytail. I adjust the dark blue top I'm wearing and tug at my jeans. Ok, ok I'm ready.

Jackson is up and making another strange concoction at the stove. Cooper is teaching him to cook. So far it's going good; we've had some delicious dinners. Who knew Jackson could be a great chief?

"Hey-oh." Jackson grins a goofy grin. He's use to seeing me in baggy jeans a sweatshirt. Not fitted tops and jeans.

"What?" I try playing it off coolly. "I just felt like it was time for me to start looking well… presentable."

"I never said anything." He says still smiling and turning back to the stove.

I like this. I feel ok. Not great but good enough for the moment. Jackson's making breakfast and I'm sitting here not worrying or being depressed. No, I'm sitting here being ok with the moment. It's ok.

"You ok?"

I look at Jackson and give a smile. It's weird but I find myself doing that more often. I feel a tug at the corners of my mouth whenever Jackson talks to me or asks me things. It's just so new and fresh.

"Miley called. She wants to know if we'll come to dinner tonight. She really misses you." He states while putting food on the table.

"I miss her too. We should go." I approve. It'll be good to get out. Basically my life revolves around work. I need a break. Jackson looks over all pleased and digs in to his plate and I follow in suit…

I must have suffered from a brain lapse earlier this morning. Miley's house? What?! Am I ready for all her questions and 'I'm so sorry' looks and smiles. No, not really. I tell Jackson this and he laughs.

"It's going to be fine. Remember you two are best friends."

I frown and fold my arms over me chest. Jackson pulls up into their driveway and shuts off the engine. We sit. I sigh and we get out.

Miley is happy to see us. She hugs me and I hug back without flinching. Katie and Henry smile at me and cling to my legs. I feel myself become light and a gentle whisper of happiness fills me.

"Whoa! You guys have gotten so big!" I exclaimed bending down next to the twins. They giggle at me and each other. Miley and Jake share a smile and walk over to greet Jackson. I ruffle Henry's hair and Katie asks me.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Will you teach me to skateboard?"

I stare at her for a moment and Miley groans. "Come on Katie we've been through this!"

"But mom!" The small six year old whines stomping her foot. "I want to know! Lily gets to skate!"

How long has it been since I've went for a ride? I can not recall it. But I give Katie a wink. "I'll teach you kid-o. Has your mom ever told you when I would skate right into her living room?

The little girl laughs. "You did? In the house?"

I nod and I can hear Jackson chuckle from behind me. "Well I remember a certain time you skated right into me." He smirks.

I blush. "Well you should have gotten out of the way."

"You were going so fast! I couldn't have gotten out of the way even if I tired. I was doomed to be bruised by the skater blonde." He's being dramatic by putting his hand on his forehead and I feel something bubble up from my throat. I laugh. I laugh from the way Miley and Jake are looking at us strangely. I laugh from Jackson's face and I laugh because it feels so good.

Jackson smiles and looks as though he's accomplished something profound. Miley gets a little teary eyed while Jake holds her close and I, I keep on laughing. I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard.

All this time I've wasted. All these days that I have not smiled or laughed all wasted. I sit on the floor and hold my stomach. Jackson joins me and stutters something about how silly I look. But I'm too busy laughing and laughing and never stopping.

I'm sixteen again! I'm driving in Miley's new car! I'm putting on multicolored wigs and prancing around the V.I.P section of the party! I'm suddenly me again, but only for a moment. I suddenly remember what the old Lily felt like all the time. She was happy. She was energetic. She was amazing.

I'm laughing.

I stop and stare at the ceiling of Miley and Jake's house. Jackson is next to me and we are red faced with huge smiles plastered on our faces. The twines are looking at us with confused expressions and Miley is still giggling.

About five glasses of wine later I'm bubbly and excited. I'm talking and laughing and smiling. Miley is passing out seconds of this exquisite chicken dinner… thing. I'm eating a brownie and Jake is telling a lame story, I'm not listening.

I'm thinking about how wonderful it is to be here. I'm not being depressed and sure it might be the wine talking but I like this. And I'm going to hold on to it as long as I can. Jackson is sitting next to me and over so often he'll glance at me out of the corner of his eye. I know he's worried I might break at any moment. But I won't this time. I will only ponder on the good.

Jake finishes his story and Miley shakes her head. "That is the worst joke ever."

"I don't know Ryan I think their only paying you money to be in movies because you look good. Because, damn man, you have no funny bone."

I laugh at Jackson's comment and he winks at me. I feel a weird surge or tingle run down my spine. Humm? I gulp down another glass of wine and let the feeling go away. It's getting late and Miley mentions she should put the twins to bed.

I feel weird. Oh no, not here don't, don't. I beg deep down that I won't grow melancholy over this. Yes, Miley has all the things I wanted, the husband, the kids. But I won't let it get to me. I'm not mad at her, I'm not!

"I'm a little sleepy." I yawn.

"Well I wouldn't blame you." Jackson frowned. "How many glasses did you have?"

I giggle and hold up six fingers. Jackson sighs. I've never been good at controlling my drinking. I remember once at a party Oliver and I went to for 'Lola's' we got sloppy drunk and made-out in the parking lot. It was a fun night.

Jackson seats me on the couch and I fall onto the large green pillow. "I'm going to say goodnight to Miley. I'll be back in a minute." Jackson whispers to me. I nod and yawn again.

A little while later I hear Miley and Jackson walking downstairs talking.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jackson says sounding defensive.

"Jackson, I'm not mad. I think what you've accomplished with her is great! I mean she laughed. Jackson she laughed! I've never seen her so happy and alive in so long. But I think you might be… well getting a little to close to her."

"I'm helping her out. You are too! I don't understand why when I'm doing something good for her you think I'm taking advantage of her." He snapped.

"I never said that. All I'm saying is tonight you looked at her differently. I saw you Jackson and I just… I just don't want Lily to get hurt. I love her, she's my best friend." Miley said mournfully.

"I know and I'm taking care of her. I love Lily like… a sister I would never do anything to hurt her Miles."

"Thank-you Jackson, thank-you for everything."

I can tell by the silence that their hugging. A second later I'm being scoped up into Jackson's arms he's holding me close, so close that I can smell his cologne. Ooh, I like it. I snuggle up to him I feel his heart beat quicken and I giggle.

I don't remember the car ride. The next thing I know I'm in bed and Jackson is pulling the covers over me.

"You know something?"

"What Lily?"

"I think you're pretty cool Jackson."

"Well thank-you Lily, you're pretty cool yourself."

I smirk and curl up into a ball on the bed. Jackson slowly begins to creep away. But suddenly I have a question. I snap my head up and ask him. "Hey Jackson?"

"What?" He answers softly.

"What do you think of me?"

It's quiet for a while. I'm not sure if he is looking at me or even in the same room as me. The house is all dark. I wait.

"I think… I think you're everything Lily."

I laugh. "You're silly. Goodnight." I say and then get comfortable on the bed. I hear him sigh and whisper, "Goodnight Lillian."

… Oh God my head. Ah my fucking head. Wine. Is. Bad. Alcohol is bad. Ah I hurt everywhere. Sluggishly I get out of bed. I sit up and look around. It's raining today. I scratch my head and slowly put each foot on the wooden floor. "Easy, easy." I tell myself.

"Morning sleepy head." Jackson snorts while peering up from the paper.

"I hate you." I say with my eyes closed and my hand on my forehead.

Jackson just laughs.

I open my eyes and find a seat. Jackson gives me coffee and checks his watch. It's a little funny how grown-up he is. I always thought Jackson would stay a little kid forever. But I guess I could say the same thing about me.

"Did I do anything stupid last night?"

"Nope. You were a charming young lady."

"Good, I normally ask dumb things when I'm out of it. I didn't ask any stupid questions or do any funny dances did I?"

Jackson looks at me with a serious face. "You dance funny dances?"

"On occasions." I say shuffling a giggle. I stop and stare off for a minute. I remember laughing last night. I remember everyone's happy faces but after that… nothing. Jackson looks a little grime over this but I let it go. Although he's been acting weird lately. Oh well.

"What are you planning on doing for your Saturday off?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

We listen to the rain hit the roof. I sip my coffee. I twirl a strand of my hair between two fingers. I turn to Jackson; he quickly looks down back at the paper. I watch as a blush creeps up his cheeks.

"Are you ok?"

He clears his throat. "Yeah uh yeah I'm good, you?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Sure." I say slowly.

"Hey Lily, I was thinking about what you said about the apartment and you know I think you're right maybe we could search for one today."

For an odd reason after he says this I feel my stomach drop. Did he not want me here anymore? Did I do something wrong? Sensing by my silence and the way my eyes looked dejected Jackson quickly added.

"Its not that you haven't been wonderful company it's just maybe Miley and you are right. Maybe it's time we all start over. And as you said you're doing fine, great even. I think it's time you get out there again, in the world."

I look at my hands and fidget with my fingers. I took my ring off a while ago. It's sitting in a box gathering dust. I miss having that ring there. That security, that treasured object that shows the world, that shows me: I' am loved, I' am wanted.

Oliver was my everything. Oliver died nine months ago. I can breathe easier now, I can smile and laugh. Everything is just starting to come back. And now Jackson is edging me to leave. But what if I like being here with him? What does that mean even? What do I think of Jackson? What is he to me? And what about Oliver? I find it strange how easy these feelings are progressing.

I'm confused and I don't even know why. Jackson's right, I should get out on my own. It's not that hard, I spent a good portion of my life living in a tiny apartment downtown. I loved that apartment it over looked an elementary school playground.

"Are you ok Lily?"

It's funny how fast my mind can change. How quickly it can turn in a completely different direction.

"I think so." I answer blinking. Jackson looks concerned.

"You don't have to leave." He says.

"What do you want from me?!" It surprises me how loud the question came out. "You say you want me to leave and now I don't have to leave, make up your mind Jackson! I mean gees. What do you want in life?"

The last question was random but I can tell by the way his eyes flash Jackson is not happy.

"I could ask you the same thing. What are you looking for?"

I stop and glare at him I have a great come back, but instead I ask him. "Don't you want a normal life? One where you don't have to look after your sister's best friend. You need… a girlfriend or some kind of friend. I don't want to drag you down with me Jackson, I really care about you." I'm touching his arm. I'm rubbing it and smiling softly at him. I don't want him to hit rock bottom.

"Lily." His voice sounds funny, a little raspy and he's looking at my hand. "Lily I have a life. I have you. I've enjoyed having you here. I wouldn't have volunteered if I didn't don't you see?"

I shake my head. "But you seem different all of a sudden." I can tell I'm making him uncomfortable. He slides my hand off his arm and sits back in his chair. I feel kind of upset, almost as if I've been rejected in a way. This is all so strange.

"Lily, I'm just going through some things."

"Like what?"

"I… it's personal."

I laugh. "Jackson, are you kidding me? You've seen the best and worst of me. I've told you things I've never told Miley, you know my best friend."

Jackson groans, frustrated. "It's about you."

"What do you mean?" I question softly.

"I can't Lily, I can't tell you. It would ruin everything I've, we've worked for." He is not looking at me. And for once all I want is for him to look at me. I want to see his eyes. I need to understand. Maybe he can help me understand my own confusion.

I'm reaching for his hand. I don't know why but I want to feel his skin against mine. Maybe this is where our time together has led us! And it can go two opposite ways. Either Jackson takes my hand here and now and we seek happiness together. Or he turns me away and I find an apartment and we hardly talk to one another again. Both extreme but I need to know which of the two he's thinking.

I wait, I wait.

Jackson looks down.

I pull away.

Rain keeps pouring on the roof.

….

Annnnd we have chapter what? Four? Yes, yes it's four. I hope I'm not moving too fast for you guys. Leave your thoughts.

Lazy Days