A.N.: Hi minna-san. I'm here for another fic, and a challenging one at that. I know the theme of this story is dark, and maybe unpleasant, but… I'm challenging myself to see if I am able to write this thing. Please note that I was kinda down when I started to write this… T.T Anyway… and to the readers of my other fic…please just wait a little longer. It is coming along.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just the paper and the pencil in which I initially wrote this.
Rating: M – Violence and Rape theme
Warnings: This is a dark fiction. If you do not feel mature enough, or find this kind of fiction unpleasant, please DON'T READ. I'm sure there's other stories around there better fitted for you. DON'T flame me for this.
Oh, there's some OCC as well. Just…bare with me.
Note: Here's the cut version. If you want the complete version (which is not very different) just let me know, and I'll send it to you by e-mail.
Broken Wings
By Aya Honey
Chapter 1: Torn apart
She didn't know when her life had gone from bad to worse. She'd never thought, four years ago, that her life would turn out that way. Or maybe, she knew, she felt it, but didn't want to see it; she wanted to have faith…faith in him, in them… or else… or else she would've stayed. She would have stayed, for sure. Hitomi is still young; barely nineteen now, and she knew it, but… she didn't feel like one. She felt tired…so, so tired…
The short-haired—or rather ex-short-haired—young woman (her hair managed somehow to grow almost past her waist now) fumbled with the keys of her tiny and worn out apartment. When she finally managed to open it, she stepped inside, closed it and turned on the light; and then after checking that indeed no-one else was in there, the honey-haired young woman hastily locked the door, sighing a sigh of utter relief and leaning against the simple old door. Her fear wasn't unjustified—her 'neighborhood' wasn't one of the safest there was out there…
She didn't even have the strength to make her legs move properly; she just wobbled to her tiny little room, and flopped unceremoniously onto her bed once she arrived, the poor one squeaking as if in complaint as she did so. She was so, so tired… she just wanted to sleep her life in, to eternity and beyond. But she knew that not even her dreams were nice to her…
The green-eyed woman fought the urge to sleep just yet… She had just yet to clean the apartment… With her lousy thing she called a job and with her living completely on her own now… she just hadn't had he time to do anything, not even to clean her little apartment…
Her life was really wrong. Drifting between dream and reality, dream and consciousness, she started to remember how things started decaying out of course. She remembered it… Four years ago, short after having returned from Gaia, from Van, his father lost his job. It seemed the place where he worked wasn't going so well…so they suddenly decided they didn't need him anymore. And that was when the drinking began.
Her father was bitter with the job loss, the betrayal, his hurt pride above all else, so he just started drinking, drowning in alcohol. But now that she really thought about it… her father always drank a little too much, a little too often; but after that incident… He just started to drink out more, to get out of control.
And because of that, even when he got other jobs, he couldn't keep them. And so, his frustration grew, they grew so much more. And that was when the beatings began.
She cried the first time he hit her mother. She cried even more the time she tried to defend her, the other time her father started to hit her mother again, only earning a full blow on the face from her raging father. And she cried so much more when her little brother tried to defend them, to defend her, earning a blow from his belt. And hit him. Again and again. And she finally couldn't take it anymore, and shielded her little Mamoru body's with hers. But he didn't stop doing again and again, again and again, belt against flesh, belt against torn out cloth, belt against more flesh, blood against flesh, again and again, her mother crying, pleading… pleading for him to stop…until he finally did so. He got tired, it seemed. She just barely heard as he stormed out the house.
She couldn't cry afterwards, not anymore. And she hurt so much. THEY hurt so much. But then, days after that… Her father came home again, pleading for forgiveness, repented. He promised—no, vowed—to stop drinking, and to never raise his hands to them ever again. All would be fine again, as if was before. She was still so numb for it all that she wanted to believe, she needed to believe. Needed to believe in him, believe that her family wasn't torn out, believe that she could be happy, that she made the right chose to return back to Earth. And so, in the end, she and her mother forgave him, but not so Mamoru. He didn't believe him, not even to his short years.
All was calmer for a while, making her live a false sense of happiness and relief, until it all crumbled down once more, once again. She didn't recall exactly what made it, but the yelling began; or rather, became more frequent. And the beating began all once more. In those times, she and her little brother hided in her room, crying, begging for it all to end, for it all to stop, to anyone, to just anyone.
Van.
She remembered how much she wanted to go back to him then, to run from it all, but she couldn't. She still had some faith, on her mother at least, and she still had to protect Mamoru. How ironic, she needing to protect the one holding the name of protection…
How many times after all those beatings did the young girl begged her mother to divorce her father, to leave him, to just leave him? But her mother simply dismissed it, saying that his father would come around, that he would change. Oh, but how wrong her mother had been.
And how much she cried within her soul every time her mother would say that. She couldn't cry on the outside; Van would know it.
Van…
She felt it… it was vague, but it was there all the same. Their connection. He could feel her worries, her pain, but every time she just dismissed it, saying, or rather sending the thought that it was nothing to be worried about. That she was okay. Even when she knew it was all a lie. She just didn't want to worry him…she had a brother to protect. She couldn't be selfish. She wasn't allowed to be selfish. She just couldn't give up everything and go back there…to Gaia…to him…
In the end, after some hellish time in what used to be her home, her lovely home, she'd decided that she had enough. She saw her father wasn't going to change, she saw that her mother wasn't going to leave him, and that, if they stayed there any longer, they, one day or another would end up dead. So, one day, she'd put some of hers and Mamoru's clothes into her track's duffle-bag (the activity she'd long gave up—she had far too many bruises too frequently to run properly anymore), took some of her saved money, and left home. She managed to take Mamoru with her. She was seventeen at that time.
She decided she would protect her brother. She left school, rented some cheap room far from where they used to live, and took a job. She would work, and he would study, and by doing that at least he would be happy. If Hitomi couldn't have a good life and be happy, at least she'd make sure Mamoru had all those.
All was relatively easy for them for a couple of heavenly months, or maybe a little more, before they found them, before he found them. Luckily, they were able to escape, but she knew…she knew they would find them soon enough again. Because she'd promised herself she would protect her little beloved annoying brother no matter what…she made a decision. It was hard, but it was the only thing it would ensure that he'd be safe. Safe from him.
She would send him off to some distant relatives in the country that did not have children, to take care of him.
She couldn't go with him. They only could manage to sustain and take care of only one person.
Besides, she was older; she was more capable of taking care of herself. She convinced herself it would be easier to take care of herself alone, without having to worry anyone.
And so, her wish was fulfilled.
She didn't know how hard it would be to be on her own, alone.
Her parents never forgave her; her father left her one last present. He beat her up to his heart content, to his anger content. She almost died that time.
She still had the scars. All over her back. On the back of her arms. Her tights.
Luckily her work uniform hided all of those.
And Van…
He grew silent. He was still worried, sick with worry she could tell, but…she just shut him off. She shut him off for so long that she didn't know how to call him back. Oh how much she wanted to go back. But…then… another feeling, another vision filled her mind.
Maybe she couldn't call him, reach out to him because…he no longer wanted to be reached. He got tired of waiting, of being shut from her. So then, probably…he had moved on with his life. Got married. Got even heirs of his own to his throne now.
How much her heart had hurt then. Because…
She still loved him.
She loved him so much she thought her heart would break. Loved him so much that seemed to be impossible for one person feel it. She tried to forget about him, all about him, to forget her light now that she no longer had it, now that any light was left on her world of darkness…but she found that it was impossible. Totally and utterly impossible. And then…she found that she couldn't forget him, but that he had forgot all about her. She wanted to die right then.
But then she remembered, razor in hand, that there still was one person who would be sad about her death, one person who still hadn't forgotten her…Mamoru. He still sent her letters, still called her from time to time. She couldn't do that to him, not when he was also facing his own demons, not when he was trying so hard to be strong and continue with his studies, away from all that he became to love and cherish.
She dropped the razor, and fell to her knees, hands to her face, covering it, crying. She was such a coward…utterly pathetic…utterly weak.
And now…one year after that… she felt dead. Yeah, she didn't try to commit suicide again after that, but… she didn't feel alive. And she knew that…not even cutting herself would make her feel alive, so she didn't even try it. It was useless.
And with those thoughts on her head, she fell to a restless sleep.
She woke up to the sounds of things falling…door being forced open…steps in her apartment. She immediately felt the adrenaline pumping in her veins… Robbers. …she had to be ready. She was so afraid…
Van…
Grabbing a broom she'd left there the day before, she quietly crawled to the door, which was left ajar. Big mistake.
They saw them. Two of them. To men. Two big men. They didn't look…sober. Indeed, one of them had a bottle of some alcohol on his hand. They were looking like they were looking for something, anything, that they could seal in order to buy more. More of their want, their vice. And the moment they lay their eyes on her…
Hitomi took a step back, suddenly feeling all her little courage she had leaving her. They took a step towards her. And another. And another. She took steps back, until she finally backed to the wall, against it. They were so near. Oh god they were so near. She decided she would not die there. Not that way. No way.
The scared green-eyed woman leaped at them, broom in hand. She would knock them, step through that door, leave the house, and run to that convenient store that was opened 24/7. Her plan failed somewhere through. She managed to knock one of them, but…the other grabbed her by the wrist, punched her face back, making her fall to the ground, lips bleeding.
Oh, god, Van…
She tried to get up, but one of them grabbed a handful of her hair, twisting it backwards, plunging his rough foreign unwanted lips against her. She gagged, she tried to step back, push him back with both her hands. But then he took both her wrist, held them, and make her lay on the cold floor, both his legs against her tights, immobilizing her completely, efficiently. She struggled and struggled, but she just couldn't get free. She couldn't.
Oh, god, Van, please help me…
Their eyes…they were like the ones of a predator. They looked at her as if she was the prey. And she knew it, she was.
The man—no, both of them—started to unzip their pants. They were looking pointedly at her. Oh, no… please god no…
"We are gonna take a good taste of you before killing you…" one of them purred against her neck, licking his lips, licking her neck. Tears prickled her eyes. She desperately struggled. She couldn't… oh god this couldn't be happening…
Van…! Help me, Van!
Van!
"Damn…so tight…so you're a little virgin, uh?" the man whispered-purred against her. She felt like she was dying.
Van…
She felt her heart was dying. She was saving herself. Saving herself for him. For the day when she would…when she could…
Her heart was bleeding. Her heart was dying. Finally, that man stopped. It seemed he got tired at last…?
"Move, you idiot!" the other man shoved the previous one off her. "My turn!"
Hitomi's eyes grew up then. She got up wobbly. She would get away from there. She would not let the other to take her. To take her as well.
But one of them—anyone—caught her up by her ankle, making her fall to the hard ground, hard. She tried to kick, to get away, but she just couldn't. Please god no again… please no…
"Tsk tsk. That's not nice, little lady. You're not going anywhere." The man tore her upper cloth as well—her panties and pants were ripped apart by the other, cupped her right breast roughly—
Van…
Van…!
Van!
He began moving. She couldn't take it anymore. She lost consciousness then.
She woke up after…she was alone. Utterly alone. And she was bleeding. Between her legs. And in her chest. Chest…? She then noticed one of her few kitchen's knives next to her, stained with blood. Her blood. She coughed, feeling a copper flavor between her teeth, filling them, filling her tongue. She felt her energy leaving her, with each ounce of blood that was leaving her body for good.
The last thought she had before passing onto oblivion was of how much she wanted to see him again, one last time.
She felt a white warmness fill her, evolving her. That was the last she felt.
--
A.N.: You survived! I don't think the story is gonna get any darker than that. Uh… I'm not too sure about this…It kinda scares me. Please, any constructive criticism will be very much welcomed. Any comments you have as well. Just… PLEASE DON'T FLAME. That's the only thing I'm not gonna be accepting from you.