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Chapter 7: Sirius 4 Snape

"So, next morning, Sirius woke me up real early and asked me if I knew a charm to turn him into a girl. I am not that good a drunk so I had passed out before they had done the oath."

"Well, we will just have to get Sam to teach you, as I taught her." Bronte said proudly, obviously satisfied with how it had turned out.

"I remember that, I was drunk every night for three weeks straight because you wanted me to get used to it and asked me how much I remembered every morning." Sam said, clutching her forehead in memory of those painful mornings.

"Will you stop interrupting, I want to hear who falls in love with my Siri so I can beat the crap outa him." Bronte shouted, oblivious to the fact that she was in fact the one who had interrupted.

"Well, Sirius went to Dumbledore and told him of his predicament, but because it was Monday, he had to go to his office as a girl, but somehow, Dumbledore knew it was him. He had a good laugh out of that one, so did McGonnigal. Well, he told the school that Sirius Black had had to go home early and you should have seen his face when he heard all the girls groan, and I thought that he couldn't get anymore cocky. Well Dumbledore said, 'I would like to introduce an exchange student that wants to see if she would like to come to Hogwarts next year. Presenting Stephy Barron, his initials had to be S.B. because all his stuff was all labelled S.B. And he said that she was going to sleep in Sirius' old bed. God, how many people stopped me in the hall telling me how lucky I was that I had such a hot girl in my dorm." Remus shuddered at the memory, all those boy's had expected them to do dirty deeds with Sirius, just the thought sickened him.

"And can you describe any of them, what house were they in, just to make my search easier." Bronte said, holding a piece of parchment and a quill, about to write down any information on the people who had hit on her boyfriend. As James told Bronte some of the people who had told him how lucky he was, Remus continued with the story.

Flashback

A/N: Thoughts are in italics

"So, Stephy, which school did you go to before Hogwarts?" Lily asked.

"Yes, I got Lily to talk to me before Prongs, must remind him he owes me a galleon, wonder how many Zonco products I can buy with that?

"I used to go to...India Champell School For Witches and Wizards." He replied, (from now on I will write 'she' and 'Stephy' rather than 'he' and 'Sirius')

"Where's that, I don't think I've heard of it before?" Lily said suspiciously, she was pretty sure that it didn't exist, and she was already suspicious of this girl, why did she act like she had already known the marauders and the maruaderettes from before.

"Um...in India." Stephy said, looking at the place where the marauders were sitting for breakfast, wishing he was sitting there, as Sirius, rather than a girl. Then a thought struck him, how the hell was he supposed to keep up his tradition of going through one girl a week if he was stuck as a effing girl, he hadn't even had the chance to dump Danielle, his most recent girlfriend, he wasn't going to stoop as low as send an owl instead, no the most fun of it was seeing her face when he did, this was besides all the snogging. What the hell had he gotten himself into?

"Umm. Stephy, are you OK." Lily said, truly concerned. Stephy stood up and walked towards the staircase, momentarily forgetting that she wasn't supposed to know her way to the Gryffindor common room, nor was she supposed to know the password.

"Dear god, why the hell did I make that deal with James, I'm screwed." Little did he know that Lily had followed him, making sure she didn't get lost.

"Remus, what deal did Stephy and Potter make?" Lily asked Remus in the library.

"Um...they didn't make a deal, what are you talking about?" He spluttered, he wasn't the best liar in the world. ('Hey!')

"Don't lie to me Remus, I just heard her say, 'Oh I wish I hadn't made that deal with James.'"

Remus leaned in and whispered something in her ear that caused her to burst out laughing.

"Remus, I want the truth." She said through a fit of giggles.

"It is the truth. Stephy Barron, S.B. Sirius Black, S.B." He pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm going to so. blackmail Black for this." She said, still laughing uncontrollably.

"Traitor!" Came a shout from the boy's dormitory. "You told Evens didn't you. Moony admit it." Everyone had no idea what was going on, the person shouting sounded a lot like Sirius, but that was not possible, he was at home. Remus just looked up from his book, where Stephy was steaming from the bottom of the staircase and gave her the thumbs up. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL HER!"

"I told her.."

"Moony. if you told her about..."

(Everyone was under the impression that we had shagged for weeks, James found it bloody hilarious but at least it was a change from all the rumours that were going around that I was gay, they were started by Sirius.)

The whole common room burst out laughing.

"Er..kinda.." Remus said, scratching his neck, thinking of all the things that were bound to be going through the other Gryffindor's heads. What the hell had he been doing, letting them drink that night, or more importantly, what had he been doing drinking?

"You told her, traitor, this is going to end up as pure blackmail."

She said, falling down into the couch by the fire, dubbed 'Sirius' chair', if anyone sat in it, they would get pounced on by Sirius (get your mind out of the gutter, Bronte) and become the butt of the marauders next prank. Lily choose this moment to enter the common room.

"I know something that I shouldn't Stephy, or should I say Sirius." She whispered in his ear as she went past, saying the last part so quietly that only she, Sirius and Remus could hear.

"You better not tell anyone or I swear, I will rip you to shreds." She said through clenched teeth.

"Not very lady-like, aye, Stephy." Remus said.

"Shut up traitor, she has brain washed you and made you into her minion. What is the world coming to." Stephy screamed in a very Sirius like manor, rushing out of the room, most probably towards the kitchens.

"Oh crappy doodles on a stick." Sirius said. "The ball is in the week that I am a girl." Of course this was said in the privacy of the boys dorm, and while Sirius was a boy, other wise the eavesdroppers would question Sirius' sanity, while wondering what the hell he was doing here.

"SoÉwho are you going to take to the ball?" James asked, wanting to take the subject off Stephy. It was really hard not to burst out laughing when people told him how hot they thought Stephy was.

"You know how hilarious it would be if you went with Snivillous." Chad piped up. He had been away at his grandmothers for the past week and had been just filled in on the details of their 'bloody hilarious' week.

James exchanged a glance with Lee. Sirius just sat there with a look of horror on his face.

"No! No! Ewwww... No! I refuse! I won't do it! You can't make me!" he squealed as James and Lee stalked towards him.

"I can't believe I'm doing this" Sirius thought as he slowly made his way towards the unmentionable place. i.e. the slytherin table.

"Um, Snii.. I mean Severus." He asked in his girliest voice.

"Can I talk to you for a minute...alone."

"Yeah, whatever"

James and the others were watching from the Gryfindoor table, almost bursting with laughter.

(I can't remember how we got him to do itÉ)

Remus had set up a video camera that he had transfigured to work on Ravenclaw brain cells (Lord knows they could spare them.) and to follow him around, it was also invisible.

"This is going to be great!"