Meus Amor et Mea Culpa: My Love and My Mistake
Heaven's Fall
"What is this?" She asked, touching his face. He turned his cheek towards her hand, relishing the feel of her warm hand.
"I don't know." He said lightly. And he really didn't. He couldn't really think straight at that moment.
She pressed her forehead to his, looking down, thoughtful. "What're we doing?" She asked, almost pleading for an answer.
He laughed a bit, wrapping his arm around her waist tighter. "What do you want me to say?"
She bit her lip, something he loved. "I don't know." She said softly, something wholly uncharacteristic of her.
He kissed her lips lightly before admitting with a sigh, "Neither do I."
There was a moment of silence in which they held each other like that until…
"…So what is this?" He pulled away from her, searching deep into those eyes that he knew better than his own. He kissed her gently.
"Nothing." He said against her mouth, feeling his heart clench at the lie but knowing what she needed to hear. "It's nothing."
And when he leaned in for another kiss, he missed that fleeting look of pain that crossed her face.
"I sense a love-match in the making." Amy looked up from where she was reading by Serena's sleeping form and glanced at Rei.
"Is your sixth sense acting up again?" The brain half-teased Rei. The brunette only grinned.
"Who needs to see the future when my own eyes work just as well?" Rei continued to grin as Amy frowned, quizzically. The priestess-in-training then gestured to the window she sat by, motioning for Amy to come closer.The window overlooked the steps leading up to the temple, upon which, Amy now saw, Mina and Kunthan Tsukino were coming up on. Normally, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, that is, if the two weren't holding hands and seemingly looking at each other like nothing was there.
"Well, well." Amy murmured, smiling. "This will be interesting."
Yawn. "What will?" Both girls turned away from the window to see Serena rubbing her red eyes, rising from her sleep.
"Hey sleepyhead." Amy said, walking back towards her companion. "You've been out for a while."
Serena smiled lazily. "It was a good nap." She looked over at Rei, covering her mouth from another yawn. "So what were you two talking about?"
"Your brother," Rei said, also moving to the blonde. "And Mina."
The Amy and Rei's mild surprise, Serena wasn't surprised. Her eyebrows went up a little before she chuckled. "Well," She stretched. "It's about time."
The screen door to the room opened and Lita walked in, holding a tray in her hands. She saw Serena awake and smiled warmly, despite her pale complexion.
"Good morning, Serena." Lita said jokingly, gesturing to the sun going down in the distance. "Hungry?"
As if on cue, the blonde's stomach growled loudly and Lita only laughed, setting down the tray containing Serena's dinner by her futon. As Serena took a bowl from the tray and thanked Lita, Rei's eyes trailed to Lita's hand that was wrapped in a bandage, a memory of her encounter with Nick Anza this past weekend. Rei and the others had noticed Lita's subdued nature as of late, not to mention how her normally bright cheeks had seemed to lose their color since she had last since Nicholas Anza. However, as friends who read each other better than sisters, the others had not approached the subject since Lita seemed like she wanted to do anything else but, including taking a break from cooking in her grandfather's restaurant for a while, unable to really think clearly, with the wedding approaching so closely. Rei looked outside her window again to see Kunthan pulling back on Mina's hand and pulling his whole arm around her in a comfortable manner that Rei had to smile at.
At least Mina and Ami have semi-stable love lives, Rei thought bleakly, resting her chin on the window pane and feeling a fall wind passing over her. Her thoughts strayed to Jaden and how she hadn't seen hide nor hair of the man since she had so cruelly blown him off. Mina had let it drop in a recent conversation that Jaden was considering going back abroad around Christmastime. Rei suspected that his sister had already guessed that there was something going on between them, but like Lita, Rei preferred not to think too much of it. To think of it would be to remind herself that Jaden had been right and she had been wrong. At this point, Rei wasn't sure if her pride could take the beating she had given her own heart.
A golden glint in the corner of her eye caught her attention and her head whipped in that direction, following a figure with fair hair that was walking towards the temple as well. Without really thinking twice, Rei had risen from her position and shot out a brief excuse to her friends before barreling out of the room. She nodded a brief hello to both mina and Kunthan at the entrance and hurried along the outside corridor of the temple, seeing the huge sakura tree that was present in the courtyard of the temple. Its branches were pretty much bare now, but she caught sight of that same blonde head coming over to the tree, a tentative hand reaching to its bark. Rei stopped running to catch her breath and opened her mouth to call out…
She tried to cover her mouth to not make a noisebut found that her hands were shaking as she reached the door.
'Stupid.' She berated herself, shouldering her bag. Against her own thoughts, she looked behind her at the sleeping figure on the bed. Clenching her fist so hard that she could feel her nails digging into her palm, she felt disgust at herself well up inside. Fighting back something that felt suspiciously like tears, Haruka forced herself to turn that knob and walk out.
Haruka shook her head, stopping where she was as she tried to mentally block out that particular memory. Even now, months after the fact, her thoughts always managed to stray back to that. Sighing, she looked around and saw that the temple hadn't changed at all since she had last seen it.
At least some things stay the same. She thought wryly with a smile. The sweaty images flashed through her mind and she stopped smiling, closing her eyes once again to make it all go away. She'd been doing it a lot lately. She continued walking down the wooden porch of the temple, her bare feet sliding over the floor in sweet memories of the times she had spent at this temple since she was four years old.
Laughter around the corner cut off her thoughts and she pressed herself against the wall, feeling rather sneaky and foolish, realizing that it was a habit she had as achild, playing hide-and-seek at the temple. Rolling her eyes at her own behavior, she peeked down the corner.
…just in time to see Mina, her little sister, walk into the temple's Tea Room with a silver-haired man (no, not even a boy) in tow. Haruka's jaw dropped in amused shock. She pushed herself off the corner as the door closed, every devilish and embarrassing moment Mina ever had in mind, ready to be unleashed.
But she stopped short. Even with the dying sun, she could make it out.
Without really thinking about it, Haruka went past the tea room, not really hearing the laughter and sounds from inside, her eyes focused on it.
At the only modeling shoot that Haruka had been conned into, she managed to ruin her makeup, smudge her dress, and run away within half an hour. She was four, barefoot, and hopelessly lost once she managed to run off the set in the park. It was then that she came upon the funny-looking house with the strange roof and the screen doors.
An old man wearing a robe was sitting on the outside corridor, making silly faces at a small baby in his arms. He had seen her and, with a curious smile, had motioned her to come closer. Cautiously, Haruka had approached him before her attention turned to the baby in his lap. She looked to be about Mina's size, only her eyes and hair were far darker than anyone in her family's. Old Man Hino had asked Haruka what she was doing at the temple by herself and she had told him that she was lost and wanted to go home. Sniffling, Haruka wished aloud that someone would find her. The old man had smiled at her in his grandfatherly affection and pulled out a strip of paper and pointed to a pretty, pink tree closeby. He told her to write her wish on the paper and hang it on the tree's branches so that the heavens would see her wish and grant it for her.
At the time, Haruka's four-year-old mind reasoned that, the closer she was to the sky, the quicker her message would reach the heavens. And so, she had climbed that great tree, snagging her pretty white dress on the branches on the way up. One particular snag, however, wouldn't let her go and Haruka had slipped after tying a perfect knot in the highest branch she could reach. She remembered feeling the rush of the air beneath her as the ground got closer in her vision…
And then she had dislocated her shoulder landing on top of a little boy with dark hair and wet cheeks, surrounded by cherry blossoms. Haruka had been very scared, thinking that she had killed him. Her little mind worked hard and quick and she recalled the fairy-tales her nannies told her about princesses that woke up when they were kissed by prince charmings. She wasn't a prince, and the boy definitely wasn't a princess but she had kissed him all the same.
And when he opened his eyes, he looked at her with a smile like he knew her… and Haruka promised herself that she would never hurt the boy who had saved her. She also knew she would always be safe with the boy known as Seiya when he touched her face and said, "I've found you."
The tree. The place it had started. The place where she met…him. Before she knew it, Haruka was standing in front of that cherry blossom tree, its trunk gnarled and large from its years of age. Without thinking about it, she reached out a palm to the tree, feeling the rough veins beneath her fingers. Haruka wasn't particularly spiritual, but she had always had a connection to this tree. This place.
It was then that she turned her head, feeling those eyes on her. And she saw him watching her…
He watched her through hazy vision as she tried to catch her breath. Haruka caught his eye and, without even thinking about it, he leaned down on the bed, kissing her deeply as she wrapped an arm around his neck, sighing contently. When the kiss finally broke, he planted feather kisses down her neck. Wrapping his arm around her bare stomach, Seiya pressed his face against her hair, whispering incoherent words that only she understood.
At that precise moment that he fell into a gradual slumber, Seiya held on to her tighter, thinking that there truly was no other place he would rather be.
Seiya had wanted to drop by the temple to see Rei. He didn't come as often to the temple, since he usually had issues to deal with at the club but he made an effort when he could to see her.
Turning from his car, he tucked his hands into his pocket and headed for the steps leading up to the temple. He stopped and moved back however, when he saw a couple moving up the same stairway. He recognized little Mina Aino but the other person, a tall man with hair the color of silver, wasn't anyone he knew of. However, he knew that Rei's friend, Serena was spending much time at the temple nowadays and he reasoned that this could very well be her brother, Kunthan Tsukino. He was about to open his mouth and call out a greeting when he saw Kunthan let go of Mina's hand and bring his arm around her shoulder in a gesture that was anything but platonic. Seiya quirked an eyebrow and decided not to speak, instead waiting until the duo was out of his sight to continue up the steps.
He didn't particular enjoy walking in on couples. When he reached the top, his eyes, as usual, fell on the cherry blossom tree. It was bare now, but, regardless it held so many memories for him that its appearance did nothing to hinder his reverence for it. Unfortunately, he became very distracted when he saw a head of golden hair not belonging to Mina Aino move into his sight. She had her back turned to him but he knew by her stance, her body that it was her. And when she placed a hand at the tree's bark, she turned her head slightly, meeting his gaze…
Haruka knew it was Seiya before she fully turned around. She always seemed to know whenever he was around since that day they first met, when he found her. It wasn't always a welcome thing. Currently, he stood off in the distance for a moment, just watching her.
"See something you like?" She teased lightly, surprised at how jagged her voice sounded to her own ears.
His eyes seemed to flash something for a moment, before her replied monotonously, "Not really." Seiya's facial expression didn't change but Haruka only snorted and rolled her eyes.
"Ease up, Seiya." She said, turning her attention back to the tree.
She heard his footsteps moving closer. "Why are you here?" He asked her back, finding it strange the he preferred talking to her shoulders than to her face.
Not turning around, she replied. "Mina needed a ride back." Not even thinking about it, she smiled. "However, she seemed pretty comfy with that guy so I figured I'd give her a couple of minutes on her own."
"How big of you." He said sarcastically. Haruka turned to him sharply.
"I don't think I like your tone." She said lowly, narrowing her eyes at him.
"I don't think I really care." Seiya shot back in a tone that would've shown composure had it not been for the burning bitterness behind it.
In their younger years, this type of banter would've been funny…comical. But, watching it from afar now, Rei couldn't help but shiver from the icy exchange. They had never been like this before. They were Ruka and Sei: Sei and Ruka. Never had a day gone by in the past that they hadn't exchanged words with each other. Even when their parents sent them to vacations on opposite ends of the world, they managed to contact each other and, somehow, someway, even found a way to meet each other up in the Hawaiian Islands...Rei and Mina always wondered how the hell they managed to pull that one off. Looking back and forth between Sei and Ruka from her hiding position, Rei couldn't help but watch…and wonder what on earth had happened to cause so much animosity between the two.
"Sei, what the fuck is your problem!" Haruka suddenly demanded loudly, causing Rei to jump slightly at her tone. The younger girl shook her head in disbelief. This was so wrong.
"What's my problem?" Seiya repeated, enraged as he stomped towards her. "What the hell is yours?" His face was dark and his forehead creased in a scowl.
"I don't have a problem." Haruka retorted hotly. "Unlike some seriously disturbed bastard who seems to be PMSing more than I have in the last three years altogether, I am perfectly happy with myself and don't feel the need to piss off at an old friend."
"'An old friend?' " He repeated once more, voice shaking with fury. Rei watched her brother close in on Haruka's face menacingly. "Is that all I am?"
"Of course it is." She said firmly, meeting his close-range glare with the same amount of intensity. "What else would you be to me?"
"How about a lover?" He snapped. "That should qualify for something shouldn't it?" Rei's jaw dropped as Haruka glared at Seiya, furiously clenching her fists, ready to strike but he was still going on, taunting, "Or do one-night stands even count in your book?"
Haruka felt her face heat up in frustration and humiliation. "Gee, I don't know Seiya," She replied, voice laced with anger and sarcasm. "How do you rate your bitches?"
"Don't. You. Dare." He hissed harshly at the girl. "Don't you dare, Haruka."
"Go to hell." She spat out, bringing her hands up to push back her hair. "It was ages ago, Seiya!" Haruka exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. Her face was flushed, her teal eyes narrowed and glowing with hate and anger. "You even said it yourself." She struggled. "It didn't mean anything then, remember? So why the hell does it matter to you now?"
A vague expression of something passed his expression. Was that pain she saw? But it left as quickly at it came before she could say anything. He licked his lips, silent for a moment. "So you're telling me that it meant nothing to you?" He asked slowly and deliberately.
"I never said that." She snapped quickly. Too quickly.
"Oh? Is that so?" He demanded eagerly, catching her. "So you just felt like fuck-"
Any further crude and half-thought comments he was planning to make were cut off by the sharp slap the girl before him delivered against his cheek. He touched his injured face and glared at her through angry cobalt eyes. She scowled back with hurt and pained teal eyes. It wasn't until that he saw that they were filled with tears that had been unshed for almost a year did he realize he had crossed the line.
He backed away slowly, breathing hard, his dark eyes not wavering their gaze on her shaking body. He backed himself until he felt the bark of the huge tree and he slid down, collapsing until he felt the rough roots beneath him. Seiya closed his eyes, breathing heavily and mentally counting to ten, trying to calm himself. When he looked up, he saw the blonde sitting down like him, knees gathered to her chest, wrapped in her own arms as she rocked herself slowly, shoulders shuddering.
For some strange reason, Seiya found himself searching his expanse memory with this blonde angel for a time when she had cried. In the thirteen or so years that he recalled her being at his side, he could only find one time.
It was at the accident years ago, when Jaden had been involved in the car crash. They always referred to it as the crash; it was just that heinous. They were just stupid kids at the time, doing stupid things that they swore they would withstand. They were young. They were invincible.
But when they saw Jaden's body fly out the windshield, they realized that they were so wrong.
They were in the hospital together, waiting. They were waiting for Minako or Rei to come see if they were okay...or for Mr. and Mrs. Aino to arrive...or for some news from the doctors. Just anything to change the torturous waiting pace. They were sitting in the waiting room side-by-side, he remembered. His leather jacket hung over her shoulders as she leaned on him for physical and emotional support. With the happenings in the past hour, Seiya was afraid she would've collapsed. However, she was still awake, leaning on his shoulder with wide and tired eyes that refused to close until any news was brought about her twin's condition. And then doctor came in. It was like an out of body experience as he watched the doctor deliver the news that Jaden had slipped into a coma. Haruka suddenly turned into a rag doll right before his eyes.
She had slumped forward, losing her footing as her legs gave way and her head dropped lifelessly as he rushed forward to hold her up. She sobbed into his chest and they held on to each other for dear life. She held on to him, her pillar of support and protection. He held on to her, as if letting her leave his arms meant that she would be liable to become as distant as Jaden was to him at that point.
He couldn't help but scoff at the memory. The only time he could remember the woman crying and he was the one comforting her in it. And now…
He looked over at the angel with tears rolling down her face. He had caused those tears. He had scarred that beautiful face with the liquid remnants of pain that she had been holding back for the longest.
Seiya gazed at the vision of beauty that he knew for more than half his lifetime that sat a mere three steps in front of him. And yet...
He had never felt so far away from her.
When Seiya and Rei had been much much younger, their mother had often taken them to their paternal grandfather's temple. She was often at peace in the temple and both children enjoyed the company of their robust grandfather who would've done just about anything to see them smile. And when they did come to the temple, Seiya had always felt an affinity with that cherry blossom tree that had only grown with age. He thought it very peaceful, remembering his mother sitting under that tree with him and his then-baby sister, Rei. He thought it funny that he remembered her best that way, under the tree, only a few weeks before her illness overtook her.
Even then, although he had been a very young child, around five at the time, he had felt that something was wrong with his mother. When he had tried to confront her, she had smiled at her son's maturity and admitted that yes, she was to go away very soon and that Seiya would have to help take care of Rei without his mother's help. Seiya had protested, saying in his young vocabulary that his mother was the only one who could make Rei stop crying in the middle of the night.
Kakyuu Hino had smiled at her young son and, with a kiss on his forehead, promised to send him an angel to help him through whatever trouble he might have. After she died, Seiya had gone to the same tree in a subconscious effort to try and reclaim whatever essence of his mother had been left behind in its bark. It was spring and the blossoms were coming off the branches in their prime. Rei had just turned one without knowing her mother. It was then and there at that point that he heard a cry from the heavens. Later in life, Seiya would remember falling to the ground, blacking out, and spraining his wrist. And he would remember opening his eyes only to look into a pair of curious teal orbs on the pale face of a young blonde who wore a pretty white dress torn at the hem, the after-noon sun hovering just behind her.
He came to the conclusion that she was the angel his mother had promised him. Her name was Haruka. And he knew then and there, that he'd never love anyone else.
She was his angel, he was her prince. She promised to keep him safe and he promised to love her. But she hurt him when she was in pain and began to hate her for not loving him. They were each other's heaven. Their soulmate.
If only they'd catch each other.
chickay: i know this is probably isn't my best chapter and it's been a really really really really :three hours later: really really reallylong time since I actually promised to update. but strangely enough, despite the fact that i've been looking forward to writing this last scene here (which i wrote about two weeks into the beginning of MAMC), this was the toughest chapter to write for me. probably because there's one hell of a story that quite personal and it was just strange to call back everything. however, if you're reading this, please don't lose hope. i promise to write…or at least finish this story before high school ends.