Chapter 18-Regrets?

Severus was not in a good mood. There were so many different things nagging on the edge of his mind, but he couldn't for the life of him figure it out. He vaguely remembered something funny about his tea Halloween and when he and Hermione had been expected to 'perform' for the Dark Lord the past weekend it seemed that they had been together before; she knew exactly what to do to him and that disturbed him. He sighed. Another confusing thing was the reaction, actually no reaction, of the Headmaster when he and Hermione had debriefed him about their summons.

He flung his glass into the fireplace. Damn it, after being a spy for almost twenty years he was able to tell when someone was acting and when they were being sincere. When it came to Mia, he simply couldn't tell if his feelings were interfering with his perception. He could have sworn that during their time in the 'playroom' that she was being genuine, but as soon as they returned to Hogwarts, she had acted no different, the same respectful student that she always was.

He heard a soft knock at his outer door. He rose and went into his office, the entrance to his private chambers slid closed behind him. He opened his office door to find several people, mostly Gryffindors. He glared at them, "What business do you have down here in the dungeons?"

Neville stepped forward, "We need to talk to you, Professor, about Hermione."

Severus looked appraisingly at the young man in front of him; he was no longer a sniveling little worm that shuddered when spoken to in harsh tones. The way that he had spoken lead Severus to believe that this was very serious. He stood back and allowed the six individuals to enter. He impatiently motioned for them to sit down as he went to sit at his desk. "Continue, Mr. Longbottom. I can assure you that we are in no danger from unpleasant eyes and ears here."

Neville motioned to Luna for her to continue. Luna lifted her head and spoke softly, "We were wondering if you had noticed the same changes in Hermione that we had, sir. All of here know the extent of her powers, but their seems to be something hanging around her aura like a gloom cloud."

Ginny spoke up, "She is taking her N.E.W.T.s in place of her normal exams, like she's planning for what the rest of us don't see."

"She refuses to openly talk about her feelings with us and more often than not she shows little or no emotions." Ron said.

"When she looks at us, a trace of sadness creeps into her eyes. It took a while for us to notice it because its gone in less than a second." Harry continued quietly.

"She doesn't seem to find any happiness in the things she once enjoyed. It's as if nothing could make her smile and I mean truly smile, not just fake it." Neville said sadly.

Draco stood, "Uncle Sev, we need to know how to properly identify if someone is being lured to the dark side of magic. If that's not the case, we need to know what would make her withdrawal like this."

Severus hesitated; he knew the most likely reason. He nervously cleared his throat. "Miss Granger and I were summoned on a Saturday morning last week."

Draco looked at him sharply and the quick intake of his breath could be heard in the otherwise silent room. Hermione had not chosen to disclose what had happened at that meeting to him, but then again, he knew exactly what happened during a day summons. This certainly explained why she was withdrawn to a certain point; something besides sexual entertainment must have occurred.

Severus continued, "Draco knows what is required of Death Eaters at that type of meeting. It was slightly different though. Her-Miss Granger was required to torture Lucius Malfoy, muggle style and then we were to perform for the Dark Lord's pleasure. He left us locked in that room for several hours with wards insuring that we did not," he paused, "discontinue the activities until he dismissed us." He mentally braced himself for their displeasure and prayed that he would somehow survive this meeting. 'Damn,' he thought, 'I am definitely going soft.'

Everyone was shocked. Their jaws had dropped to the floor. They were more surprised by the tone of the normally fearsome Potions Master than by the actual events that had taken place; Draco had informed them on what typically occurs at meetings. That and the fact that they all knew that Hermione was off the deep end for Professor Snape.

Draco recovered first with a strangely vicious look in his eyes, "Did my father suffer greatly?" He said maliciously.

Severus barred his teeth into an unmistakable smile of pleasure, "The Dark Lord had to request her to stop…she was very close to bleeding him dry and very close to separating certain organs that I'm sure Lucius values from the rest of his body."

"Good for Hermione."

"Bloody bastard deserves to be separated from his precious pecker."

"She should've killed the bugger on accident anyways."

Severus was surprised by the students' fierce agreement with her actions, but not for long. No love was lost for Lucius Malfoy in this room. That thought made him inwardly chuckle.

Ron calmed himself and looked towards the Professor. "Were you gentle with her?" he asked softly.

"Yes." Severus responded immediately. "I did offer to obliviate her, but she refused. I don't know why," he admitted in a tone as soft as Ron's, "probably just in case the Dark Lord chooses to sift through her memories again." At least, that was the only plausible explanation that Severus could come up with.

Draco frowned. "Could there be something else? Do you think it's just her way to brace herself for the rapidly approaching Final Battle? Are you sure that she's not going dark?"

Severus thought about Draco's comments for a moment. "It is very possible that this her way to prepare herself, although it doesn't make complete sense. As for her going dark, no. You know me, Mr. Malfoy; I have stood on the edge of that abyss many times. I know the signs that lead down that road."

Everyone nodded and took his words for the dismissal that they were. Each issued a soft-spoken and heart-felt thank you on their way out of the door.

Only one remained and calmly asked him if he had any Jack Daniels he would care to share as well as some suggestions.

Hermione was in the Astronomy Tower, she knew Dumbledore didn't like her being alone, but she needed this time. Her breath came slowly, filling her lungs as much as possible and then exhaling as if to eradicate the poison of certain actions and thoughts. She sighed and slumped further down in the bench beside the window. No one would disturb her; if they tried to open the door, they would 'remember' a prior engagement.

Solitude. How appropriate. When you enter the world you bring only yourself and when you exit you are alone, it doesn't matter if someone is there with you or not, the journey is yours unaided. She willed her self not to lash out at the unfairness of it all. She would be taking her N.E.W.T.s in two weeks time and then. Well, and then at the Final Battle she would leave this world behind. She was nor afraid for herself or for her friends during the actual battle, she was worried about how they would react afterwards. She knew some would be angry at her, she knew some would mourn; she knew there were even those who would rejoice.

A single tear slide down her cheek and landed on the letter she was writing. She, for once, did not even notice her mind some place entirely different. This was her letter to Draco. She had saved it for last. At the end of the book she had given into Draco's keeping was her goodbye letter to Severus; only his eyes would be able to see those words unless he wished another have the ability to see. That had been very hard and writing to Draco was almost, but not quite, as difficult. Even though, she had been friends with Harry and Ron longer, she was much closer to Draco. They were the same in so many different ways. The words flowed out of her heart and soul and onto the paper.

She did regret that she would not live to see all of her friends, now her family, grow up and raise children of their own.

"Minerva? Can you recall anytime that I have not been able to see what is going on in the Astronomy Tower?"

Minerva looked alarmed, her thin pulled into a very thin line. "No, Albus. Unless someone is warding it, someone truly powerful, that is the only possible explanation. Who do think it is?" She gulped. She did not to imagine, even for a moment, that Tom had decided to strike early.

Albus glanced up from his mirror, his mind trying to find the answer to his lover's question. He snapped his fingers. He glanced back at his mirror, "Miss Hermione Granger!" he commanded. The fog remained the same, but it was still at the Astronomy Tower. He leaned back relieved. "It's Miss Granger; she's safely locked herself up there."

"Albus! Don't we need to get her down! What if she tries anything dangerous? We can't help her!" Minerva frantically ran to the door.

"Minerva," she stopped as she heard the tone of Albus' voice and turned towards him, "I believe that she simply wishes for time without an escort. It does get bothersome when you are mandated to be with at least one other person at all times. She will be safe, and no, she will not do anything dangerous. Trust in the girl a little more, my dear. Lemon drop?" He asked, his eyes twinkling.

Minerva grimaced. "You know I loathe those repulsive things! Put them away! I can't bear the smell." She snapped at him.

Albus simply leaned back and smiled. "Don't worry, dear. By this time next month, Voldemort will be a memory." He crossed the room and enfolded her in his arms, savoring how she rested against him.

Severus was once again downing a bottle of Jack Daniels, but this time he had a companion. One he would have never imagined: Ronald Weasley. The boy, he admitted only to himself, had grown much and had shown maturity beyond his years in the meeting earlier. Severus had to concede though, he had been shocked to see that Ron possessed the foresight to suggest that they drink to help relax while discussing many different issues. He sighed and passed the bottle to the youngest male member of the Weasley clan.

"Thanks, Professor." Ron stated softly as he took the bottle from the man he had once loathed above all. He took a swig and carefully cleared his throat. "Professor, I know that you care for Hermione in some way, after all she is bloody brilliant and your apprentice," he paused as if he was unsure as to how to properly phrase his thoughts, "do you think that she is preparing for something we haven't seen coming?"

So the boy, young man, Severus corrected, finally came to the point. About bloody time, the alcohol was starting to kick in. Severus carefully thought over the precise wording of Ron's words, something was certainly implied there, but he couldn't be absolutely sure of what Ron truly meant. "Hermione does have a tendency to prepare for things that the rest of us miss." He shrugged. "Maybe it's 'cause she's muggle-born; this world was completely new for her when she received her letter. She was completely unaware of the rules and regulations that govern our world."

There was a long silence as both men contemplated what had been said. Silently passing the bottle back and forth and inhaling the liquid as if their lives depended on it. Or as if the answers that they sought would be revealed.

Severus bolted up, almost knocking over the now empty bottle of Jack, "Have you ever played chess with Hermione?" He said sharply as he spun towards the startled youngster.

Ron grasped what his Potions Master was implying. He gulped. "Yes. She is always ahead of me from the first move. Hermione also enjoys playing a muggle game called Risk, another strategic game." He stopped, realizing what he was saying, "Oh gods, Sev, she never stops reading and that includes strategy books."

"Bugger, you're right Ron." The older man sank back down into his comfy chair. Neither of them noticed that the other had addressed them as an equal in that terrible moment of shared burden. "How does this help us?" Severus almost cried out in frustration.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out soon. Hopefully before it's too late."