I'm so sorry it's taken so long. My Kingdom Hearts muse is still poking me with that stick, but now there's also my Final Fantasy muse pulling on my skirt and my Supernatural muse gnawing demonically on my arm.
I really need to stop being seduced by shiny new fandoms.
Anyway, I've recently breached the 10,000 hits mark for this fic, and I just wanted to say thank you. It means a lot that you enjoy it that much, and that you've stayed with me for all this time. And on that note, I think this will be the penultimate chapter. So, please enjoy it!
Playing For Keeps
Maybe a week passed. Sora moved out quietly, with a tiny suitcase and the plan to spend at least a little while in Tai's bachelor pad. Ben would be staying with Matt until something more permanent could be sorted out.
Matt didn't leave his home. He couldn't pretend that everything that had happened didn't affect him. Betrayal, heartache, lawyer after lawyer. So many times in his life everything had been thrown in to chaos and left to settle in disarray. So many times he'd had to reinvent himself. He didn't know how much longer he could do it.
But when Ben entered the dark bedroom that had become Matt's cocoon and shyly mentioned that there were no Coco Pops left, Matt knew he had to get up. He would go and get breakfast for his son, and then he would go and see Mimi. It had suddenly become clear to him that Mimi hadn't even tried to call him since the confrontation with Sora. She'd just faded into the wind. And that had probably been his fault. He'd find her and made up for it and then, together, they would be okay.
Jamie pressed his face into the back of Mimi's knees before peering around them to see what she was doing. There were suitcases - lots of suitcases - and all of his favourite things were disappearing into them. His velcro shoes and his building blocks and his movies and his train! It was at that moment that he knew he had to put a stop to this madness.
"What are you doing, Mummy?"
Mimi paused, turning to face her son as she tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. There was no easy way to say this.
"Packing, honey. We're going home."
Jamie folded his tiny arms. "But Mummy," he said, with the slow and superior voice of someone trying to explain something very simple to someone very stupid. "We are home."
Great. She was being patronised by her three-year-old son. She bent down to talk to him on level.
"No, no, sweets. Our real home. Overseas. In America."
She smiled, hoping to get one in return. She needed him to be happy about this. Even if he couldn't possibly understand why, she needed to leave. She couldn't stay here and just one tiny little smile from him would tell her that he was okay with that.
She was sorely disappointed. His face crumpled.
"But Mummy!" he cried. "Don't wanna leave! Don't like it there! Wanna stay here!"
Desperation was starting to creep in around the corners of her consciousness, fixing her smile and tightening her voice.
"We can't, honey. Mummy has things she needs to do back home. We have to go back."
His face cleared immediately. Relief flooded her so fast she thought she might faint. Thank God. But the sweet feeling only lasted a moment, because when he spoke everything crumbled down around her.
"Oh. Well. Mummy, you can go back and I'll stay with Ben! You can pick me up when you're done!"
Mimi gaped. Where did her son learn to bargain like that? When did he decide that he'd rather be with Ben - and Matt - than with her? Was it all her fault for leaving the boys alone so much when she and Matt were together? Didn't he need her anymore? It was amazing that no matter how many times a heart broke, it could still break again.
She was about to reply, to try and reason with something as implicitly unreasonable as the child of Mimi Tachikawa and Matt Ishida, when there was a knock on the door.
Eye to the peephole and - oh, why now? - it was Matt with Ben in tow. She wished she could ignore them, but Jamie was pulling on her skirt, so excited about visitors, and even if she could say no to him, it would only mean going back to their argument. So she unlatched the door.
Matt stepped in and gently ruffled Jamie's hair as he was enveloped in a knee-crushing hug. Then Jamie and Ben ran off to co-conspire, and Matt was left with Mimi. Who was feeling extremely nervous about the obvious state of moving that her home was in. And Matt didn't fail to pick up on it. Eyes falling on the open luggage, and the carefully bubble-wrapped household items, he exploded.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
Mimi's eyes flicked automatically to the doorway Jamie and Ben had run through, making sure they weren't listening to this. She didn't want them getting hurt, or blaming themselves for the fight, and she definitely didn't want some of Matt's vocabulary repeated at playgroup.
"Back to the States," she replied in significantly more hushed tones. "Where my life is."
For a long moment, Matt could only gape at her. Questions reeled through his mind, moving too fast for him to grab on to any one in particular. How could this be happening? Why would she do this now? What would have happened if he'd stayed in bed for just a couple more days? He could have missed her completely, been left behind yet again.
"When did you decide this?" he eventually managed.
"About a week ago."
Her glance met his, and he understood. 'About a week ago' meant 'after that scene in your living room'. He took a deep breath and tried to settle himself. He had to ask the important questions. He had to find the right answers. He had to find a way to change her mind.
"What's for you in America? Why can't you stay?"
His direct approach put Mimi on the back foot. "My family, for one thing," she said defensively. "My job, for another. My home. I think that's three for three, isn't it?"
"You never speak to your family," Matt countered instantly. "Your job isn't what you want, and you have a home here."
"My job isn't perfect," Mimi said, choosing to focus on that small part of what Matt had said. The rest rang too true, had roots too deep to argue. "But what is? And it's all I have."
"I have friends in high places, Mi. Agents and producers and casting directors." Matt took her by the hand. "Stay, and take a chance on your dream."
Mimi gaped at him, before drawing her hand away and shaking her head furiously. "No. No! What do you want, for me to just let go of everything else? Throw caution to the wind? There are consequences for our actions, Matt, and you should know that better than anyone. Sometimes we have to do what is in our long-term best interests, not go out on a whim that we'll regret later."
"All great things involve great risk."
"Maybe I can't afford to take a risk. Maybe I had to give up on that dream a long time ago. It's just not practical. I'm not a wide-eyed teen anymore. I know how the world works. I know the chances of me becoming a superstar are slim to nil. And what would happen to Jamie if I crashed and burned? What if I was left with no money and my dreams crumpled around my feet yet again? I don't think I could just bounce back again."
Matt placed a steadying hand on her shoulder. "I'd support you. No matter what, I'd be there."
"You've said that before. I can't pin everything on you."
It was stated as fact, without malice or anger. And that hurt more than anything. Matt winced, withdrawing his hand to drag it through his shaggy blonde hair.
"So you're just going to leave, then? Leave your friends, your dreams? Me? I love you, Mimi. More than I have ever loved anyone. Why does it have to be this way?"
Mimi looked at him. He was the most beautiful man she had ever met. For all his flaws – and they were numerous – he was the love of her life. The way she felt when he was smiling at her, kissing her, moving inside her… she'd never find that again. But sometimes love was just not enough.
"Don't make this about us."
Matt's eyes glinted furiously. "But this is about us. We've finally got the chance to make this work, and you run away."
Mimi sighed. "We're part of two different worlds now, Matt. Can't you see that?
"I don't want to see that. I refuse to see that!"
"And that is precisely your problem, Matt. Maybe we were never meant to be together. Maybe that's why our relationship has hit every conceivable obstacle, and then some. Maybe our paths take us in different directions. Did you ever think about that possibility?"
"Thought about it?" Matt spat, voice suddenly harsh. "You're kidding. I tried to persuade myself of it every fucking night I spent with Sora. Don't you dare use that destiny bullshit on me. I don't believe it. We make our own destinies. It is our choices that define us."
"Yeah?" For the first time, her voice wobbled and the cracks started to show. "Well what happens when you make the wrong choice? When instead of following basic common sense you let yourself get carried away and ultimately broken?"
Matt reached forward, cupped her face gently in his hands. Drawing her in closer, he felt her tremble. He knew Mimi, probably better than anyone. He knew that when she had an idea in her head, almost nothing would change her mind. But he also knew that she loved him, just as much as he loved her. And he was not going to lose her again, and if he had to prey on that vulnerability then that's what he was going to do. He looked down as he absently stroked her cheek with his thumb. God, he couldn't let her leave.
When he spoke, his tone was low, beguiling. He was playing for everything, and he wasn't going to lose.
"Was the way it felt holding each other wrong? Are the feelings we have for each other wrong? If so, then by all means, get on your plane and fly out of my life. But if you love me and you know it's the only sure thing in your life, then…" he looked at her directly, the blue of his eyes flashing with the promise of a challenge. "Then you have to stay."
The end! Just kidding. But it's coming up shortly! As soon as I figure out what I want it to be, that is.
Anyway, please review. I love reviews. They validate my existence!
Emma's useless facts about nothing in particular
The longest chapter of the Bible is Psalm 119.