Disclamer: I don't own the song 'Girlfriend' or 'Lil Red Riding Hood'. Also I don't own 'Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh' or Candide or 'Oliver!' or 'Pixie Sticks' or 'The Office'. As I said before I own nothing, but the plot.

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Denzel was draped over the man's shoulder he learned to be named Barthello. Dona walked next to the two, and kept complaining about how long it was taking.

Denzel began to wonder how long he was going to be trapped with these people, and where they were taking him, and why. The questions welled up in his mind were beginning to start creeping through into the two-some conversations.

"Where are we going?" Denzel peeked his up over Barthello shoulder.

"No where, runt. Now shut-up!" Dona replied as she turned and put her hands on her hips.

"Then why are you taking me?"

"Do you want the truth, you little annoyance?" Denzel nodded.

"We have been order by the a higher force to take you to the temple."

"What higher force?"

"It has no name. We have never seen it."

"Then how did it talk to you?"

"It didn't." Dona shook her head. "Someone just told us what to do."

"Who told you?"

"You know, that's enough questions for today." Dona began to walk away.

Still holding Denzel, Barthello followed in suit. Now, more than ever, the questions raced through Denzel's mind. Who is this higher force? And what do they want from me? And is Jim going to get the crap beat out of him by Roy on the 'The Office' tonight? Oh no, I won't be home by then! And I didn't tell Tifa to tivo it, because I though I'd be home by then! Oh best of all possible worlds, where are you?

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Where am I? And who will buy my sweet red roses? Squall raised his head from the ground to survey the surroundings. A tree, a rock, some guy, who was unconscious, a bush, and an airship. Ah, looks just like home.

Pushing himself up to a standing position Squall walked over to the man lying on the ground about three feet away from him.

"Hey buddy." He kicked him in the side. "Wake-up, you need to show me where the nearest gas station is, I need to use the 'little mercenaries' room'."

The man groaned and turned over, so his chest was now facing up.

"Hello! Hey, Hey! You, You! I don't like your girlfriend!" With that the man sprung up and turned towards Squall.

"Don't say that about Yuna, she is- was beautiful, and…. pretty."

At this time Squall could get a good look at the guy. He was no older than himself, and wore one long pant leg, and one short. And what looked to be a J/T combo, pretty much on every square foot of his clothing.

"Umm…yeah, that was just to wake you up. So…" Squall rubbed his scar his forehead. "Do you know where I can find a place to, you know, 'relieve myself'."?

"I usually use a bush, or the blitzball sphere. Whatever is convenient at the time." The guy shrugged. "So, what's your name?"

"Squall. And you?"

"Tidus."

"So Tidus, this place doesn't have a bathroom anywhere?"

"Not that I know of."

"So, where you 'go'?"

"I told you, where ever you want. Spira is your restroom."

"How poetic, ummm…well, I guess, I'll be in that bush over there." He pointed to a bush off in the distance.

"Ok, have a nice time." Tidus waved as he watched Squall run off to the bush.

"Wait- did he say 'Squall'?" Tidus ran back towards Kilka.

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"Ah, finally…" Squall loosened his belt.

"Stop right there! You accursed one!" Squall raised his hands as if he was being arrested.

"I'm sorry. What ever I did, I didn't mean it!" At that moment Squall's pants fell to the ground.

"Pull your pants up, boy. You're kind of scaring us for life." Squall did as he was told, and after made sure his three belts were tighten.

"Alright, now that is settled. You're coming with us."

"Why? All I did was try to go the potty on this bush. Is that so bad?"

"No, you are being held accountable for multiple deaths on the island of Kilka, when you ran your airship in to half the town."

"Airship? But I don't have an airship. And I still need to go the bathroom."

"Come on!" The guard grabbed Squall and began dragging him from the forest to Kilka.

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FLASHBACK TWO HOURS PRIOR

"Dang it! We defiantly need to get better gas mileage on this thing." Albed Cid punched his fist on the steering wheel. "Guess we need to park again."

The group had gone about twelve feet, when they realized that the 40 gallons of gas they put in before leaving didn't work will with their airship, that was four inches to the gallon. And so, the group was about four yards from Kilka, lost in the woods.

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"Ha! They landed again" Cloud peeked over a branch in the tree he was standing in. Calli was balancing herself between him and a large branch; hold on to each as if for dear life.

"Mr. Cloud, why are we following this airship?" Calli looked up to him, he squatted down, so their eyes could meet.

"They took something from me, and I really need to get it back." He turned his head towards the ship.

"What did they take? Your toy?"

"No, more like my kind of, sort of son, Denzel."

"Oh…"She looked towards the ship. "How you going to get him back?"

"I planned on just running in there and massacring everyone for taking him, but I might just ask. Hey, what do you think is better?" He turned his head back towards her.

"I think you should ask. Mommy says 'violence doesn't solve anything'" She pointed her finger at Cloud and winkled her brow, as if to be imitating her mother.

"Yeah, but it does solve most things." Cloud mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Come on." He grabbed her waist and jumped down from the tree. Once down he tried to think of a way to go about doing this. I could let her go in and distract them and then sneak in and retrieve Denzel. Or I could run in and kill everyone just off of whim. Or I could go over and ask that guy. He looked ahead to see a man, who looked about seventeen or so, standing outside of the airship.

"Calli, I need you to go over and ask that guy over there where is the nearest gas station. Tell him you need to use the 'little girl's room'."

"Ok." She skipped her way over to the man, and began her little chitchat. Cloud on the other hand, took this opportunity to sneak around the airship to where the man and Calli were standing.

"Ok, on the count of three." Cloud said to himself. "One…. Two…Three!" Cloud leaped from his hiding place, and taking his sword cracked the man over the head with it. Knocking him out for sure. Looking at the unconscious man lying there he knew he needed to move him. So, with one arm he lifted him up and threw him into the clearing about six or so feet away from the ship. An area, where it was still possible to see the ship, so he wouldn't be lost when he woke up.

"Calli, stay here, until I come out of the airship, ok?" She nodded, and Cloud began to walk his way to the ship.

Slipping through an open door, he found himself in what looked to be a room just below the control room. He looked around for signs of life, and proceeded. He felt like he was going in circles, until, he saw a lion looking man guarding a door. "That's got to be it." He thought out loud.

Cloud charged the lion man, and was surprised when he just moved from the door, and allowed him to pass. "Thanks…" Cloud waved.

He could tell now, he was in the corridor right before the control room. It in a creepy way, sort of reminded him of the Highwind.

Readying his sword, he walked through the automatic door.

"Ah, where is he?" Cloud demanded.

"Where is who?" A girl about fifteen turned and looked at him.

"My sort of, kind of son, Denzel."

"Oh, him. He got taken by some old guy with an airship."

"So, you don't have him?"

"Nope."

Cloud scratched the back of his neck, and turned to leave. "Well, sorry for bothering you then, and sorry for…umm…killing that summoner of yours. And for also, knocking that guy out, outside." Cloud began to walk off of the ship, back to Calli.

"How did it go?"

"Not as planned, but this means you get to stay with me longer." Her eyes lit up.

Walking over and taking her hand, Cloud and Calli moved out.

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"Well that was a little weird." Rikku turned to Lulu.

"Was just me or did he say something about killing Yuna?" Lulu looked puzzled.

"Oh my gosh! Blonde, crazy, spiked hair. Lulu! That was the accursed one who hurt Yunie!"

"Rikku, he didn't hurt Yuna. He killed Yuna."

"Yeah, same thing."

"Ugh. Auron, get your flashlight! We've got a murder to catch!"

"Yes." Doing a back flip, Auron moved to the back of the ship and grabbed his flashlight, and placed it firmly in his robe.

"Don't forget your man voice, Lulu." Rikku said with a giggle.

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BACK TO THE PRESENT

Tidus casually strolled on to the airship, just before the group was ready to leave. "So, anything interesting go on while I was out?"

"You were out?" Rikku turned to face him. "Why do you have a lump on your head?"

Tidus rubbed his forehead to discover a large bump. "I don't know."

"We don't have time for this." Lulu walked over to the two, and put her hands on her hips. "Tidus, Yuna's murder came through."

"Did he kill anyone else?"

"No. Tidus we need your help to catch him."

"Ok, but first Rikku, you got anymore pixie sticks. I'm going to need an energy boost."

"Yeah." Rikku reached into her pack and pulled one out and threw it to Tidus.

"Thanks." Ripping the top open, he poured the entire contents into his mouth.

"Woo!" Shaking his head, as if having a spasm. "Let's go!"

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"Marlene, are you anywhere in this remote area?" Tifa looked franticly around for the girl. Perhaps a ribbon or anything for that matter, she just needed to find her.

"Marlene?" She stopped because she thought she saw something ahead of her. Walking towards it more she realized it was a young man about seventeen, with blonde hair, a red, black, and blue shirt, and jeans.

She leaned over top of him to check for breathing or anything. Nope, he's dead.

Pushing herself up from the ground, she stood up, and turned and walked away as if nothing was there.

As soon as she left, a small group of people who looked to be savages appeared from behind a large grouping of trees. Pointing towards the body. "Food!" The group picked up the body and tied it to a branch, and carried it away.

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Walking through the woods, Tifa began to wonder if she was the only one around. I wonder if I'm the only in these woods.

When suddenly she heard. "Whose there walking in these woods? Why it's little Red Riding Hood."

"Ahh…" Tifa turned a cocked her head. "What are you doing?"

The man pulled the fur he had draped around him, and stood up to meet her eyes. "Hush! We are the TSAC, the Traveling Spira Acting Company. And today we are performing our rendition of 'Little Red Riding Hood'. And lucky for you, we didn't have a 'Little Red', and now we do."

"What-" And with that, Tifa was grabbed by the arm and pulled off to hair and make-up, before she could even finish her sentence.

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"Squall? Honey? Where are you?" Rinoa had searched left and right, up and down, even under a book, but Squall was still no where to be found. She was beginning to lose hope of ever seeing him again. He had been gone a total of 12 minutes and 44.567 seconds, and already she missed him like the Dickens.

"Oh bother." Rinoa quoted her favorite television show, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, as she walked down the tree-lined path.

Suddenly, she heard a cry from behind her. "Who's there?" Rinoa turned around in circles.

"Tifa?"

"No." Rinoa said still turning in circles, as if on a merry-go-round.

"Oh, ok," And soon enough, a small girl, about six, appeared from behind a fallen tree. "I thought you were someone I knew. My name is Marlene."

"I'm Rinoa."

"Hey, let's be best friends, Rinoa." Marlene ran over and grabbed on to her hand.

"Oh sorry, I already have a best friend. His name is Cid." Marlene pouted. "But you can be my second best friend."

"Ok!" Linked arm in arm, Rinoa and Marlene skipped merrily down the path into the dark, black forest.

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Author's Note: Yeah, this would have been done sooner, but I'm currently trying to beat Final Fantasy VIII and it's been consuming my life, so, whatever. I know none of you really care, but, yeah.