I hope no one will get the inpression this will end up being an S/D or S/J fic. I intend it to be purely team friendship. I figure this because I'm an S/Der but I have a lot of S/Jers reading this (at least, that's the impression I got from my comments), so, since I won't write S/J and most of you won't read S/D, I'll just keep it neutral. (Please be aware that I'm trying to make it lean a little more to the S/J ship.)
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Sam knew her fate wasn't good. The Others had made that much clear.
Initially, she assumed it would be similar to Orlin's; only she would be forced into exile on the now-empty, ruined Abydos. The Others soon showed that her punishment would be different. Until they came up with something final, she was allowed to roam wherever she pleased. If she chose to interfere in any way, the Others would haul her ass back and follow through with whatever punishment was being discussed thus far.
Orlin had tried to comfort her but anything he communicated could neither make her feel better nor make the situation go away. None of the Abydonians were allowed to come near her. Oma had spoken in her defense and she hoped Oma had managed to convice them to lessen the blow.
Tired of staying in the Ancients corner of the galaxy, she went to check up on her friends and say her final words to them.
Teal'c was the first one she could find. He was in kel'no'reem. She was tempted to reach out to him like she had when Ba'al captured the colonel. Still, her orders were clear and she couldn't interfere in any way.
She extended her arm out to touch his shoulder and, as she had expected, her hand met no resistance. He never stirred. "Thank you, Teal'c," she murmured. "I would have been lost quite a few times if your strength hadn't kept me grounded. I just wish I could have done more to repay you." His eyes flicked in response.
After a few minutes, she went in search of Daniel or the colonel.
She found O'Neill in his office. Dozens of papers--probably memos--were stacked neatly in a pile, untouched, to one side. She smiled in amusement when she saw him spinning in his chair, playing with two paper wads. Dizzy, he stopped spinning. After a few seconds recovering, he grabbed one of the memos and made a third paper wad and began juggling. He had amazing coordination for someone who had been so unsteady moments before. The wads stayed in the air before one slipped and soon the other two quickly followed it to the floor. With a curse, he picked them up and set them on his desk.
Sam cleared her throat. "Hey, sir. I'm forbidden to actually talk to you, but I wanted to say thanks. You convinced me to do the right thing, helping you back on Abydos. I'm in deep shit for it, but at least my conscience is clear.
"The past year has given me some time to think—not that time means the same to the two of us or anything. I know you told me--and Anise, Teal'c and a few others—that you cared for me but—. I almost wish you had told me if you still cared for me a year ago. If you said yes, I probably would have stayed and tried to live with being a cripple. Just...I just want you to know that I don't blame you. For anything."
Gingerly, she left his office and walked the familiar halls of the SGC—probably for the last time. Instead of looking for the final two members of SG-1, she allowed herself to wander aimlessly. Along the way, she passed both many old and many unfamiliar faces. She stopped in the infirmary for a couple seconds before deciding her time may be too limited to loiter.
As she knew he would be, she found Daniel in his office at his desk. As usual, papers were skewed across his desk, though the corner with Sha're's photo was clean. Several artifacts adorned various spaces on the walls and book shelves. She smiled upon seeing him hunched over something on his desk. Closer inspection showed it to be the tablet and his notebook, which held a surprisingly large amount of already translated text.
She tapped the desk and found it solid enough. Figuring that sitting down could hardly be counted as interfering, she propped her hip on the desk opposite Sha're's picture. For several seconds the only sound was the scratching of Daniel pen against his notebook and the occasional shuffling of papers.
"You know," she finally said with a wry smile. "I probably wouldn't be here now if I hadn't stayed behind. You probably would, while the rest of us had been blown into oblivion." Unexpected tears welled up. "I can't help but think what I would have felt if you had been the one to jump through that window and get radiation poisoning. Our roles were so close to being switched. But then, I would never have gone through this experience, as frustrating as it has been to just stand by and watch you guys. All I can say is that I am so glad this didn't happen to you. And—" This was one of the few times Sam wished she had remained in her noncorporeal form. At least then she would be unable to cry. Despite her fervent desire to not cry, drops continuously slid down her cheeks.
She was saved from finishinf because Daniel suddenly said, "Why did you do it?" Her heart skipped a beat until she realized that he was speaking to the air, rather than being aware of her being there. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Dammit. Sam, why did you have to break so many rules? Part of me wishes you hadn't tried to stop Anubis. Skaara told us." He laughed hollowly. "It's my fault you're even in this situation."
"There's no point in blaming yourself. I would have tried to stop the experiment regardless of whether you told me to convice Jonas to stop or not," said Sam. She knew that he couldn't hear her, but she was more comforted in pretending she had a conversation going with one of her friends.
"I suppose it'd be better if I was in your situation. I was so close. It could have been me." Unconsciously, he began organizing random papers on his desk.
She thought it was rather ironic how he was alomost repeating exactly what she had been trying to tell him. She hoped the others, especially the colonel, didn't blame themselves as much as Daniel seemed to. Survivor's guilt was something that needed to be learned in this line of work. She just wished that she didn't have to be in Daniel's lesson.
"I don't see why you have to blame yourself," she replied. "It's not like you forced me to watch the experiment with Jonas or pushed me through the window to stop the bomb. Why can't you see that?"
"There was so much I wish I could have said," Daniel continued. "When you were on...on your deathbed. I tried to but I wimped out. I was too late for Sha're and now I was too late for you."
Sam blinked. What was he talking about? He looked up at ceiling as if it had the rest of what he was trying to say written on it.
"I loved Sha're. She was my wife after all. Why can't I say this? It's like you're right here and I'm rambling on like an idiot. I cared about you. Still do if you're somehow alive somewhere. Either way, it's a lot more than the military would like. But you always liked Jack. Teal'c told me about the za'tarc incident when I asked."
Sam wasn't listening; she was already standing in the hall outside of Daniel's office door. She had never known. Daniel had never given any indication. He just thought she was head-over-heels in-love with her commanding officer. Her emotions were so screwed at the moment she had no idea who she loved as more than a friend. This wasn't really a subject she was willing to dwell on, so she continued to make her rounds.
Her next stop was Jonas. He was sitting in her office watching The Weather Channel. She didn't understand how he could sit there for hours on end, constantly watching it. It was extremely boring to her, but then, most of the full-time military people probably didn't understand how she and Daniel could stand to watch The History Channel or National Geographic Channel without dying of boredom after twenty minutes.
Unsure of how to start, Sam said hesitantly, "Just so you know, I'm not mad that you replaced me. I'm more angry at Colonel O'Neill for being so quick to judge you after my...death. I personally don't think you did such a bad job on SG-1. It could have been a lot worse.
"Just after my ascension, I could see how guilty you felt about letting be save your people and then take the fallout for your experiment going wrong. At least you tried to do the right thing in the end. The colonel just couldn't see that," she said softly. "All I can do is apologize for everyone clinging to my memory and making you feel like an outsider. Especially when I don't dislike you now, and never really did"
For a second, he glanced over at the spot she was standing before becoming engrossed in his show again.
Sam couldn't really think of anymore she desperately needed to say to Jonas, so she went to say good bye to General Hammond.
He, like the others, was in his office. She casually leaned against the door and waited for a technitian to finish making his report.
"Hi, Gen—Uncle George." She smiled slightly at her old name for her father's friend. "I am always going to be grateful for you being there for me when Mom died. Dad kinda made me feel a little at fault for it. You helped me see that it was just a freak accident. You were more of a father to me than my own dad. That's something I can't repay you for." She was crying again. She supposed she was so emotional because these were probably going to be her final farewells to everyone.
For fear of breaking down entirely, she left the SGC and Earth to speak with the last person she needed to: Jacob.
It took longer than she expected to find the Tok'ra homeworld. They had apparently recently changed. Luckily, with the Ancients' vast abilities, it was easy—for the most part—to locate it. She found her father just exiting a High Council meeting. About what, she didn't care. Stepping into pace with him, she said, "I wish I knew exactly what to say to you. I just 'spoke' with General Hammond and I thanked him for stepping in and being a father when you—" She shook her head; she didn't want the last things she said to her father to be cruel and accusing, even if he couldn't hear her. "You weren't the best dad. Even you admit that. But you did teach me not to be naïve, you had me grow up faster than most adolescents. You've been there for me and Mark the past three years. Selmak's been good for you. She's softened your rough edges."
Without warning, Oma appeared on Jacob's other side.
"You farewell must be quick. The Others are awaiting your presence."
It occured to Sam that she couldn't sense Oma's presence. As if reading her mind, the Ancient said, "Your abilities as an ascended being are slowly being taken away by the Others. You are to be rejoining the descended."
"Do you know the rest of my punishment?" asked Sam doubtfully.
Oma frowned reprovingly. "I do not. Even so, it is not my place to tell you. Finish speaking with your father. After that, we must leave."
"Yes, ma'am." Sam found it rather awkward to finish her good bye in front of Oma. Still, she managed not to be too flustered, and she and Oma left for the Ancients' corner of the galaxy. "Is my punishment too harsh?" she asked before remembering that Oma didn't seem to know.
"It is my hope that my position holds enough influence that you will not be reprimanded too severely," Oma replied.
"Thanks for defending me," said Sam. "But I couldn't just stand by while my friends were about to die. Not that my 'sacrifice' did any good for the Abydonians.
"What I don't understand is, if Anubis is half-ascended, why wasn't I—another ascended—allowed to clean up his mess. After all, that is the Others' policy, isn't it?"
"He was exiled from our people long ago," said Oma. "We no longer consider him one of us."
They continued on in silence. There wasn't too much farther to go so any other conversation would have quickly been ended.
The Others were awaiting their arrival.
As she and Oma approached, Sam glowed defiantly brighter but her luminescence began to fade slightly as she was told what the exact punishment was to be.
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Just a quick A/N: the italicized writing represents "Ancient" dialogue since I'm pretty sure they don't speak vocally. The italics just mean they're communicating.