I went over to my window as quickly as I could, leaning out of it and looking for her. I could see her running through the gardens. They were a part of the ground of the castle. If I caught her now I wouldn't even have to risk exposure. I jumped from the window, landing on my feet two stories down. I marveled that she had been able to climb down the trellis so quickly. Then I realized that she had more likely that not fallen down. I shook my head as I ran.
I was in front of her in a matter of seconds. I heard her breath stop when she saw me appear before her. She opened her mouth to say something, but she simply couldn't. She was staring again. Her eyes were fixed on me, pinning me in place. I needed to get her inside now. I needed to make sure no one else had seen this. If they had she would be in trouble—life threatening trouble—and I might be as well.
Without a second thought I scooped her into my arms, pulling her over my shoulder. I was running back to my bedroom before she even voiced a single protest. I secured her to me holding her tight against my shoulder and then took a single leap up through my window. I landed on my floor with grace. Bella was thrashing and pounding on my back, screaming that I let her go. So I did just that. I dumped her on the edge of my bed. She landed with a surprised oof.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" she demanded. The anger and entitlement was back in her voice, as though I owed her something.
"Saving you," I retorted. Now I was angry. How dare she try and run, try and escape and get us both killed, and then get mad at me when I saved her! I was just trying to make sure that she didn't die!
"Saving me? You're going to kill me!" she shouted. I shook my head.
"No, I am going to change you. It's distinctly different. If I wanted to kill you, if I wanted to end your life I could do it before you could ever scream. But I won't because―"
"Because your bosses tell you not to?"
"Because I don't want to! I don't want to see you dead! Is that so hard for you to comprehend? I don't want any of this. But now that you are my charge, I can't just let you go. You have no idea what the others would do to you if I wasn't standing between you and them." My thoughts once again returned to Felix. He would take advantage of her in every way if given the chance. He wanted her now, while she was human, as well as after she was changed. Revulsion tore through me again. I couldn't think of him touching her without wanting to wretch.
"What?" she asked, watching my expression change to one so clearly disgusted.
"Why did you run?"
"You told me more or less I was going to die whether I liked it or not. I'm sorry that I don't particularly enjoy that idea."
I shook my head.
"Bella if you try and leave they will kill you for real. And they can make it painful. They will make it hurt for no reason other than because they can. Some of them want to hurt you already."
"But you don't?" she inquired. She was trying to be angry again, but it wasn't working. She was quaking. Her voice was trembling. As angry as I was, as astonished as I was that she had managed to get away, the edge of fear and doubt in her voice made me want—need—to reassure her. Just to make her see that I wasn't like them. I dropped to my knees before her, my face now level with hers.
"Never. Not in any way. The idea of changing you is excruciating enough but knowing the things that could be done to you if I don't…I don't think I have a choice," I admitted.
"What things?"
"Bella do not make me answer that question."
She sighed, resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to offer up that piece of information.
"I don't want to kill people," she said finally. She hadn't looked me in the eye since I dragged her back into the room, but she met them now. They were wide, full of fear and anger and pain.
"You don't have to. I don't," I told her. She looked confused.
"I thought you said that I was something to eat."
"You could be, if I so desired. As I mentioned before, I could kill you swiftly. But I wont. I haven't tasted human blood in decades. I don't want to start now."
"You'll have to though, when you change me," she said. Her voice did not wobble this time. It remained true and strong. She was resolute now.
"Yes you are right. When I change you, I will need to take your blood."
"Will it hurt?" she asked suddenly.
"Taking your blood, or the change?" I asked back. She shrugged.
"The change will be excruciating. I wont lie to you," I murmured. She flinched when I mentioned the pain. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to know what her screams would sound like when she wailed in torturous misery. But I would need to be there, to watch over her until it was complete. Even if it made me sick. Even if it made me want to kill myself I would have to stay. And I would stay. If she needed me, I would stay.
"So if you don't…eat people…what do you do?" she questioned quietly. I looked at her face, but her eyes were not on mine. They were scanning the rest of me—the uncovered parts of me. I realized as she asked this I was still not only kneeling on the floor, but also not wearing a shirt. I felt very self-conscious very fast. I stood suddenly, grasping for the shirt that I had intended to change into after my shower. I shut the water off as well at that time. When I returned to Bella she was sitting in one of the chairs near my books. It would be easier to talk this way.
I sat in the chair across from her, taking in the image of her face. So lovely and calm, like she didn't know she was sitting across from a monster. Her eyes were not as open now, the emotions in them more closed of than before. It was maddening not to hear her thoughts, but I pushed through the frustration.
"I do not "eat people" as you said. I feed on animals instead; it's more humane. It is difficult, but I know I could not live with myself any other way. If you wish, after the change, I could teach you. I would show you how to be like me, and not like them," I managed to stutter out. She gazed at me, intense eyes and all. She was thinking.
"Why do you bother? I mean if it's so hard, why don't you just give in?" she asked. I smiled at her, wondering when she would get around to asking me things like this.
"I don't want to be a monster," I said quietly. She nodded as if she understood and then sat silently watching me. I looked away, edging away from the gaze she was sending my way. I didn't want her to see my eyes flicker with shame. If I were a stronger man I would save her from all this. I would protect her from all the pain that would be inflicted upon her whether I changed her or not.
"Edward," she whispered. I looked into her eyes reluctantly. She was smiling now, something radiant and beautiful and breath taking. I had indeed stopped breathing as she looked into me. I wasn't bothered by not getting breath until I noticed her scent was fading from my mind. I inhaled sharply, taking the fragrance of her skin inside my head again. I was filled from the inside out with euphoria.
"Is there nothing that can be done?" she asked. Her voice was no longer small and terrified. She was pulling herself together. The beauty of her strength did not escape me.
"I don't know what I could do to stop this…I cant think of a single person on earth that…" I stopped myself. I couldn't think of a single person on earth who could help me. But I knew a vampire or two that would come here. I pulled my cell phone from my pants pocket.
"What are you doing Edward?"
"I need to make a call," I answered, dialing a number I knew by heart.
"Whom are you calling?" she asked.
"My father."
AN: So I thought about leaving you here and then realized what a horrible person I would be if I did that. So read on, and be happy I can't be evil.
I waited as the phone rang. Bella watched me, her face betraying impatience that I felt.
"Hello?"
It had been so long since had heard Carlisle's voice. Not since I left the family.
"Carlisle," I breathed.
"Edward? Is that you?"
"Yes it is. Carlisle I need your help," I said. I felt my chest tighten. I was so afraid—of hurting Bella, of other people hurting Bella, of Aro and the others getting angry, and of Carlisle. He could rebuke me now, leave me with no other option than to change Bella and watch the torture cross her face, marring it until she was unrecognizable.
"What do you need Edward?"
"How soon can you be in Italy?" I asked back. I heard him laugh on the other end of the line.
"Tonight if need be. What is this about Edward?" he inquired. I sighed.
"A girl," I said. I watched Bella's face as she heard me say this. Her face turned a brilliant scarlet. It was horribly tempting and also horribly adorable.
"I think I will give you ample time to describe the situation once I arrive. I will call you again when I know what time I will be there. Is it alright if I bring the family?"
"Please do. I haven't seen you all in…so long."
"Yes, we miss you Edward. We wish you would come home. But that is a discussion for another time. I will be there, we will all be there as soon as we can."
I hung up the phone once he had promised to come, to help me. I pocketed my phone again and looked to Bella. She was sitting in the chair still, her eyes somewhere far away. Thinking again. I had to ask.
"What are you thinking?"
"About right and wrong actually. And choices. Edward if…if in the end it is better—safer—for everyone if you just change me, I wont argue with you. But only if you promise me that I can be like you. That I can keep from being a…monster, like you do."
"Bella, I'm still a monster, I can just control myself," I clarified. She needed to understand that even though I could restrain myself that didn't negate what I was.
"Promise you'll teach me, if it comes to that," she said.
"Of course."
We talked for long hours then. I explained to her about my family, who they were, who I was, my past and why I had left. It really was so much simpler than I made it out to be.
Years before I had lived with Carlisle and the rest of the family. I was happy with them. We were strong and together. But I was alone. Maybe if I had been stronger, a little less morose I could have stayed with them. But I wasn't. I left because out of my family, I was the only one who was alone. Having a father and a mother and siblings was fulfilling in a way, but it did nothing to quell the ache of loneliness when each of them was with their mate. There was a need in me they couldn't fill. So I left. I hadn't originally intended to be with the Volturi. But after a while I needed something, some sort of contact and they were the most logical choice. Now and then I thought why didn't I just go back to the family?
But I knew now that I was glad I hadn't. If I did, I would not be here. I would not have met the exquisite creature, sitting and talking with me now. I wouldn't hear her laugh, see her smile, smell the scent that wafted off her skin. I felt for certain as we spoke of things, both serious and inane, that I was falling for her. She was just a human, just a girl, but then again, she wasn't. She was the most spectacular being on the face of the earth, more beautiful and wonderful than anyone else could ever hope to be.
This only made things more difficult. I wanted her to stay, to want to be here with me. But I knew that neither of us could stay in Volterra very long if I refused to change her. I hoped Carlisle could help me figure something out. And if he couldn't she had already offered to go willingly into this half-life. She said I could take her humanity, her warmth and cool it forever. If it was easier. Safer. She was mortal and so selfless it was astonishing.
I got another call from Carlisle about an hour later as they were about to board the plane. He said they would be here at almost eight that night. I could expect him in Volterra around nine.
"Is she wonderful Edward?" he asked me before we hung up the second time.
"Utterly, inexplicably, ridiculously. I don't have the words."
"That's all I need to hear."
He was coming; he was going to help us. I explained to Bella that I really did need to shower now.
"Do you promise not to run this time, or do I have to bring you in the bathroom with me?" I asked. She smiled and blushed, tinting her skin.
"Edward," she said quietly, barely able to disguise the pleasure in her voice. Was it possible this girl—this wonderful seraphic creature that deserved so much more than I could ever give her—was falling for me as I was for her?
"I promise not to go anywhere. I actually think I am going to rest for a while," she said casually. I nodded, told her to go right on ahead and then went into the bathroom, intent on getting clean for the second time that day.
The feeling of the hot water on my skin only reminded me of her more. I reminisced in the feeling of her touch on my face this morning. I thought back to the soft open expression in her eyes as she saw the shimmer of my skin. She was wonderful, truly and in every way.
Then I heard something, a soft whimper from the other room. She had said she as going to be sleeping. She must have been talking in her sleep again. I got out and toweled dry. I was in the middle of putting my clothes on when she screamed. I heard the pain and fear in her voice as she shrieked. My name came off her lips, a plea for help and I was out the door—taking it from the hinges—before she even drew another breath. What I saw caused a growl low in my chest, rage spilled over into the air through my voice. I roared in anger.
Before anything else happened, I was airborne, launching myself toward where Bella was lying.
AN: what was that I said about not being evil?