AN: oh you lovely people who review and send e-baked goods my way. Seriously. It's wonderful to get your reactions to my writing, even when you get mad, or upset at me. Well actually, that's almost better. It's very nice to know I have such a profound affect. I do my utmost, I assure you. As promised here I am with an update. Because I am just as obsessed as you are. I'm weak. (shrug)

Her eyes sparkled in mischievous victory.

"I told you I would come for you," she said, smiling at me widely. So she had, and here she was. But it wasn't enough to see her here for me. I needed to feel her, touch her skin. Her flesh beneath my hands was necessary to make sure this was real. So I crossed the room to her and held my hand out to touch her perfect face.

Oh heaven, what are you doing in my bedroom?

The feeling of her gave me delightful shivers. I knew in my mind that if she was here for me, to take me away as I should have been able to take her away so many months before we did not have time to dally here and explore my longings for her in depth.

But I refused to leave, to even move more than this until I was sure she was really here. She smiled under my touch, turning her face into my open palm. She wanted this as I did. I dropped to my knees, sinking so my face was level with hers.

"I can't even describe how much I have missed you," I told her, my face but an inch from her angelic features. She sighed, her breath sweet and intoxicating. I couldn't think. My mind went hazy, unfocussed for a long moment.

"Edward," she said as I leaned in to kiss her.

This was where all of my reveries dissipated into nothing. I could almost imagine her perfection. I could pretend I could feel her skin in my hands, the flawless silken quality laid out beneath them. But her kiss was something I could not pretend to have. The love behind each of those wonderful gestures was impossible to feign, even in my highly imaginative mind.

I was desolate.

Her smell lingered in my bedroom for weeks. The air was thick with the delicate fragrance I had associated with her sweet skin. The bed hung heavily with her scent—she had laid in it at least once after the change. It was saturated. I stayed in that bed, inhaling her wondrous smell as long as I could manage, not moving or thinking beyond my memories of her, however few of them there may have been. The short message she had sent to me through Demitri still sat dutifully in the bedside drawer. It was creased now completely, flimsy along the folds from reading it so many times. I had memorized every single word on the page, hearing her words with the beautiful inflection of her voice every time I chose to read it.

I was called upon by Aro or Caius several times. Each time I went as I was bade but I stayed only as long as was necessary before returning to the only place I could really remember her.

I was sick in love with her. The wonderful feelings she caused inside me were emptying me of my life slowly but surely. If it was true a vampire felt everything more acutely and intensely than a human I wished I could be human then. The swell of love was unbelievably magnificent, but the ache of loss was just as profound in a far more terrible way.

At first I was berated almost constantly. Many told me they were surprised I had not put up more of a fight. But what good would getting us both killed do me? How would that help anyone? She could not experience her life as I wished for her to if she was dead. I had no doubts that if I had not acted Aro would have killed us both. Bella was safe, she was with my family. It did not matter that I was dying.

Marcus came to me shortly after my renewed imprisonment to tell me he was sorry. He had not betrayed me. His thoughts confirmed this. It was not his intention to double cross me. He simply hadn't known. He did not ask for my forgiveness but I knew he wanted it. Out of the three brothers, Marcus was obviously the most sympathetic to my situation. Though Aro could clearly hear and see every thought of mine, he could not feel what I felt for Bella the way Marcus did. Perhaps that was why he had been so willing to help me. I did not muse on it for long. It did not matter.

I fed on and off, as often as I felt I needed to. Other than that and being summoned every once in a while I felt no need to leave my chambers. As weeks passed and became months I felt her presence fading. Her scent was becoming weak, even in the bed sheets. I longed for it to stay. If her scent was real, then she most certainly was. And that meant that somewhere out there was a woman I loved desperately. She was not a figment of my imagination. I could not claim her to be a dream because I did not sleep.

If I thought life before Bella was lonesome I had no words to describe what happened to me after she had gone. Watching her disappear into the night had been the single hardest, most heart wrenching experience of my life. If I could have cried, I would have. I wanted to. I wanted the weakness of tears. I had not felt them in so long and I wished for something to make her loss seem real. But alas, I could not even cry for my lost love. If Carlisle called my mood before morbid pessimism he would call this utter paralysis. I couldn't move, I could not breathe, I could not think of anything but her.

I wondered about her every second. I pondered her life now. Did she miss me as I missed her? Did she feel this same void? Were all her experiences as empty for her as mine were for me? I did not want that for her. I wanted her to do as I had asked her to—to live and remember. Though what solace the memory of a love lost could bring her I did not know. If I had unwittingly doomed her to misery by asking her to remember that I loved her I could not forgive myself. But how would I even know?

If she chose to fall in love again I would never hear of it. She could be there in London now, in the company of someone else and I could not stop her. Even though I only wished for her happiness I also longed for the words she had spoken to Aro to be true. She had said she would always be mine, no matter what happened. I obviously could not probe her mind to find out if those were truthful words, but I hoped they were. I prayed with all that I had in me that she was not simply saying that to try and make Aro let us go.

Even if she had not been truthful in saying she was always mine, I was hers for the rest of eternity.

A light tapping woke me from one of my many daydreams. This was the one where I simply up and left Volterra to find my family and my Bella. In this fantasy the retribution that would follow never came. I was not hunted down and killed. I was with the woman I loved for the rest of forever.

But I was jolted from heavenly thoughts as I got out of bed. I had never used the bed in my room before Bella. Now I hardly left it.

"Edward, Aro wishes for your presence in the hall," Demitri told me. He was one of the few that had not questioned me endlessly after Bella left. I thanked him wordlessly for the courtesy. We walked down the hall together without speaking, though his thoughts betrayed worry. I was hardly eating. My eyes were almost always black. I did not leave my room. He wanted to do something to make me like I used to be, before I met her. But there was nothing he could do. My life was now split into two distinct categories.

One was before Bella, when I was forlorn and solitary because I felt alone. The other was after Bella, where everything was like a war torn battleground. I was decimated, inside and out. It was pathetic that I let this hurt claim me so physically and mentally but I felt powerless to stop it. It crawled through me like a sickness. This was like dying of influenza all over again, only now there was no sweet relief of death. There was no reprieve. This pained existence would go on forever.

"Edward, glad to see you out and about," Aro announced as I stepped into the hall. I nodded in acknowledgement of his comment but did not respond otherwise.

"As I am sure you are aware the Gala is occurring this evening, longest night of the year and all. I was very much hoping you would attend," he mused.

The Gala was held on the winter solstice every year. It was a giant affair, vampires from all over the world came to see each other and experience the infamous Volturi hospitality. It was part masquerade ball, part feast. Obviously when the feeding began I would not be there, but I always made my presence known at the ball part of it. Aro insisted.

"I do not think that is the best idea Aro," I said quietly. Since Bella had gone I was careful to be the most respectful as I possibly could. Not that I was ever rude before, but now I went out of my way to attend to each detail set before me. I would not give them an excuse to punish me. I had not been chastised after Bella had left. I was sure it was Marcus' doing. He understood that her absence was more punishment than they could ever inflict upon me.

"When I said I would very much like for you to attend I mean to say that you will attend. Do you understand?" he asked. All these words came from his mouth, not ever sounding like a threat. But they were. I only nodded.

"Wonderful, have a lovely rest of your day, I will see you this evening."

I was dismissed as he turned his back to me. I left without any other words. I needed to go hunt if I was going to be down there all night. They would bring the humans in almost an hour before the feeding started so all the vampires could choose one. It was getting to pick a party favor. It was disgusting. If I were going to be in the vicinity of so many humans I would need to feed now. It had been almost two weeks since I hunted last.

So I left the castle grounds and went into the forest. I hunted for a long time, letting the instincts take over my mind for once. I traveled deeper into the woods, searching out something other than dear. I had only found wolves in the area a few times, and on those occasions it was purely accidental. This time I sought them out. I found a pack eventually and after several violent chases and captures I filled my hunger, the weaker of the two needs that tore at me from the inside out. This one was easy to provide for. It was not hard to find a way to quench this thirst.

The other was far more difficult, not knowing where the only being that could satiate this hunger was or if I would ever see her again. The doubt only fueled the fire, making it harder to bear.

When I returned to the castle I showered, rinsing the remaining blood from my hands and my hair. I managed to make myself an utter mess. But I had gone without restraint today, letting my body take over so my mind could have a break. Always wondering, always thinking of her made it hard to even hunt if I let my mind stay in its conscious state even a little. It was only while I gave up my mind for my body's swift instinctual ways that I was able to just be without the scratches of pain.

The hot water felt good, almost like an awakening. I would be forced to be charming tonight. I would be expected to show the other vampires—mostly the females—a good time. I would need to be entertaining, wonderful and intriguing. This façade would be so difficult to put on, given how I really felt about everything. Even if I could be distracted from her memory, this would not be the way to do it.

But I dressed in a black suit nonetheless. I donned the same classic tuxedo I always did, impeccably fit and perfect for this occasion. But as I looked into a mirror to examine myself before gracing the hall with my presence, I noticed the emptiness. It was so obvious on my face. Who I had been, who I thought I was had completely gone. I did not recognize the man I saw. I sighed, resting my hands against the counter. I looked deeper into the reflection and then caught a glance of the shower curtain behind me. I laughed a little. Bella had gotten caught in that once. She was incredibly graceful as a vampire, but as she told me and as I had witnessed, as a human she had absolutely no sense of balance, let alone coordination.

With a final sigh I made my way downstairs. Underlings opened the doors for me as I stepped into the hall, a place full of talking and thoughts, swarming over me with suddenness. I blocked them out, not wanting to be overcome with words in my head as well as words in my ears.

Many of them went all out for this affair. It was, after all, a masquerade ball. Costumed vampires filled the large hall. It would have made it entirely impossible to tell who was who without being able to read their thoughts. Even their scents were so jumbled I could hardly tell them apart. Many of them knew me and recognized me instantly—I chose not to wear a costume. I was never one for such festivities.

But of course as Aro's eyes fell upon me oh so often that evening I was polite. I danced with the females, I pretended to be interested in the conversations the males had. I did what was expected of me. The hour came where the humans were brought in. I felt the swell of warmth and sweet blood as the doors opened. The other vampires made a point not to take too much notice of them, not wanting the humans to feel watched or suspicious. But each of them was silently thinking about which one they wanted. I almost gagged.

The humans began to disperse, taken into the crowd as if it was were they belonged. The music continued to swell from the corner, filling the air with soft comforting melodies. There were so many in this one room. It was annoyingly loud in my head. Words from people's mouths were enough, words from people's thought were even worse. I could hear the things the humans were thinking, eyeing me as though I were a prized catch. But I wasn't. I was a monster, the only one in this room that had no intention of murdering them to satiate a craving. Besides that I already belonged to someone else. Even if I never did see her again.

I heard Alec call for me and I turned in his direction as he motioned for me. I went to him, slowly weaving my way through masses of humans and vampires talking together like old friends. The humans were all stunned beyond belief. Their thoughts betrayed that they were dazzled by the beauty of those that spoke to them, not believing their luck at finding the most attractive person at the party to talk to.

"Yes Alec," I said as I neared him enough so he could hear me. He smiled in an overly friendly way and then suddenly a girl was shoved into my arms. This tiny human was so shocked she hardly knew what to do with herself.

Oh he is so handsome! This is so embarrassing I cant believe that I just―

I stopped listening to her thoughts then. I quickly righted her, pulling her to a completely upright position. She apologized profusely for being so clumsy but I waved away her apology. Then I sent her on her way.

"What was that for?" I asked angrily. The growl in my voice was low, but Alec would hear it.

"I thought since you seem so glum we could try and cheer you up. Vampires obviously are not your thing anymore so I thought of sending a pretty little human your way. She seemed nice," he said. If we had not been at this event and I didn't know that Aro would very well kill me after the fact I would have ripped Alec to pieces. Who the hell did he think he was? I didn't want a little human girl. I didn't want any girl, unless it was Bella. I tried to stifle my rage, reining it in as tightly as I could. It was still pouring over the edges of my control. I was shaking with it.

I turned my back on him and went to find Aro. I had to leave now. I was on edge, so completely unable to control myself I was afraid I would snap and kill everyone in the room including myself.

It was one thing to feel so miserable, to want each and every moment for a way to escape it. But to have it shoved in my face that the one thing I wanted was nowhere near where I was made me furious. I knew I didn't have her, I thought of that every second of the day. I did not need to be reminded.

I was walking to Aro to tell him I was getting out before the blood bath began when a familiar scent caught me. I froze completely, unable to move. I was rooted to the spot. I was searching though, looking around frantically to find the source of the smell—sweet and floral and tempting, though not in the bloodlust sort of way. If this was another game I really would kill Alec.

"Hello love."

I gasped, inhaling unnecessary air as I struggled to comprehend what was going on. This was not another one of my daydreams. This was not a fantasy. This was real. I was real. And so was she.

I spun to look at her. I caught my breath.

The dress he wore was crimson satin, molding to her body in all the right places. She wore black lace gloves up to her elbows and rubies sparkled from her ears and neck. Her hair was pinned away from her face, keeping it away from her wonderful features. Her eyes were liquid topaz, shining beneath the half mask she wore over her face. She smiled softly. I tried to say her name, tried to say anything but I couldn't. I was too stunned. Months had gone by. I had pictured her over and over again in my mind, calling forth her image to ease the ache of her loss. But what my memory had conjured could not compare to her now. She bit her lip gently and she looked hopeful, as though she could not tell if I recognized her.

"You are so much more beautiful than I remember," I murmured. She grinned at me, averting her eyes in embarrassment. I was at her side in an instant, holding her in my arms, I could not believe this was real. I didn't think it was possible. I assumed I would never see her again, no matter what promises she had whispered to me before I sent her away.

This was a very pleasant and very welcome surprise.

I held her for a long while. Neither of us spoke. I simply kept her in my arms. She seemed to fit perfectly inside them, filling in the empty parts of me like no one else could. I wanted never to let her go, but she withdrew from me. She motioned for me to come into the hall with her. I followed in silent obedience, never questioning her for a minute. We got past the underlings with no trouble. There was no reason they would recognize her or know who she was. We wound down a hall until those standing watch at the door could no longer hear us. And then Bella pulled off her mask and propelled herself into me, meeting my lips with hers.

This kiss sealed my hope. In my daydreams, the ones where she came back, I never kissed her. I couldn't. And now I fully understood why. I was creative, but no amount of imagination could ever create this feeling. She held my face between her hands, keeping me close before touching her lips to my face. When every last inch was covered with kisses she finally pulled away, staring as though she simply wanted to admire me. I would be happy to do just that.

"I can't…I don't even have the words to tell you how much I missed you," she whispered as her eyes caught mine again. The sadness in them was mixed and quickly being overtaken with overwhelming joy. She was happy to see me. Happy did not even begin to describe what I felt at the moment.

"At the house there were so many pictures of you. Esme went through a photographer phase apparently and they were all over the house. There were entire albums of just you and the family and it was so nice…to see your face and know that I hadn't just…imagined you," she confessed. How could I ever tell her I felt so much the same? But I was not lucky enough to have photos to look at. Though I had a feeling that no camera would ever be able to capture her completely, especially not the way she looked right then.

"And I was just so...desolate without you. Your family was wonderful to me of course. They taught me about your way of life, they helped me get through the worst of it. But I was still so alone. I couldn't even cry. And its not as though I like crying, I just wished there was something I could do to let go of the physical part of the pain. It was debilitating. Sometimes I would just lay there in bed, thinking of you…you aren't saying anything," she murmured in a frantic whisper.

What could I say? I could not think of the right words to say to her now. I had been around for a century. I had lived through countless eras, mastered the English language time and time again. But I couldn't speak.

"Edward are you…are you okay?"

Her voice was sweet and low, the worry marring it just the tiniest bit. I took a moment to store away that sound in my memory again before responding.

"I have never felt better in the whole of my existence," I confessed. Another smile lit her features, making them even more beautiful, if that was possible. Even while sad or angry she was hauntingly gorgeous. I had seen the looks the underlings gave her as we walked past them. I had heard each and ever thought they had of her and they were both speechless as I was. As we all should have been. It was not everyday a goddess graces you with her presence. I meant to take in every moment and lock it in my memory so not to forget if and when she was gone again.

Oh and that was the rub wasn't it? Would she stay? Would we go? We had tried so many times to be together and each time we were pulled apart. But I refused to believe that I was meant to lover her with such sheer intense ferocity and not get to ever really have her. I might have been damned, but I wanted so badly to believe that there could be happiness for me too. If my family could have it, why not me?

The doubt and worry must have shown on my face because she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her again, embracing me tightly.

"I have no intention of ever letting you go again. Honestly, Edward, did you think I would just forget about you here?"

"I didn't know what I thought. Mostly it was about you. But I didn't want to hope that I would see you again because…it was so much harder to think like that. It made it almost unbearable," I said into her hair.

"I promised, Edward, I told you I would come," she replied softly. She leaned into me, placing herself completely at my mercy. I grabbed a tighter hold of her, making her gasp with my sudden intensity. I drew away so I could look into her eyes, those golden eyes I had fantasized about staring into for hours.

"That you did. And now you are here. So tell me, Bella, what exactly is your plan?" I asked, amusement in my voice.

"Don't you worry about that. I already have it all figured out."

She smirked, mischief and playfulness clear on her face. How I loved that smile. How I loved this girl. I took her face in my hands, savoring the softness between them and told her just that. I loved her now. I would love her forever. The impish grin faded into a genuine smile and she kissed me. That was all the reply I would need for the moment.

"Come now, we have much to do and very little time in which to do it," she said suddenly, tugging on my hand, laughing. I followed in her laughter and followed after her. The ache in my chest was gone. The craving was satisfied. The gnawing pain and fear and doubt had been replaced with euphoria. My jubilance was only increased every time she glanced behind to me, catching my eyes and sending another small smile my way.

I didn't bother to ask her where she was dragging me or what exactly it was we had to do. I was with her again, my Bella.

That was all that mattered.

AN: No it isn't over. There is still some fun coming up. Teehee…