AN: I GOT THE SECOND CHAPTER UP QUICK, IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING OUT WEST SO MY UPDATES WILL BE SPACED OUT BUT WHEN I DO IT WILL BE A COUPLE CHAPTERS AT A TIME. THE SONG IS MINE SO PLEASE DO NOT USE. AS ALWAYS REVIEW, I LOVE PEOPLE'S COMMENTS!
CHAPTER TWO
Jude sat down in Darius's office not knowing what to say, not knowing how he was going to react, but things had gone to far and there was no longer denying that there was not a problem. There sitting on Darius's desk were the tabloid's, not that they spelt out doom for her image but spelt doom for her personal life.
How did I get myself in this situation Jude wondered to herself as she studied Darius's face wondering what he was going to say or do to her. How did I let this get this far, I knew what was happening, why didn't I stop it or get out before it got this far.
"Jude," Darius started but stopped when he saw a tear fall down Jude's face, not liking seeing girls crying Darius quickly handed Jude a Kleenex, which she quickly used to whip the tear off her face. "Why don't you explain to me what is going on?"
"Where do you want me to start?" Jude asked softly that she was sure that Darius hadn't heard her.
However Darius did hear her and noticed that her eyes had not left the front page of the tabloid magazine. "Start at the beginning."
So I started... just the memories of everything hurt, but I did my best to get everything out. I started from where I met him at the club and then I moved on. I closed my eyes remembering everything and as I started to tell Darius I started to picture the last few weeks.
"OK under normal circumstances I don't think that I ever would have considered dating this guy, but who can really blame me, at least in the beginning. He was so sweet and even though I turned him down about a hundred times he still tried, sending flowers to me at G-Majors and the house and leaving messages. At first these were all so sweet and after Sadie convinced me sitting around forever pinning away for a guy who didn't seem to give me a second thought, seeing he hadn't called me since he disappeared, that I should at least think about moving on with my life." Jude started trying to justify her even considering going out on a date with him, and even now she could remember the feelings of being loved by these small gestures.
"So that is how I ended up on the first date. As a first date goes, it all went well. Justin took me to dinner at a nice restaurant in town and then took me to a little café for coffee and desert. He opened doors for me and wasn't to shy to hold my hand through the whole date. So of course when he asked me for the second date I said yes." Jude felt it necessary to fill in these small details mainly because if she wanted Darius to understand what was going on. He was going to have to know these details, especially because she was sure he was going to ask why she didn't see it coming.
"We dated for close to four months when little things started to change with him. It was almost like he was waiting to gain my trust to let him into my life more completely before he completely changed his colors. That guy that I had first met, the one who was so sweet and such a gentleman seemed to have completely disappeared leaving behind his angry drunk friend." However as Jude told her story she felt no need to include every little detail about their relationship especially the personal stuff.
"I think I became more of a trophy girlfriend then anything else, every time there was a chance that we could get our pictures taken he jumped at the chance and I know he was always bragging to his friends that he was dating me. I figured he was also telling them lies about how far we were in our relationship but I chose to ignore all the rumors, until everything started to fall apart." Jude said starting to feel her emotions starting to take over her.
"It all started one night when we were out at a party, there were drinks going around and I found myself a little left out because I wasn't drinking and didn't know any of Justin's friends. He had gone off somewhere with his friends drinking and left me alone in the kitchen to fend for myself. Normally I would have just gotten up and taken off on my own, but he was the one that had driven to the party and I had no idea where we were, which left calling someone to come get me out.
"After about an hour I decided I was tired of this and went to find Justin in hopes that we could just head back to his place, where I had just started staying at. We hadn't slept together but I enjoyed the closeness it seemed to bring between us. While on the hunt for Justin I found that people where giving me weird looks and I tried to ignore them to the best of my ability. I had no idea if they were looking at me like that because they knew who I was or if it was because I decided against drinking. After searching all the main rooms I started to peer into a couple of the bedrooms, totally regretting it after I saw what was going on in one of the bedrooms. I finally came to the last one and peaked in trying to be inconspicuous and I saw Justin sitting around a table passing along what I presumed was a joint. That actually wasn't what shocked me but it was the girl that was sitting on my boyfriends lap.
"I couldn't help but stand there and just stare at them when finally someone looked up and cleared his throat so the Justin would look up. Seeing me stand there he quickly pushed the girl off his lap and got up from the table and quickly went to where I was standing and grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside." Jude looked down at her wrist remembering the bruise that had been left behind that she quickly dismissed when asked about it as being nothing. But she knew that everyone knew differently.
"He was hurting my wrist so I quickly pulled my hand back from him and he started questioning what I was doing wondering around the house and why I wasn't doing my own thing with the other people in the other room where he had left me. OK, we all know I'm not a person of patience and sometimes I'm not the most understanding so of course I started right back at him about the girl on his lap and what he was doing leaving me alone for over an hour with people who were complete strangers to me. His only come back was that I dealt with strangers all the time and that I should be use to it."
"Well we argued for a little bit and I finally convinced him to take me home. We didn't even get two blocks when I realized that he had drank to much to be driving and that he should pull over and let me drive. OK not the best thing to do, telling someone who was drunk that they are too drunk to be driving, because this set him off. He slammed on the brakes so hard that I slammed my head into the dash in front of me. He told me that if I didn't like his driving that I could walk home. No longer wanting to be in the car with him I got out hoping that would knock some sense into him but he hit the gas, before I even got my door closed, and took off down the road."
"So normally you would think that would end this relationship, and that was my full intentions. Abandoning me in the middle of an unknown part of Toronto is enough to kill any relationship. However he came over to my place the next day and started to apologize that he had gotten drunker then he had intended and was sorry. I gave in, everyone is allowed one mistake so I forgave him." Jude bit her lip and took a deep breath before continuing.
"The next couple dates went ok, but there was something off, he was usually anger about something and was always trying to pick a fight with me. It just so happened the next time he got into a fight with me it was in public and there was a photography there. Once again Jude Harrison is head lines in the tabloids." Jude knew that Darius already knew this part seeing he had seen the tabloids and they had already had a talk about Jude being more careful with her personal business being aired in public for everyone to see, and that it was not good for her image.
"I was getting fed up with the whole relationship, I was tired of the fighting and I was just tired of him. He was always drinking now and always hanging out with his friends, and on the occasion I swore I smelt some other girls perfume on his shirt. So I went over to his place to end it."
"There was the first mistake, I should have ended it over the phone, but I was trying to believe that we were grown ups and that the mature thing to do would be to end it in person. So I went over to his place. Justin had given me a key so I didn't even bother knocking and just walked right into the apartment." Jude once again stopped, and was glad that Darius chose not to say anything, this was the part of the story she knew he was most interested and the part that she didn't want to talk about.
"I knew he was there because I saw his shoes on the mat, but what I also noticed, his shoes where not alone and that there was a pair of women shoes next to his, and they were not my shoes. I would not be caught dead in a pair of wedge wrap sandals. I was determined that I was going to deal with this now, so I walked right down to his bedroom and walked in on him and what ever her name getting dressed. Well I can tell you she was a little shocked to see me walking in and he looked angry by this intrusion.
"He started yelling at me asking me what I was doing here and how I got into his locked apartment. My response was me throwing the key he had given me at his face and that was when all hell broke lose. Me and him started to scream at each other while the other girl looked very nervous being there, almost like a little kid being caught in the cookie jar.
"Well the worse part came when he got right in my face and I start egging him on to hit me, how was I to know that he would actual do it. I just wanted to push his buttons and I wasn't going to back down easily but when his fist first made contact with my face I was shocked. I can never remembered being hit like that in my life. My face automatically started to throb and you would think that first punch would be enough but he threw in a couple more just for the fact.
"By this time the girl had fled the apartment, but not before the paparazzi got there getting pictures of her living my known boyfriends apartment. One of the neighbors must have heard all the screaming and had made a call. Or the paparazzi were following me, wouldn't be the first time.
"So after the last time he hit me I picked myself up off the ground and left, I went quickly before he had time to grab me. He followed me out screaming at me, this all being caught on camera, including the very fresh and already bruising bruises on my face. I ran as quickly as I could, shielding my face to the best of my ability from the flashing cameras and sped off."
Darius figure Jude was finished with her story and that was the end, he didn't know that Jude was leaving out one part of this story that had left her feeling dead inside, and that she prayed would never find out. Darius leaned forward in his chair and folding his hands on top of the desk.
"Was that the only time that he hit you?"
Jude nodded slowly and letting the tears that were building up in her eyes out and she quickly wiped them away. Jude then returned her gaze to the tabloid that showed her leaving Justin's apartment with a swollen lip and what would be a black eye. She thought it was all over, but she would never expect what was going to happen next.
"Has he tried to get a hold of you since then?" Darius asked.
Jude managed a quick nod. In truth he hadn't stopped calling her and was always circling her block, which is why she started staying with Speed and the boys, hoping he wouldn't figure it out. Without explaining much to Sadie, Jude pretty much said that they had broken up and he wasn't taking it well and that she didn't want to see or hear from him. She knew Sadie didn't buy that for a minute considering the bruises Jude had but she wasn't going to push the topic.
"Do you want to go to the cops about this?" Darius asked.
"No, I want it over with, I don't want it anymore. If I go to the cops the press will be everywhere's, I can't deal with that." Jude said then added in a soft voice, "I just can't deal with that."
Darius bit his lip not knowing if what he was going to say was going to help Jude or make things worse for her, but knowing things probably wouldn't get any worse for her, and out of fear of losing his best singer opened his bottom drawer and pulled out a brown envelope.
"Jude I have something to offer you and I want you to know what ever you decide I will support your decision."
Jude looked at Darius kind of confused not knowing what he was talking about.
"I've been talking to Tommy for the last week, and I didn't know what to think about his offer, but now I think that it may be a good choice for you." Darius started and took a pause after the look on Jude's face when he mentioned Tommy.
"What are you talking about?" Jude asked softly, "Is Tommy coming back."
She thought the sounds of Tommy coming back would make her happy but all she felt was a nervous twitched in her stomach and a pang of hurt in her heart.
"No he's not coming back, he still has things to deal with where he is at. He sent you this letter which explains everything." Darius said handing Jude the envelop. "You take your time with this and let me know what you want."
Jude looked down at the envelop in her hands and looked at the familiar handwriting of Tommy. Getting up from the car in the office, Jude slowly walked out clutching the letter to her chest and quietly slipped into Studio A without anyone really noticing her.
Sitting down in Tommy's chair, Jude took a deep breath not knowing what to expect from this letter. He never answered all her calls, what could he possible say in this letter that would explain his absence from her life and the way he left and practically ignored her for the past six months.
Jude sat there for close to forty minutes just staring at the letter in front of her, before she finally flipped it open and ripped up the flap. She flipped it over letting the contents fall on the sound board. It contain another envelop, a letter with Tommy's writing and a CD.
Picking up the letter first Jude opened it up slowly to see Tommy's writing and slowly started to read:
Dear Jude,
I know you must hate me by now, and I can't say I blame you. I've always regretted the way I left you and even more for never answering your calls or returning any of the messages. I do have a reason, none of which I will discuss in this letter, except to say that I am so sorry and that I never meant to hurt you. When I left I was actually thinking I was doing the right thing for a change, but as usual I think I got that very wrong. I have started like a million letters to you, all of which never seemed worded right, or managed to convey what I was really feeling.
I want you to know you are the only person that has kept me sane and the memories of you are what kept me going, with hopes that we would one day get to stand in the same room again. Mind you, you are probably throwing stuff at me in anger while we are together in that room, but we would still be together.
The reason for this letter is I want you to come to Montana for a month, until you turn 18, which you will have to return home for your famous Jude Harrison birthday parties (no pun attended). I have already talked to Darius and he seemed hesitant to even give you the option after everything that I have already done to you, and I don't blame him. Then out of no where he called me and told me to write a very convincing note and to give you the option. So here it is, I want you to come to Montana, I promise no alternative motives. You would be coming to work, I have my own studio at my house.
I will not try to understand what is going on in your life, and Darius has told me nothing, says its not his place to talk to me about you. I know if you choose to come you're sister is probably going to kill me for messing in your life again. Jude I really miss you, and I miss having you a part of my life. Having you a part of my life though is a luxury that I have given up any right to when I left you the way I did.
With this letter I included a CD with a song I wrote for you, maybe it will help you decide either way. Also I have included a ticket to Montana with an open date return ticket incase you choose to come and you decide it was the worse mistake of your life (which I promise you it won't be).. I don't want you to feel trapped her and that will be your way out.
Consider it Jude, either way I will respect your decision. I know I have no right to ask to have you back in my life, and if you reject this offer I will never bother you again, I just asking for your understanding. Once here I will explain my quick departure, its just not something I want to discuss to you in letter form. I know you feel like you can't trust me and I will do everything in my power to show you that I can be the one that you trust again.
No matter what you decide you'll always be my girl!
Tommy.
Jude let the letter slide from her hand and she watched it float to the floor. Feeling numb all over Jude reached over and picked up the CD that he had mentioned in the letter and quickly popped it out of the case and quickly slid it into the player.
Soon the studio was filled with the sound of the guitar that Tommy was using to play the music for his song. Next the studio was filled with the haunting sound of Tommy's voice.
I've written you a letter
but you know I'm not good with words
they always get messed up in my head
and always come out wrong
so how do you put down in words
exactly how I'm feeling
I miss you
that's all I'm trying to say
how many second chances can you give
to a man whose already taken so many
please try to understand
for once in my life I'm being true
and that truly I miss you
I know I walked away from you
with so many questions unanswered
I know I broke you heart
leaving you always to wonder
where I am and why did I leave
how can I explain
I miss you
that's all I'm trying to say
how many second chances can you give
to a man whose already taken so many
please try to understand
for once in my life I'm being true
and that I truly miss you
Asking for forgiveness is only the start
to prove to you I deserve another chance
the pain that I caused can not be erased
asking all this of you is hard for you to take
but in you heart you know
the beauty in music speaks from the heart
I miss you
that's all I'm trying to say
how many second chances can you give
to a man whose already taken so many
please try to understand
for once in my life I'm being true
and that I truly miss you
I miss you
Jude sat there and let the song play over and over again, not being able to get the words
out of her head. He misses me. Jude thought to herself, If he misses me so much why hasn't he called. Why has he let me go through this all alone, where was he when I needed him.
Jude sat there and closed her eyes tight and tried to take a deep breath when she heard her cell ringing in her pocket. Leaving over she picked up the phone and saw she had a text message.
Jude flipped open the phone and read; I'll never leave you.
Jude turned the chair she was sitting in and with all her might through her phone across the room and watched as it shattered against the wall.
"And I always thought you threw like a girl." Speed said jokingly standing in the doorway.
Jude turned her head and looked at Speed and started to cry uncontrollably.
Speed hated seeing Jude like this and quickly went over to her side and wrapped his arms around her and just let her cry on shoulder. He knew she was falling apart and there was nothing that anyone was able to do for her. She was shutting them all out, this was the first amount of emotion she had shown all week that she had been staying with them.
After a couple minutes Jude finally pulled away and whispered the name of the person who noone mentioned in front of Jude in months.
"Tommy."
Pulling back and asked a bit confused, "What about Tommy?"
Jude pointed to the letter on the floor and Speed leaned over and picked it up and quickly read it and looked back at Jude, "What are you going to do?"
Speed wanted to be furious at Tommy for once again interrupting Jude's life, but for once he realize that this letter is what brought on the small amount of emotion in Jude. No matter how much him and Tommy never got along, he knew he was the one person who understood Jude completely and as much as he hated to admit it this may be what Jude needed, an escape.
"I don't know." Jude whispered not knowing, her heart was telling her to give Tommy a chance while her mind was telling her it was just another one of his games, he wanted her there for his own reasons, now he misses her and now he wants her to come see him.
"Jude you know me and Quincy aren't what you would consider friends, but Justin is never going to stop looking for you, and he is going to find you, and I'm scared that one of these times you are going to be alone. I think you should take Quincy up on his offer and get away, like he said you have a way out and can come home at anytime."
Jude looked at Speed and said, "Thanks, you are the best kind of friend, you're gonna make a girl very lucky one of these days."
Jude pulled Speed into a hug.
"You know I'll always be here for you." Speed whispered into her ear, "How about I take you home?"
Jude nodded and took Speed's hand and they walked out of the studio, pausing long enough for Jude to tell Darius her decision and then head to Speed's car.
AN: I KNOW I DIDN'T GET TO MUCH INTO HER DATING OF JUSTIN BUT ITS ONLY SIGNIFICANT FOR HOW SHE GOT THERE, MORE PARTS OF THEIR DATING WILL COME IN FLASH BACKS. HOPE YOU ENJOYED!