Disclaimer: Do I own the Harry Potter series? Hahaha, if I had a nickel for every time I've been asked that question…

A/N: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm back! Sorry for the wait. Anyway, this chapter is a little long, but I do love it, and it was extremely fun to write. Oh how I love questioning Draco's sexuality.

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"Oh, sweet Merlin!" cried Ron, only just managing to gasp out the words in between laughing fits. "That was the best prank we've ever pulled on Malfoy yet!"

Hermione frowned, brows furrowing mildly. "Actually, I think this is the only prank we've pulled on Malfoy…"

"But imagine the look on his face when he wakes up!"

Harry giggled in agreement. He couldn't wait for breakfast. But in the meantime, the Trio decided to sleep for the remainder of the night, salvaging at least a small amount of energy for when they could fully enjoy the results of their genius hoax.

The three giddy Gryffindors reached the Fat Lady's portrait, Hermione whispering the password. The Fat Lady's portrait cast them a bewildered glance before swinging open, revealing the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Ron and Harry stumbled through, practically crawling, trying desperately to stifle their guffaws as Hermione stepped in after them, rolling her eyes exasperatingly.

Harry collapsed on of the couches, a dim blaze in the fireplace casting strange shadows across his face as tears of laughter streamed down his face. He really couldn't believe that Ron's plan actually worked! Tomorrow was going to be the best day of his entire life! How the hell was he supposed to sleep until then?

Ron crawled across the room to Harry's couch, thumping his fist on the floor every once in a while as he cackled gleefully.

Pulling out a camera that looked suspiciously like something of Collin Creevey's, Hermione giggled. "I'll just develop these really quick, and then I'll…ahahaha…head to bed. But we'd better get up before everyone else, so we can…ahahaha…distribute them."

Harry and Ron nodded simultaneously, grinning manically. Everything was working out perfectly, nothing could possibly go wrong!

oOoOoOo

"Did you hear? Draco Malfoy's secretly been shagging Ernie Macmillan!"

"Really? I heard that Malfoy's been blackmailing Ernie, forcing him to sleep with him or else Malfoy would send Death Eaters after Ernie's granny!"

"Have you seen the pictures? There's no doubt that they're in love! They're getting married in Italy next month!"

"Is that even allowed?"

Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, buzzed with excitement. At nearly every hallway or corridor within the castle walls there were huddles of students, exchanging pictures or sharing gossip and news.

"Draco and Ernie are secret lovers!"

"They both work for You-Know-Who!"

"They're actually a couple of grindylows disguised as Hogwarts students in order to spy for the Ministry!"

Meanwhile, just as the latest and hottest couple of the season was being discussed, laughed at, or cried over, Draco Malfoy was just waking up. He had managed to recover a few minute's sleep after the ordeal he had been through, and awoke refreshed and ready to take on the world.

Only, he passed off last night's drama as a mere nightmare, pretending it never happed. Because, really, how could he possibly get into the Hufflepuff Dorms without even knowing it? It was impossible! Preposterous! Ridiculous! Probably just the consequence of the funny-tasting ham he had eaten for dinner that night.

Stage One: Denial

Draco rose from his bed; sighing happily as he practically waltzed over to his window. Tearing open the curtains, Draco surveyed the scenery. The sky was blue, not a single cloud in sight. And the sunlit landscape was particularly beautiful this morning, Draco noticed. He smiled.

A/N: Yes, folks, Draco Malfoy actually smiled. He didn't smirk, nor did he sneer; he smiled. Impossible, you say? Not in the least! Draco actually smiled quite often, usually when he was plotting various ways to murder, maim, or humiliate Harry Potter. But today Draco was only happy to be alive! The weather was perfect, the day promising, and he never found himself sleeping in the dorm of one Ernie Macmillan.

…Or did he?

Draco flounced over to his dresser, and picked out his attire for the day. Jamming his legs into his pants, Draco hummed cheerfully. Today was going to be the best day of his whole life, he could just feel it.

Just as Draco was packing his book bag, his stomach rumbled ferociously, alerting him that it was time to eat.

He quickly finished his packing and pranced out the door, destination: Great Hall, mission: breakfast.

As Draco crossed the many halls on his way to breakfast, he noticed that students of Hogwarts seemed particularly happy today as well. Or rather, giggly, he supposed. Nearly everyone he passed were laughing, snickering, or pointing gleefully. Not once did he deduce, however, that these actions were directed towards him.

Finally reaching the Great Hall, Draco almost skipped over to the Slytherin table and took his place across from Blaise Zabini and between two of his goons, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. His arrival was met with several glares from the Slytherins, but Draco paid no mind. The Slytherins were a gloomy bunch anyway.

"Good morning, my dear friends!" exclaimed Draco joyfully.

Crabbe and Goyle, who were rather occupied with their food at the moment, only grunted in reply.

Blaise Zabini, on the other hand, gave Draco an enormous grin, never a good sign for Draco. "Why, hello, Pumpkin! Hungry after your midnight snack?"

Draco frowned mildly as he piled his plate with bacon and eggs. "Midnight snack? What in heaven's name are you talking about, Blaise?"

Blaise blinked in surprise at the use of his first name, but quickly recovered. "But, Draco, dearie, you don't know what I mean? What, you don't remember this?"

Blaise waved a piece of paper in Draco's face, and Draco grabbed it, curious.

There, on the sheet of paper, was the large moving image of Draco Malfoy cuddling Ernie Macmillan in a bed. Underneath the picture was colorful text that read, Did everyone hear? The Ferret's a queer!

Blood pounding in his ears, Draco could feel his face flush. His fingers tightened into a fist, crushing the paper he held in his hand.

Stage Two: Anger

"There are millions of them!" declared Blaise happily. "And that clever phrase right there isn't the only one. There are several others, all of which question your sexuality. Isn't it genius?"

"Very," replied Draco curtly, raising from his chair, appetite gone. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business attend to."

Draco quickly strutted out of the dining hall, ignoring the many stares and chuckles that followed him.

Draco's anger soon escalated from rage to intense fury, until all he could see was red. His wrath was met by numerous unlucky first years, whom Draco questioned about the flyers with a vengeance. None of which gave him a very clear answer, though, but only cowered at Draco's almighty temper.

At last Draco was informed by a terrified Ravenclaw that the papers were found lying all over the Hogwarts premises, and that no one knew who made them. Draco abandoned the shaking Ravenclaw, and walked the halls, seething.

So, someone decided to play dirty with Draco, did they? Pulled a nasty prank on him, did they? Think they'd get away with it, did they? Well, Draco swore right then and there that he wouldn't let that happen. He would expose the culprit for their thoughtlessness and irrationality, for they should know, Draco Malfoy was not to be reckoned with. And Draco Malfoy was going to prove exactly that.

Draco stopped in his tracks. But how, he questioned, am I going to do that? True, Draco was considerably gifted in the art of spreading fear and terror. He had an image to maintain, after all. Draco was the ridiculously wealthy and handsome, and exceptionally intimidating Slytherin bastard of the school, but he wasn't used to proving it. It was just known. So how was he going to prove it? Draco didn't know, but he'd figure that out on the way.

First things first, he had to find and punish the prankster for his foolish shenanigans. …Now, who would most likely be the one to carry some sort of vendetta against Draco? Who would want to ruin Draco's reputation and humiliate him in front of the entire student body? Who would have friends stupid enough to come up with the idea, but clever enough to carry them out?

Harry Potter, that's who.

But, Draco rationalized; he would not simply hunt Potter down and kill him in the most sadistic and brutal manner humanly possible. No, this time he would not let his anger get the better of him. Potter might possess more evidence to support Draco's nonexistent preference towards those of the male variety. Draco would be smart this time; he would do nothing to provoke Potter's ire. Draco would reason with Potter. And, as Draco possessed a large amount of wealth, and, he liked to think, power, he had the means with which to make his arch-rival see his side of things.

Stage Three: Bargaining

A/N: That's right folks, Draco was going to bribe poor Harry so hard he wouldn't know what corrupted him. Draco has reached a certain stage of maturity in his life when he realizes that he can't keep using mere force to control others. No, Draco has learned that there are certain people he will have to deal with who will require a little more than fear to manipulate them. Namely, money.

Alright. Draco had a victim, now it was time to put his plan into action. Draco turned on his heels and stalked down the corridor, scanning the various clusters of students for that black-haired, scar-headed freak. He continued his search until he reached the Great Hall, where he hid in the shadows, watching the throng of people as they exited the dining hall, finished with their breakfast. But since there weren't very many shadows in the Great Hall (it's a very bright room, what with no visible ceiling and all that), many a student noticed Draco lurking around in what little darkness there was. The sight of Draco Malfoy creeping along the walls and staring intently at the crowd was about as welcome as a satchel of angry scorpions and unnerved several Hufflepuffs on their way to class. But Draco remained focused and didn't let anything distract him. He only had eyes for Potter.

After the Great Hall was nearly empty, and Draco could see that none of the remaining students even resembled Potter and his filthy mop of hair, Draco decided to wander the halls again. Since Draco had potions with Potter next, he knew that class started in an hour and a half, which gave him time to hunt the stupid Gryffindor down. And although Potter and his friends would probably be somewhere in the Gryffindor common room, slaying dragons or whatever they did in there, it wasn't likely that some friendly neighborhood Gryffindor would just let Draco in. He wasn't exactly popular with the Gryffindor-types. Moreover, he wasn't even sure if he could get in.

On the other hand, Potter did somehow manage to transfer Draco from his own comfy warm bed into the bed of one Ernie Macmillan.

Draco shook his head. He wasn't willing to risk it. He might set off an alarm of some sort. Besides, Draco would rather eat his own feet than enter that place.

So the Great Hall was out, and the Gryffindor common room was a no-go, what next? The Library? No, Potter couldn't read…Quidditch field? No, the Hufflepuffs were practicing today…

Wait a second…of course Potter wouldn't be in any of those places! No, Draco remembered the laxatives he and Zabini had cleverly feed the unsuspecting Gryffindor, and he knew they were enchanted to last at least twenty-four hours…

There was only one place Potter could be.

The bathroom.

oOoOoOo

Harry Potter checked his black hair in the mirror as he dried off his hands. Messy, as usual. He ran his long fingers through his tangled mane, making it more disheveled than it was before. Harry examined his hair again. Hmm, not bad. Harry had learned early in life to embrace his eternally tousled hair, since it was virtually impossible to tame it. Besides, messy hair was considered fashionable this season.

Harry placed the towel next to the sink and exited the restroom, humming happily. So far he'd made about six and a half trips to the toilet within three hours. But Harry was sure that the laxatives were wearing off now; the uncomfortable feeling he felt in his abdomen was getting increasingly tolerable, and he heard less of those embarrassing rumbles his stomach made as time marched on.

Even better, Operation Ferret Season was going just as planned. Though, Harry wasn't quite sure why their prank was called Operation Ferret Season. He suspected Ron had something to do with it.

Harry made his way down the hallway as he pondered this, wondering vaguely if Malfoy was miserable. He really hoped so. He had seen Ferret Boy storm out of the Great Hall this morning, pure fury stamped on his measly face. It was sight to behold, and right then Harry would have given away many of his vital organs for a camera.

Yes, it was a good day so far. But if there was anything Harry Potter had learned during his stay at Hogwarts, School of Annoying Crap and Misery, it was that good days did not last long. In fact, Harry expected something to jump out at him and ruin his day, right that moment.

"Ahhhh!"

Harry yelped as he felt something grab the collar of his shirt and he looked down, startled. Sure enough, the thing yanking him violently was a hand, which was connected to an arm, which was extended from a classroom doorway.

A/N: Okay, so nothing technically jumped out at Harry, but grabbing him by the front of his shirt is close enough, right?

"Ghraaahhhh!" roared Harry as he clawed at the hand, which was pulling him into the empty classroom. Harry did not like being forced into an empty classroom against his will, no matter if he was being pulled in by a vengeful Dark Lord, or his best friend Ron.

A/N: Okay, so maybe Harry has a problem with authority, but really, he's had bad experiences in the past. You can't really blame him.

Harry continued his incomprehensible protests as he was pushed against a wall, pain shooting up his spine as he attempted to reach for his wand.

"Really, Ron, these unexpected attacks really aren't necessary…" Harry trailed off as his gaze was met by none other than Draco Malfoy, the bad-boy Slytherin Prince himself.

Instantly Harry jumped to his feet, brandishing his wand at the blond-haired boy.

"Now, now, Potty," drawled Draco, raising his one eyebrow lazily. "There's no need for such uncivilized tactics. Though, I really shouldn't have expected any different from the likes of you, uncultured Gryffindor though you are."

Harry's face flushed, but he stood his ground and kept his wand aimed at Draco's heart. "What do you want, Malfoy?"

"Only to make a proposition, Potter," sneered Draco, lowing Harry's wand with one finger.

"A proposition?" repeated Harry warily.

"Yes, a proposition. I'm assuming you know what that means, Scarhead."

Harry glared. "I'm aware of the definition, thanks, but I'm not sure what you're suggesting."

"Put the wand away, Potty, and I'll tell you," said Draco firmly.

Hesitantly, Harry obeyed, placing his wand in the pocket of his robe, but making certain that his hand was nearby in case Draco tried something.

Draco smirked. "Finally learning to listen to those superior to you, Potter? I applaud you."

Harry's hands tightened into fists. "Tell me what you want, Ferret, or I'm leaving."

"Oh, I think you know," said Draco, examining his fingernails.

"No, I don't, actually."

Draco sighed, scowling at Harry. "Fine. Let me spell it out for you; I know you did this to me and I want you to fix it."

"Fix what?" asked Harry bemusedly.

"Fix this," exclaimed Draco, gesticulating wildly in the air. "Fix what happened last night, Potter, and believe me, there will be rewards."

OH. So that's what he's going on about. Harry stifled a laugh. Of course! The prank Harry and his friends had pulled on Draco had worked better than they ever could have dreamed. The whole school thought Draco was gay, and now he was begging Harry to reverse it! Harry snorted, doubling up with laughter. It was all too funny! Harry sat down on the floor, tears of mirth running down his cheeks.

Draco eyes flashed with annoyance. "Get up, Potter, you'll get the floor dirty."

This did nothing to suppress Harry's amusement, however, but only heightened it. Draco's face was tinged with pink by the time Harry was hammering the floor with his fist as he howled with laughter.

But then, just as suddenly as it began, it stopped, and Harry sat up, gasping heavily as he tried to catch his breath. Draco stared down at Harry, a very strange look on his face, something Harry had never seen before. Was it anger? …Yes, definitely anger, but there was something else too, something…was it…embarrassment? Harry's eyes widened. Was it possible that Draco Malfoy was embarrassed?

"Are you done?" snapped Draco, crossing his arms.

Harry grinned up at Draco. "You're actually pretty uncomfortable with this situation, aren't you? You really don't want this to ruin your reputation."

Draco sniffed, jutting his chin out. "Well, now that you mention it, the supposed fact that I…slept with another…man…does not look very good on my record. But if you quash the rumors, I'm more than willing to…pay you."

Harry raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Do I really look that thick to you?"

"I don't think you're thick," said Draco, eyes widening in innocence. "But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?"

Harry scowled. "Look, no matter what you think, I'm not stupid enough to be manipulated by the likes of you. And besides, I have enough money."

"Doubt that," muttered Draco, staring pointedly at Harry's hand-me-downs.

"What's more," continued Harry, ignoring Draco's offensive remark, "I can't suddenly debunk the rumors."

"Why not?" demanded Draco.

"Because they're so believable!"

At this Draco scoffed, running his hand through his hair.

"See?" exclaimed Harry, pointing at Draco's head. "It's just that! Your hair! What kind of self-respecting man would care about his hair so much? It's…unnatural."

Draco sniffed derisively. "Just because I take care not to let my head look like a soiled mop, Potter, doesn't automatically make me queer."

"And the way you act!" added Harry enthusiastically. "Don't even get me started on that!"

"What do you mean?" asked Draco sharply.

"Well…you're just so…prissy all the time."

"I am not!"

"And every time we face something relatively frightening in Care of Magical Creatures, you're completely terrified. You've got no backbone."

"What? Just because I don't go running blindly into danger-"

"And you kind of walk weird, like, using your hips and stuff."

"I do not," scoffed Draco, ears red.

"Plus, you scream like a girl," finished Harry.

"Like a girl?" sputtered Draco.

Harry nodded, smirking.

Draco took a deep breath, apparently attempting to compose himself. "Alright, Potter. I see how it is. Obviously, you're not willing to assist me. Understood. But just know this; I will get you back, believe me, and when I do, you will be sorry. I swear it. And once I'm finished with you, you're going to be crawling back to me, I promise you."

And with that, Draco turned on his heel and strode out, robe billowing out from behind him.

Harry blinked, realizing that he was still sitting down. Sitting up, he stared bemusedly at the open doorway. He was pretty sure that that was probably the most bizarre thing he'd ever heard come out of Draco Malfoy's mouth.

Meanwhile, Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil were whispering and giggling excitedly behind the open door. And, unbeknownst to Harry and Draco, they had heard Draco's last little speech. And in that moment, they knew the truth: Draco and Harry were having a fight. But Draco and Harry really did love each other, because Draco and Harry were secretly dating.

oOoOoOo

A/N: Dun, dun, DUN! That's right, folks, Harry and Draco are dating now! Oh the tangled fics we weave…

By the way, I enjoyed writing Harry and Draco's conversation exceedingly. It's all so…suggestive. Ahaha, I love it.

So…tell me if you like it, love it, or want more of it via reviews!