"Rise and shine, Lulu. Your free ride is over"
Lulu moaned loudly as she threw her arm over her eyes, desperate to shade herself from the blinding rays of early morning sunlight. Peering from under her splayed fingers, she could see a mop of red hair pass by as Tracey opened the next set of blinds in Lulu's bedroom. "What are you doing?" she groaned at her stepmother, angry at the unwelcome invasion of privacy. "It's too early for me to get up. I have a full schedule of nothing to prepare for today. I need my sleep."
"Up!" Tracey ordered firmly, yanking the down comforter from Lulu's pajama-clad body. "I've had enough of this moping around. You haven't been to work at Kelly's in weeks, never mind doing anything those summer classes the family paid for. If you're not going to work or go to school, then I'm just going to have to find something for you to do. The hospital is expecting you in time for the 9 a.m. shift. They need volunteers in the daycare center, and I thought you would be a perfect fit. Breakfast is in ten minutes, don't be late."
Her stepmother didn't wait for a response before storming out of the room. Lulu muttered angrily under her breath as she rolled over and stared bleary eyed at the clock. It was 7:30. She hadn't seen this hour willingly since high school, and even then her patience with early mornings had been severely limited. "This is not fair," she decided aloud while half-thanking Tracey for giving her something to do. She knew that she could fight it, but at least volunteering would be a semi-productive way to filling her empty hours.
Climbing out of bed, Lulu pulled her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. She gazed at herself in the full-length mirror she had finagled from one of the spare bedrooms, carefully considering her reflection. She knew that she looked different somehow, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The vivacious, sly smile that had once lurked underneath was long gone. The sparkle from her eyes had transformed into a dull luster. It was clearly visible that she wasn't happy. Her own reflection was starting to depress her, and even Lulu knew that wasn't a good sign.
"If I'm going to do this, I might as well look good," Lulu told herself as she started to search through the bureau for something to wear. Pulling the rarely used bottom drawer open, she scrounged through her clothes for her favorite pair of faded jeans. There, tucked between a floral skirt and a worn cotton t-shirt Dillon left behind, was a black and white snapshot. It was a photograph of her during her parents' wedding, but it didn't belong to her. It had to be Dillon's. She propped the photograph against the mirror and removed the shirt. She was going to need him with her today.
Ten minutes later, Lulu trampled down the stairs in her jeans and Dillon's t-shirt. She had pulled a black hooded jacket over it for good measure, hoping that no one in the family would notice. She didn't feel like answering questions this morning. "Good morning, Edward," she greeted the patriarch coolly, slipping into her assigned seat next to Tracey. Alice smiled as she sat a hot cup of java on the table in front of her. "Thanks, Alice."
"Good morning, Dear," Edward replied, peering at her over the business section of the newspaper. "Tracey tells me that you are going to start volunteering at the General Hospital day care. If you were looking for work, why didn't you ask me? You know that I would have let you have a position at ELQ doing some filing or something."
She looked at the older man strangely. He had been unusually nice to her since Dillon's departure. "Thank you," she retorted before biting into a wedge of fresh melon, "but this is probably the best thing for me right now. I need to keep busy until I figure out what I am going to do next. I appreciate your offer."
After breakfast, Tracey accompanied Lulu to the hospital to make sure she followed through. "I know that this isn't something you would have chosen for yourself, but I really think it might help keep your mind off things," Tracey told her quietly once they were alone in the car. "I know firsthand how hard it is to have the man you love most leave you. Lucky for you, Dillon didn't leave because he loves someone else. He just needs to figure himself out."
Tracey had a way of surprising you in the most unexpected ways. "It's harder than I thought it would be," she whispered, looking at the trees as they whirred by. "I'm trying to get through this one day at a time. You'd think I'd be used to it by now with the way I was raised. My father was gone more than he was here."
"Dillon is not your father," Tracey pointed out. "I don't know how he managed to turn out the way that he did, but Dillon is the kind of man who will always be there. I have no doubt that if he knew something was really wrong and you needed him, he would be the first one by your side. By every kind of rationale, Dillon should be a mess. Instead, he turned out to be one of level-headed people I know."
"I know, I know," she relented. "I just want him here with me. Until that happens, I don't really know that I can see my way past this. I know that I will be able to eventually, but right now, it just doesn't seem possible."
"Well, if it helps any, I have something that might just make you smile," her stepmother revealed. "Look, this matronly thing that is going on right now has just about reached its limit, but I have one more thing to offer. If you can get through this day, I might have something for you tonight."
Lulu glanced at her strangely. "What are you talking about?"
"Just trust me," Tracey said slyly as the town car stopped in front of the hospital. "Now, get out of the car. You're making me late."
Lulu laughed at her feeble attempt at barking. "I promise I won't tell anyone that you were nice to me," she smiled before slipping out of the car. Slinging her messenger bag over her shoulder, she waved at the departing vehicle and headed off toward the daycare center. As she rounded the corner, she felt her day brighten slightly at the sight of Cameron and Lucky.
"Auntie Lulu!" Cameron squealed as he ran down the corridor toward her. Lulu knelt to scoop the toddler into her arms. Squeezing him tightly, she buried her face into his tummy as he erupted into a fit of giggles.
"Cam, it is so good to see you," Lulu murmured as she sat him on the ground. The little boy had a very special way of brightening even the darkest of moments. Looking over his head, she felt her smile widen even more as her eyes met Lucky's. His look said so much, and she knew that he could still read her easily. "Hey, Big Brother."
"Lu…" he trailed off. He felt so guilty. How had he not seen it before? Lulu looked so frail and sullen, an empty shell of the lively girl everyone knew her to be. "Cam, why don't you go inside and play with those blocks? Aunt Lulu and I will be inside in just a minute." Cameron nodded obediently before toddling inside. Lucky waited until he was out of earshot to address his sister. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She shrugged. "Tell you what exactly, Lucky?" she asked. "Did you want me to tell you that I have basically stopped living my life since Dillon left? Did you want me to tell you that I'm finding it harder and harder to get out of bed since I feel so utterly alone? Did you want me to tell you that my entire family has been too busy to notice me falling apart? Did you want me to tell you that other than a voicemail from Dillon last week, seeing Cameron was the first time I've smiled in a month? Did you want me to tell you that the only person keeping me afloat is Tracey of all people? What exactly am I supposed to say here?"
Lucky brushed his hands over his face as he struggled to regain his strength and composure. It shook him to his very core to see her like this. "Lu, I don't know how I didn't see it," he apologized. "I've been so wrapped up in Elizabeth and Jake that I haven't paid much attention to anything else. I should have been watching out for you."
"It's not up to you to take care of me, Lucky. I'm an adult," she countered. "Look, I can deal with the fact that I'm on my own, but I won't listen to you stand here and feel like you could change this. You can't bring Dillon back to me."
"I just hate to see you like this.'
"And you think I like to feel like this?" she cried incredulously. "Do you know what it's like to feel like you have no one? Dillon was the one person in my life who has ever taken interest in me without any pretense. He just wanted to be in my life, be my best friend."
"He treated you horribly last summer, Lu," Lucky argued. "I don't want to see you do this to yourself again. Watching you go through the aftermath of the abortion was one of the hardest things I've ever been though. I wasn't able to be there for you like I should have been because I was dealing with my own recovery. Now, I'm in a place to be there for you. Just please let me do that."
"Lucky, I am so thankful that you are my brother, but I won't listen to you talk about Dillon like that. Last summer was pretty much all my fault. I am the one that lied," she insisted. "I remember something that I told Carly once when I was trying to explain how he felt about me. I told her, 'Dillon is the only one who has gotten to know me for me. And he is interested in the things I like and he listens to what I have to say, and he says that I'm pretty and I'm brave and strong, and sometimes I actually believe him. Dillon and I are really good together, and I want to be with him, or maybe I just don't want to lose how he makes me feel.' Well, Lucky, it's been a year, and I still don't want to lose that feeling. I love him."
After a few moments of just staring at each other, Lulu hung her head and told him that she was late for work. She just wanted to get through her day so that she could go home and crawl into their bed. That was how she had started to look at the bedroom – it was theirs. It was nice to have this place where there things were all together, mixed so that you couldn't really tell where one person began and the other ended. It was an image she had entertained more than once during her brief pregnancy when she had imagined what it would be like to have a family with him.
Promptly at five, Tracey returned with a town car to pick her up. The two women exchanged pleasantries, but the conversation was limited with the weight of a very long day and an emotional barricade Lulu had constructed around her heart. When they arrived back at the mansion, neither said anything as they walked into a house. Tracey only handed her a DVD case and nodded toward the stairs.
Lulu took the steps two at a time, anxious to open the contents of her unexpected gift. Dropping the plastic case on the carpet, she hurriedly shoved the disc into the player. A few seconds later, a smiling Dillon filled her screen. Hitting the pause button, Lulu took a moment to look at him. Leaning close to the screen, she felt the tears start to trickle down her flushed cheek. Reaching up, she traced the outline of his face. He was there. The tears continued to come as she laughed to herself at the images of café patrons, surfing, middle-aged sunbathers and rain. Her favorite scenes were the ones where he forgot the film was rolling and he'd whisper something to himself. "That was us" penetrated her soul.
Long after the film had faded to black, the images haunted Lulu. She wanted to let him know how it made her feel, but with no address to find him at or number to call, she was at a loss. A call to Tracey revealed that she didn't have any other answers. The only other option was an e-mail. Although casual and unfeeling, she thanked the technological gods for bestowing the convenient invention on the world.
Rather than sending just a letter, Lulu decided to do something a little bit better. Setting her digital camera on top of the bureau, she programmed the timer to snap a quick photograph of her from across the room. A bright flash filled the room as the shutter clicked. A quick check of the screen assured her that it had taken as planned. A sepia-toned picture of her dressed in his t-shirt and jeans was now saved on the camera. Lulu quickly uploaded it to her laptop and dropped it into a blank email box. Below, she wrote a caption that put words to the story the photograph already told.
Since the departure of her best friend, sleeping has become the preferred way of life for Lesley Lu Spencer. Like his ability to find her in film, it is through her dreams that she can be with him again. It breaks her heart to wake up, but she knows that each new day offers a new hope that this will be the day that he finds himself, that this will be the day that he comes back to her.