Sitting in an Internet café along the boardwalk, Dillon had nearly made plane reservations back to New York when he opened the email from Lulu. The gentle look in her eyes was enough to beckon him home without any actual just cause. He thought about the day that he had left, when he had shown up at the Quartermaines with a grand speech in mind. He had told them that he was leaving to pursue his dreams, to become the director he'd set out to become. Ned had gotten him the job, offering everything he'd ever wanted on a silver platter. Just as he was about to finally get there, he realized that what he wanted had changed. He wanted Lulu.
That day in Kelly's when she told him to go was one of the worst in his life. She had been so unlike herself, cold and unfeeling. He could feel the distance she trying to build between them, but he could see right through it. She had said that she would never be in love with him, but he knew that she already was. It was apparent in the way she looked at him across the table, the careful way she chose her words. It was killing her to hurt him like that but she couldn't be the reason he stayed. She never thought she was good enough for him. According to Lulu, he deserved his dreams. She just wasn't aware that life now included her.
Seeing Logan sit beside her, stroking her hair idly and waxing poetic about what a great person she was, it nearly tore him apart. Dillon had chosen to ignore it, being upfront about how great they were together. He said that they had went beyond friends and managed to find their way back together. He was certain that she wanted to be with him, but she couldn't open her heart to it. His anger had come through in the end when he had confronted her attempt to push him away. Lulu hated Logan. There was no way she could ever choose him over Dillon. Everything rang completely false.
Dillon left Kelly's to tell his family he'd made his choice. Before he left, he told her thanks for making the decision easier for him, which was the only lie he told on his part. He knew what she was trying to do, but he was tired of riding round and round on the carousel. He just wanted to be with her. They had something more than a friendship, and everyone – including Georgie and Logan – could see it. Why couldn't she? Why wouldn't she?
And then, when she showed up in the living room at the mansion, he knew that she had. In her own way, Lulu was acknowledging how much she cared for him by saving him one last time from his family. Holding her in his arms so tightly, he felt all his anger melt away for a moment. She told the family how much he deserved this. More importantly, she gave him the words he would carry with him wherever he would go.
We've shared so much. You've always been around as my best friend and my confidant, and there's going to be a big gap in my life when you're gone. I'm going to miss you…I hope you can forgive me some day.
Those words should have been enough to make him stay despite what Lulu said. It was what she wasn't saying that told him everything he needed to know. When he had headed to the airport, the family had all thought that he was flying out to Seattle to meet the director to begin work on the film. It was only when Ned called his friend a few days later when they realized he'd never shown up at all. Instead, Dillon had headed off for parts unknown to find himself. However, staring at her picture on the screen now, he realized that it wasn't him that needed to be found. It was Lulu who needed to find herself. She was the one who needed to realize how much he loved her and she loved him.
He started to rattle off a reply but the right words escaped him. Instead, he saved the email into his inbox, vowing to return when he'd found the right thing to say in his heart. After paying the clerk for a copy of her photo, he slipped back out into the salty sea air and headed for a vacant park bench across the way. It was unseasonably quiet afternoon, a rare site in the midst of tourist season. An elderly couple wandered by and smiled at him kindly before leaving him alone to work. He pulled out his trusty black leather portfolio and began to rifle through its contents.
Dillon had never been the kind of guy who kept a journal or scrapbook. Instead, he had kept this portfolio for the last couple of years as a way of tracing how far he and Lulu had come. There were plane tickets and a film canister full of sand from when they'd gone on their island adventure to rescue Luke. There were a couple ticket stubs from movies they'd seen last summer. There was a torn corner from a blanket from the boathouse and a dried flower from her parents' wedding. He'd kept a copy of every email she'd ever sent along with a handful of photos of them together. She didn't know that he had it. It was something that he kept all for himself. He had never done this with Georgie, not that you could compare the two. Sure, Georgie had had his heart, but Lulu had something more. She had his soul.
Taking a deep breath, Dillon tucked the photograph into the leather flap and closed it gently. Then, he put it back into his bag only to retrieve his silenced cell phone. He kept it turned off most of the time, not that anyone knew the number. It was just too tempting at times to want to send her a picture message when he saw something he knew she'd like or make a call just to hear her voice. Turning it on, he waited until it was activated before dialing his brother. He still hadn't talked to Ned, though Tracey had promised to fill him in.
"Hello, Big Brother," Dillon said, checking the screen to make sure that his number was blocked. "I know I should have called you before now, but I wasn't really up to hearing anyone else yell at me after Mom. Before you even start, just know that while I'm sorry that I made you think I was going to go through with it, I won't apologize for not showing up."
Ned sighed heavily into the phone before looking across the sitting room. Lulu was curled up in Alan's old chair, sullenly reading an old book she'd found in Dillon's room. Without saying anything, he left the room for the foyer. "We both know why you couldn't go," Ned replied. "I'd be angrier with you if I hadn't been there before, but I've been in love. I know the extremes I would go to if it meant that I got to be with the woman I loved most in the world. Although, I have to say that I'm not quite sure that I get your methodology."
"Me neither," Dillon chuckled. "How is she, Ned? I didn't really want to ask Mom too much, but she told me that Lu isn't doing well. I'm worried about her, even though I'm not there."
"She was actually in the room when I answered the phone. She has been really quiet all day, reading a book in the sitting room. It's one of yours, worn and faded. It looks like you've read it quite a few times. That's pretty much all she does. She finds ways to do things that you like when she isn't volunteering at GH or visiting her brothers. She wasn't even doing that until Tracey and Lucky double teamed her. They're both determined to make sure that she ends up okay."
"I want you to tell her something for me," Dillon said. "I sent her a voicemail and then a video. I'm trying to find ways of staying connected to her without actually being there. I'm still not ready to talk to her yet, but I need to keep giving her these reminders of how much I do love her."
"What can I do for you, Dillon?" Ned asked. He could hear the vulnerability in his brother's voice. Dillon had always been the one to take care of things after Ned had left, so he knew it wasn't easy for him to ask for help. He didn't like to involve other people in his problems, especially when it came to Lulu. "I'll do anything."
"I want you to keep me on the line, but I need you to go in there and tell her that I forgive her," Dillon said. "I need to hear her reply for myself. I need to hear her tone. It will tell me everything that I need to know. Maybe then I can start to think about coming home."
Ned agreed, slipping his phone into his shirt pocket with the speaker peeking out over the fabric. On the other end of the line, Dillon listened as his brother let himself back into the sitting room. Ned sat down on the edge of the couch and called her name softly. "Lulu, I just talked to Dillon," he revealed. "He asked me about you. I told him that I would pass along a message to you."
"Dillon?" her faint voice called. Dillon could almost see the smile all those miles away. "Is he okay? How is he doing? What did he say?"
"He's fine, don't worry. He misses you a lot, that much I do know. More importantly, I was supposed to tell you something," he retorted. "He forgives you."
Dillon waited to hear her reply but the phone went silent. He could hear Ned starting to comfort her. "I've only been waiting a month to hear that, but it seems like too long," she whispered, her voice barely audible through Ned's shirt. "Even if Dillon can't be here with me, I needed to know that he could do that. I miss him so much, Ned. It's hard not to be with him. But if I know that he forgives me, I can wait it out. I know that Dillon is going to come home to me. That's all that matters now."
Ned made up a lame excuse about needing to call Brook Lynn about a visit next week and excused himself from the room. Back in the foyer, he crept into a secluded corner and pulled out the phone. "I don't think I need to say anything more."
"It's hard not to be with her, too. I miss Lulu more than I could ever say with words," Dillon said. "I need to get through this so that I can come home. She doesn't deserve this. I caused that palpable sadness in her. It kills me that she has had to shed even one tear over me. This call is my motivation for getting this over and done."
"Dillon, I'm your brother, so I'm going to tell you this with years of experience in my corner," Ned retorted. "Lulu found whatever she needed to find without you here. I don't know what you're looking to discover, but you need to do it fast. Love like this doesn't just come along every day. It's fragile and fleeting, and before you know it, it could be gone. Don't miss your chance to have the life you've both fought to have together. You both deserve more."
Talking for a few more minutes, Dillon finally hung up with a promise to call again soon. After tucking his cell back from where it'd come, he let his brother's words sink into his mind. The signs were there, and he'd heard virtually the same speech three times – from his brother, his mother and a complete stranger on the beach. He knew it was true.
"This is my life," he whispered. "This is it."