Chapter 6

The Condor's encounter with the Swan had done little to diminish the strength of the Galactor serum in his veins. Before long, he had returned to a state similar to the one he had been in when he had boarded the New God Phoenix.

Jun stood quietly by with the others, watching as Joe was brought out on a stretcher, his eyes glazed over, his limbs twitching. She was already doubting the wisdom of her actions in the Medical Bay. Obviously Joe was seriously ill, and she had used that illness to satisfy her own needs… what kind of person was she? A sense of shame flooded the Swan, and she could hardly look at the rest of the team.

Fortunately, Dr. Nambu was satisfied with the information she had already sent from the New God Phoenix as they were traveling back to G-Town, so she was able to escape any potentially incriminating questions about Joe's behavior during the trip back to base.

But now she found herself sandwiched on a narrow sofa between Ken and Ryu, in a waiting room at the G-Town Medical Center, hoping for news of Joe's condition.

This was especially uncomfortable, given her past history with Ken. Jun couldn't help feeling that she had somehow betrayed him, and her feeling of shame grew.

Years ago, when the Science Ninja Team had still been training, Jun had developed a girlish crush on Ken. She knew that her affections were unreturned, but she harbored a hope that one day, they would be. These hopes grew as she noticed that Ken wasn't interested in other girls, and only spent time with the team… with her.

Jinpei had understood her affections for the Eagle, and with his childish straightforwardness had simply told her to declare herself. When she refused, he took every opportunity to tease her about her feelings, no matter how humiliating the situation. Soon everyone on the team knew of her affections… everyone, it seemed, except Ken.

After a couple of years, she had abandoned hope for a romantic relationship between Ken and herself. The Eagle was too involved with his duty to take pleasure in anything else. When he was off duty, his form of relaxation was flying, which was really little more than training for being on duty. He spent time with the team, but it was more to foster a sense of bonding and camaraderie than anything else.

And then, there came the mission where Jun had been swallowed by a Jigokiller Flower. Ken had agreed to set fire to the flowers, potentially killing her, and then he had slapped her once she had returned, and he had realized that she hadn't died. It was at that moment when she had come closest to hating her Commander.

But that night, he had come to visit her at the Snack J, long after Jinpei had fallen asleep. Jun had answered the insistent knock at the door, clutching her bathrobe around her, only to find Ken on her doorstep. He was distraught, and apologized profusely for the way he had treated her.

That night, Ken had said so many of the things she had longed for years to hear: that he had been terrified, thinking that she was dead, that he hadn't wanted to go on without her, that she was the source of his strength, and the only person with whom he could be himself.

Jun had embraced him, and he had clung to her as if she were an emotional life raft. And then, somehow, they had kissed, and they had found their way to her bedroom…

Jun had never been with a man before, and hadn't really known what to expect, but in his emotional turmoil, Ken hadn't realized it. Afterward, he had been horrified by what they had done, and begged her to forget about it. Jun vividly recalled hot tears of humiliation sliding down her cheeks, as the Eagle left in the light of dawn.

And yet, somehow, she had managed to push that night aside, and carry on. She supposed that was what being in the Science Ninja Team was all about. Her night with Ken, while emotionally charged, had been physically and mentally painful, and certainly wasn't anything she cherished. Ken's attitude toward her did not change, and she began to wonder if she had imagined the entire thing.

But then, it had happened again, after Red Impulse had died. Ken had shown up at her quarters at the Crescent Coral Base, grief-stricken, and in need of comfort. This time, it hadn't been painful, but the humiliation afterward was the same.

She was supposed to be intelligent, but Jun found herself falling into the same trap again and again. Over the past few years, Ken had spent a handful of nights in her bed. It was always as he dealt with some emotionally charged issue: the death of his father, the destruction of the Crescent Coral Base, Joe's 'death'… Joe's disappearance had hit Ken especially hard, and she had 'comforted' him three separate times in the month after that terrible day at Cross Karokorum. But then, he had withdrawn from her, and she had barely seen him for eighteen months, until the Science Ninja Team had been re-activated.

Jun presumed that Ken had had other relationships during that time, and it hurt that he hadn't reached out to her, in a time of peace. She had remained aloof, dating a few different men, but never getting serious; always hoping that one day, Ken would return, declaring that he wanted her, and only her.

But the next time he had entered her bed had been at G-Town, after their second near-defeat at the hands of Gel Sadra. The psychological stress of their teasing glimpses of a Condor-like figure had taken their toll, and the Eagle was already emotionally battered, from a war that had only just begun.

Ken hadn't approached her since, and more than once, Jun had wondered if she could be satisfied with these rare encounters. She craved an emotional connection: someone she could be with when she needed comforting, but Ken wasn't interested in reciprocating for her needs.

Their physical relationship, such as it was, remained unsatisfying. Every intimate moment was filled with Ken's needs, Ken's desires, his need for release… an atmosphere of guilt, a sense of wrongdoing, permeated their every action. Each time, Jun swore that it would not happen again, and then when it did, she berated herself again.

Jun longed for more, but knew that Ken was not about to give more to her. His life was consumed by his duty, and his need to defeat Galactor. She, of all people, understood that most, and stepped aside for these ambitions, barely subsisting on the emotional crumbs tossed her way by the Eagle.

Even now, as she sat next to him, she felt her thigh crushed against his, and he appeared completely unaware of their close contact. He was confident in her availability, should the need arise, and didn't think about it any more than that.

Still, a sense of betrayal consumed Jun. She supposed that she and Ken had a kind of understanding… she should have considered that, before agreeing to…

But Ken hadn't crossed her mind at all. She had been thinking only of her own desires. This time, Jun had been the selfish one, and she found that it didn't feel any better from this side, either. She had taken what Joe offered without properly considering the consequences, either for him, or for Ken.

How did Joe feel about all of this? If he could even recall anything at all. He hadn't been in his normal frame of mind, and yet, she had let him convince her… well, it hadn't taken much convincing, to be honest. Somehow, the Condor's touch had ignited something inside of her… something she had never felt with Ken. Certainly, the Eagle had never done what the Condor had, just an hour before. She had never imagined that it could be so exciting, having other parts of a man touch her there…

In fact, despite their lack of… consummation… Jun had never been so sexually fulfilled. The Swan's cheeks burned red at the memory, and she lowered her head, allowing her hair to fall forward to cover her face. Yet, even through her embarrassment and shame, she craved it again, and desperately wondered what it would have been like, had Joe been able to finish what he had started.

Of course, she would never know. Joe had demonstrated, over and over again, that he didn't want to be close to them, anymore. And she had just violated his desire for isolation in the most complete way possible. Desperately, Jun hoped that the Condor would not remember that hour in the Medical Bay. She couldn't face the anger he would surely hold towards her.

These miserable thoughts ran through Jun's head for another three quarters of an hour, until Dr. Nambu came to speak with the team.

"It would appear that an unknown compound was administered to Joe." Dr. Nambu told them. "We're not entirely sure of its purpose, but we can guess that it was an attempt to manipulate his mind, possibly for the purpose of extracting information from him."

If anything, Jun was even more mortified. Dr. Nambu had just confirmed that Joe had been manipulated, and wasn't in his right mind. What the Doctor didn't know was that the Swan had also manipulated the Condor.

"We think we have been able to remove most of the drug from Joe's system." Nambu continued, unaware of Jun's mental turmoil, "He has returned to his quarters, and will sleep off the little that remains."

"When can we see him?" Ken asked grimly.

"I know that you want to question Joe about his unexplained absence." the Doctor answered. "Apparently, he thought he was responding to a signal from Dr. Rafael. I have informed him, in no uncertain terms, that he is to report any such signals in the future, and that he is not to answer such signals unaccompanied."

The team looked nervously at each other. They all knew that if Joe wanted to leave on his own, he would, orders or no. The mission on K3 had proven that, not to mention his self-imposed absence between the wars. There were many instances where Joe had run off and done what he wanted, ignoring whatever orders were given.

"Go and get some rest." Nambu told them. "You all look like you could use it."

Jinpei yawned, and nodded sleepily, leaving the room. The Owl quickly followed.

Jun purposely hung around, her enormous sense of guilt compelling her to speak with the Eagle.

"Ken, can we talk?" she asked hesitantly.

Ken looked surprised, but nodded curtly. He led her down the hallway, and back to the team's quarters. They walked in silence, neither looking at nor touching each other.

They arrived at the Common Area, and Ken stuck his head inside, confirming that it was empty. Then he quickly drew Jun inside, and closed the door.

"I know what this is about, Jun." he began without preamble.

"You do?" Jun blushed to the roots of her hair. How had he found out? Had Joe said something?

"You want to defend Joe's actions." Ken accused her.

"Well, it wasn't really his fault…" Jun muttered.

"What do you mean, not his fault?" Ken asked angrily, "He shouldn't have left base without telling anyone where he was going! He could have been killed! How the hell am I supposed to lead a team if everyone goes off half-cocked all of the time?"

Oh. Jun sighed inwardly with relief. Ken didn't know anything about what had happened that afternoon.

"You're right, Ken." she said quietly. "Joe shouldn't have run off without permission. We can't operate effectively that way. He could have died this afternoon, and we wouldn't have been able to do anything about it."

A momentary look of surprise crossed Ken's face. He had obviously been expecting an argument on this subject.

"Thanks." he said. "I didn't think you… well… wasn't this what you wanted to talk about?"

"No." Jun shook her head. "I wanted to talk…" She glanced nervously at the closed door, then stepped closer to Ken, lowering her voice to a near-whisper.

"I wanted to talk… about us."

The moment she uttered the word 'us', Ken's face took on a stony expression, and he turned away from her.

"There is no 'us', Jun." he said coldly. "I thought you knew that."

"I know." Jun replied, hanging her head. "It's just that…"

"There's no 'just' anything!" Ken replied, whirling back to face her. "Look, I'm sorry if I've led you on, but there's nothing between us."

"So… we have no obligations to each other?" Jun asked softly.

" No." Ken put his hands on Jun's shoulders in a consoling fashion, giving her a pitying look. "Jun, those times we were… together… that was a mistake. I'm sorry, but they should never have happened."

A mistake? Jun began to get angry. Her hand flashed out, striking him across the cheek.

"I guess it was such a terrible mistake, that you had to keep repeating it!" she hissed, her hands now positioned indignantly on her hips.

"I was wrong, Jun." Ken admitted, ruefully rubbing his face where she had hit him. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of your good nature like that. But what's done is done, and that's in the past."

Jun's anger left her. She felt drained, just from these few words. The sense of guilt and humiliation that always followed their intimacy began to overwhelm her.

"So, no obligations?" she repeated.

"No." Ken shook his head. "We have no obligations to each other."

"Okay." Jun said quietly, taking a deep breath. "I guess that's that, then."

"Yes." Ken replied impassively. He left the room without meeting her gaze.

Jun sighed, slumping to the couch in relief. At least, she had nothing to feel guilty about with respect to Ken.

But Joe… she had wronged him dreadfully. Only, she wasn't sure how she was ever going to be able to bring herself to apologize.

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As Jun got ready for bed, she was unable to keep her mind from straying to her encounter with Joe that afternoon. Every time she brushed her skin, she wondered what it would feel like, if he touched her there, kissed her there… It was becoming difficult to keep her mind off of the passion she had discovered in herself only a few hours before.

She regretted that she would never know what it felt like to be with Joe in every way. Whether or not he recalled their actions in the Medical Bay, they could never be repeated. She felt terrible that she had taken advantage of his drugged state, but then… it was difficult to feel sorry for what she had experienced. It had been nothing like what she had known with Ken.

Jun snuggled under the covers, but sleep was elusive. She kept remembering the way it had felt, to have Joe's hands… his mouth… on her body. Her skin tingled with the memory, and she brushed her fingers over herself, attempting to recapture it.

It just wasn't the same.

Growling in frustration, Jun turned over, waiting for exhaustion to overtake her.

It would be a long wait.