Joker –– (428 words – This one kind of took on a life of its own. It's not really twin-centric like the rest, and it's much longer and much more pointless…But I was bored and it was late. xD)
While Tamaki liked to compare the Host Club to a family, Hikaru and Kaoru thought of it as more of an elaborate hierarchy. Tamaki was King, of course, with Kyouya as his queen and Haruhi as the fair princess. Mori was a valiant knight, and Hunny a "wise" advisor. Who were the twins? The court jesters, of course, and they adored exploiting this role.
Usually, when they were pulling a prank on Tamaki, everyone not only knew it was them, but also knew what was going to happen. However, they weren't keeping the jesters around for nothing, so they kept their mouths shut and watched the scenes play out.
Therefore, when Tamaki awoke to a rather grotesque scene and he screamed, no one exactly came running. Rather, they came after about five minutes (during which he only stopped screaming twice, for breath), dragging in slowly in various states of sleep.
On Tamaki's bedside table was an elaborate setup of chess pieces and playing cards. A king piece, which had been taped to a King of Hearts card, was lying on the table with a suspicious red liquid all around it and a plastic fork embedded in its body. The queen, with a Queen of Spades card taped to it and a tiny packet of paper taped where a hand should be, was merely standing nearby, watching with mild interest, but making no attempt to do anything for the king. A Jack of Diamonds, taped to a rook, had been coloured on so that it looked like a girl, and this "princess" was also ignoring the "king", as she sat and read a tiny makeshift book. A knight and a bishop were off in another corner, the knight standing behind the bishop (who was lying on top of a pink makeup applicator that suspiciously resembled a bunny), as they both ignored the dying king. The final two pieces were a pair of jokers, standing near the king opposite the queen. Plastic forks had been taped to their backs, as if they were trying to conceal them, and they were surrounded by a sea of pawns.
Tamaki studied this for a moment, and the joke sailed right over his head. He gripped Kyouya's shirt, wailing, "Someone's trying to kill me, Okaasan!"
Kyouya wrested Tamaki's hands from the grip of his shirt. "Tamaki-kun, I think you should grow out your hair."
"…Pour…quoi…?" Tamaki asked slowly, resorting to his native French.
Kyouya smirked. "Of course, so that you can wear it in a ponytail and catch things that go over your head."