Chapter VIII:Are You There, God? It's Me, Ran

a/n: I owe the title to Judy blume, who is like one of the greatest authors in the world (for me)! okeiz, so this part is where God and Ran seals a deal. I don't know if Ran is Catholic, but I don't care coz I'm catholic… so this is my God.

……

"So why didn't you turn on the lights?"

Aya looked up, surprised and perplexed. Somebody was talking… Somebody is actually talking in this god-forsaken place!

"Aw…" The voice continued, footsteps heard in the background. "God-forsaken? I don't think so…"

Aya heard a snap… and light came bustling into the darkness, overpowering it and revealing a mint green oval room. Just a mint green oval room.

"I wondered why you didn't think of that," the voice came again. "I mean, it would be much more convenient. I know you kids think black is cool but running around in nothing is kinda boring…"

"Who are you?" Aya asked, oddly relieved. Somehow, this person gave him a sense of calmness…a heightened feeling. And weirdly, he seemed to trust this voice…even though he was only sure of one thing about him: This guy was a telepath.

"I'm the one they call God," the voice replied. This time, Aya was able to see him quite clearly.

"God?" Aya repeated, ogling at a middle-aged man with sideburns and an earring on his left ear. He was sporting a simple white t-shirt with the picture of a pig and the words "Pork Chop" on the front, flare pants cascading down to squeaky Nikes. This man calls himself God? Aya thought, bewildered. I must have gone to the other side!

"Oh!" God chuckled. "Pardon the 'duds'… I was somewhere in Wisconsin helping this handsome young man get a job before the angels contacted me about a certain soul…" He looked at Aya straight in the eye with a smile. "And by the way," He added, frowning a little. "There is no such thing as the other side. Man just made it up!"

"But the Bible says…" interrupted Aya.

"Oh, so you do read the Bible!" God exclaimed, clasping His hands. Then, He frowned, "…or was it a research you did for a mission?"

Aya blushed. a/n: he blushed!

"No need to be embarrassed, Ran," God said. "I'm used to people forgetting me all the time… but I never forget them…you…because…" His voice trailed off. "Nah! Oh, forget it! We're going farther away from the topic!

"As I was saying, I'm not saying the Bible is completely wrong," He went on. "Sometimes people manipulate blahblahblah… The bottom line is: There is no other side besides this side. There is only one side, and the so-called other side is but a shadow… Evil? It doesn't reside in the other side, which doesn't even exist, because it is right here in the one side. It sprouted from the one side, lives in this one side, and can only die in still this sole side." Again, that smile.

Aya's mouth dried. His assassin-trained mind opened up to a whole new concept…that this EVIL is actually part of the package. Like a one-eyed doll in the midst of a hundred Barbies, or a bald troll, or a car with no wheels. So what am I? Am I just a shadow? Am I even real? Aya pondered. I've killed people for the good of the people but I've hurt as well as saved. What, am I some kind of sadistic hero? Good enough to face God even? If this man is God…

I sense doubt still lingering in your head… God spoke to Aya through telepathy. But that's normal, knowing you were raised with caution of deceit and deception itself drilled in the very core of your system.

For you, Ran, it had to turn that way. Life had already prepared a blueprint for your existence. The bad things come with the good, as I've said. How you separate them is the ultimate test. But you've proved some things that other people couldn't, and sacrificed a lot for people you don't know. That gives you a heart…and that made you pass… But that's not the reason why I've decided to meet you. No… I wasn't really impressed with the liters of blood you've wasted, and the thousands of tears I had to wipe off some child's cheek.

A person like you, with your specific characteristics/ experiences/ beliefs, after death, just disappears in the darkness he has trapped himself in, mainly because of guilt. Remember the darkness, Ran? You created it. You believed that everything ends in death. Period!

But isn't it strange how you regained consciousness? …and brought back your memories even! A feat only a hundred souls had accomplished. The moment you did, my angels called me. It seemed as if something was holding you back.

"Guilt?" Aya finally piped in.

"I thought you'd never speak," God sighed, smiling.

"I'm used to telepaths," Ran explained, returning the smile.

"Oh, yeah!" God remembered, scratching His head. "That orangey-haired guy, right? Is that group still in their artificial black hole or something?"

Ran laughed. God was not who he projected Him to be. He had imagined hundred of yards of white cloth, and a beard as snowy and long as Gandalf's Lord of the Rings. God had transcended his expectations. "So was it guilt?"

"No, it wasn't!" God uttered, puzzled.

"It wasn't?"

God shook His head. "It wasn't…"

Silence. There's something deeper to this, Aya assumed, his mind automatically shifting to analysis as he was taught to. But he shut it down. It's obvious God doesn't want me to know what it is. He must have a reason…

"I was surprised why you gave up…" God spoke again, His smile lopsided. "It was pretty pathetic, and that was the time I felt I had to see you personally. Did you know you were fully capable of pumping life into yourself?" He twisted His face. "Although that would cause ME problems since you alive again would mean a newborn baby dead…" His face lightened up. "So thank Myself that didn't happen!"

Aya's heart was heavy. He was confused, pleased, irritated all at the same time. He was caught between following God's design or his heart's desire: to be back home.

"That's why I'm lending you this…" From out of nowhere, a blue card appeared in God's hand, and He handed it to Aya.

Aya's face broke as he read it. "A borrower's card? You want me to read books? God, you're confusing me! I don't need to go to some library at this time!"

"Hush…" God comforted the frustrated boy, conjuring a sofa for them to sit on. He clarified, "You will need that if you want to borrow someone's life for the meantime…"

The redhead gasped in disbelief. "You're giving me another chance?"

"Something like that…" God answered, grinning. "Until you're strong enough to let go…"

Aya couldn't conceal the happiness bursting from within, and he hugged God tightly for trusting in him.

I've always trusted you, Ran…

"I won't disappoint you…" Aya whispered as tears of joy began to flow, ignoring the nagging feeling of leaving behind something far precious than "home".

……

Time froze as sunshine seeped through the mint green oval room. It was as it had been before. As it had always been…

But there was something missing.

…And Aya knew that missing thing would remain as it is. Lost somewhere…only to be found until someone will seek it.

You've disappointed me, Ran…

This was God wearing a blindfold. The God the Babylon Tower had faced… The God Sodom and Gomorrah had defied…

Aya hung his head. He was guilty, and he didn't deny it.

I thought that by sending you back, you would see Life in a different point of view, through the eyes of someone who understood because he had passed through it all. Not that you haven't… But I expected that you would realize that it was your time and move on, as your friends would have had if you hadn't entered their lives again… I guess I expected too much.

Ran bit his lip hard as the image of Aya and Weiss floated in his mind. Little Omi, playful Yoji, sweet Ken… my Aya.

You do know the consequences of your actions, don't you? You know what may happen; you know what will happen…

Aya nodded gravely, but faced God although he couldn't see him. Bravely, he responded, "I am sorry…but I didn't regret it. It would still be the same things I would do if I had been alive."

BUT YOU'RE NOT ALIVE ANYMORE!

For the first time, Aya was afraid, petrified down to his bones. He was scared of this other face of God. But the truth just stumbled out of his mouth unexpectedly!

I see you're still trapped in its clutches… You have been weak. But I cannot blame you. Revenge is undeniably stronger than you could control. It has taken over you. Yes, Ran… it was your thirst for vengeance that held you back. You could never have peace if you won't fight the urge. You would be merely a wandering soul…

Aya sighed hopelessly. I have nowhere else to go…

I am still willing to forgive you, Ran. All you have to do is ask for it. Free yourself from that grudge and come to me… I am always here for you.

The God Aya first met was back. The tears never stopped gushing. God loved him for whoever he was, no matter what… God erased all his misgivings, loving him without asking for anything in return… God loved him with a love he couldn't measure…a love so great he was too ashamed to accept or face.

"I am not yet ready," Aya confessed.

I will be waiting…

Ran knew God was smiling.

……