A Little Hope (and a lot of trouble): Chapter Three
by Ami-chan
They stayed in the saloon for a while longer, having dinner with the other men whom Adam learned were all peacekeepers for the area. Just as Adam was beginning to think it was never going to end Chris finally excused them and, having nowhere else to go, Adam followed. There was a boarding house across the way that they entered where a stocky woman greeted them with a hesitant, "Mr. Larabee?" that made Chris pause and cast a look in her direction. "A man came by earlier, said he found out you were staying here and left some things for… for your son."
She retrieved familiar saddlebags and in two steps Adam was standing before her, taking them from her hands with a word of thanks. Chris nodded at her and waited until Adam was beside him again to begin the climb up the stairs.
There was only one bed in the room and just as Adam was thinking about the benefits of sleeping on the floor – being able to get up silently in the middle of the night, sneak out, run away, because Chris had always been a light sleeper – he found himself agreeing to share the bed. As if Chris had read his mind and there was no way he was letting Adam alone for even a second. Or maybe it had nothing to do with that and he just wanted Adam close. It seemed the latter was true as Chris seemed to need contact with him, his hand resting on Adam's shoulder and his arm trapping Adam's efficiently under his, in order to fall asleep.
Sleep didn't come nearly as easily to Adam despite his own mentally and physically draining day and it was well into the night before sheer exhaustion took hold and dragged him into sleep. It was the heavy feeling of being watched that startled Adam into wakefulness. He twitched and his arm tingled with lack of sensation that for a moment he didn't understand. Then he opened his eyes and it all came rushing back to him and there Chris was, studying him closely as if he were about to vanish at any second and he wanted to memorize this moment so that he would never, ever forget it.
He could have sworn right then that nothing had changed and they were both the same. The sunlight streaming into the window just so, his papa waking him in the morning, telling him breakfast was ready, kissing his forehead – but it wasn't the same and it never would be like that again. She was dead and the man he used to know was whatever he had become. A gunslinger. A peacekeeper. A stranger.
"I have a piece of land just outside of town," Chris said, as if knowing the exact moment to break the silence before it became too long and drawn out and began to eat at them both. "Not too long ago I got a perfect stud and a couple of good mares. I've been wanting to start breeding horses again, settle down. We can do it together."
Adam murmured something along the lines of, "All right," because a response had been expected. What else was he supposed to say? Then he was nudged out of bed and he obediently dressed, idly wondering exactly what his place here in Four Corners was going to be and if it was possible to somehow leave. Adam wasn't stupid enough to believe he was capable of surviving very long on his own, but it was still something to keep in mind.
They had breakfast at the saloon with Buck and Vin, the others apparently being busy or asleep. Adam was wondering what, exactly, he was supposed to do with his time when Buck glanced over at Chris and asked if he wanted Buck to take his patrol for him. Suddenly all the covert looks from Chris made sense and Adam watched indecision flash across his father's face before he shook his head no. "It'll be fine."
He nearly asked if he could stay with Buck. It didn't take all that much to distract Buck and the lovely woman, Inez, was certainly enough to do that and then Adam could – well, do something else. Like explore on his own. Go and see Tom or the horses or any number of things. He didn't, though, and merely followed his father at his faint gesture. To a little shop proclaiming "The Clarion News" on it, which seemed vaguely familiar though he wasn't entirely sure –
Adam's eyes narrowed at the sight of Mary Travis who seemed just a little too happy to see Chris. Words were exchanged, something along the lines of, "Watch Adam for me," and was Adam suddenly a dog or a horse to be watched? He would have been much happier staying in the saloon, but apparently Chris didn't want him in the saloon if he wasn't there and what kind of logic was that, exactly? Or maybe he just assumed Mary would be more capable, having her own kid and all.
"I'll be back soon." Chris clasped his shoulder lightly and paused just a bit longer than necessary before turning and heading toward the stables.
It took an extraordinary amount of energy for Adam not to sigh with relief as he carefully and patiently waited until Chris and Pony were out of sight. Because Marywasstaring at him, waiting for him to come into her newspaper shop and he had absolutely no intention of doing that. He turned away from her and began to head down the walkway – as expected Mary immediately called out, "Where are you going?" managing to sound annoyed and concerned at the same time.
With a sigh he turned around because it was rude to make someone talk to your back and said as clearly as he could manage, "Somewhere else." Adam hoped she caught the underlying, "away from you" that he intended.
"Your pa told you to stay here."
His eyes narrowed sharply and Adam gave her his best glare. The double blink and look of shock on her face told him almost too well that he greatly resembled his father when he did that. "He didn't tell me to do anything." Which was true. Never once had Chris said, directly to him, to stay anywhere. "So, good day ma'am."
Ignoring her sputtered protests Adam wandered down the walkway then stepped off into the street, heading toward the church. It wasn't out of a desire to see Josiah that he decided on the church as his destination, but rather a desire for solitude. Besides that, he thought Buck had mentioned that Josiah was already away, assisting Nathan with something or other; he hadn't bothered to catch the details.
Once inside the church he dropped onto one of the pews somewhere in the middle of the church and pulled out a worn book from his pocket. Adam soon lost himself in the words so much so that he was rather surprised when a shadow fell across his face, redirecting his attention. To Vin. Who must have followed him. He wondered if Chris had asked him to keep an eye on him or if Vin had done that of his own volition.
Vin didn't say anything, just looked at him, a curious sort of look before his eyes darted toward the book in his hand. "It's 'Hamlet', a play written by William Shakespeare." The title nor the author rang any bells and somehow Adam was not surprised. Vin was still watching him and Adam nodded slowly, as if he knew exactly what Vin wassaying even he wasn't saying anything with words, and began to read from where he left off. Every so often Adam paused to check in with Vin to interpret the words and actions of the characters, remembering how hard of a time he had hadin understanding what was going on when he had first taken to reading Shakespeare's works.
Just as Adam was about to say that he couldn't read anymore, that his mouth was dry and his throat was getting sore from all his talking, he saw Vin's eyes flit off to something that had caught his attention just beyond Adam's shoulder. He tensed immediately and did his best to ignore Vin's frown at his reaction. Adam had no doubt that it was his father that had just entered the church. That was confirmed at the familiar sound of footsteps and a hand settling on his shoulder as another shadow fell over his face.
"What's that?"
His eyes darted up, momentarily meeting Chris's gaze before he closed the book and offered, "Just a book." For some reason Adam had no desire to elaborate.
"Looks like you and Vin were getting' along all right."
Adam frowned before forcing the expression away. How long had Chris been standing there before Vin had noticed him? Or had Vin noticed him before he looked in his direction? It was hard to say. He didn't have long to think on that before Chris was continuing and though his voice was calm and low there was a tone to his voice that Adam clearly recognized as annoyance caused after a panic. Chris didn't panic like most people did, it was more subtle than that, but mama had always known he was panicking and from her observations Adam had learned to see it and hear it, too. Chris had been worried.
"You know, you were supposed to wait with Mary."
Keeping any hint of emotion from his face, Adam nodded. Not really in agreement, but more of an acknowledgement that he heard Chris speaking.
"So how did you end up here?"
Adam rolled his eyes up to meet Chris's again and replied, "I walked." Because he had. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Vin's eyes narrow faintly and he knew with only that vague impression that had probably come out sounding more impudent than he had intended.
"Adam…" The warning in Chris's voice told him the same thing.
He tilted his head faintly as he tried to think of the best way to handle Chris without upsetting him too much. Then, he decided there really wasn't a way so the plain truth would pretty much have to do. "You asked Mrs. Travis if I could stay, but you never told me that I should. Since I didn't want to stay, I came here instead. It's quiet." Or it was.
Chris still wasn't entirely happy, but he relaxed ever so slightly and nodded his acceptance of his explanation. At Chris's nudge Adam dragged himself to his feet, shoving the book back into his pocket. He did his best to ignore Vin's intent expression because he knew exactly what it meant. Adam knew without a doubt Tom would never have tolerated his behavior or his explanation, but he also knew Tom was not Chris.
They meandered outside and, were, apparently heading toward the saloon until Adam stopped sharply. Only the hand tightening reflexively against Adam's shoulder made him recall that he wasn't alone and that Chris had likely nearly trampled over him. That didn't particularly bother him though. What bothered him was the sight of the man he had spent the last five years with and who he considered his surrogate father all packed and ready to go. It took Adam a moment to come to the realization that he must have made a sound – a whine, a squeak, a growl, something – because Chris reacted by tugging him closely, protectively, before releasing him again.
"I'll be in the saloon when you're done." Simple as that. Adam knew what he meant: say goodbye and come find me afterwards. So he nodded and even when he knew this had to be just as difficult if not more so for Chris – and he could feel his insecurity, his pain – Adam's own emotions were too overwhelming for him to focus much on Chris's suffering. In fact, he barely registered the fact that Chris left at all. Tom had said, he had said he'd stick around, for what? What had he said? A couple days? A few? A couple was two, right? Had it been two days, was he counting yesterday because if he was that was two, but a few could be more than two, but maybe he'd only meant that and… he didn't know.
"Are you leaving?" He watched Tom turn, saw him smile wanly, and then a large hand was ruffling his hair, clasping the back of his neck and holding him in place for a moment. "Take me with you, take me home."
"I'm sorry, boy. Your home's with your pa."
Boy. Adam was used to being called that. They'd called him that before they knew his name and as habit had mostly referred to him as "boy" even after they had learned his real name. He wanted to tell Tom so many things, that he was grateful for everything he had done, that he was the best person he'd ever met, to thank him for teaching him everything that he had, but somehow there were no words. Anyway, he thought Tom already knew.
Then he noticed Tom only had one horse with him and those words came easy. "Where's June? You're taking her with you."
"No, I'm not. She's your horse. You take care of her, you hear? And I expect you to write us regularly." He turned, searched his saddlebags and pulled out a familiar book. "Here, take this too."
Adam opened his mouth then promptly shut it again. He didn't want to cry, he hated crying, but he had a feeling if he said anything he would. So he took the offered book and held it in a deceptively light grasp though his knucklesbegan to turnwhite from the force with which he clutched it. He watched silently as a chapter in his life seemed to slam closed, not with force or violence or sighs and whispers but with glaring sun, dusty roads, silence,and a man riding away on his horse.
He wanted to scream. To break the silence, anything, but he found himself frozen in place.
#t#
Chris had disappeared into the saloon while Buck took up a position outside keeping a careful eye on Adam. Not because Chris had asked him to, but because Buck wanted to, needed to. For some reason Josiah and Nathan, who had been assisting an injured settler and had only recently returned, felt the same way. Vin joined them a moment later. They could all see that Adam was not particularly keen on being left behind.
As they all watched as Vin began to tell them about the exchange he had witnessed between Chris and Adam and they took it in wordlessly. They probably wouldn't have believed it had it not been Vin telling it to them. "Not here a day," Vin was concluding softly, "And already he's got Chris wrapped around his finger. Chris don't take that kind o' attitude from nobody – 'cept that boy."
"Adam didn't used to talk back like that," Buck offered, shaking his head. "But then things have changed, haven't they?"
"Ain't doing the boy no good if he lets him get away with that," Nathan stated, clear disapproval in his eyes.
Josiah, for his part, was grinning, but it was not a happy sort of grin, more like a grin that said he had been expecting something of that sort to happen and that he didn't like it. "Not that he's likely to correct Adam, what with his son being brought back from the dead and all. Least, not yet."
They stood in silence, observing as the man rode away, leaving Adam standing in the street a lost sort of expression on his face. Buck finally stepped forward and offered the boy a smile when he glanced up at him. "He left June."
"June?" Then, realization dawning, "That pretty little mare?" Adam nodded and leaned back just enough to lean part of his weight against Buck, who immediately curled an arm around him to hold him in place. "So, she's your horse, huh?"
"Guess so." For some reason Buck was unreasonably happy that Adam was finally showing some signs of physical affection and trust for him. He remembered Adam when he was little, always throwing himself into Buck's arms, attaching himself to Buck's leg, and now he was pleased that the boy was leaning against him, seeking comfort. If he felt as pleased now he wondered what Chris would feel when – if – Adam started warming up to him again.
"You name her?"
Adam's head tipped to the side, angling so that he could look up at Buck. "Yeah. She was born on the farm nearly five years ago." The faintest of smiles crossed his face. "She wasn't born in June, in case you were wondering."
"Oh? Then why'd you name her June?"
Adam shrugged against him. "When she's out in the light, when the sun hits her just right she's so beautiful it's like a warm summer's day. So, June."
Buck didn't try to correct him. In fact, he wondered in Adam even recalled that Sarah's birthday had been in June. Perhaps it didn't matter. "Come on, let's go see your pa." The way Adam tensed Buck thought for a moment the boy was going to protest, but he turned willingly enough toward the saloon. "Tomorrow's Sunday, you know, and after that's Monday."
"What's on Monday?"
"School, of course. Haven't you ever been to school?"
There was a mild frown on Adam's face. "Tom taught me everything he knew, but no, I've never been to school. I've read about it, does that count?"
"'Fraid not, but I'm sure you'll learn even more once you actually start going. School's right over there, in fact, no sign there yet, but it's there. Teacher's name is Miss Alice and Billy likes her well enough."
Adam stopped, glanced in the direction of the school that Buck was pointing in then back up at Buck. "Miss Alice? So, you had her yet, or is she the prudish sort?"
Buck gaped at the boy in surprise. "Adam!"
"What? You used to chase women all the time before and I doubt you've changed." There was a mischievous glimmer in his eyes as he leaned a bit closer. "Remember all those times you thought I was asleep? I wasn't asleep and I have very good hearing. It was all very interesting, too, though I don't think mama appreciated your stories much, at least I would assume not because she kept hitting you with her wooden spoons or, really, anything that was handy."
Buck groaned something that sounded like, "Oh God," followed by, "How much did you actually hear of those stories?"
"Probably too much." Adam continued to smile until they entered the saloon and then all traces of mirth disappeared once again. Buck heard himself sighing loudly. Both the boy and his father were incredibly strong willed individuals and it was going to take some sort of major confrontation or disaster to break either of them. For his own reasons, Buck hoped it wasn't Chris who broke first.
-to be continued-
Considering the time period, pretty much any "back talk" from children was considered bad. Better seen and not heard, as it were. So the fact that Chris just lets Adam's behavior go– his rudeness, blatant disregard for his authority – would mean more then than it does now. NOW it's pretty much, well, expected. LOL