Chapter 6: Crash Landing
"Yeah man!" cried the Neimoidian in the captain's chair. "The Jedi asses is our's!"
"Fo' shizzle preciousizzle!" said Grevious's girly gangster voice. The little green man raised his hand to give the general a high-five, Grevious's metal appendage flew at it, hitting it with such force that it sent the Neimoidian flying into the wall which he crashed into and died painfully.
"Damn it precious!" Grievous exclaimed. "He was the only captain that wasn't an annoying ass!"
Just then two rainbow colored droids led Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Chancellor onto the bridge, Grievous laughed like a little girl, causing Anakin and Obi-Wan to exchange smirking glances.
"Ah yes, General Kenobi precious!" Grievous cried gleefully. "The pansyiator!"
"Does everyone know about my pansiness?" Obi-Wan muttered.
"And Anakin Skywalker precious, I was expecting someone with your reputation to have a bigger ass."
"Excuse me?"
"Women in the galaxy think you are sexy fo' shizzle izzle precious!" Grievous exclaimed. "Therefore I thought, preciousizzle that you must have a big rear fo' sho'."
"Oh yeah… well…………………………………………………………………. You're a…………………………………………… you're a…………. a bitch!" Anakin cried.
At this Grievous let out a shrieking cough.
"You're lighty sabers will make a fine addition to my precious collection!" Grevious exclaimed, then he pointed to the rainbow droids. "Bring me their lightsabers!"
The droids nodded and reached down a bit to low. Anakin gulped as their metal hands came closer but Grievous stopped them.
"NOT THOSE! THEIR WEAPONS!" the general snapped. The droids made some sort of acknowledging sound and retrieved the lightsabers from the Jedi's belts. Obi-Wan and Anakin had been too stupid to use them. As the droids stopped in front of their master he snatched the weapons out of their hands and tucked them into his cloak, he then smacked both droids upside the head.
"No more dirty thoughts precious!" Grievous snapped. The droids nodded and strode off gaily, swinging their hips and flaunting their enormous metal butts. Grievous watched them for a moment before turning back to face Anakin and Obi-Wan and stroking the lightsabers. "My precious! My precious!"
"Actually you stole those." Anakin pointed out. "So technically the bigger one is my precious."
Obi-Wan stared at him incredulously. "YOU'RE LIGHTSABER IS NOT BIGGER THAN MINE!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it is not, mine's huge, look at it, it's right next to yours in his hands, you see it's much larger!"
"No, it's wider but not longer! Mine's bigger."
Palpatine looked as though he were about to puke.
"Shut up both of you precious!" Grievous snapped, depositing their lightsabers into his cloak, he then pulled up a lightsaber hilt that was so long it nearly touched the ceiling, one wondered how it fit into Grievous's cloak.
"This one is bigger than all y'alls precious." Grievous hissed.
"Damn!" said Obi-Wan admiringly. "Where'd you get that badass lightsaber?"
"Stole it off a Twi'lek Jedi I did precious. Biggest lightsaber I have precious."
"Well I hate it!" Anakin snapped.
"Why?" asked Obi-Wan. "Whoever owned that is to be envied."
"IT'S BIGGER THAN MINE!" Anakin complained.
"Silence Jedizzles!" Grievous snapped. "I wanna see your asses on the floor next to your heads?"
"How you gonna do that?" Anakin asked curiously.
"Like this." Grievous said, he activated the extremely long lightsaber (the blade was green and even longer than the hilt) and sliced a nearby droid in half, indeed it's head landed right next to its rear.
"Oh," said Obi-Wan. "Neat trick!"
"Damn it!" Grievous cried unexpectedly.
"What?" asked Anakin and Obi-Wan in unison.
"When he $#$ EXTREMELY CENSORED WORD killed that VERY MEGA CENSORED WORD droid he SOMEWHAT CENSORED WORD cut off your CENSORED cuffs!" Palpatine cried angrily.
"What?" Anakin and Obi-Wan asked in unison, utterly confused.
"UGH! CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR! He cut your CENCORED hand cuffs off by accident!" Palpatine cried.
Anakin and Obi-Wan glanced down at their hands which were no longer cuffed, and then they looked at General Grievous who looked highly fearful.
"Let's kill that little gay pansy!"
"Now you're talking Anakin!" Palpatine cried, grabbing a blaster from a droid he began to shoot at Obi-Wan who dodged to bolts angrily.
"NOT THAT GAY PANSY!" Anakin cried in alarm giving Grievous the chance the run, sadly he dropped both of their tiny lightsabers as he sprinted towards the view ports.
"What the CENSOR, CENSOR do you CENSOR MEGA HUGE TRIPLE CENSOR see in this idiotic gay CENSORED A LOT pansy?" Palpatine cried angrily, dropping the blaster to Obi-Wan's relief. By this time Grievous was at the view ports and the droids were sprinting off the bridge in fear after Palpatine's mouthy display of anger.
"He was my master! He's like my father!"
"Like that stupid punk mouthed droid was your son?" Palpatine cried angrily. "For the love of Gulan Bigigan, if I kill him you'll forget about it!"
"OH MY GOD!" Anakin cried as General Grievous activated a lightsaber to cut open a viewport. "YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH PADAWAN GULAN BIGIGAN!"
"What?!"
"There's a padawan named Gulan Bigigan in the Jedi temple! Ew, he's only sixteen you perverted old guy!" Anakin cried.
"Shut your mouths you idiot precious's!" Grevious cried as he sliced a hole in the view port.
"Oh shit CENSOR, CENSOR!" Obi-Wan cried as Grevious flew out of the hole and air was sucked out as well. Anakin grabbed onto the nearest control panel as did Palpatine. However, Obi-Wan flew towards the gaping hole! He landed in front of it, prevented from flying out only because his arms and legs stopped him. Metal items began to fly at him; one control panel nearly knocked him through as it went between his legs, though the sharpest part hit him in the groin.
Anakin and Palpatine cackled manically as more sharp and heavy items flew towards Obi-Wan, unfortunately hitting him over and over in a very horrible place to be hit. Finally a large metal wall type thing slid across the view ports and shut the one that was damaged, Obi-Wan fell flat on his face and stood up as the ship jolted. There was a very loud boom and the entire thing began to descend towards Coruscant.
"What's going on?" Obi-Wan asked as he looked out of the view ports that were not covered by the slab of metal. He wondered why Coruscant seemed to be growing closer.
"I'm not sure." said Anakin thoughtfully gazing out of the view ports as well just as the ship entered the atmosphere of Coruscant.
"OH YOU TWO ARE BOTH CENSORED IDIOTS!" Palpatine bellowed. "CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, CENSOR, PARTICULARLY BAD CENSORED WORD, THE SHIP IS GOING TO CRASH!"
"Nah!" Anakin and Obi-Wan cried together as the buildings on Coruscant's surface started to become clearer, and they could see a huge floating landing platform below them.
"YES WE ARE!" Palpatine cried.
"No, I think it's probably just an illusion like in that hippie turbo lift." Anakin said.
Palpatine didn't even have time to ask what the hell Anakin meant by that because a droid that was still sitting in it's normal position on the bridge spoke.
"We've got a roger, roger, incoming roger, roger, transmission, roger, roger!" the droid cried. Anakin, Obi-Wan and Palpatine turned to look at it, utterly confused as to why it was still there and why it was reporting a transmission to them. It seemed to realize how odd the situation was as well.
"What the hell is going on?! You guy's aren't General roger, roger, Grevious roger, roger!" it cried.
"Ya think?!" Anakin cried. Obi-Wan then sliced the droid's head off and accepted the transmission, it seemed to be from a clone on the fire fighting force.
"YOU'RE ABOUT TO CRASH YOU MORONS! PULL UP AND LAND ON THE LANDING PLATFORM!" the voice cried. Anakin and Obi-Wan glanced out of the view ports again and noticed for the first time that they were plunging toward Coruscant's surface at a very dangerous and fast rate of speed.
"OH FORCE!" they cried in unison.
"We'll be crushed into bloody pancakes!" Anakin cried in horror.
"I've really go to pee!" Obi-Wan cried. "I can't die with a full bladder!"
"What do we do?" both Jedi cried in unison. Palpatine looked as though he were about to explode.
"LAND THE EFFING SHIP!" Palpatine cried.
"No! I'm too much of a pansy to attempt something as risky as that!" cried Obi-Wan.
"And I'm to much of an idiotic smart ass to remember how to control a ship like this, plus my memory is terrible so I'll forget what I'm doing when I sit down!" Anakin bellowed.
"OH—YOU—CENSORED—IDIOTS!" Palpatine shouted, before Anakin and Obi-Wan knew what hit them the Chancellor smashed a loose control console down on their heads, effectively knocking them unconscious. He then tapped into the Force and used it to safely land the ship, once it came to a complete halt he woke the two snoring, drooling Jedi with a wave of his hand. They're eyes shot open and they leapt to their feet.
"Are we dead?" Anakin asked.
"No…" Obi-Wan sighed. "If we were dead they would be female Twi'leks… I mean… there would be copious amounts of br… or um… there would be a lot of dead sexy females because Jabba the Hutt regularly kills them."
Anakin and Palpatine exchanged amused glances as Obi-Wan basically told them his ultimate fantasy, copious amounts of sexy Twi'leks wearing little clothing.
"Well…" said Obi-Wan sheepishly. "Let's get off this ship."
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