A/N: Hey guys! It's been over a year since my last update and I've been in search of a beta. I need a beta badly! Any volunteers? Ok so my writing in this chapter is probably slacking & the characters are written a little OOC but I had to do it to make it work.
Also I wanted to take a second to give a thanks to ASP & her husband, DP for all their hardwork & dedication to the show for 6 years. Its very sad that neither will be returning next season to work on the show but I wish them all the luck & I'm praying GG doesn't tank without them.
Disclaimer: I own nothing! I wish I did because I would be a very rich lady!
He's here. Sitting right across from me. I can not believe that he is actually here. A large part of me thinks this whole dinner may turn out to be very "Sixth Sense". Maybe I'm Bruce Willis here just praying for one more moment to share with my true love. I do not want that. Although my mother would drop to her knees and thank every god from every possible religion everyday for the rest of her life if Jess once again proved to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Trust me. She's admitted it freely on more than one occasion.
Its difficult for some people to grasp the fact that Jess and I were meant to be. Sometimes its even difficult for me to grasp. Okay so there is the fact that it all turned out to be an extremely fortunate accident for me -for us- but nevertheless if Jonathan and Sarah could find each other again after years of failed attempts and other relationships, maybe Jess and I could do the same. Only a few details vary from their fictional love story to my reality. It hasn't been four years - its been one - and I have not had another relationship since Jess.
I would have to be naive to think that anything is going to reemerge or start over after one crazy twenty-four hours but crazier things have happened. Chris Rock hosted the Academy Awards and the success of "Dude, Where's My Car?" are case and point.
Now the doubts are starting to set in. Take a look at all the celebrities we thought would make it the long haul - J.Lo & P.Diddy - for the record I still think that they are meant to be, Britney & Justin, Elizabeth Taylor & you know what never mind. That women's been married more times than I have fingers. Still anyone that pays any sort of attention to the entertainment world has this secret hope that in some alternate reality they will all reconcile. Society has to have that hope because not only are they Hollywood royalty and their kids would be god-like but deep down they are normal people who are eternally linked even though they've moved on and if they can't make it, what kind of chance do we have? Not that I would base my future relationships on the success of Hollywood romances - let's face it I'm no celebrity - but I get what I'm trying to say even if you don't. Crazy? Maybe. Fact? Not so much. Fact according to Rory Gilmore? Damn straight.
Reality being that there are people in your life you are meant to meet. People you are destined to know. My mother was destined to meet Luke, Luke was destined to fall in love with my mother, and my mother is destined to one day open her eyes and realize that she has always been in love with Luke all along. So what if its an endless circle of back and forth? It works. Its fate. Its life as I know it. Jess is my Luke. Its as simple as that only simpler. Its simpler because I know it and my mother well she's still in denial.
I hear her make her introduction and I hear him call my name but it just seems that I can not get myself out of my own head and say something... anything. I feel a heavy hand brush against mine. Its strong yet firm and enough to get myself out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"
"What did I tell you about thinking? Its not good for you."
"Says the man who knew too little."
"Ouch. The mere mention of that insults me. Do I honestly remind you of Bill Murray?"
"Sort of in the not knowing much sense of reminding me of Bill Murray. Otherwise you remind me more of the man in the iron mask."
"Leo is definitely a step up from Bill but I like to think of myself as more of a James Dean type."
The waitress clears her throat as I start to get lost in Jess' eyes. He has these beautiful deep eyes that you just get lost. "Are you two ready to order or should I come back later?"
"Rude much? We are paying customers here," I paused as I searched her blouse for her name tag, "Amy is it? I'll have an ice water hold the ice add precisely three squeezes from a fresh lemon then I want you to heat it up for approximately forty-five seconds pour it into a fresh glass and add six cubes of ice. You got that?"
"And for you Jess?"
Wait a second did I miss something here. When did Miss Amy start a first name basis with my boyfriend. What? Stop Rory. Just stop. We haven't even spent a full day together and already I'm claiming him as mine. What is wrong with me? Just take a deep breath. By the time I was ready to speak I heard Amy ask if we were ready to order.
"I think we will skip the appetizer unless there is something you want Rory?"
"Actually I'll have the Tuscan bread with the spinach & avocado dip. Also for my meal I'll have the stuffed shells with sausage, no onions."
"Soup or salad?"
"Both I'll have pasta fazul and a fresh salad no hot peppers. What are you having Jess?"
"That sounds fine." His tone is nothing short of shocked as I watch him contemplate would could have possibly drove me on this sarcastic yet assertive, rude attitude. "Except I'll have a coke and the chicken parmigiana with the four cheese pasta."
"What kind of noodles would you like?" Can we say ewww? What is wrong with this "girl"? Trying to make that sound sexy. I would vomit right now but the thought of Jess seeing one of my least attractive qualities makes me reconsider.
"Tortellini is fine thanks."
I watch her as she scribbles down the remainder of our order and smiles at Jess. "I'll be right back with your drinks and appetizer." My eyes follow her as she walks away from our table. Of course she has all the right curves in all the right places and then there's me. I'm the definition of nerdy. My clothes my hair - I barely wear any makeup. Okay so tonight was the ONE exception of an occasion that I tried to get sexy. God what am I doing. This isn't me.
"What's with the attitude? Now she is going to spit in our food and I was actually looking forward to enjoying a meal with you again."
"How do you know her?" Why am I having such a bad attitude all of a sudden? I can't believe I'm letting this get to me. Am I that insecure? No I'm not. I'm just jealous. That's right I'll admit it I'm jealous. If you saw Amy you'd understand, she is beautiful and the thought of Jess being near her is driving me to this - crazy, jealous, rude me. I was never this girl. Why am I her now?
"The waitress?"
"Do not do this Jess. I know you know her."
"She used to work with me at Walmart. She was a cashier and I saw her a couple of times in the break room. I was trying to read and she kept on trying to make conversation. Very annoying girl and her voice reminds me of nails on a chalkboard." He has a point besides her voice she was probably every other nineteen year old males dream girl. But not Jess. He is not shallow and would never base a relationship solely on looks. He would base it on the physical aspect, Shane was case and point, but he told me once why he was with her. If he ever knew I was repeating this, even in my own mind, he would be mad at me. So I am not going to say anything more than it was because of me. "Did you think..."
"No." I was too quick to answer and even if I wasn't he knew me well enough to know that was exactly what I thought.
"Rory, I would never lie to you and I have never touched Amy. I have not been with anyone since we broke up. Not that you deserve to hear that after this attitude emerged."
"How do you know it just emerged? It's been a long time since we spent this much time together."
"People like you just do not change over night," I tried to speak but he interrupted me, "not even over a year."
"I'm sorry."
"Apology excepted."
No how can I argue with that. He gave me so much more than I deserved to her. He could have easily said what happened in his relationships since we broke up was none of my business and ended it at that. He didn't though. Its very different being in the position of the jealous one well not really because of Shane. Everyday I saw her I wanted to knock her out and every time I saw her with Jess I wanted to pull her by her Barbie doll hair and tell her to get off of him. I didn't because that's not who I am. I'm the silent jealous type.
Jess, he always showed he was jealous. His mannerisms, the tone and attitude of his voice and it happened whenever he was in contact with Dean. I couldn't blame him after all I put him in that position. I was giving him the signals subconsciously since the day he moved to Stars Hallow.
She is beautiful. Even when she is acting crazy - which is nothing short of all the time. She is just like Lorelai, her snarky comments, her wit, and her everything. She is nothing short of amazing.
Amy is not hard on the eyes I'll admit that. I never would touch that girl intentionally. In a drunken haze, maybe. She's hot. But the first and last time I was that shit faced I had sex. I wish sometimes that I could take back my first sexual experience I can't. It was right before I moved to Stars Hallow. I was living in New York and life is a lot different there. Hell I was the only virgin amongst my so called friends there. I knew that Liz was going to ship me off somewhere about a month before it actually happened. Her new boyfriend was ready to move in - he was an asshole to say the least - and we did not get along. It made Liz uneasy so instead of choosing her son she called me a trouble teen and shipped me off to what I thought would be hell.
Anyway my friends were adamant about me losing my virginity and I had been seeing this girl Amber. Things were hot and heavy. We were all over each other every chance we got. We made out everywhere and it never got further then that. I'm lying. We fondled each other. Can you blame me? I was sixteen years old and I was thinking with my dick not my brain. I did not think I was ready for anything more than second base despite the fact that I portrayed this image to everyone else. The day I knew my mother was going to send me away, Amber had a party at her house while her parents went to Vermont skiing for the weekend. I showed up at the party knowing that I wanted to forget the fact that my life was going to change for the worse, I was never more wrong I know that now, and that was that. I had sex with Amber that night and it felt good. She was good. Obviously more experienced than I but I didn't care.
It was meaningless sex. In fact all the sex I've had has been complete emotionless for me. I did not care about Amber and I used her. Just like I used Shane. Anyway, my relationship with Amber became solely about sex and the day before I left I broke up with her. I do not believe in long distance relationships I could never trust another person that much. I am just too jealous and suspicious. I am an asshole boyfriend. I will own up to that. Its the truth. Its why I lost...
Rory. God she is looking absolutely amazing tonight. Not that she doesn't always look amazing. But its different. She is sexy. The way that shirt is hugging her breasts. Those jeans hug her hips just right. Her ass looks amazing. I'm not going to lie to myself. Under different circumstances I would probably take her back to my place and let things go from there. Hopefully it would end with my waking up to her searching my place for her clothes. But I would never cheapen Rory like that.
I can hear her rambling on about one thing or another. I only can process a few of the words I'm that lost in my own mind. Paris. Tom. Dragonfly. Lindsay. Digger. "I'm sorry Digger?"
"Yeah. Well his real name is Jason. My mom and him knew each other when they were kids. Jason's father and my grandfather worked together. So him and my mom were dating for like six months when he tried to sue my grandpa and then things just did not work after that."
I knew she was going to break into a tangent as soon as I asked one question. There was always a story with her. Always. Nothing was ever simple to explain. Everything she said or mentioned always had something bigger behind it. A more interesting story. It made things so much more interesting and fun. I enjoyed it.
She stopped talking and I caught her glance and held it. Her eyes are beautiful. Her smile radiating. God what I am talking about I'm Jess Mariano. I'm the definition of nonemotional, unexpressive and a flat out jerk. Well that's not true either.
"You are look gorgeous tonight Rory."
I think I took her off guard. She is starting to blush and her mouth is moving but she can't seem to find any words to respond. She wants to say something witty and funny. She can't think. I can tell by the way she is avoiding making eye contact with me.
"I'm not ready for the cover of Cosmo or anything but I... I... I can't think of anything to say."
"You are the type of gorgeous that the great writers describe in their literature. The type of beauty Claude Monet wanted to portray in his paintings."
"Okay now you're just lying." She could not have been more wrong. She is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen inside and out.
"You want me to say I'm lying that way you don't have to admit that I'm right."
"This isn't me Jess. You know that. I've always been the ponytail, blue jeans, comfy sweater girl. I don't get dressed up like this."
"Why today?"
"I wanted to stop thinking about you. After last night I could not stop. I kept thinking about what you said and how I reacted and how I should of reacted and I just wanted to turn my focus elsewhere."
"I see." Even in matching long johns she looks amazing. Women. Never in my life have a met one that denies her beauty like Rory. She's so modest and pure. Makes me wonder how she managed to not become superficial and shallow.
"Here is your drinks and appetizer. If you need anything else just let me know." Amy set our drinks down in front of us and set Rory's bread pieces and dip in the center of the table before moving from the table.
"So have you ever tried this stuff before?"
"No but you know me Jess. I'll eat anything and love it. Come on I eat Indian food."
"Point taken." She was a tank when it came to food. She ate like she was eating for six. Actually made me a little sick sometimes. Indian food. Just plain gross. The smell alone makes me and any normal person want to throw up. But not her. I guess its just her survival skills. Lorelai can't cook to save her life and I doubt Rory adopted any culinary skills. Whatever I still love her.
Later that night...
"So how about that raspberry cheesecake? I could have eaten six pieces."
"It was good."
"You had one bite."
"That's all you let me have."
"You could have ordered another piece."
"I should have asked for a whole cake so you could take it home."
"Why didn't you? I would have loved to share some with my mom she would have enjoyed it. Let's go back and order one right now."
"I'm not driving back to Hartford so you can have your cheesecake."
"Please, please, please, please."
"Begging is not attractive."
"Please sir my I have some more." Her sad attempt at a British accent was laughable. I had to laugh a little. It was just too funny. A part of me knows she tanked the accent on purpose to get me to laugh but she would have done a horrible job anyway.
"The accent is worse and quoting Oliver Twist will get you no where." One of the first few times I met her she called me Dodger. She told me to look it up but I know my Dickens and knew within thirty seconds what she was referring to. I think she was rather impressed especially since I told her that I didn't read much. I can finish a book in a few hours if I'm feeling motivated.
"Stop."
"Where are we going anyway?"
"You'll see." I want to surprise her. Not that there was a lack of surprises when we dated or hell before we dated and after we dated but this was different. I wanted her to experience something different with me. Something we had never done before.
"Well I know its not in Stars Hallow since we just passed the exit." She reached grabbed her purse from the floor and started fishing thru it. Probably for her book - she always had a book with her. "Do you even know where you are going?"
"I got it under control." She's curious. Why wouldn't she be? The truth is I know I screwed up with Rory. I was a prick to her and handled everything like a jackass. Us not being together was my fuck up. I will never be the perfect boyfriend but - although I'll never say it or admit it - I want to be. I want to be able to plan a nice date for her and be there for her. This is as good a start as any. "What are you reading anyway?"
"You'll see." She replied with a smirk as she hid the cover to her book so I could not see it. She thinks by not telling me I'm going to cave in and tell her where we are going. Not a chance. I'm dying to know what she's reading but not enough to give my surprise away.
"That's not gonna work."
"Was it at least worth at shot? I know you want to know what I'm reading."
"I do but not enough to ruin the surprise."
"Jerk." She says in a playful tone. I know she doesn't mean it. Maybe she does. Whatever. The word suits me so I can't blame her even if she does mean it.
"Okay where's my kid?" I ask as I burst into Luke's diner.
"Not here." He manages to answer without looking up from sorting the days receipts.
"What do you mean she's not here? It has been like six hours. Doesn't take Rory six hours to eat."
"She's fine."
"Did she call? Did Jess call? What do you know I don't?"
"No, no and no."
"Then unless Sylvia Browne just walked out of the diner saying that they are where ever they are then hunnie we have a problem." Rory has never not called and let me know where she is. She's with Jess. I don't trust Jess. I hate Jess. I hate Jess more than I hate an alarm clock on Saturday mornings. And Luke with his three word responses drives me nuts. He's not worried in the least. Why isn't he worried? Oh yeah because he trusts Jess.
Naive man I tell you. Very naive.
"If I give you coffee will you stop worrying?"
"No but it may help." Ah coffee. Coffee can make anything go away. Well except for this. Can you blame me? This is my kid. My planner. My daughter who always makes a pro/con list before making any big decisions who is running around with her head clouded with this notion she loves Jess. That Jess is the one.
Luke pours freshly brewed coffee into the blue mug in front of me. "Better?"
I pick up the cup and let the hot liquid slid down my throat. It burns a little but it lets me focus on the burning versus my missing in action Rory. "Like I said a little."
"I haven't heard from Jess or Rory," he said as he began wiping down all the tables. He looks really hot when he cleans the tables. Makes me a little hot actually. He definitely has the whole lumber jack look down but it never looked better. "I'm sure they are fine. He can't do that much damage in one day. Besides they are probably in some coffee shop or some restaurant talking about what books they've been reading. You know how they were."
"Yes damn them for reading. How dare they have something in common to talk about? I knew I should have raised Rory to burn books like the firemen in "Fahrenheit 451". Books equal evil. Too bad Doc Brown is not around. I could totally borrow the DeLorean make things right."
"You're ridiculous."
"I know."
"Don't you have stuff at the inn to work on before the test run tomorrow?"
"Just waiting for the doors to come in. Which reminds me I have to give Tom a call," I reached into my purse to find my cell phone. "Aha," I said as I pulled it out from the clutter and began to dial.
"Outside with that."
"Are you kidding me?"
"I never kid."
"There's no one in here right now." Just as I said that Kirk walked it. "You've got to be joking right? I can't make one phone call."
"Nope."
"Let me use the diner phone then."
"You can't go behind the counter."
"You're insane," I say as I push myself off the stole and make my way out the door. "Kirk don't try to steal my purse. You don't want me to go Jennifer Garner on you again."
"Last time was an accident I thought it was Lulu's bag." Kirk responded as I made my way outside to call Tom. I glanced down at the time on my phone. It's seven o'clock. Where is Rory? Why hasn't she called?
"Tom here."
"Hey Tom. Its Lorelai about the doors for the inn..."
The car stopped finally. I've probably read about ten chapters in the time I've been in this car. I close the book and glance out the window. All I can see is the sun reflecting off the ocean as it begins to set. "The ocean?"
"Yeah," he says as he turns off the car and unfastens his seatbelt. "I thought it would be nice to sit and watch the sun set over the ocean."
"Okay who are you and what have you done with the real Jess?" This is not like Jess. This is the furthest thing from Jess. We always did nice things together. Fun things. Us things. Never sat and watched the sunset together. Never.
"You wrote an article in the Yale Daily News around Valentine's day that described your perfect date. You mentioned a ocean sunset so here it is."
I want to break down and cry right now. This is absolutely the most incredible thing he has done for me. I can feel the tears starting to build up. A take a deep breathe and close my eyes tightly to hold back the tears. "I can't believe you read that."
"Well I kind of kept up with it. There is a cyber cafe about four blocks from my apartment in New York. I was able to keep up with the paper online. Your writing is great. You should be very proud of yourself."
"I'm impressed."
"So are we going to watch this from the car or we going to experience this the right way?"
He got out of the car. I opened my door and took off my boots and socks. "What are you doing?" He asked as he came over to my side of the car.
"The only way to do this right is barefoot. I want to feel the sand in my toes besides my feet are freaking killing me." He smiled. I love seeing him smile. I finished taking off my shoes and tossed them into the back seat. "Shall we?" I asked as I got out of the car.
He did not say a word. He reached over and grabbed my hand - leading me across the beach to the edge of the water. I was at total peace. There I was with the man I thought I couldn't love anymore and I'm falling in love with him all over again. I feel like I'm going to wake up at any second from this dream. It has to be. There is no way this could be happening. Not to me. Not with Jess. Its just so not us. But maybe it could be us. Maybe this is the start of something good. Something better.
We stopped walking and just stared into the horizon to watch the sun fade into the night. I looked over at Jess. He looked back. The moment was perfect. How could I not embrace this moment? I moved my hand from my side and reached up to touch his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand like it belonged there. Like my hand never left his cheek. He opened his eyes and I stared right into them. I could see how much he loved me and I prayed that he could see the same when he looked into mine.
He moved his hands and cupped my face before he leaned closer. When our lips met it felt like I was on fire. It had been longing for this. I wrapped my arms around him and held him closer. It started softly. We were just beginning to find each other again. Then before I knew it his tongue found a way to mine. He massaged his against mine. I responded without a second thought. The kiss grew from soft to hungry. We had both been waiting for such a long time. To be here at this point again. Ugh. Rory why are you thinking? Just stop thinking and feel. Feel his lips against yours. Just feel.
We wanted to devour each other. I could not get enough of his lips, his tongue, his kiss. His hands wandered along my body from my face down until he finally rested them on my hips. I did not want to stop. I could not bring myself to stop. I wanted him. I needed him. He needed me too.
"Wait," he said as he pulled away from the kiss, "maybe we should..."
I could not let him finish his sentence. If either of us started to rationalize this then the kissing, the passion, the love would all be gone. I pulled his lips into mine again. He responded to my liking like I knew, scratch that hoped, he would. We fell to our knees on the cold white sand as he gently leaned me onto my back the kiss grew deepper than it had ever before. I am not going to stop. I can not stop this. Not this time.