Authors Note: I'm sorry this took a while to write. I have so many ideas for this story and I don't want it to lose its point so I'm taking my time writing each chapter from this point on. I thank you so much for your reviews they really keep me going. I have been doing these last few chapters without a beta… I've found that I need one because it'll help my writing flow with an outsider's point of view. Any volunteers? Let me know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to ASP, the WB & the CW. Some dialogue from this chapter is property of ASP.
I lied.
I don't know why you're surprised you shouldn't be. I, Jess Mariano, am notorious for lying. The difference is I haven't really been lying to anyone but myself. When I left New York, I said I didn't have a plan. I have no idea where I'm going or where I'll end up.
That's all a lie.
Believe it our not I, Jess Mariano, had a plan. It's just that sometimes plans change. When I came here to say good-bye to Luke, I never expected to run into Rory again. Okay so maybe more than anything I wanted to avoid her.
Do you blame me?
I should be somewhere else right now. Somewhere I can start over. Starting over here is going to be like slamming my head into the wall. I'm not going to accomplish anything. Well I never said I was definitely staying here. I do have somewhere else I could be. I'm not completely sure I want to go there though. I still have to let everything sink. Nothing has really stuck yet. The events of the past few days are a complete blur.
Now I'm here sitting at a table with Luke, Babette and Miss Patty getting ready to eat dinner at Lorelai's inn. It is really strange being here. It would be one thing to be here sitting with Rory but we are on opposite ends of the room. She's sitting conversing with Jackson and now Lorelai, who is making the rounds.
Tonight almost reminds me of the Bracebridge dinner I attended at the Independence Inn. I'm enjoying this much more. The image of Kirk and Rune in those ridiculous outfits are somewhat burned into my memory. It isn't an image that pops into my head often. Mostly being in this similar setting makes me think about it.
This town is so warped.
Staying here is going to make me crazy sooner or later. I won't admit this to many people, not even Rory, hell I can't even believe I'm admitting it to myself but I miss living here. But only for a minute then I remember all the bizarre people. I think about Taylor chasing me around town, blaming me for every little thing that went wrong. And he was right. I took Babette and Morey's garden gnome, I drew the outline of a body outside of Doosey's Market and I being the ruffian that I am, even "over paid" for a tiny basket for the pleasure of Rory's company. I'm such a horrible guy.
But here I am. Just sitting waiting for something interesting to happen. I know it will. It's Stars Hollow. And in case just being Stars Hollow isn't enough, Kirk is here. That should lead to an eventful night. Even though Kirk is very off balance; he is entertaining to have around.
I don't even know why I'm here.
I shouldn't be here. I should be there. And I know that seems selfish but I can't help but be selfish. It's my future waiting for me. I know it's not much but its there and it's my chance to do something great. That's right. I want to do something fucking spectacular with my life.
Is that too much to want?
I'm never going to go to college. First of all, it's too much god-damn money. Secondly, I think it's a conspiracy. I'm going to basically learn the same bullshit I learned in high school only I get to pay twelve grand a year to do it. Fuck college. I don't need it. School has always been an unnecessary chore. Some people love school. Rory loves school. School and are arch enemies.
Lorelai is making her way over to my table now. Miss Patty and Babette are fluffing their robes from the inn. You would think that the common courtesy of coming to dinner dressed would be too much to ask. And there is Luke just staring down at his salad like it's about to roll over or play dead. I wonder why he's so uncomfortable. He grew up here. I should be the one staring awkwardly at my plate but no it's him, the townie. Then again something insanely uncomfortable could have happened before I came down here. I had to take an important phone call just as it was announced dinner was ready so yeah I bet I missed something good. Anything that embarrasses Luke is classic.
"Hi, how is everything this evening?" Lorelai greeted us.
"Oh my god," Babette squealed in her raspy voice, "these robes!"
"What are they made of?" Miss Patty fittingly chimed in, "'Cause I'm never getting dressed again."
"How are you doing?" She asks me.
"I'm fine. Everything here is really nice," I compliment her, "But Luke, he hasn't stopped staring at his salad."
"What happened?" Lorelai questioned.
"He's shy," Babette answered, "My bathrobe slipped earlier. His poor little heart couldn't take it." Honestly not an image I wanted to think about. Poor Luke. I felt for him on this one. I'd be staring at my salad too if I was him.
"He's been staring at his salad ever since," Miss Patty added.
"And I missed all this… darn nab it." I felt the need to add that in. First of all I didn't want to be associated with seeing any part of Babette unclothed. Secondly, it embarrassed Luke a little more. His face is about fifteen different shades of red right now. It's hilarious.
"I like salad," Luke finally manages to say. And what was that? Did I really see what I think I saw? Of course I did. A blind man could have seen that. They were looking at each other exchanging smiles like deer caught in headlights. The both of them. It is sickening. They are glancing and smiling and it's sickening. They should get a room.
"Patty, you want to try my fish?" Babette asks as she cuts a piece of fish for her friend.
"Fish has too much mercury," she says trying to politely decline.
"For this fish you'll have mercury," Babette insists.
"Oh yeah," Miss Patty says with a wondering tone as Babette places a piece of fish on her plate.
"You do know Patty," I feel the need to but in here. I've been a good boy so far so a little bit of sarcasm from me might lighten the mood, "unless your pregnant, breast feeding or going through puberty the mercury in fish won't do anything to you. Unless its shark or swordfish."
That useless information is courtesy of my asinine ex-roommate Pete; he was a fish management and aquaculture science major. Somehow he roped me into helping him studying for his ichthyology class and I actually remembered something. Who the hell in their right mind who pay twelve grand a year to become a fucking fish major? And you wonder why I am so opposed to college.
They just look at me dumbfounded for a moment. They are probably shocked that I spoke more than two words and actually said something perceived by them to be intelligent insight.
"It's apparent I'm none of those," Miss Patty adds to break the silence at our table, "so let me get another piece of that delectable fish Babette."
"You got it doll," she complies as she cuts another piece of fish.
Loreali chuckles. Yeah I said Loreali chuckled. "Well you three go easy on him now."
"We'll try," Babette chimes.
"Not really," I add.
She continues to stare at Luke as she walks away. She is acting like she just got finished smoking a bowl or something. The last time I saw someone acting like Loreali I had to bring my friend Tony to the hospital because he thought it was a good idea to jump off the roof. And there she goes right into the waiter.
This night is very entertaining so far.
I can almost here the song "Wipe Out" in the background. If she keeps walking around like that she's going to hurt herself or decide that jumping of the roof is a good idea. If that guy had a plate in his hand I would probably laugh. Maybe even out loud.
I can't stop turning around to look at her. She has this incredible pull on me. This time she looks back and smiles. She blushes a little and I smirk back.
Fuck.
How am I supposed to take this incredible offer and leave her? What am I going to do?
So far the night has been incredibly smooth. I haven't talked to him really at all since he got here. Now sitting with Jackson through dinner is probably the last thing I want to be doing right now. I want to be sitting with him. We have so much to talk about. Not that I mind Jackson. He really is a great guy but come on put yourself in my shoes. I can hardly pay attention to what Jackson is saying because I am so unbelievable distracted by Jess.
There is so much to talk about; so much to plan.
Summer.
It'll be great. Just the two of us. Hell I'm in such a good mood about Jess being back I'll run around town singing it to him just like Will Smith. We'll have a great time together. We can take day trips down to Milford beach, go walk around Topsmead State Park, hiking, and all those other fun summer things you do with the person you love. I think about the summer and I don't worry. I know it'll be great. Then I start to think about that pesky thing after summer ends.
Fall.
Fall means going back to Yale. Jess doesn't go to Yale. I go to Yale. How is that going to work?
There is just so much we haven't talked about. How could we? This is all happening really, really fast here. One minute I thought he was out of my life for good the next he shows up at Yale and asks me to go away with him. And now here he is. He's playing Yahtzee with Babette and Luke. I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams Jess playing a board game. Add Babette and Luke into that picture and it blows my mind.
I wish I had a piece of paper and pen so I could make a list. Yes a list. The pros and cons it is what I do best. There are the obvious pros: it's Jess, I love him, we belong together, he completes me, makes me feel alive, we've both grown up, and I think, no, I know that it's finally time for us to be us. Then those nasty cons and I could only think of one truly big obstacle: Yale.
When I go back to school in the fall it will be without Jess. I know it will be. I can't expect him to go into debt to go to Yale because he is good enough and smart enough to get in. As much as I would love for that to be the quick fix to my problem it wouldn't really fix anything. Yale is my dream. Not his.
Aha! Light bulb!
There is always SCSU. Jess could always go to Southern. We could get an apartment together and he'd take classes there and I'd take classes at Yale and we'd be together. That's the most important part here… being together.
I can't ask him to stay here in Stars Hallow and make a life for himself so we can see each other on the weekends. That's not fair to him. He really doesn't like it here and without me what's the point. And the distance would be a lot of us to deal with. I've been away from Jess this past year and it killed me. To think that it killed me not knowing if I'd ever see him again and accepting he had probably moved on with his life. It killed me. Now that I know we are on the same page. Feeling the same feelings, wanting those same things… I'll never be able to do this without him near me.
The only solution would be for Jess to go to SCSU. Right? Jess belongs at college. Okay maybe I'm just hoping he belongs in college so that I can be near him. I need him to want to go to SCSU.
UGH!!!
He is not going to go for it. This is Jess. Let's be practical here. He hates school. He is a modern day Albert Einstein but he can't stand school. College is probably the last place he wants to be. I just wish I knew what his plans were. He never has a plan.
That's a lie.
Jess always has a plan. I just never know what it is. He keeps me so out of the loop when it comes to the future and what he wants from life that we might as well be in different galaxies. I know what he wants from me. That much is very clear. We are very clear when it comes to us. It just gets really complicated and confusing when it comes to what he wants. That is the whole point after all.
What does Jess want?
Although I may be acting to the contrary tonight I am very proud of my daughter. I have always been proud of Loreali. Yes I do admit that my daughter took quite a stumble in her early years but when I look at her now I have trouble remembering the mistakes she made. In my book they were mistakes with the exception of my beautiful granddaughter. Rory could never be an error.
Loreali was always very independent and was very quick to ignore our rules. She wanted to be free. She longed to be her own person away from the life that Emily and I had wanted for her. Her dreams were the exact opposite of ours for her. We wanted her to go to Yale, Harvard or Princeton. Loreali, she just wanted to be her own person and figure out what she was meant to do on her own terms. Not ours.
The inn she has built for herself is lovely. She should be very pleased. I am proud of her. It is quite an accomplishment and I know that it will be a great success. Loreali never does things to be average. She is extraordinary. She always will be.
Now as much as I appreciate her offer for us to come here this weekend it was just cruel to put her mother and in that room. She knows we are separated. We did not formally tell her but I know she is well aware what is going on between Emily and me. Then to take away the one chance we had to socialize with the other guests by having our dinner delivered to our room is just going too far.
"What was she thinking having our food delivered to us?" Emily starts to rant. "Does she not think we will be civil to her friends Richard?"
"Calm down Emily."
"No I will not calm down Richard." She states as her voice raises another decibel. "This is cruel and unusual punishment."
"Do you want to leave?"
"Of course I do. I can't stand to be stuck here alone with you another moment." She yells as she heads towards the door.
"You know Emily," I say as I follow her towards the main building of the inn, "You are not my favorite person to be around tonight either but I thought we agreed to keep up this front for Loreali."
"Who are we kidding Richard?" She turns to say to me as she pauses on the steps on the main entrance. "She knows and this is her way of punishing us. It's none of her business and I'm going to tell her exactly what I think of this little joke she played."
"Emily," I call to her as she opens the door and makes her way inside, "let's not make a scene now."
I think this would be a good opportunity to go pack our things to get ready to go home. This weekend was a bad idea. As much as I want to support my daughter, being stuck in a room with my wife for the entire weekend is not something I want to do right now.
"Loreali Gilmore, why would you do that?!"
That's all I can hear as I make my way into the lobby of my inn. My mother barging in; this is all I need right now. I need it like I need a whole in the head.
"Do what?" I ask. I know its going to annoy her but that's part of the amusement.
"You stuck your father and me out in that Godforsaken cabin!"
"It's the honeymoon suite."
"One room, no access to the main building, pitch black at night."
I've actually been anticipating this to happen all night. I'm actually kind of surprised it took her this long to get fed up with me. "It's romantic."
"No television, no radio." She continues to rant. She is very upset with me right now. What else is new? Emily Gilmore mad at her daughter isn't exactly headline news these days.
"Actually there is a television. It's in the cabinet behind..." I don't think she is even listening to me anymore. I should just stand here and nod. It'll probably have the same effect as speaking. My words mean nothing to here.
"And then the room service."
"Roast beef and champagne."
"The one chance to get out of there, away from each other, and you yank it away!" Boy, am I glad she's being reasonable. Honestly I try to do a good thing here and give my parents time away, alone and I get berated.
"Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?" I ask sarcastically.
"Stop it! You know! You know your father and I are separated, and you brought us out here and stuck us in the woods to stare at each other for 48 hours!" I think she's being completely irrational here. But hey this is just me talking.
"What was I supposed to do? You weren't saying anything, Dad wasn't saying anything."
"Of all the cruel, insensitive…"
"How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?"
"You did know!"
"But you didn't want me to know."
"Of course I didn't want you to know." She's acting like it is something to be ashamed of. People separate all the time it isn't exactly something to be ashamed of. I should start giving her some statistics now. Oh wouldn't she just hit the roof if I told her that it wasn't uncommon and that about 4 million people in the world are married couples that are separated. She'd probably slap me.
"Exactly."
"Exactly what?"
"You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?"
"Because you did know!"
"But I wasn't supposed to know, so I acted like I didn't know!" If I took my fist and started punching the Titanic it would probably have more effect than trying to rationalize this with her.
"I won't stay out in that cabin one more second. I demand a room in here."
"We don't have any rooms in here, Mom. They're all taken." And that's the truth. I actually wish that I did have a room for her so she would just shut up and leave me alone. But it wouldn't end there. I would give her the room and then she would lecture me on how it would have been so much simpler to offer it to her in the first place. Frankly, banging my fist against the Titanic sounds like fun right now.
"Then bump someone."
"I don't have a room, Mom."
"You don't have a room for your mother?"
"I have a room for my mother. It's the room my mother's in." You would think she would be a little grateful. I invited her to enjoy this weekend with me and my friends so that I could have her support. Her acting like this is not the kind of support I want or need.
"That's not a room. That's a practical joke."
"No, it was a chance for you and Dad to do something special."
"Fine. If you won't find me another room, then I'll just sit in there until tomorrow." She states as a matter-of-factly and walks into the sitting area of the lobby. I roll my eyes and follow her. I see Rory playing a board game with Tom. She looks up at me. I motion for her to come over here and help me. I can't deal with this not tonight.
"Mom you are really overreacting here. Just go back to your room and you and Dad can talk."
"I will do no such thing. I can't stand to be in the same room as that man." She states as she folds her arms across her chest and sits on the couch.
"Grandma is everything okay?" Thank god for Rory. My angel. My savior. She can deal with them better than anyway. Maybe my mother will calm down a bit.
"Rory," she states calmly and at a low decibel. It must be something about me that she feels she needs to yell and be irrational for me to comprehend her. "Your grandfather and I are separated. Your mother thought it would be fun to lock us away in the honeymoon suite for the weekend."
"For the record I did not think it would be fun. I thought it would be therapeutic for you and Dad to spend some time together."
"Grandma, Mom was just trying to help get you back together in her own way," Rory tried to reason with her as she sat down next to her grandmother.
"See Rory knows so why can't you see that?" As much grief as I give my parents them not being together just doesn't make any sense. They are like Donna and David if they are not together the world just doesn't seem real. If my parents can't stay happy after god knows how many years how much hope do I have?
"Emily," I hear a male voice call from the entrance, "I packed our things I think its time to go."
"I couldn't agree more," she states as she gets up from her position on the couch.
"Wait," I follow them, "What are you two doing? How do you two plan on doing this? You live a big house but let's be honest here it isn't all that big with the chips you both are carrying on your shoulders."
"If you must know Loreali, I am going to spend the summer in Europe. I was going to wait until Monday to ask Rory to accompany me but since you want to know right now," She blurts out like it was nothing. So this is unexpected. Rory is not going to want to go now. Jess is here. That means its going to be a summer of Jess and Rory. Not Rory and Emily take on Europe. "Rory what do you say?"
"Give her a chance to think about it Mom," I but in before Rory has a chance to say anything. Her head is spinning now I can see a Linda Blair moment coming on. The look in her eyes; she is so confused I had to save her. "You just told her you and Dad separated. She's only been home a few days give her a chance to let it sink in."
"Rory," she says, "When you have an answer give me a call. I hope you have a lovely weekend."
"I hope you've had your fun," my father snorts at me before leaving behind my mother. Thank god they are gone. I love them but honestly I thought Jennifer Lopez had it bad with Jane Fonda as her future mother in law but me I have it worse with my birth mother. Jenny from the block got off easy. Jane Fonda is Mother Theresa reincarnated compared to my mother.
"And for the dramatic portion of the evening," I say as I sit down next to my daughter on the couch. "Babe, you know you don't have to go with your grandmother."
"Did you see how upset she is?" She asked rhetorically without taking her eyes off the floor. "I can't let her go to Europe by herself and she really wants me to go with her."
"What about Jess?" I ask her. It's an obvious question. Jess and her just got back together or speaking or whatever you want to call what those two crazy kids are doing. If she leaves for the summer Jess won't be sticking around. I know that for a fact. I said I'd give him a chance when I knew Rory would be around. With Rory gone? Jess won't think twice about leaving Stars Hallow.
"I don't know Mom. I just I don't know anymore." She said as a wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head against mine and we just sat there in complete silence. It has been an exhausting night.
Oh and it's only eight o'clock.
It is going to be a very long night.
I have been very patient. I have waited for eight years for her to finally be ready to commit to some kind of relationship with me. Eight years! That's a long time.
I like to think that I can deal with a lot of things but I don't think I am handling this well. I am so fucking completely in love with this woman and I can not for the life of me get her to see it.
I took her to Liz's wedding. We danced. I don't dance. I hate to dance. She on the other hand loves it. We had a really great time. I even asked her out again. I did everything right.
So again tell me why I'm sitting here alone in my room that I'm sharing with my nephew?
Please someone explain it to me because I don't understand this not for one damn second. Then again I should go find her and tell her how I feel instead of sitting up here wallowing in self pity.
That's it I've had enough of sitting her and doing nothing. I'm going to find her.
I make my way down the stairs and see her in the sitting area of the lobby with her arm around Rory. I saw what happened with her parents hence the fact I was in my room. I don't like confrontation and to be honest the Gilmore's scare me.
I really need to talk to her and it can't wait. I'm making a conscious decision right now to walk over there and get her to talk to me. No need.
As I let my feet leave the last step she looks over in my direction and smiles. I watch as she excuses herself from Rory, who also notes my presence. Loreali walks towards me as Rory makes her way towards the kitchen. Undoubtedly she is looking for some comfort in the form of Sookie's deserts.
"Hey," she says softly as she meets me at the bottom of the stairs.
"Hi." Damn it Luke. You come down to make this grand declaration and all you can manage is one word.
"I'm sorry about that scene with my parents. I know it made everyone a little uncomfortable which would explain why everyone scattered."
"Not everyone. Tom is still in there with Babette."
"That they are," she says as she acknowledges that they are still in fact sitting in the dining area playing Yahtzee. "I guess Babette got lonely once you went upstairs."
"I guess." Why can't I do this? Why can't I just say what I'm thinking? What I'm feeling?
"Are you okay?" She asks in a concerned tone. Am I okay? If she only knew. Okay this is it. Here goes nothing.
"Actually I'm feeling pretty stupid right now."
"Why?"
"I'm not a mysterious man, am I?"
"Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher."
"I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions…"
"Your…"
"You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers."
She chuckles. Why does she think this is funny? "Luke…"
"You knew what I was doing!"
"Well, no, not officially." Does she seriously doubt me over a technicality? So I didn't officially ask her to be my girlfriend or come out and say I like you Loreali, will you go out with me? We are not teenagers. This was my adult way of handling it.
"Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that."
"Well, you didn't say anything official."
"What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it." Okay so maybe I'm starting to raise my voice a little but I'm upset. I love her and she is calling me out on not saying anything official.
"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry."
"And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page." Here goes everything I'm putting it all out there for her to see. "I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy."
"I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!"
"You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!" I'm sorry maybe I'm being harsh but how else will I ever get her to see that I want her. That she is the one for me.
"I loved the flowers!"
"And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment."
"There was! There was a moment." She agrees as she throws her arms to her sides. I gaze at her and move closer. I'm going for it. Nothing is going to take away from this moment right now. Not Rory. Not Jess. Not anyone.
"What are you doing?"
"Will you just stand still?" I ask as I pull her close to me and push my lips against hers. There it goes its all there me and her. The moment I've been waiting eight years for and she is kissing me back. This is a good sign. She pulls away from the kiss to catch her breath. I stare at her for what seemed like an hour but only milliseconds pass and she moves back towards me.
"What are you doing?" Please don't hit me. She kissed me back. She wouldn't hit me right? I don't think I crossed a line. Did I cross a line? Let me think. She said we were on the same page and we agreed there was a moment between us.
"Will you just stand still?" She says softly as she holds my face and brings her lips to mine. I wrap my arms around her and deepen the kiss. She pulls back again.
What the hell? Would she just make up her mind? Does she want me? Is she confused? What is going on here?
We gaze at each other and I put my hands on her waist and pull her back into my body. We fit so well together. This is how it's supposed to be.
"Aaaaah!" I hear a scream come from inside the inn. I look and see Kirk running down the stairs; buck naked with only a pillow to cover him. Why me? "Aaah! Aaaah!" The screams continue as he runs through me and Loreali and into the night. "Aaaaah! Aaaah!"
"I'll be right back." I say to her as she looks at me puzzled. "I'll explain later." I say as I run after Kirk who is still screaming at the top of his lungs. Night terrors. Figures something stupid as this would interrupt my moment with her. Hey at least we got past the first kiss.
I'm happy.
I wonder what all the screaming is about as I make my way from the kitchen back to the sitting area. So much to think about. That perfect summer I had planned for Jess and me is slowly slipping away.
I never thought anything could ruin my mood about the summer until Grandma announced she wanted me to go to Europe with her for the summer because my grandfather and she are separated. I can't let her go alone. She's be lonely over their by herself. I don't want her to be alone.
But Jess. How can I leave him alone? We were finally on the same page again. I can't just let that go.
"Hey," I hear his voice call from the doorway, "What's all the screaming about?"
"No idea," I reply as he walks into the room. I stand up from the couch and stare at him. I want to speak and tell him everything I'm thinking but no words are forming. That's not true. I have the words. I just don't know if they are the right words.
"Rory…" he started to say but before he could finish I just let it all come out. I had to. It was going to drive me crazy to think about it by myself.
"My grandmother needs me to go to Europe with her this summer." I blurted it out. I don't know if those were the right words but they were words nonetheless. He is silent for a moment as he brushes his fingers through his hair.
"I got a job offer in Philadelphia."
"What?" I'm in shock. Was he even going to tell me?
"It's not just a summer job Rory. This is a really job that can open a lot of doors for me. I applied before all this between me and you came up." He goes on to explain. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know why. Its not like we made official plans but it was all implied. The words. The actions. All pointed to the same road. "I haven't said yes."
"But you didn't say no either. What about us?"
"What about us? Rory I don't even know what us is anymore. Everything that has happened these last few days has been a complete haze. Nothing official was said. We didn't discuss anything. How do I say no to a job offer of a lifetime when I don't know why I'm saying no?"
"Official? Are you kidding me Jess?" He wants something official said from me. How about he defines us for once? Is that too much to ask? "You show up at my dorm room three days ago ready to whisk me off into the night and wanted me to rest my future in your hands and you want something official to be said that defines what we are now."
"What about Europe? You don't even plan on being here this summer. I won't sit around in Stars Hallow and wait three months for you to come back."
"So it's my fault? For your information I didn't say I was definitely going. And its only the summer, your job will be for longer."
"I didn't say yes to the job yet either."
Here we go again. That timing thing we've been saying finally worked in our favor just screwed us over again. The universe was like here Rory you can finally be with the man you love… oh wait not so fast we need to through a few more road blocks in so you have to spend years and years apart. Screw that.
I don't want to stop Jess from taking this job. It would be wrong to guilt him into staying with me when in the fall we are just going to go through this all over again. "Do you want to take that job in Philadelphia?"
"Do you want to go to Europe for the summer?"
"Jess, just answer me. Please."
"Of course I do."
As much as it's going to kill me to say this I have to. If you love someone you have to put their wants needs before your own. That's the right thing to do here. I think. "Jess," I start to speak softly as I feel a tear forming in my eye, "I want you to take that job offer. I can't ask you to turn it down not for me."
"I wouldn't be saying no for you Rory. I'd say no for us," he said as he moved closer to me. "I would do anything for you."
"I know you would but let's be honest here Jess. There is no us here. We barely got back together. I love you and I need you to do this for us. If you don't take that job…" I trial off as tears start to roll down my cheeks. "I don't want you to ever resent me if you don't take it."
"Are you breaking up with me Rory Gilmore?"
He asked me a perfectly honest question but I do not want to give him the answer. I do not want to break up with Jess. He is my life. But how do I ask him to give up his dreams so I can have mine?