Author's Note: This chapter is pure Rory/Jess. A lot of OOC'ness but it works. I think. Thanks for the reviews... keep them coming... it may inspire me to get another chapter up by the end of the week )

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Technically speaking she can't break up with me. We are not technically back together. Then again we never technically broke up either. I didn't go to her and tell her it was over, nor vice versa. Maybe she is officially going to end our relationship.

One of two things needs to happen here. We either end things for good or we try again.

I don't know if we can make it throw a summer, our first summer together, with her in Europe and me in Philadelphia. And what about after summer is over? She goes to Yale. I would never ask her to leave Yale. In fact if she ever told me she was leaving Yale I'd have her committed. Going to an Ivy League school and becoming a journalist is her dream. I would never ask her to give it up for anything; especially me.

I see where she is coming from, insisting I take this job offer. I keep calling it a job offer like it means nothing but this job offer means everything. Before Liz's wedding I met some people in New York who owned Truncheon Books, it's a small printing press in Philadelphia. We talked quite a bit over drinks one night. We debated over many authors and just as many books. They said that anyone who could at my age find literary faults in the works of Ayn Rand should be working with them. That's when they mentioned that they were looking for another editor. Sort of a junior editor type deal plus help with picking the books worth publishing.

I know I'm technically not qualified but let me tell you something. I don't need a college degree to edit. I have read every book by Hemmingway and perhaps can speak the English language better than most PhD's.

So what if I don't have a college degree to prove it?

They didn't care but there was a catch if I actually got the job. Since I have no college experience they want me to write something, anything before they let me start to edit. I don't mind. I would love to write. I enjoy every aspect of literature and to maybe someday be a name as recognizable as Hemmingway, Steinbeck, Seuss or Dahl; that would be my dreams come true.

Rory.

God she is so many things to me. I never want to fuck that up again but the timing is just off again. I can not in good faith turn down this job. I may never get another offer like this and I can not blow it. She probably won't forgive herself if she lets her grandmother go to Europe alone. Her grandparents are very intimidating people and they want everyone to be just like them but they are Rory's family. She feels obligated to do this for her grandmother and as much as I would want to ask her to stay I can't be that fucking selfish. Not anymore.

I hate to see her so upset. If its one thing I can not handle it is seeing her cry. So I have not seen her cry yet? I've seen her unhappy like the night of the dance marathon but she was not really crying while I was there anyway. It's something about seeing the woman you love hurt or cry that makes a man go insane. She is not supposed to be crying because of me. It is just not right.

We just both have to take a few steps back here. Everything that has been said in the last two minutes just came pouring out without warning. And she is not in the best place to be making these kinds of life changing decisions. She just found out her grandparents are separated and that her grandmother needs her to go to Europe with her this summer.

I know I said needs. Emily Gilmore may ask a question like do you want to do but what she means is I need you to go, don't you dare let me down. It is an impossible situation for her to be in. Then I jump in with the news that I have this amazing job offer in Philadelphia and I admit not the best timing on my part but give me a fucking break. I did not know how else to tell her.

I didn't even think I was going to tell her.

Truthfully if Emily hadn't asked Rory to go away this summer and Rory wasn't struggling with that decision I may have not even told her. I know it wouldn't have been fair but I would give this up for her. As much as I want to take this job and I really do, I could find another offer that would be just as good… maybe; in time anyway.

She is standing in front of me noticeably upset. I know she did not intend to imply she wants to break up… oh yeah the technically not breaking up something that never officially got off the ground. Nonetheless I know that this thing we have going is what she wants. She wouldn't have come to New York after me if it was the other way around.

I reached my hand up to her face and wiped the tear from her soft, damp flesh. "We should go for a walk."

"A walk?" She questions. Of course it's out of left field but that is me, the solution to this sort of confrontation is to let it sit for a while then deal with it once everything has sunk in.

"A walk." I repeat. We both could use the fresh air and the time out of the inn to process everything that has happened to both of us since we got here today. It's a chance for us to walk in our comfortable silence and think. This will be a good thing.

"Okay," she says as she takes her hands and wipes the tears from her face.

I reach over and take her hand into mind. I give her a little squeeze to let her know that I will be here. No matter what happens or what we decide I will always be here for her. She squeezes back and takes the initiative to interlock her fingers with mine. I intended to lead the way but she pulls ahead and makes her way out of the inn.

Her shape definitely agrees with her outfit. Fuck it! I know I shouldn't be thinking with my dick again but god damn it ever since I stopped her on the beach the night before all I can think about every time she moves is how much I want to make love to her. I keep thinking how good it will feel to take her to that place to bring her beyond the brink for the first time.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've had sex before and it was satisfying but I just don't want it to be good sex. I want it to be an exuberant love making journey with me as her tour guide. Now wouldn't she just look freaking amazing dressed up in one of those cliché fantasy tour guide uniforms?

Okay that was it last comment about Rory and sex for now. I have to focus on what's important here and it's not how amazing she would look naked, sweating… get a hold of your self Marino. It's Rory. She is a goddess not a piece of meat. Breathe and focus. Focus and breathe.

Rory. Europe. Truncheon Books. Philadelphia.

That's all I should be thinking about right now. I have to find a way to fix this. I need to be able to fix this. For me. For her. For us. Our future is going to be decided within this next conversation because unlike me Rory will not be able to let this just sit for the night. We will have to decide everything right here right now… on our bridge.

It's the only place I want to be right now.

After everything that has happened and is happening when I come here to this place it just all fades away. The stillness of the water is very comforting to me. I think it has everything to do with the fact I love the rain. Water in general is just very soothing to me.

I love watching the ripples in the water. Sometimes I'll go out of my way to find a rock and toss it in just to watch the current in motion. It is such a subtle motion but that delicate movement is mesmerizing. I could stare for hours. When Jess left the second time I came here every night for almost a month. It probably would have been longer but mom and I had our whole backpacking through Europe thing planned for four years and I could not in good conscience refuse to go just because Jess was gone. It would have been stupid and as hurt as I was I couldn't let it get to me. I would not let Jess leaving me cripple my life.

Those nights I came here to be alone and think about everything that went wrong with Jess and I. I would just sit here for a while and stare at the water. It was so calming and peaceful. It reminded me of the way I felt when Jess and I were alone together. Despite all the chaos he brought into my life, when it was just me and him it was bliss.

I just stood there with my hand in his and stared down at the water. It was killing me to know that this moment wouldn't last forever. In all likelihood I would be coming out here every night I would be home in the fall because whether I liked it or not Jess was going to have to take that job. He would be crazy to turn down a job that could open doors for him. I would be crazy to tell him not to take it.

But I don't want him too.

Yes I know it's selfish but I want Jess. I have waited for Jess to grow up and I love him and now he's here being the man I always knew he was. How can I just let him go?

"If I tell you something," I ask breaking the silence between us, "you have to promise not to laugh."

"Laugh? What's that again?" He comments with a smirk. He doesn't usually laugh but he should it definitely suits him to have that look on his face. It's sexy and exciting to see him enjoying himself.

I free my hand from his grasp and teasingly slap him on the arm. "Yeah well you have been nothing but full of surprises the past few days so just promise me."

"Cross my heart," he says as he makes the shape of a cross across his chest. He's unpredictable at his best. I secretly love that about him. Capriciousness is thrilling and erotic. What can I say? The things that make him an unreliable boyfriend are the exact same things I find turn me on the most.

"The night after you left," I begin.

"Which time?" A legitimate question but really interrupting me is not making this easy to get out in the open. I just want to get this out of the way so I can tell him how much it hurt when he left.

I rolled my eyes before answering him, "The second time, after your dad came to town."

"Okay, at least now I can picture a time frame. Circumstances. Gives me a chance to relate better."

"You know if you keep mocking me, I'm not going to tell you."

"I wasn't mocking," he claimed as I once again rolled my eyes at him, "Honestly."

I took a deep breath as I prepared to tell him. I don't know why this is so hard to say. It's not like I'm saying hey I'm pregnant and the baby is yours I'm saving that for the Maury show. I'm just trying to open a door here so we can heal any open wounds. I didn't realize how many I had when it came to Jess until tonight.

"I came here every night after you left for almost a month," I said as I lowered myself down to sit on the bridge. I tossed my legs over the edge and let them dangle, barely grazing the top of the water, "I would come here at the same time every night and just sit here."

"Why?"

Just spit it out Rory. The faster you get it out the faster you can heal that open wound. "Maybe I was hoping that you would come find me." I looked up at him as his eyes widened, eyebrows rose and he stared straight into my eyes. He could probably see my soul that stare was that deep and intense. "You came and found me here once before."

"The dance marathon." He nodded finally connecting the two things I was feeling. The night after the dance marathon, Jess finally came to me and breathed life back into my world.

"I know it was stupid and girly," I tried to explain as he lowered himself and sat beside me on our bridge, "but I wasn't ready to give up on us." And I'm still not. This can't be the way things end for us. It's just tragic and clique. My relationship with Jess can not have a clique ending.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready to come find you yet." He was being completely sincere and that's all I could ask for right now. There is a lot here that we aren't saying but it is all understood in our silence.

"I know," I say after a few moments. I reach over into his lap and take his hand into mine. He has really nice hands. They fit into mine perfectly. Did you ever see that made for TV movie with Kimberly Williams-Paisley and Patrick Dempsey, who by the way is the definition of yum? I can't think of the name of it right now but there was a little girl and her mom dies of cancer when she is like seven years old. Before her mom dies, the little girl, ugh I can't think of the girl's name. Anyways, she asks her mom how she will know which guy she is supposed to marry and her mom answers his hands, they will fit with your perfectly.

Jess' hand fits.

"Jess," I say softly gently breaking our peacefulness, "I want you to go to Philadelphia. You deserve to take that job."

"Don't ever become a lawyer."

"What?"

"You are a very bad liar. Worse than Jim Carrey as a matter of fact," he says with a smirk. Then a serious look comes across his face. He kind of looks like he needs to tell me my dog died or something. Wait I don't have a dog so at least that narrows the list down. "Just tell me everything you are feeling. What do you want Rory?"

Why does he have to know me better than anyone? He's right I am a terrible liar. I couldn't lie if my life depended on it. The thing about lying is if you lie once chances are in the future you have to retell that lie so that means more lying. Really it's just a bad chain of lies until the truth finally blows up in your face.

"You're right. I hate it when you're right." I finally succumb to his superiority. "Part of me wants to be really selfish and tell you not to take that job. I had a plan for us and it was supposed to work for us. It was going to solve all our problems."

"A plan?" he asks quizzically.

"Yes a plan. You do know what a plan is right?"

"Yes I know what a plan is. I want to know what your plan was."

"In the fall we were going to get an apartment in New Haven. We'd live together, work. I'd still go to Yale and you would take some classes at Southern…"

"Southern?" He retorts with a laugh. "Rory, you know I'm not the college type. School is your thing. Always has been your thing."

"Okay so there were a few kinks. We could have made it work." Who am I trying to kid here? This solution, my grand plan only served one person and it was me. If Jess gave in and agreed I would get everything I wanted. My plan isn't what Jess wants. He wants to go to Philadelphia. He may not say it in so many words but he wants that job. I have to let him take it.

"Rory…"

"I know I'm being extremely needy and irrational but I'm not ready to let you go again. We were so close this time."

"We don't have to make any decisions tonight Ror."

Of course we don't have to. We need to though; for my own sanity. I can't just pretend none of this is happening. Decisions need to be made. We need to have a plan. I need to know what we are or aren't. All these things are very important for me to know right here, right now.

"Jess," I say as I squeeze his hand gently, "I need to know what we are doing here. What are we to each other?"

Rory Gilmore, you are my whole world.

I can think this and say it in my head over and over but I can't formulate the words aloud to her. If I say it I make myself vulnerable to a whole lot of pain. That's why the first time I said I love you; I ran back to my car and drove away. I still wonder what she would have said but I know that I couldn't have handled her saying I hate you.

Why does she have to put the ball in my court?

I can't be forced to define us. It's not fair and hello, I'm not the only one here that needs to be making this decision. I know how I feel, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels but for the life of me I still can't figure out whether or not she wants us to have a real shot.

Did I hear her say it?

Of course I did. I'm not deaf. She doesn't want me to go. I heard her loud and clear. Is it because she really wants to be with me or is it because she can't stand the thought of me moving on with someone else?

But what the fuck am I supposed to say here?

Do I pour my heart out again and have her stomp all over it? Sorry not happening not this time.

Fuck. I need to tell her something. I can't just sit here and say nothing it's not fair to her or me. Just tell her Marino. Tell her that she is your everything and that you love her. Easier said than done.

But here goes nothing. Wish me luck.

"I love you Rory. You know that. It was never a secret."

"I love you too." Hearing her say it even though I already knew makes it seem so much more real. I want to hear her voice say that to me everyday for the rest of my life.

"When I asked you to come away with me," I don't know why I'm saying this but for some reason it appears necessary right now. I don't know what good it will do but it seems like it needs to be said. "I asked you to come with me and start over away from here, away from everything. All I wanted to hear you say is that you still wanted me. You didn't have to say yes."

"Jess…"

"I was being irrational and selfish then. When you said no, I knew we were over and I was ready to accept that." That is the truth I was. That to me was my last shot to have something with Rory and when that one word yelped from her lips, 'no', it was all over; until she decided to be a woman and change her mind. Fucking women and their prerogatives to change their mind; it's really not fair to us guys.

"But here we are now," she replies, "It wasn't planned. Maybe there is something bigger than us out there trying to tell us something."

"Fate?" If this is fate then fate should help me out here and tell me what to say. What do I say to here that defines us? After all we are what we've always been…Jess and Rory. Maybe that's the answer.

"Maybe."

"Maybe we should ask fate to tell us what we are then because it seems to know more than I do. I have no fucking idea what the future is going to bring us."

"Jess…"

"I know. Are you sure you still want me to tell you what we are?"

"Absolutely."

"It's me and you always."

"How very "Dawson's Creek" of you?" So what if I had to steal the line from one of the most back and forth primetime shows on television. I had to think of something that would make sense and sound heartfelt. It did in my mind.

"It's the truth though Rory," I say as I place my hands on her face. I brush the loose tendrils of hair away from her beautiful blue eyes. "It doesn't matter if we are together or apart, you are the only one for me."

"Oh Jerry, you had me at hello." She is mocking me. I can't believe it. Now you see why I don't go around making romantic declarations and defining relationships. I remove my hands from her face as she giggles.

She looks so beautiful when she laughs.

"And you had the nerve to ask me not to mock you? What do you call what you're doing now?"

"I'm sorry." She says as she stops giggling. The smile doesn't disappear though. That's a good thing. I couldn't handle seeing her cry again. "Really I am. It's just weird for me to hear you say things that are so…"

"Cheesy?"

"No."

"Clique?"

"Romantic."

"Don't go around spreading that rumor," I declare with a tough ass façade but she knows that I'm just pretending, "I have a reputation to protect."

"Screw your reputation," she says as she pulls her body into mine and presses her full lips against mine.

She goes to pull away. I think she just wanted to get me to stop acting like I was the Fonz, too cool for my own good but I didn't let her off so easy. She started it.

I let my tongue graze her lips as I push my way through past her teeth into her mouth. My tongue finds hers and they start to move together to a beat of their own.

My hand finds her face and moves down her neck line as my lips stay entangled with hers. My hand wonders down her neck, her arm, until I find her waistline. My hand moves ever so gently to rest on the small of her back.

Her fingers are entangled in my hair as the kiss grows deeper. I think we could just lie down on this bridge and make love. I'm certainly ready. I just can't bring myself to close the deal with her out in the open. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't ever want to cheapen Rory. We'll have sex when the time is right.

Oh shit. Her hand is on my dick. This is a problem. I'm hard as a rock right now and the mere presence of her hand, even through my jeans, is making me crazy. I remove my hand from her back and reluctantly remove her hand from that area.

"Okay, I'm going to be the one to stop this again." Why am I being the strong one here? Do you have any idea how fucking difficult it is to stop myself from making love to her? Next time we find ourselves in this position I'm not going to be able to stop it. I think I should stand up. Standing up is a good thing I conclude. I position my arms and raise myself to the upright position. However, now I have to adjust myself because damn Rory Gilmore turns me on so much. I'm going to have to take a cold shower tonight.

"Now what?"

"We go back to the inn." Honestly the last place I want to go but I really don't want to have Loreali on my ass right now. We are actually being civil to each other and as much as I want to take Rory back to Luke's and finish what she started I can't. I need to do this to prove to everyone, to prove to Rory that I'm in this for the right reasons.

"Back to the inn?"

"Yeah don't you want to know what all the screaming was about?" I have a feeling I know what it is about. My gut is screaming Kirk. My dick is screaming go take Rory back to Luke's.

Oh my god! I can't fucking handle this torture anymore. If we don't have sex soon I'm going to explode. Cold showers are going to be my best friend for the time being.

"Kind of but…"

"Rory trust me. We are done talking about us for tonight." I reached for her hand and helped her upright and I lead her back to the inn.

We really didn't settle any uncertainties we had about my job or her impending tour around Europe but we did define us.

Rory and I. Always.