2. How Byakuya reacts if Rukia is pregnant

(Okay, I originally planned for this to be a oneshot, but now I'm expanding it. If you like it, review. If you hate it, you can still review.)

Byakuya Kuchiki would never ever ever ever (you get the point) forget that day.

He was innocently doing some paperwork in his office. (Actually, he was making Renji the slave do the paperwork in the next room while he planned out some ping pong strategies. But that is beside the point.) Suddenly, his troublesome, adopted sister burst in. He looked up in annoyance. Everyone knew that he didn't like people just coming in unless they had an appointment or he was expecting the,.

"Hi." Rukia said in a matter of fact voice. "I'm pregnant."

His eyes rolled a little, his legs grew unsteady, and then he fell.

"Whoa. Byakuya can faint?" Rukia asked herself.

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"Whoa. Chill, Byakuya." Those were Ichigo's first words.

"NO, I WILL NOT CHILL!"

"Your hair curlers are messed up, you know."

"THEY'RE NOT HAIR CURLERS!" Byakuya yelled defensively.

"But seriously, what did you expect? Rukia not to get pregnant?" Ichigo snorted. "You even mentioned 'cute nieces and nephews.' Sometimes, you need to relax and enjoy life. Now what color should I pick out?"

"You're adolescents! I didn't expect you both to sleep with each other so soon!" (Actually Rukia is over a hundred years old and Ichigo is twenty four).

"Just shut up and tell me which color."

Both Byakuya and Ichigo were out shopping for the baby. In the Soul Society, of course. Byakuya had already picked up most of the merchandise. (Teddy bears, diapers, a crib, an alphabet book, etc.)

"I don't know." Byakuya inspected the little jacket. Fine quality cloth. "Is it a boy or girl?"

"Yes." Ichigo replied to Byakuya's question, then me mumbled to himself. "Why can't Rukia do the shopping? Instead, she makes me do it."

"So is it a boy or girl?"

"I said yes." Ichigo's scowled more heavily.

"Which one?"

"Didn't Rukia tell you? They're twins, a boy and a girl."

Byakuya felt his eyes roll again, and his knees grew unsteady yet again. The world turned black.

"Whoa, Byakuya can faint?"

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Rukia's stomach was round and bloated, as with any other pregnant woman. She also had the strangest craving for strawberries. She would gobble them up, calling them, "little Ichigos." It was quite disturbing, but she was pregnant, so cut her some slack.

Rukia also had a short temper. The third time Byakuya visited her during the nine months of pregnancy, he made her cry by mentioning how round she had become. ("WAAAHHH! I'M FAT!" "No, you're not! Don't cry, Rukia! I see that you're very skinny! Please stop crying!") The fifth time, she had lost her temper with him and hit him several times with a nearby broom for giving her the wrong medication. ("ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME, DAMMIT!" "Ow! Ow! Stop! OUCH! My hair curlers!")

That was part of the reason he was so upset when Urahara tricked him into coming here. That damn man wearing the ugly hat would be sorry when Byakuya got his hand on him.

When he left.

Which wasn't soon.

"GET ME MORE LITTLE ICHIGOS!" Rukia shouted, and threw a nearby book ("Unicorns Galore" bought by Byakuya for the girl baby) at his general direction for good measure.

Byakuya sadly picked up "Unicorns Galore" and went inside the kitchen. He opened the fridge. Strawberries. Lots of strawberries. Nothing but strawberries. What the hell did Ichigo eat? (He ate in restaurants or takeout, Byakuya. It's not like he can cook as good as you.)

This was going to be a long day.

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"I'M AN UNCLE!" Byakuya put a party hat on Renji, who cringed as the string snapped on his chin.

"Yeah that's great." Soi Fon said, a little uncomfortable.

All the shinigami had been forced to go to the party when the twins had been born. Byakuya was the proud uncle of Lilian Kurosaki, a healthy six pounds, and Lim Kurosaki, five pounds. (That's pretty good for twins.)

Renji cried in fear as Byakuya got the "pin the tail on the donkey" board out. (Byakuya accidentally stabbed numerous people that day.)