Crucifixion
----------------
Two days before Christmas
---------------------------
Tony carries Sarah in the mall
"Do you want to sit on Santa's lap?"
"No."
"How else is he gonna know what you want for Christmas."
"Mommy knows."
"Oh good, I'm sure she told Santa for you."
Sarah yawns
"What should we get Mommy?"
"She said she didn't want anything."
"Yes, but that means she wants something."
"It does?"
"Yep."
"Can I pick it out then?"
"Absolutely...where do you want to go?"
"I want to get mommy a new necklace, like this."...Sarah takes out Ziva's old star of David necklace, that she is now wearing...Tony rubs it with his finger.
They head into a jewelry store.
Sarah shows the sales woman her necklace..."What do you say, Sarah?"
"Please."
"Good girl."...Tony kisses her on the top of the head
"Yes, we do have one of those, it's made out of platinum."
"We'll take it."
"We're buying it?"
Tony looks at Sarah..."Yup."...then looks at the sales woman..."Can you wrap that for me?"
"Yes, sir."
"On the card, say it's from Sarah, please. Thank you."
"Just from me?"
"Yup." She smiles at him
"Daddy? Can we get a happy meal on the way home?"
Tony laughs..."Of course, but don't tell your mother."
"I won't."
"Pinky swear?"
"Pinky swear." ...Sarah extends her pinky and Tony shakes it with his pinky.
"Here is it, sir."...Tony holds out his credit card and she swipes it...
She hands to Sarah..."Thank you for shopping with us."
They start to leave..."I want bacon, daddy."
Tony laughs..."You're definitely my daughter."
------------------
Christmas Eve
------------------
McGee sits at his desk wrapping a present
Tony comes walking down the stairs, "Still wrapping stuff, Tim?"
"I just got it today in the mail, it's the new Xbox."
"Aren't those in high demand?"
"Cost me 1000 bucks."
"Yikes."
"Timmy will be thrilled, though."
"I'm sure he will, McGee."
"What did you get the boys?"
"Same thing."
"Really?"
"Yup, just 500 bucks cheaper."
"Did you get Grand Theft Auto 8?"
"Yup."
"Oh, lucky. I haven't found a copy yet."
"You do now."...as Tony tosses him a present.
"Really?"
"Merry Christmas, Tim...now go kill some hookers. Heh"
McGee laughs..."Hey, where's Ziva?"
"Shopping with Jenny for Christmas dinner."
"DiNozzo! We got a body."...Gibbs yelled from the railing, giving the address.
"NOOOO!"
"Put a cork it in, McGee."
"I hate working Holidays."
Tony sighs..."It does suck...call Ducky, have him meet us there."
-----------------
They arrive on scene, Tony, McGee and Ducky with Kimberley walk towards the back of a post office.
They look up and there's a man wearing a sailor uniform crucified to 2 sheets of plywood, 2 words smeared under his out stretched arms..."sinner"..."murderer"...
"Oh my, the media is gonna have a field day with this, Anthony."
Tony is silent..."Anthony?"
"What is the spawn of the FBI doing here?"
Ducky looks down..."Mr. Palmer!"
"Hello, Dr. Mallard."
"This is my crime scene, DiNozzo."
"Once I get done with it, maybe...and that's a small maybe, Sacks."
"You're still a bastard, I see."
"Thanks."
Ziva arrives at the post office and walks around the back..
"You suck, DiNozzo."
"Nice comeback."
"Your whole family sucks."
Ziva walks up..."Tsk, tsk, tsk, Agent Slacks."
"Slacks."...Tony points and laughs...
Ducky and Palmer stand in a cherry picker as they slowly move up to the body.
"How have you been Mr. Palmer?"
"Good, things are a lot more strict around the FBI, though."
"I figured, as much."
"How's your mother?"
"Alive and kicking."
"I was sorry to hear about Agent Lee."
"Ah, yes, it was a tragedy."
They arrive at the body...Ducky and Palmer start to examine it.
"How things look, Ducky/Jim?"...Tony and Sacks together
"Jim?"...Palmer shrugs...
"Examine the best parts, Jim."
Ducky turns around and looks down..."Grow up, Agent Sacks."
Sacks puts his head down in shame.
"Examine the best parts?"...Ducky pauses..."And he's your leader?"
"He has been since Fornell retired 2 years ago."
"My lord, this man is still alive."
"Tony, we need a stretcher immediately!"
--------------
Bethesda Hospital
--------------
Tony stands in the room where the sailor lays in bed, he's hooked to multiple machines.
"Did he have an ID?"...Tony asked the doctor
"Nope."
"I'll need a blood sample and the clothes he was wearing."
"Yes, of course."
"McGee, take pictures and get his fingerprints."
"On it, Boss."
"What can you tell me about his injuries, doc?"
"He has puncture wounds to both wrists and ankles. He has some lacerations on his back...they look like whip wounds."
"Did you take pictures of those before you treated him?"
"No, but he also has some blunt force trauma to his head."
"Make sure you take a picture of head wound, Tim."...Tony pauses..."Only thing he's missing is spear in his side."
The doctor holds up a clear circular container with a bloody blade tip inside.
"Are you serious?"
"No thorn crown, though."
"Thank G...never mind."
------------
Ziva arrives back at NCIS
Tony sits at his desk..."How'd the interviews go?"
"Only 3 women were working at the time inside. None claim to know anything. They were all over 50. I did get the security video inside and outside for the past couple of days, though."
"Was there a security camera in the back."
"Unfortunately not."
"I'm gonna run this down to Abby."
"Here." ...Tony stands and hands Ziva 2 packages.
Ziva grabs them and takes them downstairs...she arrives in Abby's lab..
"Got some video tapes for you, Abby."
Abby works feverously at her computer...
"Abby?"
Abby still doesn't answer as she continues to type away on her keyboard...
Ziva places her hand on Abby's shoulder.
"What?"...As Abby turns around..."Oh, hey Ziva."
"Whatcha doin', Abby?"
"Ebay auction, only 2 minutes left...I'm high bid."
Ziva moves closer, looking at the screen..."What you bidding on?"
"A Nine Inch Nails baby snowsuit."
"Wow...just wow."
"I know, isn't it...great!?"
"Who's Nine Inch Nails?"
"They're an industrial rock band formed circa 1988 in Cleveland, Ohio, started by front man Trent Reznor. They've won multiple grammy awards."
"Who are you?"
"I'm Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm on loan from the FBI from Quantico, I'm helping Agent Sacks with his case."...As he adjust his glasses...
"The crucifixion case?"
"Yes, this is the 4th similar case in the past 12 months. The other 3 happened in New York City area, though, but I think this is a copycat."
"Why do you say that?"
"He was nailed through the wrists, not the palms of the hands like the other victims...this is more in line, because he doesn't have sedile to rest his feet upon."
"Sedile? Forgive me, I'm Jewish, but which way was Jesus crucified?"
"It depends on who you ask. In the Gospel of John, it was translated as...'in the hands'...but other scholars believe the hand also includes the forearms, but in most churches, they show Jesus nailed through the hands standing on a sedile or a foot-rest."
"YES!"...Abby jumps up and down..."I won it."
"Ebay? 84 of my book collection has come from Ebay."
Abby looks at Reid..."How many books would that be?"
"24,435."
"You know the exact number?"
"Yes, I've read everyone of them, some of them multiple times."
Ziva looks amazed..."I have a hard time finishing the Cat in the Hat for my children."
Abby looked at Ziva..."I love the Cat in the Hat! It's my favorite Dr. Seuss book."
"My mother never read Dr. Seuss to me as a child, usually French literature."...he pauses..."Do you know where I can find a Special Agent DiNozzo?"
"You're looking for my husband, he's upstairs...second floor."
"Thank you."...as Spencer Reid starts to leave, then stop..."It might be a coincidence, but it's been said that Jesus was nailed to the cross by nine inch nails, actual nails, that is."
"We don't believe in coincidences."...Ziva and Abby together.
"Ok."...then leaves..
"Did he seem too smart or what?"
"I thought he was kinda cute."
"Really?
Reid steps off the elevator..."I'm looking for a Special Agent DiNozzo."
"Yeah, here...just leave it on the desk."
"No, you misunderstand."
"I have to sign for it?"
"No, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm with the FBI."
"I told Sacks he'd get the crime scene when I was done."
"No, I was sent from Quantico to help Sacks, but he sent me to help you."
"Help me how?"
"I'm with the BAU."...He shows him his badge.
"BAU?"
"Behavioral Analysis Unit"
"So, you're some kind of profiler then?"
"Yes, we focus on developing new and innovative investigative approaches and techniques to the solution of crime by studying the offender, and their behavior and motivation...then making a specific profile with ways to identify them, then lay out detailed..."
"Wait! Stop, stop man...I'm a phys-ed major here."
"In laymen terms, we study a person's mind then predict how they will behave in the future."
"Ok, so you can tell us who we're looking for?"
"Yes and no, I should be able to give you detailed information on who and what to look for in the unsub."
"I think he's saying, by looking at the evidence, he can gather info and tell you the best possible description of who we're looking for, Boss."
"I thought McGee was hard to understand sometimes...all right, you two stick together. Give him all the info he needs, Tim."
"On it, Boss."...as Tim shows Reid to his old desk.
"McGee, what's an unsub?"
"Unsub means an unidentified subject."
"Oh, thanks."
Tony phone rings...
"Lets go, Abby has something."
Tony and McGee walk to the elevator..."Are you coming, Dr. Reid?"
"What? Oh, of course."...as he gets up and runs to the elevator.
-----------
Tony steps through the door.
McGee and Reid follow him...
"I see that he found you."
"Yep, I had to have McGee translate for me, though."
Ziva pats him on the back..."Poor Tony."
Tony whispers something in Ziva's ear..."Don't threaten me, unless you're gonna back it up."
"It wasn't a threat, Z...it was a promise."...as he smacks her on the ass.
"You NCIS people are...mighty friendly."
Tony shrugs..."We're married, we're always grab-assin'."...Abby and McGee both nods together.
"Anyway, what you got Abs?"
"What's in a name, Tony?."
"A kiss on the cheek for you...and Caitlin?"...she smiles..
"He's retired Lance Corporal Michael Collins, he got a honorable discharge March this year. Here's his address."
"Where did he work?"
"At Don's Guns."
"I love his commercials."
"We all do, Timmy." ...as Abby smacks McGee in the back of the head
"What was that for, Abby?"
Abby shrugs..."McGee just needed smacked."
"Works for me."...Tony pauses..."McGee, I want you and Ziva to go to his residence, Dr. Reid and I will go gun shopping."...Tony pauses..."Are you wearing a bullet-proof vest Reid?"
"No."
"McGee take him upstairs and give him some dragonskin...and remember to put yours on."
"I'll remember this time, Boss...come with me, Dr. Reid."...They leave for the armory.
Tony kisses Abby on the cheek...then walks back into her office, he picks up Caitlin..."She's getting so big, Abs."...then kisses her on both cheeks..."You smell like peaches...has momma been feedin' you peaches? Yes she has!"...he lifts her shirt, presses his lips on her tummy and blows, making Caitlin laugh...he kisses her on the forehead and lays her back down and walks back towards Ziva.
"Lets go, Z."
Ziva just looks at him...
"What?"
"Oh, just you and blowing on baby's stomachs."
"Yeah, you missing out?"
Tony lifts up her shirt...tucking it up under the middle of her bra and lifts her up and blows on her stomach.
She laughs..."Stop it."...he blows again...she giggles..."You're rotten."...he lets her down..
"To the core."
Abby just stares at them..."You two were destined to be together."
Ziva pulls Tony out the door by his tie..."Talk to you later, Abby. Hey, not too hard, sweet cheeks. Ow!"
---------------
Ziva and McGee arrive at Michael Collins residence...McGee tries the doorknob, "It's locked."
"Step aside, Tim."...as Ziva picks the lock.
"I'm finally getting use to that."
"And it only took you 10 years, yes?"
Ziva walks in, the place is emaculate, not a single thing is out of place.
"Check the bedroom and bathroom, Tim...I got the kitchen and living room."
McGee heads towards the bedroom...then stops as he reaches the bedroom door..."ZIVA!"
Ziva quickly moves to McGee with her gun drawn...A body is on the bed, a large snake is wrapped around it.
"I HATE snakes. I'm going to shoot it, McGee."
"No stop, its evidence."
"We need it alive, why?"
"I don't know, but you don't have to kill it."
"Then you bag it."...as she puts her gun back in her holster.
"Weird."...McGee moves next to the bed..."An apple."
Ziva fires twice at McGee's feet...McGee jumps back..."What the hell, Ziva!?"
"Look down."
McGee looks down and sees the dead body of cobra.
Ziva fires again..."They're all over the place, McGee...get the hell out of there."
Ziva grabs McGee hand and yanks him out the door.
"Where did they all come from?"
"From under the bed."
McGee looks down...as a snake slithers over his foot..."Ziva, help me."...He whispered with much fear in his voice
Ziva quickly grabs it and tosses it in the room.
She shudders..."Ewwww, lets get the hell out of here."...as they run out the front door
--------------
Tony and Reid ride in Tony's car.
Reid looks through pictures..."Didn't your forensic expert say he got a honorable discharge?"
"Abby."
"Abby?"
"Our forensic expert's name is Abby."
"Oh."
"And yes, she did...did you figure something out?"
"Well, why is he wearing a sailor's uniform."
"Hmm, good catch, Reid. I already like you more than Sacks."
Reid shakes a bit.
"You all right? Cold? Want me to turn the heat up?"
"Yes, thanks." ...Tony turns up the heat.
"You seem a little fidgety to me. Have you had a lot of work in the field?"
"Yes and no."
"Have you ever fired a gun?"
"Yes."
"Hit anything?"
"Yes."
"All right."
Tony turns into the Don's Guns parking lot.
They get out and walk through the front door...they walk up the man behind the counter...
"I'm Special Agent DiNozzo, NCIS."...he shows him his badge..."And this is...Dr. Spencer Reid, FBI."
"I know what FBI is, but what is NCIS?"
Tony sighs...
"Naval Criminal Investigative Service, it's the primary law enforcement and counterintelligence arm of the United States Department of the Navy, which also includes the Marine Corps. NCIS grew out of the Office of Naval Intelligence during World War I. In 1966, the name Naval Investigative Service or NIS was adopted to distinguish the organization from the rest of Office of Naval Intelligence, and in 1992 the first civilian director was appointed and name of the agency was changed to the Naval Criminal Investigative Service."
Tony glares at Reid..."You know more about NCIS than I do."
"Sorry, I just read the guide book Agent McGee gave me."
"We have a guidebook!?"...he shakes his head..."Never mind."
Tony looks back at the man behind the counter..."We'd like to talk to you about one of your employee's, Michael Collins."
"He called in sick the last couple of days."
"Did he call in sick himself?
"Yes, he did."
"What was the last time you heard from him?"
"This morning around 8:15, he said he and his wife had a serious case of the stomach flu."
"He's in the hospital, someone tried to kill him."
"I'll do anything you want, is he going to be all right?"
"Too early to say...did he have a locker or anything here?"
"Yes, in the back...let me show you."
He lifts up the counter letting Reid and DiNozzo through...they follow him into the worker's area..."His locker is number 7."
"Heh. 7."
"Does that mean something to the case, Special Agent DiNozzo?"
"No...and call me Tony."
"You wouldn't have the combo would ya?"
"Nope, sorry."
Tony grabs a metal bar from the corner and lock, knocking it open.
Tony opens it and it's completely empty.
Tony's cell rings...
"Z, slow down, what about snakes?"..."You shot them? Snakes?"
"They had better luck than us, it seems."
"Hope you're not afraid of snakes, Reid."
"Nope."
"Good."...as they walk out of the worker's area and past the display cases...but something catches Tony's eye..
"Hey, isn't that the automag 44 magnum like Dirty Harry uses in Sudden Impact?"
"Yes, it is."
"Awesome. Ziva would love that."
"Special Agent DiNozzo?"
"Reid for the last time, call me Tony...and I'll take it."...Tony looks up at man behind the counter..."You don't gift wrap do ya? Heh."
-----------
Tony and Reid back in the car
"So, you married Spence? Can I call you Spence? Got any kids?"
"Not yet. Your wife mentioned you had children."
"Yeah, we have 3, plus I have another child with Abby."
"I see."
"It's a long story."
"Sounds like it."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about writing a book...what do you think of the name: 'The DiNozzo Dossier.'...sounds good right? Heh."
"Your wife said something about snakes?"
"Yeah, you didn't lie, did ya? You aren't afraid of snakes are you?"
"No, I was thinking of what kind of snakes and such and how they went with this specific case."
"Oh, well...don't think so much."
"Ummm, it's kinda what I do."
"I noticed that...I admire you, I wish I was smarter."...Tony hits the steering wheel with his palm..."Damn, I bet you kick serious ass at Jeopardy don't ya?"
"I rarely watch TV."
"Really?"...Tony shrugs..."The last book I finished was Deep Six...no wait, I didn't finish that, I wonder how it ends?"...Tony thinks to himself..."Oh well."
"Deep Six? By Thom E. Gemcity?"
"Don't tell me, you read it?"
"Yes and his other 4 books."
"McGee has written 4 books?"
"Timothy McGee?"
"Yeah, you met him, Thom E. Gemcity is McGee's pen name."
"Are you Agent Tommy?"
"Yep."
"I should've known."
"What?"
"Nothing."
Tony gives him an evil stare.
-------------
Tony pulls into Michael Collins' driveway…
Ziva and McGee lean against their car. Animal Control is on site.
Tony and Reid get out of the car...and walk over to them..
"How many snakes we talkin' about, Z?"
"No idea, I saw at least 5 and I killed two of them."
"Hey, what's that on your stomach!? Give me a glove, McGee."...McGee hands him a glove and Tony grabs it and pulls on it."...What the hell is that?"
"It looks like a fang from a Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake."
"What!?"...as Ziva quickly takes her shirt off and unfastens her dragonskin...Tony kneels and runs his fingers over her skin. "I don't think it went through, Z."
Z wipes her brow..."That was close."
"Pink, Ziva?"
Ziva quickly slaps McGee on the back of the head.
"Hey!"...As she quickly puts her shirt back on.
Tony rises and slaps McGee again.
"What was that for?"
"Looking at my wife's bra."
"But...she...never mind."...as Tony got ready to slap him again.
"The director condones physical reprimands?"...Reid asked
"Who do you think started it?"
"Oh, I see."
"Yeah, things are done a little big different at NCIS. We're edgy and cool."
A woman from animal control walks up to them..."We think we got them all, but I wouldn't suggest going in there until after we snake bomb it."
"How many snakes? 63 alive and 3 dead."
"Hey, I shot one more than I thought."
"Nope, only two died from gun shots."
"We can't risk losing evidence, we'll have to go in now. Is the bedroom at least safe?"
"Yes, it's 100 searched."
"Ok, where are you taking the snakes? We'll need you to keep them separated, they're evidence, too."
"Not a problem."...as she hands him her card and she smiles and looks him over and then she walks away.
Ziva walks up to Tony and slaps him on the back of the head..."Manwhore!"
"Manwhore? She smiled at me, honey bunches."
McGee laughs...then gets slapped again..."Sorry, Boss."
Tony turns to Ziva...he lowers his head..."I'm sorry for my manwhore ways."
"Apology accepted."
Tony lets out a sigh of relief..."Z, I want you to take the body back to Ducky and have him look at you, just in case."...Tony pauses..."Yeah and get a new suit of dragonskin."
"Ducky's not coming?"
"Nope, he's just finishing up something for Gibbs. Kimberley just arrived, she'll help you."
------------
Ziva and Kimberley leave with the body...as Tony, McGee and Reid stand in the bedroom.
"McGee, do your thang."
"On it."
"Reid, you observe."...Reid nods
Tony looks at the mirror attached to the top of their dresser...in lipstick it reads..."She died for the sins of another."
"The unsub is killing in the name of Jesus Christ. The unsub is trying to convince him/her self that her death was justified. It's definitely a copycat and the killer is someone who works in law enforcement."
Tony turns to Reid..."Why do you say that?"
"The detail for the three murders in the New York area were never released to the media."
"Could it be, that it's the same killer, but they've changed their ways?"
"I don't think so, the unsub never left messages, just the body...their bodies were the message."...Reid pauses..."This unsub is enraged, we're likely to find more bodies, possibly relatives of the victims."
"I think we just found a job for you, Dr. Spencer Reid."
"You say the fang was stuck in your body armor?"...As Ducky runs his fingers over where Ziva points to on her stomach.
"Yes, Ducky. Tony took it out and put it in a bag."
"It seems it didn't go all the way through, I don't see any punctures or even a scratch. You were very lucky, Ziva."...he pauses..."You can put your shirt back on now."
She buttons her shirt up...as Ducky moves the body bag on the autopsy table..."What do we have here?"
"Female, we believe it's Michael Collins' wife."
Ducky unzips the bag..."Oh dear, just from first impressions, she's been poisoned, look at her lips...blue."
"Kinda figured that, the poisonous snakes and all."
"Of course, of course...she has some bruising along her hairline, see?"...as he brushes her hair back.
Kimberly walks in..."Director Gibbs wants to see you, Special Agent DiNo..."...Ducky and Ziva looks up at Kim, she stops suddenly.
"Did he say why?"
"S-sorry, he didn't say."
"Ok, thanks."
"Ummm, do what Tony would tell you to do, Ducky."
"Let me know if you feel differently, even in the slightest, Ziva."
"I will."...she leaves..
Ducky picks up a scalpel and is just about to start the autopsy when his phone rings.
"Get that, Kim."
"Yes, Dr. Mallard."...she answers the phone..."It's your mother."
Ducky walks over to the phone and takes it from Kim..."Thank you, dear...what is it mother?"...he listens..."No, I will not take you to Smackdown, you're 102 years old, mother. Goodbye, mother."...he hangs up.
"Heh. Your mom still watches wrestling, Ducky?"
"Ah, Anthony, indeed she does."
"You know, McGee or I could take her for you."
"Heaven's no, she doesn't need to go."
"The offer is always on the table, Duck."
"You just missed your lovely wife."
"She's pissed at me anyway, called me a manwhore."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing, some girl smiled at me."
"Kind of like what Kim is doing now?"
"Heh. Yeah."
"Oh, I didn't mean to smile...or stare."
"It's ok, Kim."...he puts up his hands..."I promise you, Ziva won't hurt you."
Ducky laughs...
"You found out anything about the body?"
"Besides being poisoned?"
"Yeah."
"She has some trauma to her head."...as Ducky show Tony bruises along her hairline.
"What's the white trace on her lip?"
Ducky grabs a pair of tweezers..."Hmmm, cotton maybe?"...Ducky opens her mouth..
"There's something caught in her throat."...Ducky touches it with tweezers..
"It's really in there."...he puts his fingers in..."Ouch!"
Ducky pulls out his fingers...he takes off his latex glove and 2 tiny puncture wounds are on his right index ringer..."Oh, lord."
A snake slithers out of her mouth...Tony stabs it through the head, then cuts his tie off and wraps it around Ducky's right index finger..."Hang in there, Ducky."
Tony calls Abby..."Do you anti-venom?"
"No, why?"
click
"Kim, call Uni-hospital, tell them to get the ER ready for a snake bite...then tell everyone I took Ducky to the hospital."...as he picks up Ducky.
"I can walk, Anthony."
"Just hold my knife."
"You mean the one with the dead snake that bit me on it?"
Tony carries Ducky into the garage and through the door, he places him in the passenger seat of his car.
Tony jumps into the driver's seat..."Now lets see if you're worth 100,000."...as Tony speeds away.
Tony zooms past car after car honking his horn..."Stay with me with Ducky."
His finger and hand is started to puff up.
"We're almost there, Duck."...as he holds Ducky left hand, squeezing it.
Tony slams on the breaks..."Come on"...he turns right and drives on the sidewalks..."Get out of the way!"...as he continues to honk his horn.
Tony turns back onto the road and hits the gas...blowing through a red light, a cop car turns on his sirens and chases him.
"What's happening, Tony?"
"Hang on."...as Tony turns again...the cop car still chasing him.
He turns into the hospital parking lots and he drives up to the ER entrance and slams on the breaks. The cop car stops behind him.
"Sir, step out of the car."
Tony gets out, jumps and slides over the roof of his car and opens the passenger door and carries Ducky inside.
"HELP ME! He was bit by a poison snake."
"Put it in room #1."...Tony moves quickly, placing him on the bed...
A doctor comes up to Tony..."Do you know what kind of snake it was?"
"Yes."...as he points to the dead snake next to Ducky on the bed.
A nurse pushes Tony out of the room, as she pulls the curtain around.
A policeman walks up to Tony..."Sir!"
Tony lifts his badge..."My friend was bitten by a poison snake."
"Is he going to be all right?"
"I don't know."
Tony cell rings
"Sir, please turn that off."
Tony walks towards the ER entrance and outside and opens his phone..."DiNozzo."
"What the hell happened, DiNozzo. Ducky's new autopsy person told me he got bit by a snake."
"Yeah, Boss."...Tony rubs his eyes with his left hand..."He was examining the body and there was a snake inside her mouth and it bit him on the hand."
"We're coming, Tony."
click
A nurse comes outside..."You probably saved his life, the doctor wants to talk to you."
Tony puts his cell on vibrate and follows the nurse.
Tony stops just outside the curtain area..."You brought him in?"
"Yes."
"Things are looking up right now, but he's not out of danger yet, considering and age and all, but another couple anti-venom serums and we'll know more."
"Is he gonna lose his hand?"
"It's a real possibility...at least the loss of the couple of his fingers on his right hand."
"Damn, can I be in there with him?"
"I don't see why not."
"Thanks, doc."
"Sure."...as Tony walks through the curtain..."Hey, Ducky."...his hand swollen all over, but especially his index finger.
"Anthony, hold my hand."
Tony places Ducky's hand between his..."You're gonna be fine, Duck...it's just a flesh wound."
Ducky laughs..."You're a good boy, Tony."
Tony sighs...
"Can you see to my mother, Tony?"
"Of course, Duck...hey, you didn't get bit on purpose to get out of taking care of your mom, did ya?" Tony chuckled.
Ducky smiled..."My mother isn't that bad, Tony...her corgis' maybe."
"Damn little ankle biters, but at least your mom didn't ask me what kind of knickers I was wearing like she asked Kate, she did think I was a gigolo, though."...Tony laughed
"He's out, I made him some painkillers, he's gonna be fine, but he needs his rest, you should really go out and wait in the waiting room now."
"Try to save his hand, he's a doctor, his hands are his life."
"I'll do everything in my power."
"Thanks."...Tony leaves.
Tony walks into the waiting room and everyone is there. Abby walks up and hugs him.
"He's gonna be fine, Abs. He's resting."...he kisses her on the forehead.
Tony lets go of Abby...and walks over to Gibbs.
"Find that son of a bitch!"
"On it, Boss."...Tony walks over to Ziva..."Lets go."
Tony and Ziva leave...
----------
Tony and Ziva stand outside Dr. Mallard's residence, Tony knocks on the door and a woman answers.
"Maggie, I didn't know you were Mrs. Mallard's personal nurse still."
She hugs him..."It's good to see you Tony."
Ziva coughs..."Oh, this is my wife, Ziva?"
Maggie hugs her...Ziva has a look on her face like she just stepped in something awful...Maggie then lets go and leans back..."You're the one who died, then came back right? Ducky has told me so much about all of you."
"Yeah, that's her."...Tony pauses..."How is Mrs. Mallard?"
"Just as feisty, as ever."
"Did the hospital call you?"
"No, why?"
"Ducky was bitten by a snake."
"Is he ok!?"
"He's going to be fine, but he might lose a finger or his hand."
"Oh, that's just awful."
"When do you leave?"
"Ducky was suppose to be arriving soon, I could stay a couple more hours."
"No, it's Christmas eve, you should be with your family...we'll take care of her."
"We will?"...Ziva says with shocked look on her face.
"Are you sure, Tony?"
"Absolutely, Maggie, go on home...where is she anyway?"
"Watching wrestling."...Maggie grabs her coat and steps into the family room..."Ok, Mrs. Mallard I'm leaving now."
"Move, you're in front of the telly!"
"My apologies. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Mallard."...she then leaves.
"Tony, I don't know how to take care of old person."
"It'll be fine, she watches wrestling or jeopardy all day."
Tony starts to walk into the family room..."Hello, Mrs. Mallard...do you remember me?"
"Where's Donald? Where's my baby?"
"We're going to take you to him."
"Who are you?"...looking at Ziva...
"This is my wife, Ziva."
"Come sit next to me, dear."...as she pats the cushion of her chair...Ziva walks over and sits down..
"Where are you corgis, Mrs. Mallard?"
"My corgis?"
"Yes, ma'am, your dogs?"...Tony looked around the room
"Doggies!"...and they come a runnin'
Ziva lifts her feet off the floor and brings her knees to her chest...as the corgis attack Tony.
"Friendly as ever, I see."...as he struggles with the corgis biting his pants' legs, he draws them into the other room.
"What is your name dear?"
"It's Ziva."
"Ziva? Are you a tramp or something?"
"What!?"
"It sounds exotic, like a French tramp."
"No, I'm Israeli."
"An Israeli tramp?"
"I'm not a tramp!"
"What color knickers are you wearing?"
"Huh?"
"She means underwear, Z."...as Tony re-enters the room, minus the corgis.
"I don't think I'm wearing any."...she looks down and lifts her up her shirt a bit and pulls her waistband..."Nope."
Mrs. Mallard starts pulling up on her nightgown.
Tony and Ziva quickly move to Mrs. Mallard..."No, please!"
She looks at Ziva..."Are you Kate?"
Tony sighs..."She's Ziva."
"Where's Kate?"
"She died, Mrs. Mallard."
"She had terrible knicker choices."
Tony nods...then realizes Ziva sees him nodding...he stops nods and starts acting like he's trying to pop his neck.
Ziva gives him an evil look
Tony puts his head down..."Sorry again for my manwhore ways."
"Manwhore? You still a gigolo?"
"What!?"
"She's kidding, Z."...Tony laughs cautiously
Ziva quickly moves to Tony and she elbows him in the gut...Tony bends over..."Ow."
Tony rubs his stomach..."Mrs. Mallard, your son is in the hospital, so you'll be spending a couple days with us?"
"Where's Donald?"
"The hospital, ma'am. He was bitten by a snake."
She tries getting up..."Ma'am, please. He's going to be fine."...Tony helps her up and she wobbles a bit.
"Z, can you help her get dressed?"
"Can't you do it?"
"Yeah, right and get elbowed again for being a manwhore?"
Ziva looks up..."Oh, all right."...she moves over to Mrs. Mallard as Tony goes outside.
Tony takes out his cell phone and calls...
McGee answers his phone..."McGee."
"Tim, did Reid find out about Collins relatives?"
"Dr. Reid, line 2."...Reid picks up the phone.
"You find anything Reid?"
"His mother and father died 10 years ago in an automobile accident in Long Island, New York. He has no brother or sisters."
"Anything at all?"
"His grandfather on his mother's side is still alive."
"Where at?"
"He actually lives in Washington D.C."
"Put McGee back on."...Reid motions to McGee to pick up the phone...
"Tim, go pick up this guy Reid is talking about."
"Got it, Boss."
"Watch your back."
click
"Lets go, Reid."...they leave via elevator
--------------------
Tony, Ziva and Mrs. Mallard walk into Ducky's hospital room
"Donald."
"Mother, what are you doing here?"
"Quiet!"
"Yes, mother."
"How many times do I have to tell you, don't play with your snake, it'll bite you."
"Mother, I didn't."
"No woman will want your snake if you play with it too much."
"Mother!"
Ziva just stand in the corner looking confused as Tony grabs her hand..."What the hell, Tony?"
"You don't want to know, Z."...as they leave.
"Will I ever get grandchildren?"
"Mother, I'm 77 years old."
"DONALD!"
"Sorry, mother."
"What's wrong with your hand?"
"I was bit by a snake?"
"DONALD!"
"A real snake, mother."
"Of course it's real, I was there when you were born."
"Oh, mother."...Ducky sighs..
-------------------
McGee knocks on the door of house...no answer...Reid comes walking up...
McGee looks through the window and doesn't see anything..."Lets check the back."
They walk around the side of the house, there's a 10 foot wooden gate surrounding the backyard...McGee tries the door, it's locked..."Reid, I'll boost you up, see if you can see anything?"
"Alright."...as McGee drops to his knee and makes a cradle for Reid's foot and he lifts his up...Reid head moves above the fence..."Judas."
"Judas?"
McGee busts through the gate and a older man swings from a noose from a tree.
"Just like Judas."
"What, he gave up his grandson and killed himself for betraying him?"
"It's possible, it's a Cercis siliquastrum, the Judas tree. This is the kind of tree Judas was believed to have hung himself in after betraying Jesus. But what is it doing here? Hmmm. It's not native in the western hemisphere."
McGee kneels and brushes the dirt around the trunk of the tree..."It looks like it was recently planted."
"It must be 15 feet high, we need to call and question every orchard and nursery and see if they've sold and or delivered any in the past week."
McGee takes out his phone..."Duc...sorry, Kim, we got a body for you."
McGee hangs up and sighs..
"Dr. Reid, I'm gonna go talk to neighbors, see if they saw or heard anything, are you gonna be ok?"
Reid on one need examining a leaf from the tree..."Amazing...what? Of course.."
McGee closes his cell as he walks back to the yard where Reid and Kim are, the body is still hanging.
"Hey, Kim, know anything yet?"...Kim is standing on a stepladder.
"It looks like he has 2 sets of marks around his neck."
"He was strangled before being hung?"
"I would say so, one is much wider, the rope I would say...I also collected some trace around his neck, it's oily."
"Anything else?"
"I found a nail stuck in the tree, it might been used in the crucifixion of Michael Collins."
"Where at Dr. Reid?"
Reid points to nail in the tree.
"Good find, Dr. Reid."...McGee walks over to Kim..."Can I borrow your camera?"
"Sure, it's in my bag."
McGee walks over and grabs the camera from her bag..."Thanks, Kim."...and he starts taking pictures of the crime scene.
"Are Tony or Ziva coming, Tim?"
"They're gonna meet us back at HQ, Tony wants his autopsy done as soon as possible."
"Ok...can you guys help me get him down? I'll cut, you catch?"
"Sure...Dr. Reid, if you would."
Kim cuts him down and they place him on the stretcher..."He's been dead for a couple days, by the way."...as McGee is putting the rope into an evidence bag.
McGee slaps himself..."I forgot to ask, didn't I?"
"You NCIS people sure like you slap each other and yourselves in the head."
"It's a NCIS tradition, screw up Dr. Reid and Tony or Gibbs will slap you, too."
Reid shrugs..."I doubt I'll be here long enough for that."
"Who knows, this is Tony...he's slapped me for chewing too loud before...so watch out."
"Thanks for the warning...mind if I go back with Kim, I'll start running down those nurseries looking for the tree."
"Sure, go ahead."
Kim and Reid leave as McGee takes more pictures...he them takes out the nail and places it in a bag.
McGee then searches the house, taking fingerprints, but like the Collins' house, nothing seems out of place, too clean.
--------------
Kim and Reid arrive back at NCIS
Reid helps Kim take out the body and transport it to autopsy and finally on the autopsy table.
"Thanks."
"Sure."...As Reid walks through the sliding doors and into the elevator, he steps off and through the door.
Reid looks confused..."Miss Sciuto, isn't it?"
"Lost?"
"I believe that's the case. I should've went up, instead of going down?"
"That would be correct...but ya know, you can go down...and see me anytime."
"Excuse me?"
"What, you've never went down for a girl before?"...she points down
Reid clears his throat...as Abby walks over to him...and takes off his glasses..
"I...I..."
She smiles..."You're a virgin, aren't you?"
"No, not at all."
"It's really ok, nothing wrong with that."...as she touches her nose to his..
"Umm, maybe you can teach me some time?"...he chuckled nervously
"You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Reid looks into Abby's eyes..."It's like I'm staring into angel eyes."
"Angel eyes, huh? Did you not see my tats?"
He leans back and glances at the web tattoo on her neck, then back into her eyes..."I think I love..."
Tony slaps Reid on the back of the head..."Snap out of it!"
"Aww, Tony, we were just having fun."
"Are you suppose to be doing something, Reid?"
"Oh, yeah, right."...he starts walking backwards falling over some boxes..."I'm...I'm...I'll get right on that."...he gets up and goes through the door and into the elevator, the door closes...then re-opens..
"Second floor, Reid!"...the door closes again.
"Abs, torturing the help again?"
She grins..."I actually like him."
'Really?"
"Yeah, I like smart guys...and ummm, you."
"Hahaha."...he smacks Abby on the ass..."Very funny, Abby."
"Do it again."...she smiles softly
"Heh."
"So, what you got Abby?"
"Absolutely nothing, the rope was clean, no DNA whatsoever. The nail came back as the same blood type as Michael Collins, so it's probably gonna be a match. It's gonna take at least 4 hours for the DNA results to come back for that."
"Any fingerprints?"
"Not a one, even the lipstick used was very common, I traced it back to Revlon winter berry line."
"Why don't you invite Reid to our Christmas dinner tomorrow."
"Really?"
"If you want."
"You think he'd except?"
"He's in love with you, Abs."
"Heh, I know. I thought you and Gibbs were the only one that loved me."
"Hardly, Abby, you're a peach."
"And you can eat a peach for days right?"
"No, stop."...Tony laughs..."Ziva already thinks I'm a manwhore."
"Well, duh, you are...the big D rides again! Woohooo!"...Tony gives her a look..."ok, were."
"Thank you."
"And oh what a manwhore you were."...she pauses, she's deep in thought..."Such warm memories, Tony."
"Abby!"
"Remember that time when you took me on the table right there."...she points to it..."Or in the walk-in freezer at my friend's chuck e. cheeses?"
"That was a chuck e. cheeses? We took the boys there the next night for dinner. Ugh."
Abby laughs..."You don't remember how I had that imprint of that box seal on my butt?"
"Oh yeah."...Tony laughs...Ziva walks in the room
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing."
"Just remembering when you husband was a manwhore."
"Abby!"
Ziva slaps Tony in the back of the head.
Tony sighs..."I'm sorry. Manwhore. Ways. Again."
Ziva grabs him by the tie...Abby laughs..."I dub thee, the manwhore tug!"
"No don't...stop pulling, Z!"...a slap is heard..."I said I was sorry."
------------------
Tony and Ziva stand in the elevator, she still has a hold of his tie.
"If you weren't holding my tie...I would..."
She looks at him..."You would what!?"...as she lets go of his tie.
He kisses her..."KISS YOU!"
She pushes him away..."You're cute, but not that cute."
"Yes, I am."...as he pushes the emergency button.
"Are not."
"Am, too, damn it!"
"Ok, maybe cute."
"Sexy?"
She gives him a look...
Tony shrugs...and pushes the emergency button...she pushes it.
"What?"
"I'm still thinking about it."
"You know, the whole manwhore thing, it was my past, you are my present and future, don't be mad."
"I'm not mad, if I was, I'd grab something other than your tie."
Tony swallows hard..."Note to self"...he starts tapping his fingers against his temples..."Don't make Ziva mad."
Ziva grabs Tony's groin
"Yikes, what was that for, I thought you weren't mad?"
"Just some...physical evidence for you store...lover."...she lets go and flips the switch, she slaps him in the back of the head and the door opens.
"Hey, what was that for?"
"I was just saving it." she chuckled.
She walks out and the door closes...she turns and pushes the button and folds her arms across her chest as the door opens and taps her foot on the ground.
"Ummm, hi."...he waves at her..."I guess I forgot to get out. Heh."...She grabs Tony's tie and yanks his out the door and pulls him into autopsy.
"Hey, Kim, what do you have for us?"...as she wrapped her fist around Tony's tie even tighter.
"He was definitely strangled before being hung, see the ligature marks here."...Kim points to bruising on the sides of his neck..."They're not consistent with being hung at all."
"He was well hung, yes?"
"Uh, what?"
Tony smacks Ziva's ass and Ziva looks at him..."Let me do the questioning, sweet cheeks."
"Time of death?"
"Approximately Two days."
"Asphyxia?"
"Yep."
"Anything else."
"His last meal was steak and lobster...I also found 2 undigested viagra pills in his stomach."
"I hate when that happens...how old was he?"
Kim hands Tony his ID..."Jonathon Anstone, 67."
"Thanks."
"I hope I helped."
Ziva looks at Tony..."Could our killer be a woman?"
"I was wondering the same thing."...he looks at Kim..."You did great, Kim."
Tony and Ziva start to walk out...Ziva turns around..."You know where to go tomorrow, right?"
Kim looks up..."Yes, Ducky told me...thanks for inviting me."
Ziva smiles...then they leave via elevator...
-------------------
Ziva puts something in her pocket as she walks off the elevator laughing. Tony follows a few steps behind.
"You're evil, Mrs. DiNozzo...why in the hell did I keep that!?"...Tony leans against Ziva's desk as she continues to laugh..
Tony moves to his desk and sits and stares at Ziva as she continues to laugh...she puts her head down trying to drown out her laughter with arms.
"Boss?"
"Yeah, McGee?"
"Bad news, Mr. Collins died 15 minutes ago."
"Damn, go with Kim and get the body, then you two can go for the day."
"On it."
"Remember, 6 tomorrow night."
"Yeah, we'll be there."
"Take it easy, Tim."
Tony looks back at Ziva...her laughing has died down to a chuckle..."It's not that funny, Z."
Ziva raises her head..."Oh really?"...she starts laughing harder again.
"I was 19, in college, I needed the money."
"What, couldn't sell your sperm? Oh wait, no one wanted that either."...she continues laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I've fathered 4 children with my sperm...including twins! HA!"
"I can't believe my husband is a real life gigolo."
"No, I'm not...keep it down."
"He was an exotic male dancer, Ziva, not a gigolo."
"Gibbs!"...Tony pauses..."Wait, how did you know? That's kind of...gross."
"I know all, Tony."...Ziva continues laughing.
"Stupid pictures...damn you...I'm burning you all when I get home."
"No, they're mine now."...as Ziva stands up.
"Are you going to be quiet about it?"
"Yes."
"Do you promise?"
"I swear."
"Swear to Gibbs."
"Gibbs?"
"Who needs god, when you have Gibbs? Heh."
"Ok, I swear to Gibbs."
Ziva clicks a button and a picture of Tony in a sailor uniform comes up on the plasma in front of them.
Tony looks at it...then lowers his head..."The worst 500 bucks I've ever made."
"Oh Tony."...Tony looks at Ziva holding up a 20-dollar bill...and she laughs.
Tony sighs..."Only a 20?"...he frowns..
Tony signed his last report, he then stands and stretches.
The elevator doors opens and Abby walks out with Mrs. Mallard on her arm..."Did you lose something guys?"
Tony looks at Ziva, who's fast asleep, her head lying on her arms, her snoring muffled by her sweatered arms.
"Guess so, Abs."...Tony walks over to them and holds out his arm, Mrs. Mallard grabs his arm as Abby gets back on the elevator.
"Such a gentlemen."...Tony walks Mrs. Mallard over to Tim's desk and pulls out his seat and she sits down..."Are we going to go see Donald?"
"Tomorrow, Mrs. Mallard."
"You don't play with your snake do you?"
Tony chuckles..."Not as much as I used, too."
"It makes you go blind. Donald wears glasses, you know."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I want to go home."
"You're gonna be staying with us for a couple days."
"Why, where's Donald?"
"In the hospital."
The elevator door opens.
"Donald!"
"Yes, mother."
"What are you doing here, Ducky? How did you get here?"
"I caught a ride with Kim and McGee, Anthony."...he pauses..."They released me, medicine has come along way in the past ten years. They cut off two of my fingers...my career is over."
Tony walks over to him..."I'm so sorry, Duck...but why is your career over?"
"Who would want a M.E. with only 1 good hand?"
"Me."
"Me, too, Duck."...Gibbs said while leaning against the railing.
"Come on, Ducky, you and your mom can stay with us tonight."
"Thank you, Anthony, but it's not necessary."
"I insist, we'll swing by and pick us your gifts at your house and we'll all have Christmas at my place."
"Are you sure it won't be too much trouble?"
"Absolutely not, Ducky."
"Listen to the man, Donald, he doesn't play with his snake, maybe you'll learn something."
"Oh, mother."...he shakes his head.
Tony walks over to the Ziva and kneels beside her, he brushes her hair back behind her ear..."Wake up, baby."...she doesn't...so he picks her up and carries her to the elevator...she wraps her arms around his neck and snuggles up to him as the elevator door closes.
-----------------
Tony awakens in a cold sweat. Ziva holds tightly onto his right arm and leg, she is silently asleep.
He runs his fingers through his graying hair and turns his head looks at the clock: "5:17."
"Mother, put that back on, this is not our house."
Tony covers his face with both of his hand and laughs quietly.
A door closes, "Donald it's a bit nippy in here."
"I see that mother."
Tony quickly gets up and moves to the bathroom, he turns on the shower and gets in and starts laughing.
The water pours over his head, darkening his hair.
"Is there room in there for another?"...as Ziva steps inside.
"Good morning, Z."...as she places her hands around his waist.
"It was cold in bed without you."...she lays her face on his back..."Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just couldn't sleep."
"Did you put the kids presents out?"
"Yep, ate the cookies and milk and ate the carrot stick, too."
"Carrot stick?"
"For Santa's reindeers."
"Oh."
"Don't be mad at me about Sarah's big gift."
"Why would I be mad? Wait, what did you get her?"
"Heh. It's a surprise."...he pauses..."I feel bad, you being Jewish and all, that we don't do Hanukkah for you."
"Don't be, you aren't exactly religious...ok, you're far from religious and my religious was lost to me."
Tony turns around..."I know, but still."
"Shh."...she kisses him..."How long until the kids are up?"
"Well, if they're anything like me and they are, lord help them, I always got up early on Christmas."
"Aww, no time for boom-boom?"
"Heh. Always time for a little boom-boom, Zee-vah!."...The shower fills with steam...
"Awww, my little Italian manwhore."...Ziva giggles...
Tony walks downstairs and stands in front of the 10 feet tall Christmas tree, it's beautifully decorated, it's covered in silver and gold tensil and multiple colored lights. Many different Christmas ornaments cover the tree, including Tony's Ohio State ornament he's had since college.
Tony looks to the right, the fireplace still smolders with white hot embers, above it the stockings are hung, one for Ziva, T, LJ, Sarah, Caitlin and Timmy and of course, the one Tony hung last...Mrs. Mallard.
Tony walks over and tosses a couple logs onto the fire and stokes the embers with a poker. He kneels and rubs his hands together.
"Daddy?"
Tony turns his head...looking up on the stairs..."Merry Christmas, Sarah."
"I thought you were Santa."
"Nope, he's come and gone."
"Really?"
"Yeah and you must've been a very good girl, because he left you a lot of presents."
"More than T and LJ?"
Tony laughs..."Umm, Maybe."
"What time is it?"
"About 6:30, go back to sleep for awhile...Santa might come back and bring you more."...Tony winked
She smiles and runs up the stairs.
Tony walks into the kitchen..."Time for the DiNozzo X-Mas Christmas Breakfast."...
------------
T and LJ run down the stairs and immediately make their way to the tree.
Tony walks out into the family room..."Not yet, boys."
"But Dad!"
"Not 'til your mother is up."...they start to head upstairs..."Umm, no, no waking her either."
"Aww, that stinks."
"You can wait, your sister was up and went back to bed and this is her first Christmas...now come on and help me make breakfast."
They lower their head and walk into the kitchen.
"You do know how to make breakfast, right?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you the same person who burned instant chocolate pudding?"
"Hey, that was an honest mistake...hey, wait, who told you that? That happened before you were born."
"Gibby."
"How do you burn instant pudding?"
Tony laughs..."When you get older and start drink...never mind...T whip these eggs...LJ watch him whip those eggs.
"Hey, why does he get to whip them?"
"He has seniority."
------------
30 minutes later...the kitchen is a mess...all three of them are covered in flour.
Ziva walks in with Sarah..."What in the hell is going on?"
"Well, T wanted pancakes and LJ wanted waffles and you like French toast and we made biscuit and gravy and scrambled eggs and some home fries."
"Get the hell out of my kitchen!"
"Yes, mommy!" ...T and LJ run out of the kitchen.
"Sorry, we were just trying to...umm"...Tony sighs..."I suck."
"You have flour all over your hair."...Tony slaps his head and a cloud of flour rises into the air and falls all over Ziva and Sarah."
"Ummm, oops? Heh. Someone is having a white Christmas."...Tony pauses..."Ok, I'll leave now."
Ziva shakes her head..."Lets see what we can salvage Sarah."
Tony, T and LJ come down the stairs..."Z, we're all cleaned up and dressed."
"Good."...as she pours a cup of tea for Ducky.
"Happy Christmas, everyone."
"How's your hand, Duck?"
Ducky lifts it up..."Better."
"Good to hear."
"You ready to open gifts?"
"After we eat first, Tony."
They all sit down and eat.
----------
"Absolutely amazing, Ziva...your French toast was too die for."
"Thank you, Ducky."
"And thank you, Tony...for letting us stay with you."
"Of course, Ducky, anytime."
"Ok, Tony."
"What?"
"Present time."
"YAY!"...T and LJ yell in excitement as everyone makes their way into the family room.
"Here's one for mom, it's from dad."...Tony takes it from T...
"Open this one later, dear."...as he hands it to Ziva.
"Wow, it's heavy!"
"Heh."
"I wonder what it is?"
"Later."
T and LJ rip through their presents..."Cool, the new Xbox...no games, though."
"Maybe Santa wrapped them by themselves?"...Tony mentioned.
"Here, mommy...this is from me...daddy, too, he paid for it."...Sarah smiled
Tony laughed..."Naw, it's all from Sarah, she picked it out."
Ziva unwraps it and opens the box up and pulls out the star of David necklace..."I hope you like it, mommy."
She hugs her..."I love it, baby."
"Come here, I'll put it on, Z."
"What is this made of, Tony?"
"It's platinum."...as he fastens it around her neck..."It looks amazing."
She kisses Tony.
"Hey, I picked it out."...Ziva laughs and gives Sarah a kiss.
"Sarah, come here, this is for you."...Tony hands her a shoe box-sized box and...Sarah opens it and finds a rider's helmet.
"What's this?"
Tony whispers in her ear...and Sarah runs off.
"What's that about, Tony?"
"Come with me, everyone."
Tony opens the back sliding door...and walks out to the barn behind their house...Sarah comes out running to him..."I'm here, daddy!"
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah, but why would Santa put my gift in the barn?"
"What are you up to Tony?"
Tony opens the barn and a pure black pony stands eating hay.
"Santa brought me a PONY!"
Sarah jumps up and down..."YAY!"
"Holy..."...Ziva catches herself in time..."A pony Tony? A PONY!?
------------
Tony and Sarah stand out in the barn, Sarah lightly brushes her pony.
"What are you going to name him, Sarah?"
"Ummm."
Flotz barks..."Hey, buddy."...Tony kneels and pets him..."You feeling left out?"...Tony reaches into his pocket and pulls out a dog bone..."Merry Christmas, Flotz."...Flotz takes it and wags his tail and leaves.
Tony rises..."Have you decided?"
She shakes her head to the sides..."Well, you have time, but he does need a name, ok?"
She smiles and nods.
"Come on."...Tony holds out his hand..."Your mom is gonna kill us if one of us gets sick."...she places her hand in Tony's and they walk out the barn.
She stops..."I know his name."
"What is it?"
"Bert."
"Bert? Heh. Abby's Bert?"
She laughs..."Yeah, he just farted."
He picks her up..."You're definitely my daughter."...he kisses her cheek...
She smiles..."I love you, daddy."
He just stares at her..."I love you, too, princess."...he hugs her and carries her inside.
"We have an announcement, the name of the pony is..."
"Bert!"
"He's quite the farter."
Everyone laughs.
Tony lets her down and runs to Ziva..."I love my pony, mommy."...Ziva smiles at her, Ziva then smiles at Tony and nods...
"Dad, look what Ducky gave us?"
"Is that fudge?"
"Indeed, try come."
Tony takes a bite..."Wow, that's awesome...where did you get it?"
"Remember when I was up for that M.E. thing in New York?"...Tony lowers his head and doesn't respond..
"Anthony?"
"Oh sorry, Ducky...I was just thinking about something."
"Z, I'll be back in a minute."
"Where are you going?"
"It's just a hunch, I'll be right back."
"Tony, it's Christmas."
Tony kisses her...then grabs his coat and leaves through the garage.
---------------
Tony gets off the elevator and walks to his desk.
"What are you doing here, sir?"
"Don't sir, me...evil doesn't take Christmas off, Probie."
"Yes, sir!"
Tony gives him a look..
"Sorry, sir."
"Enough."
He leaves.
Tony starting typing away...he runs his fingers along the names on his monitor, then looks through his papers.
Tony picks up his phone and dials..."McGee, don't talk, listen. You have your computer with you?"
"Yeah."
"Good, I need you to do something for me, really quick."
"It's Christmas, Boss."
"I know, McGee...it's Christmas for me, too."
"What you need?"
"I need to know all about Michael Collins' parent's car crash...everything, Tim."
"On it."
"Oh Tim, you know where Reid is?"
"Ask Abby."
"ASAP, McGee."...Tony hangs up and dials Abby...
"Hey, Abby, I'm looking for Reid, you know what hotel he's at?"
"He's here, let me wake him up."
"What?"
"Tony...be nice, I invited him to stay with me."
"Abby, you don't even know him."
"Promise me, Tony."
"But Abs."
"TONY!"
"All right, I'll be nice...for now."
Reid takes the phone..."Tony?"
"It's Special Agent DiNozzo."
Reid swallows hard..."Just listen Reid, I need know what you found out about the tree."
"Not a single nursery in the Washington, D.C. area sold one."
"Did you check outside of Washington? New York perhaps?"
"No, why?"
"Do it. NOW!"
"I'll have to come there."
"Do what you have to do."
Tony hangs up..."I'm gonna kill him."
The elevator beeps and Abby steps off the elevator, she's carrying Caitlin..."Come on, Spencer, he's not gonna kill you."
Abby looks at Tony..."Tell him, you aren't gonna kill him, Tony."
Tony is silent.
"TONY!"
Tony looks at Abby..."I won't kill him."
Tony points to Reid, then at the desk in the far corner...he then points at Abby and makes a come here gesture with his middle and index fingers on his right hand...and Abby slowly moves towards Tony...she holds out Caitlin...Tony covers Caitlin's ears with his hands..."What in the blue hell were you thinking?"...he then takes Caitlin and rocks her.
"I like him, Tony."
"You've known him for...what...14 hours!?"
"He's harmless, Tony, trust me...and I could kick his."...She quickly covers Caitlin's ears..."Ass...and we used a condom."
Tony shakes his upper body and head..."Too much info, Abs. Way too much, info."
"You don't have to protect me, Tony."
"I'll always protect you, Abby, you know that."
Abby smiles...Caitlin sneezes...
"God bless you, my little Katie."...as Tony lifts her up and kisses her multiple times on forehead...she sneezes again in Tony's face..
"Ewwwwww, baby snot!"
"Heh."...as Abby takes back the baby and Tony wipes off his face.
"He might be the one, Tony."
"What do you mean, the one?"
"We have so much in common, after sex..."
"Abby!"
"Sorry. Anyway, after you know what..."...Tony rolls his eyes..."We talked for hours on end, I really, really, really like him Tony."
"Ok, Abby."
Tony walks over to Reid..."Follow me."...Tony walks towards the elevator..."Reid, move your ass."...Reid gets up and moves into the elevator with Tony.
A few minutes pass and the door opens and Tony walks out and goes to sit back at his desk...Reid steps out of the elevator, with a face like he just saw a ghost.
"What did you say to him, Tony?"
"He if wants to tell you, it's up to him."...Tony pauses..."Reid, got that tree info yet for me?"
"Working on it."...as he sits back down at his desk.
Tony's phone rings...Tony puts it on speaker..."Boss, another person was killed in the car accident that caused Michael Collins' parents death...a Joseph Jacoby was killed and his wife was severely injured in the accident, she full recovered, but she died last Sunday."
"Did they have any children?"
"Yes, a daughter, April Jacoby."
Tony runs his finger up along the lines of names on his monitors..."Not a single Jacoby...are you sure about this LEO being the killer, Reid?"
"I'd stake my reputation on it."
"Maybe she got married, Tony."...
Tony looks back at the list..."There's an April Huggins on it. Nice one, Abs."...she grins..."Holy crap, she's a Abby, forensic specialist. No wonder, we didn't find anything."...Tony starts laughing..
"What is it, Tony?"
"She works for FBI, under Sacks."
"No wonder she picked the post office, Boss...she wanted to see her work first-hand."
Reid rises from his desk..."Special Agent DiNozzo, I have a Huggins on my list, a Robert Huggins, he owns Green Thumb Nursery in New York!"
"Good job, Reid."
"McGee, you up for a roadtrip?"
"On my way, Boss."
----------------
The front door of the DiNozzo's opens..."McGee, get your ass in here."
"I can't believe you made me strip, Boss."
"Look at those damn clothes, McGee."
Tony takes a step into his house...as Ziva arrives at front door..."Tony!"
"What?"...Tony has blood all over his shirt and pants...
She gasps..."What do you mean...WHAT!?"
Tony looks down..."OH, it's not my blood."
"McGee why are you outside in only your underwear?"
Tony steps in front of him..."It's a long story, Z."
She crosses her arms across her chest..."Well?"
"Can we do this inside, I'm freezing my ass off."
"McGee...take a shower downstairs, I'll lay out some of Tony's clothes for you to wear."...McGee quickly moves down the hallway and goes through a door.
"Damn, what smells so good?"...Tony moves past Ziva going towards the Kitchen.
"TONY!"
Tony stops..."Yes, dear?"
"What happened?"
"I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm sore all over."
Ziva grabs his hand...and leans him upstairs to their personal bathroom...she turns on the shower..."Give me your clothes."
Tony starts removing his clothes and hands them to Ziva...she looks over them..."Ruined."...and she tosses them in the trash.
Tony gets in the shower and Ziva closes the door..."What you're not joining me?"
"I'm cooking, Tony."
"No one else can watch it? Come on!"
"I thought you were tired and sore."
"Yeah, so? Heh."
"You're so full of..."...the door slams.
Tony cringes..."I'm gonna pay for that later."
-----------------
Tony quickly walks down the stairs, the sound of laughter fills the family room.
"Going hunting, DiNozzo?"
"This was from my children, if you must know."...Tony stands at the bottom of the stairs in red silk pajamas..
"Your children picked out a smoking jacket?"
"Looks good doesn't it?"...as Tony grabs the collar and puffs it out.
"You look like the illegitimate son of Hugh Hefner."
"Hugh Hefner wishes he had my life, Boss."
Gibbs laughs..."Sure, he does."
"McGee was telling us about the nursery and how you threw..."
Tony interrupts Ziva..."I did not throw anyone...aggressively pushed maybe, but never threw."
"Come on, Tony, I was there, you threw her."
"Zip it, McGee."...Tony sees that McGee is wearing one of his Ohio State shirts..."Ruin that shirt and you McDie, Probie!"
"Where the hell were you during the whole thing, McGee? That's right, taking cover."
"Boss, that woman attacked us with..."
Tony interrupts him..."Enough, no one wants to hear about this anyway."
"I do."...as Ziva sits down.
"I thought you were cooking."
"Ruby is watching it."
Tony points his finger at Ziva and she sticks her tongue out at him.
"You're gonna need that later."...as Tony moves over by the Christmas tree.
"Want me to tell them, Tony?"
Tony shrugs...
McGee sits up..."We found out..."
7 hours earlier...Tony and McGee speeding towards New York on the highway.
"Can you believe Reid and Abby?"
"I don't want to talk about it, McGee."
McGee looks out the window..."Damn, we're flying"...McGee looks at the speedometer..."125?"
"You want me to go faster, McGee?"
Before McGee can answer Tony pushes the accelerator to the floor..."That fast enough for ya, Tim?"
They fly by cars like they're sitting still.
"My Porsche can't even do this."
"This is raw American power, McGee..700 HP, top speed of about 175 MPH, 0 to 60 in 6 seconds and it's a convertible, too. The new Cadillac X5, the worlds fastest luxury car. Admit, you're getting wood just thinking about it? Heh."
"We're 30 miles out, Tony."
"Did you bring your dragonskin?"
"Damn it, I knew I forgot something."
"Take mine, it's behind my seat."
McGee grabs it from behind Tony's seat and puts it on.
McGee breathes in and out heavily.
"You all right, Tim?"
"Yeah, just thinking about Ruby and Timmy."
"You're gonna be fine, you're the one with the dragonskin."...as Tony pats him on the back.
--------------
"We're a mile out, Tony...our turn is coming up."
Tony slows down quickly and makes the turn at about 50 MPH.
"Wow, I need to get me one of these."
"Sorry, Probie, only 10 of these were ever made."
"How did you get one."
"We're here."...Tony pulls into the Green Thumbs Nursery..."It's all about who you know, McGee."
"Jericho Granger?"
Tony opens his door and gets out..."That would be him, Timmy."...as Tony and McGee moves to the trunk.
Tony clicks a button and the trunk opens slowly...nothing is inside, Tony hits another button and a secret compartment opens...Multiple guns and ammo are attached..."Heh. Like the job the armor boys did?"
Tony grabs a handgun and slides a clip inside, the pulls back the slide. He then hands McGee an assault shotgun.
"You can't miss with this from under 20 feet...It has 20 rounds in the clip."
"Hey, I thought you gave me your dragonskin?"
"I did...this is the 2nd generation dragonskin, from my friends at the 303rd logistical studies group...it's stronger, it's lighter and now it protects the jugular on the neck."...Tony puts it on, demonstrating it.
"Are we getting those?"
"Probably in a year or so."
"Friends in high places, huh?"
"You're learning, Probie."...Tony touches his ear..."Abby gave you the near earwig right?"
"Yeah."...as he touches his ear..."Testing."
"Loud and Clear."
"Ditto."
"How Ghost of you, Tim...Let's roll."
"Tony, their house is suppose to be right behind their nursery."
"Affirmative...I'm heading right, go left."
"On it."
Tony quickly works his way along the outside of the nursery..."Nothing, Tim...Tim?"
McGee stands with his back to a building, his ear buzzes..."I'm getting a lot of interference, Tony."
McGee slides down the building and sees a woman throwing something..."Tony!?"
The muzzle of a gun touches McGee's head..."Lookie what I caught."
"Sir, I'm from NCIS."
He cocks the gun..."Did I say I cared who the hell you were?"
"Sir, I am a naval police officer."
"You're trespassing...on Christmas, no less."
"Sir, please, I'm just here to talk to Mrs. April Huggins."
"My wife doesn't like strangers."
"Take my badge, Sir."
"Oh, I already know you're a cop, you're here about that sailor, aren't cha?"
"If you kill me, you're gonna have 100 cops all over your ass."
"Move!"...as he points the gun at McGee's head.
McGee walks out into the opening..."Hey, hun, look what I found."...As he pushes McGee.
She stands in front of a wood chipper...it's running..."NCIS? Hah! They're just sailors with badges."
"I found you, didn't I?"
"What, you're alone? I don't think so."
"It's Christmas, of course I'm alone, my stupid partner wouldn't get out of bed."
"Toss him into the wood chipper."
"Duck, McGee!"
McGee falls on the ground as Tony shoots Mr. Huggins between the eyes.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"...she quickly ducks behind the wood chipper as McGee quickly moves in the opposite direction.
"You got a shot, McGee?"
"Negative, I dropped my guns. Going to retrieve now."...she takes a shot at McGee.
"Tim!?"
"She missed, I'm fine."
Tony moves quickly to the other side of the wood chipper, he kneels.
"Why lady?"
"His parents killed my father."
"It was a accident, lady."
"His father was drunk."
"So kill the son for the sins of the father?"
She fires into the air.
"That whole family deserves to die."
"You've killed the son, his wife and his grandfather...don't you have enough vengeance!?"
"Tony, I'm swinging around to your side."
She fires again into the air, then again, then again...finally emptying her revolver. She pulls the trigger and it just clicks.
Tony stands and holds his gun in the air..."Look, I'm putting away my weapon, no one else needs to die."...Tony puts his gun back in his holster...and Tony moves away from the wood chipper..
"See, I have no weapons in my hands...let's talk about this."
"I'm right behind you, Tony."
"April!"
She stands holding a grenade.
"Put it down, you need mental help...let me help you."
She pulls the pin and Tony tackles her, punching the grenade with his hand, knocking it backwards...she rolls as the grenade explodes, Tony covers his ears as McGee ducks behind the wood chipper. She rises, her ears bleeding, she grabs a garden spade and holds it over her head, pointing downward and she runs at Tony screaming, Tony moves aside grabbing her arm and throws her into the wood chipper, blood splatters on Tony. Tony looks on with disgust as McGee steps out from behind the wood chipper covered from knee to neck in blood.
"You ok, Boss?"
Tony looks at McGee..."Yeah...I'm..."...Tony starts laughing...
"What!?"
Tony walks over to McGee and "It looks like you just came from a vampire orgy or something."
"Ugh, these pants were new."
"Call the FBI, she was one of them, let them clean her up."
McGee reaches into his pocket and pulls out something covered in blood, McGee brings it closer to his face, it's an ear..."Ewwww."...as he drops it on the ground.
Tony kneels and picks it up..."Can you hear me now, dirtbag? Huh?"...he drops it..."Guess not."
----------------
"Then we waited for the local FBI to show up and we left."
"Sounds like you threw her into the wood chipper to me, Tony."
Tony shrugs as he pours himself a glass of eggnog and takes a drink..."Who spiked he eggnog?"
"That would be me, DiNozzo."
"Jethro!"...Jenny smacks Gibbs' shoulder
"I love you, Boss."...as Tony pours himself another glass.
"Guys, if I could see you all on the back porch for a minute."
Tony walks through the curtain, then out the back sliding door, as Gibbs, McGee and Ducky follow him.
Tony holds up 4 cigars..."Cubans."
They all take one and Tony lights them.
"Merry Christmas, guys."
"Tony, you better not be smoking cigars!"
"Of course not, sweet cheeks."...as they all take another puff from their cigar.
There's a knock on the door and Ziva answers it.
Abby holding Caitlin and Reid stand just outside the door.
"Come on it."
"Merry Christmas, everyone."
"Merry Christmas, Abby...may I hold her?"
Abby hands Caitlin to Jenny..."Aww, she's so beautiful."
"When are you gonna have one of your own?"
"What?"
"You know, you and Gibbs?"
"I heard that, Abby!"
"Merry Christmas, guys!"
"Merry Christmas, Abby." Tony, McGee, Gibbs and Ducky all together.
"Is Reid here?"
"Yes, Special Agent DiNozzo?"
"Come on out here and join the men, Spencer."
Ziva points and Reid walks through the curtain and through the sliding glass door.
"What are they doing out there, Ziva?"
"Smoking cigars."
"But I thought you told Tony he better now."
Ziva shrugs..."He deserves one."
"Welcome to the men's room."
"Outside?"
"Pretty much."
"Want a cigar?"
"No thanks, I don't smoke."
"None of us do, but we do smoke a cigar every once in awhile."...as Tony bites the end off of it and hands it to Reid
Tony lights it and Reid takes a puff and coughs...Tony pats him on the back..."You'll get used to it, of course, it took McGee about 20 of them."
"Thanks."...as Reid coughs again.
"Ever thought about changing jobs, Spence?"
"What do you mean?"
"We could use someone like you."
"Like me?"
"You're smarter than all of us combined and that's saying something since McGee is smarter than hell."
Reid takes another puff and coughs once again.
"I know your mentor, Jason Gideon recently died...I'm sorry for your loss, but...maybe it's a good time for you to change?"
"Why would NCIS need a behavioral analyst?"
"There are crazy bastards in the Navy, too, Reid...and someone has to get rid of all these dirtbags, whether they be: terrorists, stupid people, woman from my manwhore days, killer pimps, whacked out clowns, pretty much anything...and you helped us solve our last case. Look, all I'll asking is for you to just thinking about it."...as Tony blows rings..."Heh. Talent, gentlemen, don't you wish you had some?"
Gibbs immediately blows a few smoke rings..."You were saying, DiNozzo?"
"Even with a bum leg, bad eye sight and that awful hair cut, you're still the master."
Gibbs slaps Tony on the back of the head.
"Heh. It was the haircut comment, wasn't it?"
"Ya think, DiNozzo?"